Chapter 196: What the Fuck Now?

"The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action." – John Dewey

"It's choice – not chance – that determines your destiny." – Jean Nidetch

"It's not a matter of can or cannot, it's a matter of will or will not, everything is a choice, choose wisely." – Unknown

"We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full." – Marcel Proust

Sydney managed to find her way to the main lobby waiting room and was surprised to see not only Will and Francie, but her father and Weiss as well.

"Hi!" she said, hugging her father and smiling at Weiss.

"Hello sweetheart," he said.

"Why…did Will and Francie call you guys?"

Will nodded, "How is he?"

"He's ok…well – I mean, we're waiting on the films yet, but he's sleeping, resting now."

"Excellent," Jack said, "What happened exactly?"

"He had a night terror…and we've been sort of lax with his shoulder. Plus, then he…well – if he wasn't injured before, I think he is now…"

"What do you mean?" Weiss asked.

"Well…the x-ray – didn't go so well at first…but he's ok now…and really, I think he's getting better…he's dealing with things much better now. I'm really proud of him."

"So what do they think is wrong?"

"Well they took x-rays of his chest and his ribs, so the problem is stemming from somewhere around there…he's just in a lot of pain…"

Jack nodded.

Will asked, "Can we go see him? Is he up to company?"

"Not right now, but I think there's a waiting room up there that's closer. When he wakes up then you can come in and say hi."

"Someone should call Amélie," Francie said.

Sydney smacked her hand on her forehead, "Shit…why is it that I never remember to call her?!"

"I'd offer to call Sydney," Francie said, "but I'm sure it would be better coming from you…and I'm sure she understands that you've got a lot on your mind," Francie finished with a soft smile.

Sydney nodded, "I'll show you guys the waiting room, then I'll call Amélie."

The group walked wordlessly to the other waiting room, Sydney assuring them that she'd let them know when Vaughn was awake.

She came back to his room and checked to see if he was still sleeping, finding upon arrival, that he seemed to be in a peaceful slumber. She slipped out once again and ran to the payphone, dialing Amélie's number.

"Hello?" Amélie's voice answered.

"Hi Amélie, it's Sydney."

"Well hello dear! I was wondering when you might call…"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I seem to be really lax when it comes to that…I just…always seem to have things going on."

"It's not a problem Sydney. I was going to call to check in later today anyway. How are you and how is my son doing?"

"Well…that's why I'm calling," Sydney started.

"Oh no," Amélie said, her voice dropping immediately in worry, "Is he alright?"

"We're at the hospital," Sydney started again, but Amélie interrupted.

"The hospital? Which one? I'm on my way…"

"No, Amélie; let me explain…"

There was silence and Sydney took that as her cue to begin, "He's ok…we're just here for x-rays. We don't have any news yet if they found anything, but right now, he's fine."

"Then why is he in the hospital?"

"He woke up in a lot of pain this morning. Tom came over, and we decided that it'd be better to just have the x-ray and make sure everything was ok."

"Well, what's wrong, what happened?"

Sydney sighed, "Michael had a night terror last night. He bolted up in bed and this morning he was in a lot of pain…mainly his ribs and shoulder…"

"A night terror?"

"Yeah, they're different from nightmares, and the people who have them usually don't remember. I can explain later, but I just wanted to let you know what was going on in case you called or anything."

"Thank you…and I'm still on my way."

Sydney chuckled, "We're at the Naval Hospital…"

"I'll leave now."

"Ok Amélie," Sydney said, knowing that like her son, it was useless to argue, "I'll see you later then."

"Thank you for calling Sydney…and see you soon."

Sydney hung up the phone and stood by the payphone smiling at the traits that mother and son shared. She shook her head wistfully and then walked back to Vaughn's room.

He was still sleeping and she took the opportunity to watch him as he slept. She loved the way that his features twitched, the way his breathing picked up when he subconsciously noted her presence. She loved the way his hair got messy when he slept, even messier than normal. She loved seeing his eyelids flutter in sleep, his chest rise and fall, his mouth move in sleep.

She had a sneaking suspicion as to what the x-rays would show, but she tried to reassure herself that no matter what they did show, he'd be in good hands all around.

She didn't have to wait long for her answer, as Tom entered quietly a little while later. He smiled and motioned for her to come out in the hall. She checked Vaughn and then moved out to the hallway.

"Hi," Tom said.

"Hi," Sydney answered, "Did you get the films back yet?"

"Yeah…I've got them here…you wanna go talk about them?"

"Sure," Sydney looked at him and searched his face. A beat, "You found something…"

Tom nodded, "Yeah, let's go in here…" he said, gesturing towards an empty exam room.

"What did you find?"

Tom took a deep breath, "Here," he said putting the film up on the screen and turning on the fluorescent light.

Sydney stared at the image on the screen, "Yeah, I'm good Tom, but I just see a lot of ribs…and…lines…I assume those are cracks?"

"Yeah," Tom said. He pointed to a particular spot on the image, "Here…these two ribs…see that?"

Sydney got closer to the film, "Yeah…what is that?"

"All these lines that you see – those are fractures and separations…"

"Wow," Sydney said, clearly shocked.

"Yeah, these," Tom pointed to every other line, "are all healing…these," he pointed back to the spot from before, "These…are not…or they were – but now, they're re-fractured…and they're dangerously close to puncturing his lung again."

Sydney looked at Tom, "So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that we're going to have to operate again…"

"Shit," Sydney said, going to the chair on the opposite side of the room, "Again? I mean…"

"Sydney," Tom started, crossing over to her, "I know this is frustrating…but if we don't operate…he'll just get worse. If it punctures his lung again," he shook his head, "We can't let that happen…do you understand?"

"Yeah, I understand Tom…but…What does this mean?"

"Well…what do you mean, what does it mean? It's a fairly simple procedure, it involves–"

"No, Tom, what does this mean for Vaughn – how long will he have to stay? What will this do to him?"

Tom nodded, "If the surgery goes well…and we do it now…he could probably go home tomorrow…best case scenario…"

"And worst?"

"It doesn't go well…or it punctures…then…then it's a whole different ballgame."

Sydney started at him, "What kind of ballgame?"

"We'd be hugely set back…he'd be…back on 100 oxygen…here for days…week…two…"

"That would be completely counter-productive," Sydney said obviously.

"Yes, it would…"

"Well then he has to have the surgery…"

"Yes, he does," Tom agreed.

Sydney sighed, "He's been really good with the oxygen. He's tapering…he goes whole days without it…"

Tom smiled, "I know…and I want to make sure he stays that way…"

"Me too…"

Tom nodded, "Well…then let's tell him…now."

Sydney looked up at Tom, "Ok…let me wake him up first, ok?"

"Sure," Tom said, smiling as she got up.

He removed the films and walked after her out the door. He smiled at her as she pushed Vaughn's door quietly, waiting for Sydney to return and tell him to give Vaughn the news.