Right Behind You
By: DuJour
Disclaimer: I lay no claim to these characters – they belong to the Wachowski brothers, god bless 'em.
"Zee, you home?" the girl asked poking her head around the half-open door.
"Yeah, Charra, come on in. Damn, girl, your hair!"
Zee sat staring with her mouth agape at her friend's newly shorn locks. Charra expected this. As long as Zee had known her, Charra had long coffee bean colored hair that she always wore neatly braided down her back. She was a weapons inventory specialist in Zion's auxiliary corps and the braid kept her hair out of the way while she worked. When she first saw her new 'do in the cracked mirror that adorned the tiny space above the wash basin in her room, Charra had been a bit shocked herself. With the no-nonsense buzz cut, she realized how much she truly looked like a soldier.
"Yeah," Charra said sheepishly, fingertips rubbing tiny circles over the fuzz on the sides of her head. "You like it?"
Her friend paused to reflect for a moment before replying. "I do," Zee finally decided. "Suits you."
Charra was relieved that her friend approved. "I did it this morning. Cas helped me. I'm surprised she didn't tell you."
Charra was like a sister to Zee and the bond the two girls shared was forged early. They met as children on Zion. Charra's mother, Nikka, served on the Lazarus with Zee's parents. When the hovership was downed by sentinels nearly 15 years ago, it made orphans of Charra, Zee and Zee's two older brothers, Tank and Dozer. Fortunately, no one is really an orphan in Zion as there are always "aunts" and "big brothers" around to take care of the newly unplugged and the children who lost their parents in the war. For the two girls, that surrogate mother was Dozer's wife Cas. Though only a few years older than the girls, Cas was the consummate "mother", always making sure they attended their classes at the academy and that they were as comfortable as possible in the midst of war.
"I haven't seen Cas yet today," Zee admitted reluctantly. Charra suspected that her friend hadn't left her room since Link shipped out.
"Ballard would shit if he saw me now," Charra said dropping her gaze down to her worn workboots. Keeping her hair long was the one concession that she had given her lover. She often didn't let him tell her what to do, but she figured this was one battle that she could let him win. After all, it was only hair. And it seemed to be so important to him. God knows how embarrassed he'd be if he thought anyone knew, but Ballard liked to braid her hair for her in the morning. It gave her something to smile about when anyone commented on how perfectly coiffed she was every morning.
She always teased him, though, that if anything ever happened to him, the first thing she'd do was shave her head. Fine, he'd tell her. You do that and I'll be laughing at you from the great beyond. Calling you cueball.
That was a promise I never thought I'd have to keep, she thought, fighting back a rouge tear. It had been difficult since she learned that Ballard's ship The Caduceus was attacked and the entire crew killed, but somehow she'd been able to keep her emotions in check. But now, looking at her friend, knowing just how she must feel - knowing that despite her stolid demeanor she was probably going nuts inside contemplating the fate of the only man she'd ever loved - it was becoming nearly impossible to keep up the façade. She felt the warm tear make its escape down her cool cheek.
"Damn, Charra, I'm so sorry." Now it was Zee's turn to look away.
Charra shifted her weight nervously from one foot to the other, quickly wiped away the tear, then rubbed her hand over her scalp, still half-expecting to feel hair. "Thanks. You know, Zee, I always worried about him in the Matrix. But on the ship - here in the real world - I thought he could handle himself, you know? I thought he was…"
"Superman?"
"Yeah."
Charra managed a tiny grin at the thought of Ballard as some kind of super-hero. When the two met, five years ago in the academy, she never imagined she would fall in love with him. She was training for the auxiliary corps and he was teaching a weapon's class while awaiting his officer's clearance. Her first impression of Ballard was an arrogant know-it-all, who only knew as much as he did because he had the benefit of being able to have his skills uploaded. She even raised her hand in class one day and told him exactly what she thought of his "expertise". She often tried to recall exactly what she said to him when she first confronted him that day, but the words had been all but lost in a fog of jumbled memories now. The phrase full of shit did strike a familiar chord, though.
Ballard didn't let his attractive pupil get to him, though, and he knew a challenge when he saw one. He suggested the two head down to the firing range for a good old fashioned target-shooting contest. After she'd fired off just a few rounds, he soon realized he was no match for this young raven-haired warrior. After all, this was a young woman who had grown up in the shadow of war and weaponry her entire life, so it wasn't surprising that she'd kicked his ass. But Ballard couldn't stomach the thought of beaten by a girl, so he suggested they up the ante with some heavy weapons training. As he leaned in close to show his pupil how to properly squeeze the trigger on an Arwen 37 grenade launcher, he kissed her. She dropped the gun, and slapped him in the face. Then she kissed him back.
