Author's Note: I was thinking about the concept of Guardian Angels, and I don't know how much mine gets paid, but he needs a raise, extra benefits, a paid vacation, and some sort of grant allowing him to retire early, before I drive him insane. And when I do - cause it's not an if, it's a 'when' - his stay at the asylum should be free, because he probably held out longer than you'd think.
WARNING: There is one swearword at the end. Childish, humorless people need to click the back button if that offends them.
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My guardian angel
Needs a paid vacation.
The poor guy
Deserves a standing ovation.
I've driven as fast
As he can fly
I've done things so stupid
He's probably cried.
I've chugged a gallon
Of salt-and-sugar water
I've held my hand to a candle
The poor guy needs to retire.
I once ate a bug
And to his horror
I'm not sure what it was.
(It crunched.)
When I was seven I swallowed
Ten dollars worth of change
Then I roller skated down a hill
I wonder if that was the first sign I was strange?
When I got a two
On my Math test
I spent four hours running through traffic
Caffeine-rushes mean no rest.
Once upon a time
I wondered "Am I allergic to blueberries?"
So, of course, I grabbed a spork,
And ate till my tummy was round as a cherry.
Turns out, I was.
Oh, my poor,
Minimum wage angel dude,
I'm so, so sorry
I've really been rude.
But you gotta admit
Racing through town
To dodge the cops
Was the shit.