I'll Hold My Breath
Summary: Set sometime in the future. They break up and it really doesn't surprise her because they're different. She said it from the beginning. Sam/Andy. One-shot.
Couple: Sam Swarek and Andy McNally
Word Count: 2,121
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue.
They broke up.
And it really didn't surprise her all that much because they're different. She said it from the beginning. Somehow he convinced her that they weren't that different and they'd worked out for a while. Best times of her life, if she was being truthful.
They were going great till the day she was called into a case involving foster children. That's when she saw a much older version of herself and it went downhill from there.
Her mom hadn't affected her that much, until he told her that maybe she should tread lightly where her mother was concerned. And sure, her mother had left her fourteen years ago, but she was still her mom. New family or not, she didn't think her mom would turn her back on her twice.
Wrong.
Three weeks and she had disappeared as quickly as she had come.
In that three weeks is when her and Sam had gone through fire and back. She broke it off because he was becoming overbearing and she didn't much like it. Looking back on it she knew he was just doing his boyfriend role. She would never admit that to him now.
Of course, her mother had met Sam, which she had no idea about. Apparently in the interrogation room they had been working with the same person. The day before her mom had left and they'd be broken up, a week's top, she told her, "he's right for you." And that'd pissed her off, especially the next day when Sam had been right about her mother.
She wasn't sure how she had gotten into an undercover with him, but she was currently sitting in a hotel room with him talking to Jerry on the other side of the room.
They needed a believable couple. Well, of course, the whole division thought they were believable.
It wasn't a big undercover and would probably only last the night, which thank you Jesus.
Jerry briefed them and then quickly exited the room.
Simple: drug dealer in the same hotel room and he now held a prostitute. They just had to get him in the right place. Had to have back up and that's where the camera's came in. And mics; can never forget mics.
"So," she paused, "This should be fun."
"Yep."
He sat down on a chair and looked everywhere but her.
~0~0~0~
By hour three of the stand off she was feeling a little hungry. He probably knew to because her stomach had growled earlier. That earned her a smirk her way.
"Sam?"
She was still sitting on the bed, the only bed in the room, while he was still in the chair going over some paperwork.
"Yea?" Didn't even look up.
She pushed the bangs out of her eye, "You hungry?"
A simple peace offering, because of course she secretly thought he hated her.
He nodded, "Sure. What do you want?"
And to say the options were limited was an understatement.
She shrugged, "Anything but a Twinkie." She hated those things and he knew it.
He got up from the chair to put his coat on. "Alright."
She was getting up from the bed before he stopped her with his eyes, "Stay."
She huffed, "Why."
He was getting agitated, "Just," he paused hoping she got it, "Stay."
"Alright."
~0~0~0~
He brought back exactly what she would've gotten for herself. Just knew her to well, something that kind of annoyed her.
"Thanks."
He nodded sitting at the end of the bed, "Welcome."
She opened the bag of Doritos. He was closer to her than he'd been in weeks. It was nice.
They still had yet to discuss what had happed, where they were in their relationship. And the good thing about both of them is that they were stubborn. She knew Sam would not be the first to speak and she wasn't going to budge either. So basically, they were at a standoff.
"Did you get-"
Cut off he threw her a coke, "Yea."
She nodded her head up and down like there was a rap song on. "Thanks."
And it was more awkward after that.
~0~0~0~
Around 5am their guy came out.
Jerry made them go outside by the vending machine to get a good look.
The guy proceeded to wig out, feeling like he was being followed.
And that's how the guy tackled Sam and back up had to be called.
They were done by 9am and sent back to the station.
~0~0~0~
"Are you sure your okay?" She waited for him to come out of the locker room.
She hadn't waited on him in a long time and she admits she misses him. Misses seeing him in his civvies and the look he used to give her before he took her hand in his.
"Yea. Fine." He told her, while walking.
She took three steps and was in sync with him.
She turned her head to face him, "You're sure?"
He was tackled pretty hard, a little bruise already forming on his forearm. And she knew he'd never admit to being hurt.
"McNally."
And she got it. They weren't back to the stage of talking about each other's day. They weren't even partners anymore; her with Diaz and he with Shaw. It was awkward after the break up. She barely made her way to work. She asked for a new partner. Best hadn't liked it.
