Author note: I will be very happy if Elain and Azriel become a thing in future books, but if not at least I can live in my happy bubble of fanfiction. Enjoy!
"Elain, you have to talk to him."
Elain looked up from the vase of roses she was arranging. The pale pink blossoms would pair nicely with the Easter Lily arrangement she had on her desk. She sighed as she dragged her gaze away from her precious petals to her cross sister slumping on Elain's plush bed. Feyre continued to stare at Elain. Elain held Feyre's gaze without flinching.
"I don't believe I have to do anything," she said as calmly as she could. Part of her, the part that longed to unlock the rage that had been building inside her for well over a year, wanted to kick Feyre out. But when one was staying in the other's house, making such a suggestion seemed inappropriate – even if Feyre kept insisting this was Elain's home, too.
No place had truly felt like home since Elain became a fae. The new mansion, although much more spacious, had not stopped Elain's growing restlessness.
Make the best of it, El, she kept telling herself, sometimes multiple times a day. At least you are here – alive – and not dead. Like Father. Her breath caught in her throat. How long until she could think of him and not feel as if a mortal wound had stabbed at her heart? Elain looked back at her roses. She plucked one and accidentally stabbed herself with a thorn. She grimaced.
Feyre scowled. "It's the right thing to do and you know it." She stared at Elain and Elain knew what she was trying to do. If Feyre thought she could break Elain's porcelain mask with a few dark looks, she could be sorely displeased. The gaze temporarily reminded Elain of Azriel, but without the warmth he usually looked at her with. Elain blushed. She swallowed thickly. Now is not the time to think such dangerous thoughts.
Frustrated, Feyre got off the bed and went to Elain a few feet away. Elain's room was flooded with sunlight; Elain rarely shut the two glass doors that rested on either side of her bed, the ones that lead to her balcony. The balcony was by far Elain's favourite feature of this new house, next to the garden, of course. A breeze snuck in from the open doors and tickled Elain's neck as it hid underneath her light brown curls.
"What are you afraid of?" Feyre asked gently. "You know we would never allow Lucien to hurt you."
Elain's gaze cut through Feyre like a dagger. Like Shadowsinger. Elain abruptly remembered how holding such a powerful weapon had felt. She desperately wished she had the weapon back. What a feeling of protection it gave her! What power. She never thought she would be the type to crave something as primitive as power, but many things had changed since her life was pushed off its rails.
"I am not afraid," Elain hissed.
Feyre took a step back. "I'm sorry, Elain. I-"
Elain turned her back to her sister. She walked to her balcony and paused in the open doorway. Breath, El. Deep breathes. She felt her shoulder slump as she tried to focus on happy thoughts. My garden. Azriel. Azriel! She blinked.
"You may send Lucien away. I won't see him today."
Feyre sighed. "Yes, Elain. I'll tell him you're still sick."
Elain heard Feyre open Elain's bedroom door. "But you may also mention I will be feeling much better tomorrow morning. At least well enough to be in my garden."
She could practically hear Feyre's smile as she agreed to deliver the message. Once alone, Elain went out onto her balcony and walked to the edge of it. The balcony spread the entire length of her bedroom, connecting both doors. Along the edge, Azriel had installed boxes to hold Elain's herbs and smaller flowers that needed more care. Elain smiled at the memory of finding this surprise. She still had no idea where he learned carpentry skills.
Elain huffed as she flopped down on her balcony couch. I shouldn't have given in to her. I don't want to see Lucien ever again! Why must she force this upon me? Elain picked up one of her lavender cushions and used it to muffle her frustrated screams. She still had her head hidden there when she felt a slight shift in the air.
"Are you alright?"
Elain looked up, clutching the cushion to her chest, and saw Azriel had winnowed onto the ledge of her balcony. This wouldn't have been so strange if she didn't see his swords drawn, ready to attack. She tried to hide her grin, but it sputtered out in a silly giggle.
Azriel sheathed his swords. His black Illyrian armour fit him much snugger than Elain's creamy nightgown did.
"Elain, why did you scream?"
She shook her head, willing herself to stop laughing. "It was better than throwing something," she said with a final chuckle. "But it's good to know you take my tantrums seriously. Did you really think I was in danger?"
