The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Archer characters has seceded from all the other disclaimers I wrote. I saw this news piece and I wondered how it would fit into the Archer universe. Just something that came in my head on how these people would react.
Onward New California
"Cyril, we need to talk," Mallory said as she walked into Cyril's office with Lana and Ray.
"Oh, what did I do now?" Cyril groaned as he sat at his desk.
"It's what none of us have done in weeks!" Mallory said. "Work!"
"Are you sure we don't have any clients?" Lana asked. "None at all?"
"Well we do have one possible client," Cyril sighed. "I was contacted through my e-mail about a possible job this morning. But I don't think we should take it."
"Cyril, we can't afford not to!" Ray said. "Literally."
"I agree," Mallory nodded. "Who is the client and what is the job?"
"It's mostly legal work," Cyril explained. "It's a group called the Movement for California Secession. They want help investigating legal precedents so they can set up the state of New California."
"New California?" Mallory was stunned. "That's a thing?"
"That is a thing," Cyril said.
"Wait these nutcases want to secede from the United States?" Mallory asked.
"No," Cyril said. "They want to secede from California. They still want to be part of the US. Just not part of California."
Mallory paused. "Well I can't say I blame them."
"Not to be confused with another group that actually wants California to become its own country and secede from the union," Cyril added. "That group is mostly backed by people from other states."
Mallory shrugged. "Again, I see their point as well."
"But parts of California seceding from California and forming their own state?" Lana asked. "This is a joke, right? That can't happen."
"Technically there have been precedents," Cyril admitted. "North and South Dakota. Virginia and West Virginia. It just hasn't happened for almost a hundred years."
"How much are they willing to pay and what do we have to do?" Mallory sighed.
"A hundred-dollar flat fee for investigating any legal means," Cyril sighed. "And there is a possibility for some picket line work later but they're not sure."
"Only a hundred dollars?" Mallory snapped.
"It's a new state," Cyril said. "They have a limited budget to work with."
"But this can't be legal," Lana was stunned.
"Well not yet. But so far, they are doing everything by the book," Cyril admitted. "They even had their own declaration of secession and everything in Sacramento."
"You mean these people are actually using legal rational means to promote their crazy scheme?" Ray asked.
"They don't think it's crazy," Cyril shrugged.
"Usually crazy people don't think what they're doing is crazy," Ray pointed out.
At that moment Cheryl walked by. She held a knife in her hands. "Look!" She showed them. "I gave Mr. Stabby eyes!" She had glued on some googly eyes to the knife. "All the better to see when he stabs someone."
"Case in point," Ray remarked as Cheryl walked away.
"The complaint is that the entire state has been mismanaged when it comes to taxes, education and supporting businesses," Cyril explained. "Did you know California on average ranks 48th to 50th in supporting businesses every year?"
"You mean to tell me that this state has the lowest percentage on average when it comes to new businesses?" Mallory shouted. "You couldn't have figured this out before we set up our detective agency here?"
"Again," Cyril looked at her. "That was Archer's idea."
"We would have been better off if we just stayed in New York and opened up our detective license there," Lana realized. "I mean everyone back there hated us but at least we never would have run into Veronica Deane or Alan Shapiro. Or the Zissners."
"Or those damn clowns," Mallory groaned. "As well as the ones who took us hostage."
"I'm guessing the clowns you are referring to are your neighborhood association," Ray remarked.
"Bingo Bunky," Mallory said.
"Just so I'm clear on this," Lana spoke up. "There are people that want this New California to be the 51st state? Who would do that?"
"It's mostly the rural cities that want to secede and form New California," Cyril explained. "Leaving the urban ones behind. Like LA."
"This is sounding better the more I hear about it," Mallory admitted. "Okay we're taking the case!"
"WHAT?" Cyril, Lana and Ray shouted.
"You can't be that desperate for a measly hundred dollars," Ray was stunned.
"It's not about the money," Mallory waved. "In this case the fee isn't important."
"It isn't?" Lana asked.
"Oh, I have got to hear this angle," Ray groaned. "What scheme are you hatching now?"
"This is an opportunity," Mallory said. "To make some new connections. New clients. New clients who will eventually bring more money into the agency. This little job done right can open the door to a very lucrative clientele."
"That's what you said about the Double Indecency Incident," Lana reminded her. "And look what happened there!"
"This time we're not working for a pair of sex maniacs," Mallory told her.
"Just a group of people who want to create their own state," Ray rolled his eyes. "Totally reasonable."
"This is crazy Mallory," Lana said.
"This is California," Mallory told her. "Crazy is practically the norm here. The odds of this passing are actually fifty-fifty now that I think about it. If we get in on the ground floor, we could be part of history!"
"We already have history," Cyril reminded her. "And it's not a good one."
Ray spoke up. "You realize if by some ridiculous chance this actually happens and we're part of this, we may have to leave LA? Right?"
"And your point?" Mallory asked.
"We'd have to relocate the Figgis Agency to one of the cities in New California!" Lana said.
"I'm assuming one or two of those cities are in wine country?" Mallory asked.
"Well according to this map," Cyril looked at the map. "Yes…"
"Then what's the problem?" Mallory asked. "Now that I think about it, this is sounding better by the minute."
"You're actually serious about this?" Lana was stunned.
"Relax Lana," Mallory waved. "You don't have to worry about pulling Abbiejean out of County Day just yet. I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt to have an iron in this particular fire. If nothing comes of it, we haven't lost anything."
"And if this actually does happen?" Ray asked.
"Then we will be in on the ground floor of building a new government," Mallory realized. "A new state. Think about it…Governor Mallory Archer has a nice ring to it."
"Don't you think you're putting the cart for the insane asylum before the extremely delusional horse?" Ray snapped.
"You have a point," Mallory frowned. "I'm going to have to do a lot of networking first. You three have a new assignment. Find out everything you can about all the people in charge of this movement."
"Especially the single male ones?" Lana drawled.
"Well that goes without saying," Mallory waved as she left the room. "At least now I'll have something to read while visiting Sterling."
"Can you believe this?" Lana groaned. "I mean I wanted something to do at work but this is ridiculous."
"What is that woman thinking?" Ray asked. "Getting involved with people who want to create their own state?"
"Well it's no more implausible than managing a country music singer while running a cocaine cartel," Cyril shrugged. "And then taking over an entire country for a few weeks."
"Point taken," Ray sighed.