This was the beginning of their unique alliance. They never spoke of a relationship. They never professed their undying love to each other, made no grand gestures, nor did they let the trappings of romance get in the way. They just were. Charra knew that Ballard had her back, and she his, and that was all that mattered. She understood that her lover wasn't the kind of man who wore his heart on his sleeve and that suited her just fine, as she was the same way.
Even on the rare occasion when she would allow her emotions to get the best of her, Ballard would stay cool, calm, and collected. If it looked like something was bothering him and Charra asked him what was wrong, he'd always lie and give his standard yeah-something's-on-my-mind-but-I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it-right-now pat answer. I'm cool, he would say. Cool like Fonzie. This was apparently a reference to a television program he had watched as a boy in the Matrix.
Charra didn't know of things like television programs, having been born on Zion. She often thought how interesting it was having a relationship with someone who was pod born - whose earliest memories were created in a computer simulation and who had experienced the terror of finding out that it was all a lie. She often wondered which was worse. Sometimes she even found herself growing jealous of those who had spent time in the Matrix. The teenagers who talked about television shows and movies they'd seen. The kids who remember playing outdoors and swimming in the oceans. And who had felt the warming rays of the sun. She knew none of it was real, but many of the pod-borns spoke of their Matrix memories as if they were as real as the red clay now beneath their feet.
Of course, there were some who thought that pod-borns shouldn't have any association with freeborns. Some who thought that Charra wasn't good enough for Ballard, because she wasn't able to help the resistance by fighting in the Matrix. And some who thought Ballard wasn't good enough for her because he wasn't a "genuine child of Zion". The couple never let this bother them, though. They didn't care what anyone else thought. And Charra knew in her heart that no one had ever treated her better.
"Ballard was a good man," Zee began, as if sensing what her friend was thinking. "And if anyone could handle himself out there he could."
"I know," Charra nodded.
"But you and I both know that bad things happen on those ships. That's what always worried me so much about Link operating on the Neb. I hate to say it, but I'm glad that ship was destroyed. It's cursed and I'm glad it's gone."
Charra knew that her friend's words didn't come easily and that she was thinking as much about her two brothers as she was her lover. Tank and Dozer both lost their lives while serving on Morpheus' hovership, the Nebuchadnezzar. When Link announced he was going to join the ship as its new operator, Zee had nearly given up on him. But Link and Dozer were like brothers - best friends who'd both gone through the academy together - and Link had made a promise. When Zee heard that it was her oldest brother's wish that if anything were to ever happen to him or Tank, he wanted Link to join the Neb, what could she say?
"Any word?"
"No. I know they sent the Hammer to look for them, but that's all I know."
"Roland's ship?" Charra's eyes grew wide. "Man, Ballard always hated that bastard."
Roland was captain of the Mjolnir and an egotistical chauvinist prick as far as Charra was concerned. Not only did he refuse to allow women to serve in any operational capacity on his ship (Maggie, the ship's medic, had to appeal to the Zion Counsel before she was allowed to serve), but he had fought Ballard's promotion to captain simply because he did not care for Charra. The two first clashed over a weapons acquisition for the Mjolnir. Roland figured that since the Hammer was the biggest ship in Zion's fleet, he was free to take whatever he wanted without question. Never being one to keep her opinions to herself, Charra let him know in no uncertain terms where he could stick the ammo he was unfairly trying to take. Luckily, it didn't take long before Ballard found just the right way to cut through Roland's red tape.
"He punched him didn't he?" Zee remembered fondly. Charra smiled at her friend.
"Yep, gave the son of a bitch a black eye. Shut him up pretty quick, too. That's when Ballard finally got his own ship."
Charra remembered how happy he was when he got his promotion. They were so excited that they celebrated on the ship while it was still parked in the dock. Ballard opened a bottle of moonshine from his special reserve - a tin drum he stashed in a cupboard in his room - and christened the Caduceus. Once the couple was sufficiently sloshed, they thought it a good idea test the ship's "ergonomic factor." They broke in the captain's chair that night. And the table in the mess hall. And the operator's console. And nearly every surface that could be laid upon, sat on, or leaned against...
