Chapter 1

How oh how did I end up like this?

I continuously fiddled with the newfound piercings on my body. I Lucy Heartfilia have somehow turned into the female version of Gajeel Redfox overnight.

"Lucy-sama!" I heard a female voice cry. Next thing I new I was glomped by Yukino Aguria, yes her.

Appears I am not the only one with facial decorations, although I have way more then her. She only has three - she never got anything pierced before - where they regularly are placed when your young and a nose piercing. I have 15 fudging piercings on my body! 5 in each ear, a nose piercing, eyebrow piercing, tongue piercing, lip piercing, and a bellybutton piercing.

What the hell happened last night!

All I remember is that we went to an all guild party, got drunk and BLANK! We must have partied hard if we came out with piercings and not remember a damn thing. I mean what retard thought it was a good idea to bring Gajeel to a party in the first place. Hell, where were my teammates because I remember someone with red hair enter the building with us. But then again we saw a masked guy with a hidden red tattoo there as well.

"I have never been so scared in my life!" whined Yukino. "I have faced a wyvern before!" All of a sudden Yukino looked way past my shoulder, frightened she jumped off me and started stripping off her clothing.

"Have you met Gray Fullbuster before?" I asked curious. I have never seen a girl randomly strip before.

"Do I have a tattoo anywhere?" Yukino asked extremely scared, as if she has seen Hell and she isn't coming back. All of a sudden I felt my face pale. Why the hell did she suddenly ask that question? I thought. My eyes widened and were filled to the brim with tears. Unless I have- no I-I can't! That's freaking impossible - not really -, I hoped it was impossible!

I joined Yukino in a stripping fit. The top right part of my stomach had a black PlayBoy sign and on my back between my shoulder blades were Angel wings. I was wearing a backless shirt that night so it must have given Yukino eye access to see it. But Yukino had a sleeved shirt. "Holy Bacon! We have the same tattoos!" "Tattoo(s)!" Yukino ran and once again glomped me again, we weren't familiar with the place so we had know idea if we were alone or not. When Yukino glomped me we landed on the bed inside of the room in a very provocative position.

"Hey! Yeah I found them-oh hehe," The mysterious ma-oh shit, is that Jellal burst into the room. We saw steam, not from anger but from embarrassment and perverted thoughts. "Sorry to interrupt. I'll be going now." 'Mystogan said as he tried to sidestep his way out the room. Because of his long cloak he failed miserably, he nearly tripped several times.

I tried to get a look at Jellal to tell him this was a misunderstanding but Yukino's hair was in the way so she couldn't see. "Jel-Sei- Fuck it! Whatever your name is, this is not what it looks like!" Lucy yelled, although Yukino's hair nearly got caught in Lucy's mouth multiple times.

"Sure it is," Jellal said, you can see that annoying yet familiar smirk that said 'I will never let you forget this.' Oh hell she will never forget this, this is the day she got a tattoo and piercings. "I didn't know you were that type of girl." Jellal said with a sly grin on his face as he once again tried to sidestep out the room. "Fuck it." and with that Jellal regularly walked out the room.

Lucy just then remembered something. Why hadn't Yukino moved yet?

Yukino was frozen in place with a maximum blush covering her face. It surpassed that of Erza's scarlet hair, Yukino has experienced so much today. I'm shocked she's stable. Must be the hangover the two young girls are experiencing and handling well. Slowly and shakily Yukino got back up.

Yukino went to the corner of the room where the clothes were thrown, picked up her clothes, and put them on.

Silence.

Not a sound was made, Lucy didn't even get up because she was currently afraid of angering the poor girl. She knew what the silence meant. The quiet screamed the truth. The same way Yukino got up Lucy did, but a little speedier and rushed however I couldn't find my skirt so shorts for me. Yukino sighed and faced Lucy. "Lucy," Yukino began. Lucy flinched, Yukino didn't even add her honorary honorific at the end of her name when she addressed Lucy.

"We will never bring up this incident again, this never happened." Yukino demanded. Lucy was too busy pissing herself at the moment to say anything. -crack- Unfortunately that just so happened to be Yukino's patience.

Oh Fuck.

Next thing Lucy knew, her hair was a mess from nodding so furiously. Lucy was pretty sure if Kagura was in her position she would have been pissed herself by now.

