Alternative name: Ash strikes back.
Just when a newbie trainer named Joshua Heracles Crayshaw Archibald Ray started his journey, he was suddenly ambushed my 2357159173586138173517353853189653179563017653178516 Hydreigons in rut (oh no). Pissed at those pseudo-lizardish, pseudo-helicopterish, pseudo-dickface'ish creatures ruining his career's first day, he ripped all their heads off with his marvelous mind powers, getting to Level 100 in a matter of moments, sold the ruined skulls in Pokemart, gaining so much money, Fort Knox looked like a pike of pitiful poo compared to Jeremiah Hypocrite Crabslab Archenemy Hey's size o' wallet. He laughed and bought himself a shiny Lopunny starter, who had a Megastone, the best IVs and would be unwindingly loyal to her master, even to the point of filming in a porn movie.
Josh-wa Hippocrates Kow-Tow Arcanine-dawg Say ordered her to use her Psychic-Poison signature move: Fucksmash. The Lopunny punched through the spacetime continuum, mauling the living poop out of Elite Four and Wallace, instantly making the trainer a new Champ ee' Hoenn (get it, champihoen). He had all the fame and girls, but his Pokemon had nothing but a view of it all. Enraged at the dickfaggoty ingrate shitprick of her trainer, she shoved his stupid head up a fangirl's butthole then threw the chair-shaped centaur boomerdang at the Sun where it orbited the massive flaming object, transforming it into Satursun!
Satursun and Saturn argued over who will be 'that ringed planet', all while humans fought hypocritical wars with chainsaw dildos, having no rational goals whatsoever. Saturn just learned from a passing by cosmic Wailord that Sun is a star and will always be, no matter what orbits it. Saturn laughed at Satursun's sheer stupidity, and Satursun was so infuriated its face exploded furious firestorms made of testosterone queefs which singed Lopunny's furry face off, leaving her with a poorly grinning skull.
The burned expression transformed into a gargatuan metal robot. It slew Earth with a rusty kitchen knife then flung its dead corpse at Satursun, making its stubby feet explode and all the stars sing Deicide songs while Saturn got drunk and played chess with Grimer popes because his guilty pleasure was masturbating to the World of Tanks.
Joe-Shawn Hippopotamus Graysaw Archimandrite Gay had enough of this shit. He powerfully clutched his cheek skin, tore it off as the whole dermal layer on his head came off along with it, and-
And...!
Oh fuck! It as Ash! He wanted revenge, according to his anger-stainer mug!
"Wat!" the faceless Lopunny screamed out. "I thought you were-"
"Don't make my whiskers laugh." Ash droned back. In fact, he had a gorgeous set of jet black growth under his nose which sparkled at the satursunlight. And also, if one observed under microscope, there could be seen the hairs, hardly containing guffaws. "I was, I am, and I always will be Ash Ketchum. The author is on crack."
The lop Pokemon was so enraged, she merged with the massive mechanic warrior and launched a Lock-On Deathfuck right in Ash's liver, making it explode inwards through time and space. It latched on top of Eifel Tower, making Brock shit metal bricks in embryo stage and his host gave anal birth to a sleeping elephant which befriended Ash and showed him the true path of life he should follow. Others just married and made families.
The kid was eternally grateful to the huge mammal for the help it so generously delivered. Ash lived a careless life and died an agonizing death in mysterious circumstances behind the Heracross fangirl's house.
yipee