Her eyes were started to cloud up and she swore that she wouldn't let that happen again. This was certainly not the time for tears and sentimentality. She was raised a soldier and now it was time to act like one. She had to be strong for Zee because she still had a chance at a life with Link. And she had to be strong for the resistance to which she'd vowed her allegiance. This was no time for hearts and flowers. Those things were no longer important. That was why she cut her hair in the first place. None of the physical trappings mattered anymore. All that mattered was the survival of Zion.
But if matters of the heart weren't important, why did she feel like hers had been broken in two? And why did it hurt so damn much?
Charra noticed for the first time that while she'd been talking to Zee, her friend had been grinding a fine powder in a mortal and pestle and continued to do so rather intently.
"Zee, what are you doing?"
"Making shells," the young woman said without stopping her work.
"I see that, but why?"
"They asked for volunteers to hold the dock. I volunteered."
Charra grabbed a stool from the corner of the room and pulled it in front of Zee's work table. She sat down and wiped a stray curl away from her eyes, then and gently lifted her chin so she was forced to meet her friend's eyes.
"No Zee, you can't. Nuh-uh, I'm not gonna let you."
Zee pulled away from Charra's sisterly touch. She acted like she wanted to say something, but just couldn't get it out. Maybe she swallowed her words. Whatever the reason, she remained silent. But Charra persisted.
"Listen to me," Charra began, gently placing her hand over Zee's who still had a death-grip on the stone pestle. "Link is coming home. And when he does, he'll want you in one piece. You gotta have faith, Zee."
"Charra," Zee whispered, quietly but matter-of-factly, "You thought Ballard was coming home."
"Yeah," she admitted. But this wasn't entirely true. Somehow she knew that the last night she spent with Ballard would be the last time she would ever see him. She remembered sensing right away that something was wrong. Ballard wasn't acting like his normal confident, smart-assed self. Something had him visibly troubled which wasn't his nature at all.
Despite the hedonistic atmosphere that had enveloped Zion the previous evening, a somber tension now permeated the city. Everyone knew that Zion was in more danger that ever before. The machines were getting close. Charra knew that much. And she knew that some of the ships were being sent out as a surprise attack. She could only guess that Ballard's ship was one of them.
In the hours before the Caduceus was to depart, the couple lay together in their tiny room. Ballard had been perfectly quiet, and that was Charra's first clue that something was wrong. He was never quiet in bed. When he was asleep, he was snoring and when he was awake, he was running his mouth. That night he was doing neither. He just stared at the ceiling, holding Charra in the crook of his arm, stroking her hair back from her forehead over and over. Just as she began to drift off, he finally broke the silence.
"You know I love you Charra?" he asked without breaking his gaze on the ancient stone above his head. Only it wasn't a question, so much as a declaration.
She wasn't sure if she had heard him correctly. Maybe she had fallen asleep and was already dreaming. As much as she was sure that Ballard loved her as much as he had ever loved anything in his life, he had never spoken the words. It wasn't his style.
She had been too shocked to reply. She wanted to, but by the time she had collected herself enough to speak, he rolled over and placed a silencing kiss on her lips.
She hoped he knew.
Zee woke Charra from her reverie with a question that seemed to come out of nowhere.
"Do you believe in the One?"
Charra blinked as if she didn't quite understand. "You mean Neo?"
"Yeah."
"I don't know, Zee. He seems a little dorky to be a savior."
"Charra!" Even though Zee wasn't sure if she actually believed in the prophecy of the One, (and even though she thought her friend had a point) it seemed wrong to speak of Link's shipmate like that.
"Seriously, I don't know. Ballard believed, though."
"Ballard? Really? I didn't think he believed in prophecies."
"I don't know if he believed in the prophecy, but he trusted Morpheus. That's why he volunteered to stay behind and wait for word from the Oracle. You know, I could've kicked him for that. Disobeying Lock's orders – he could've lost the ship."
"I know I wouldn't want to get on Deadbolt's bad side."
Charra agreed, even though she knew it was all pointless now. "What about you, you believe Neo can save us?"
"I have to if I want to have any hope of ever seeing Link again."
The two girls let this thought sink in for a moment before Charra finally stood up.
"Alright Zee, let's go. We don't wanna be late getting our orders."
"You're going too?"
"Hell yeah, I'm going. Somebody's gotta keep you in one piece. Besides, how are you gonna handle a rocket launcher with those skinny-ass arms of yours?"
Zee laughed for the first time all day. She stood up, took her friend's hand and the two women headed down to the dock, unsure if they would ever return, unsure if there would even be anything to return to. Unsure of anything but their friendship and their faith in each other.
THE END