Note to Self: Never piss off Yukino or you will be a retard forever. Purposely.

"The fuck." Yukino and Lucy said in unison. When they walked out the room to get rid of unwanted memories they came face-to-face with Lucy's guild after a party. In a new city, so yeah. It wasn't a beautiful sight.

As soon as they walked out the room they saw Levy tied up to a swerving chair with chains. Probably Gajeel, this is his work. That sentence forced unwanted perverse thoughts to come to mind. Levy's head was down so they couldn't see her face, but after lifting it up they wished they hadn't.

Levy's face was painted to resemble Erza and Jellal's future child, even the tattoo courtesy of Reedus . She was wearing her Gale-Force glasses with tape covering it, 1 huge X on each eye. Her clothes looked like they had been cut on purpose and her skin was painted know it was a very disturbing sight, though the glitter and ribbons sticking out around her now wild hair was worth it.

Master Bob was in the arms of Gray Fullbuster. Yes you heard correctly, in Gray's arms not the other way around. Gray was wearing a Spray-on tuxedo with half is face reminding you of Mario and the other half of a shark. Master Bob was wearing Gray's boxers and stretching them out, high heels, a rainbow colored afro wig, and his bare stomach had a name tag that said,

"Hello, I'm sexy and I know it."

There was something new about the building. I realized it when I remembered the chains on Levy and the odd amount of chairs being centered specifically around something. Also the amount of Jewels on a stage. Holy shit, there was a stripping pole in the center of the room. A chair with a sleeping Makarov was in front with a bag of jewels, and an iPhone was in his hands. Walking through the crowd of wasted people Lucy picked up the phone which she realized he didn't own, it was Mirajane's.

On the screen was a certain video that looked like it had been replayed multiple times because of the finger marks. She clicked the replay button to see who this sorry loser was since it was a huge hit on YouTube. (Bad Apple by Touhou Playing) The first thing seen was a magic energy light show, or just lasers. That explained why it looked like Christmas passed with all these lights here. A girl in a skimpy kimono walked onto the stage, some part of her was still in the shadows so she couldn't be identified. She started to do a little dance and remove parts to her already exposing kimono. She heard a voice next to Makarov on the video and knew it was Yukino she even jumped in the video too, "Take it all off baby!" Audio Yukino yelled. At least Yukino was in the clear.

I saw a flash of blonde hair deducting that to only her and Jenny Realight. The blonde now in only a kimono-like bra and shorts jumped onto the pole with only one leg hanging on but it seemed she had no trouble at all. Getting a closer look and praying to Mavis it wasn't me I saw her face.

Why does karma attack me at such terrible times. It was me. I hoped no one recognized me though.

DAMN IT! They tagged me and even had the title with my name in it. "Lucy of Fairy Tail: Best Stripper Alive!

I have to admit it was pretty good, even the exclamation points agree. I got five of them! That's like five stars.

"Sup Luce," a unknown male from behind me said. Wait, he sounded awfully familiar. I could feel eyes burning into the phone, they were just staring then I felt him land on my back with this huge ass grin. "You were AWESOME last night, see you at eight." the unknown male said as his hand had rested on my breasts like they were an armrest. Then I noticed pink hair.

Natsu probably isn't innocent anymore after witnessing my awesome dancing and stripping skills. "You were so wasted last night, you even beat Cana in a drinking match." Tch, as if. "As if, I'm a Heartfilia. We don't get wasted, we get buzzed." I said while emphasizing the buzzed part both verbal and with her fingers. Natsu winked and walked off, in all honesty I had no idea what he was talking about.

Erza walked over, there were very few people awake. Like seriously maybe only 5 including me and Yukino. I just noticed Yukino was staring wide eyed at my neck. I saw purple, apparently I understood Natsu's words when he wanted to see me tonight now. I had a hickie, me and Yukino happen to be the only ones with amnesia about last night.

"Where's Hibiki?" Erza questioned, she said it like he was supposed to here with us. "What do you mean?" Yukino asked, completely curious as to why he would be with us. "Mystogan said he was underneath your bed, he didn't tell you did he?" Erza confided. "Nope." Yukino answered for me.

It all made sense, my skirt going missing forcing me to wear shorts and the feeling of being watched as I speedily put my clothes back on.

"HIBIKI!"

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