Azriel avoided her teasing gaze. The fading sunlight added flecks of light brown to his dark hair. He slid off the ledge and perched on it like a cat, one leg drawn up to rest his head against. "I like to come prepared. The amount of times I've walked in on Mor screaming at Rhys for something and almost gotten a vase to the head." He grinned.
Elain smiled. "I promise not to throw any vases. At least not a you."
She liked talking with Azriel. She wished he did it more often, at least in public. Their private conversations were always entertaining, and Elain came away knowing something new about a random topic. But when the whole household got together, Azriel always seemed to be overshadowed by some of the louder family members, like Cassian and Mor. Elain had grown increasingly uncomfortable at these family gatherings and if Azriel was away on a mission for Rhysand, she would conveniently come down with a headache and take to bed. She didn't really care what Feyre or the rest of the household thought about this. Elain was beginning to realize that it was more important to please herself than her sister's family.
Azriel smiled. "I appreciate that. Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?"
Elain sighed. "It's the same thing. Feyre wants me to talk to Lucien. I would rather throw myself in the cauldron all over again than deal with the situation."
Azriel tensed up at the mention of the cauldron. Elain smiled sadly. "I am teasing, Az. I would never do that. Ever," she promised. Elain got up from the couch and went to stand beside Azriel. Her arm accidently brushed his and while she knew she should remove it, she let it linger there longer than necessary. She took a deep breath and smelt the pine and fresh snow, mint and rosemary mingle around her. She always liked how Azriel smelt best. Rhys favoured spicy colognes that made it difficult for Elain to breath and Cassian rarely wore anything with a scent, meaning he often smelt like dried sweat. Elain didn't know what Lucien smelt like, and frankly she didn't care to.
She reluctantly moved her arm over a little and focused on the horizon. "I am so tired of other people making decisions for me," she said quietly. "I didn't ask to become a fae. I didn't ask for this mate bond . . . thing." She squeezed her eyes shut tight. "I didn't ask for any of this to happen."
Azriel placed his hand gently over hers, applying the slightest bit of pressure. "If you could make any choice about your future, what would it be?"
Her eyes stayed shut as she smiled. Only Azriel would be thoughtful enough to ask a question like that. The sun warmed her freckled face. "I would find a little cottage somewhere nearby. Not too close, though. With a field large enough for all my flowers. Maybe an entire meadow," she said with a laugh. 'Yes, a meadow just for me. A quiet place, ultimately. A place where I will have time to rest." She opened her eyes and with tears glistening. She met Azriel's quiet gaze.
"Time to heal," he said softly.
Elain trembled. Such a simple phrase, and yet it was exactly what she needed to hear. A lump rose in her throat. I wish I could tell you how I feel, Azriel. It's getting so hard to keep it to myself. She couldn't trust herself to speak her love for Azriel into being yet, not with Lucien lingering. It wouldn't be fair to Azriel to be put between two mates, even if one did not want to be the other's mate at all. Azriel didn't deserve what Elain had become: an unsure creature who paid more attention to flowers than other beings.
Not today, perhaps. But sometime soon. If I ever gather the courage. She smiled and covered his hand with hers. "Time to heal," she agreed.
Azriel held her stare for a long moment then abruptly stood. "Tell Rhysand and Feyre I will not be attending supper, please." She watched as his great wings spread wide and he prepared to take flight. His hand reached down and grabbed hers gently. "Rest well, Elain. All will be well soon." With that, he took flight, leaving a breathless and trembling Elain in his wake. She watched his dark figure disappear until it was nothing more than a black spot on the lavender sky.
Elain had just started pruning her tulips when Lucien opened the garden gate. She had chosen a plain grey frock with a cream apron overtop. Her hair had fallen out of the messy bun she had scrunched it in, which was just as well seeing as she already needed her sunhat this early in the morning.
"Good morning, Elain. I'm glad you're feeling better."
Elain turned with a flower in hand and her basket in the other. She felt her skin break out in a cold sweat. Oh, go away, she willed with a silent thought. Can't you see I do not want you?
