A/N: This idea came to me when I was rereading Catching Fire and Peeta mentioned something about writing letters. This whole story will just be letters that are from Katniss and Peeta too.
So, for this chapter, the letters are from Katniss to Peeta. The first one is before the Quell and the second one is During Mockingjay, before they rescue Peeta.
Letters
Peeta
Peeta,
If you're reading this, it means I'm happy right now because I'm dead and you're not. That is how it should be. Especially after everything I've put you through...
I guess I'm doing what you said we could do, writing letters. I wasn't sure who to start with but your name kept popping into my head. It seems much easier to do until I actually start writing it that is. Though you know how I am with expressing how I feel.
I honestly wish I could just write everything you wanted to hear right now. But I can't. Well, I guess I could, but that wouldn't be right to you or Gale. The fact is that I'm torn. I know you're my friend. I can't figure out anything beyond that though. It would be nice if I could but I guess that's just not who I am.
It is for the best that you live over me you know. No matter what you try to say I know it is. If we have any chance at a rebellion you would be the best weapon. You have a way with words. You'd be able to influence people way better than I ever could. Plus, you're a better person. And I know you say that no one would really care if you died or not but that's not true. You have family and friends...and I would care. I know I have family too but Gale could provide for them. Plus, I know you'll help out.
There's so much I want to say right now. Maybe those things are better not said though. Just know I do love you. Maybe not in the same love you feel for me but there is still love. I really do care about you. I felt so guilty after every moment I hurt you. Ever since that day with the bread I've been keeping notice of you. There are some things that just never go forgotten.
Just remember, stay strong. Make sure my Mother doesn't lose it. Make sure Prim gets fed and taken care of. Keep Haymitch straight if that's even possible. Most importantly take care of yourself. My death is worth giving up on. Find a girl who makes you happy and loves you the way you deserved to be loved. Stay happy.
- Katniss
Peeta,
This wasn't supposed to happen. You were never supposed to be taken away by the capitol. It was never part of the plan...and it's my fault. I should have never left you, even for that split second. I didn't know things could go so horribly wrong so quickly. Once again, I've made your life just a little bit worse.
I don't know if you'll ever get to read this, but I was told that this might help me. Then maybe if we're able to rescue you, you can read this someday.
You should know that I'm a wreck right now and it's all because of you.
Maybe you were right though, about having nothing to come back to if you lived and I didn't. There is no more District twelve. My family, Gale, and a few others made it. Your family...well they didn't. Madge, the mayor's daughter, didn't either. It's such a depressing sight that I'm glad you don't have to see it. The only thing the bombs didn't destroy was the Victors Village.
I still have the pearl that you gave me. I always keep it with me. Sometimes it just feels comforting to hold it. It's the only piece I have left of you. It's weirdly comforting. It makes me feel better sometimes. They do have me marked as mentally unstable right now though. I just have random break downs sometimes. A lot of them are because of you.
It's hard to admit to, but I think my feelings have changed for you. I hate that I might've just realized this now. That it took you being taken away from me to really see how important you are to me. I won't allow myself to really think about that kiss we shared during the Quell on the beach though...especially if I ever want to recover.
Sometimes, I think it might be better if you were dead.
Seeing you on TV today was hard. A lot of people think you might be a traitor now. I was just happy to see that you're alive.
I'm not really positive if this helped or not. I hope it did just a bit. I guess if I can't tell a person my thoughts, writing to you is the best thing, even if you may never see this.
Just please be okay.
- Katniss
A/N: Review?