Confusion of the Vulcan:
(Spock's POV):
'I didn't marry your Mother because it was logical. I married her because I loved her' I knew my father was trying to help, to show that he understood emotions, but it didn't help. It left me even more confused than I was before. I had grown up as a Vulcan, forced to show no emotion, forced to feel nothing. I was an expert in looking blank. Yet all someone had to do was say the wrong thing at the wrong time and I'd go bad. Anger would control me, like it did against Jim just a moment ago. Acting like that was so very human, but I'm not human. I'm only half. I'm both human and Vulcan. I'm some sort of hybrid. I don't even know what I am. All I know is that the planet that was my home is now gone. The majority of the people I care about are dead. My own Mother is dead because I couldn't save her. I watched her fall and break the connection. She didn't come back to the Enterprise, she died. Here I am now staring at the spot where she should've landed. I'm not sure why I'm stood here staring at it, it's almost as though I think staring at it for long enough could bring her back. I know better than that though, I know she'll never be back. The same way Vulcan can never come back. It collapsed in on itself. It was destroyed. I was so angry, I wanted to kill every Romulan who played a part in this. I wanted to make them suffer like I was suffering. I knew that was illogical, but I didn't care. The ways of Vulcan almost seemed unimportant, and yet so important at the same time. Logic didn't matter when the pain was this great.
I couldn't get the image out of my head. The image of Vulcan collapsing in on itself. Vulcan becoming nothing. Whenever I needed to show know emotion I would divert my mind to think about anything else, but that wouldn't work. I can't think of anything else now. Mother and Vulcan are the only things on my mind. Circling my mind with no break. And it hurts. It hurts so much. It feels like my heart is made of lead and is pulling me down. It feels like I'm falling apart on the inside and the worst part is that there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing will bring Vulcan back, nothing will bring my Mother back.
I blink and look away from the spot. Staring isn't going to make a difference. Nothing will make a difference. The Enterprise is my only home now. A spaceship in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by people who hate us. No. The Enterprise isn't my only home. I'm half human. There's the Earth. The Earth is the closest thing I have to somewhere I belong now.
I have to help save the Earth. I can't just sit here and do nothing.
I walk back to Jim.