"I get it."
He nodded politely before walking a little faster than her.
~0~0~0~
Sometime around nine that night she realized that she needed to talk to him and figure out what they should do going forward.
~0~0~0~
She knocked on his door because his doorbell was broken. She'd told him to get it fixed many times.
After three knocks she got the clue that he wasn't going to answer or wasn't there.
She made her way down his front porch to look in his garage. And his truck was definitely not there, which was strange.
A strange feeling overcame her. What if he had moved on? What if he wasn't waiting anymore? Because she had long ago faced the fact that he was crazy about her. Waited two years, watched her with another man. She was baffled when he finally told her how he had always felt. At the beginning of their relationship they still had been a little shy on talking, but they finally started opening up to each other long ago.
So basically she was an idiot for leaving him.
She would wait on his porch till he got home.
She also really hoped he wasn't with another woman because that would be awkward.
~0~0~0~
His truck finally pulled in around an hour later. She watched, as he exited, no girl in sight. Let out a breath that she didn't realize she'd been holding.
He came up to the porch because she was sure he'd noticed her. He'd usually of gone through the garage.
"McNally?"
She looked up, still rooted to her seat on the porch, "Hi."
He looked down, "What're doing?"
His eyebrows were raised, which meant he was confused to see her, to even be talking to her.
"I was just was in the neighborhood."
Which complete lie. The walk was a good twenty minutes. He'd always picked her up in the morning to go to shift; coffee always in her cup holder.
"You were?" A look of 'sure, McNally, sure.'
She shook her head, "Okay, no I wasn't, but we need to talk."
He nodded, "About?"
She stood up getting a little confidence, "I think you know."
He got the memo pretty fast. "McNally, it was what it was."
And seriously she hates that saying. He always would say it when he cared, but had nothing to say. Despised that saying.
"So are relationship was just what it was?" She asked in a mock tone.
He eyed her, "Yea."
And when he was mad getting answers and having him talk to you was an experience in itself.
"Well, I'm sorry." Fine, she'd give in because maybe, she missed him. Alright, missed him more than any other person. He got her like no one else did. Scary at first, but then she accepted it.
His eyes widen, "For what?"
And he was literally going to make her lay it all out there.
"I was wrong. I trusted her too much and I should have listened to you."
He put his hands on her shoulders (the most contact in a while), "Andy, I wanted you to get to know her. What I didn't want was you getting hurt again."
And it was like the time after she'd been hit in her vest. Him just there, reassuring her.
"I know. I just wanted you to trust what I was doing." She shrugged under his touch.
Although, she trusted him with her life, she still felt like he didn't trust her as much. He seemed to always be afraid to dive all the way into trusting her.
"I do trust you." His eyes wrinkle at the edges.
She nods, he's not completely off the hook, but for now she will let that slide, "And I'm sorry I checked out."
He finally took his hands off her shoulders, "It's okay."
She shook her head, "No, it's really not. I can't just leave when I'm mad at you."
He rubbed his neck, "Well, can't argue with that."
He earns a smile for that, "I miss you too."
The first sincere thing she's said to him in a while.
"I miss you too."
She smiles because she really thought he hated her after all the stuff she'd done.
"Thought you hated me." She tells him jokingly.
"Sometimes." He jokes back with her.
She suppresses an eye roll, "So, are we okay?"
He nods, "Yea, we'll be okay."
He holds his hand out for her to take, clearly an invitation to go inside. She takes it without hesitation.
Before making it to the garage she turns her head toward him. In a whispering tone, "Kinda thought you were with another girl."
He shakes his head, "Always been you, McNally."
She smiles like she hasn't smiled in years.
A/N: Hello readers. I hope you enjoyed this. The title is based off the song by Ellie Goulding. You should all go look up the song because the lyrics are ah-ma-zing. And the line, "You are the risk I'll always take," was the inspiration for this fic. Last episode, was amazing. Quick thoughts: Dov/Gregory great acting. Gail is seriously a BAMF, her and that baton had me laughing for hours. And of course, Sam and Andy...I have so many emotions when it comes to these two. Hand holding, my fanfic dreams came true. Anyways, I'll stop rambling. Hope you all enjoyed this. Leave some feedback, I love reading what you all have to say. :)