"Hello Lucien. Thank you. I still feel a bit weak," she commented, trying to seem faint and fragile. Men, most men anyway, typically liked that in a woman. Lucien seemed like the type to enjoy a frail flower that needed care.
Lucien wore a suit of fine maroon fabric stitched together with gold thread. His long auburn hair was pulled back in a low ponytail. His brown boots even shone. He extended his arm to the gazebo. "Perhaps we should sit, then. I could use an escape from the heat myself."
Elain bowed her head and led the way to the gazebo. Tea was summoned, likely by Feyre, and Elain forced her hands not to shake as she took a sip of the citrus tea. The tea succeeded in calming her nerves long enough for Elain to face Lucien.
"Lucien, I am flattered by your attention and your gifts. You have showered me with presents for several months now and they are appreciated." He smiled and she felt a great deal of pity for him. He doesn't deserve such treatment from me. I need to end this for both his sake and mine. "But I am afraid this love you bear for me . . . I simply do not return it. I know I am unfamiliar with the mating bond, but-"
"It will come in time," Lucien cut in, placing his hand over hers. "You have experienced a great deal of trauma in the last year. It might explain why the mating bond has not registered with you yet. I've talked to many wise healers about this. If you would be willing, I could take you to see them. They can fix you."
Elain narrowed her eyes. "Just because I don't love you doesn't mean I am broken, Lucien." She removed her hand from his. "I agreed to meet with you so I could tell you that I free you from this bond. I do not think my feelings for you will change and there is no reason for you to waste your time paying call to me."
Lucien's face fell. "It's not as simple as that, Elian. I can't just turn off my feelings for you!"
Elain could feel her anger growing. She tried to reign it in, but she felt her control slipping. "You don't get to decide how I feel. I may be your mate, but you are not mine."
It would have ended there if Lucien hadn't grabbed her arm. Hours later, Elain still wasn't sure what happened in that moment. She recalled feeling Lucien's grip and then a white-hot fire burned through her. This fire unexpectedly became a real fire and shot out her hands and covered her skin in a protective layer. She felt no burns, but Lucien's screams suggested he had not been so lucky. Elain wished she could claw this rage back, but the cage door was open and she couldn't stop screaming or burning or crying. Why won't anyone listen to me? Why don't they believe me when I say I know what I want?
"Elain!"
"What's going on with her?"
"We have to help!"
Elain heard these voices mingle together but was unsure where they came from. Suddenly, shadows descended on her, smothering the flames. She felt a strong pair of arms support her as she began to fall to the ground. They cradled her and let her rest against a chest that smelt like pine and fresh snow. Wings sheltered her as her throat grew raw from sobbing. Hands rubbed her back and cradled her head until, with every shaky breath, she felt a bit better. She wasn't sure how much time had passed until the shaking, burning, and throbbing ceased, but she was ever so glad it had.
She lifted her head and saw Azriel through her tears. She noticed the tear stains on his jacket and blushed. He caught her gaze and forced her to look at him. He gave her a small smile. She nodded back, trying to mimic it. He helped her to stand and that was when Elain realized Azriel had put himself between Elain and Lucien. She gripped his arms tight as his own hands held her at the waist. She wished her sister and the others weren't watching nearby. She could hear them shouting at her, but Azriel seemed to be keeping them back. She wasn't sure how, but she was eternally grateful.
Every muscle in her body trembled with the temptation to kiss him. He had proved himself time and again that he was willing to support Elain however she needed, without question. She didn't care that she wasn't technically his mate. Perhaps he wouldn't care, either. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, taking the coward's way out. For now, she promised herself. Azriel bowed his head, hiding a small grin, and stepped aside.
Lucien sat trembling on the charred ground of the gazebo. His hands were quite burned and his suit was in ruins, but he would heal. She was certain of that. She tilted her head towards the gate. "I do not wish to see you again, Lucien. Please don't call on me again." With the utmost restraint, Elain left the burned gazebo and went back to her garden. Thankfully, it had not suffered any damage. From the safety of her flowers, she heard Lucien leave and Feyre, Rhysand, Cassian, and Mor discuss Elain with Azriel. She couldn't hear much of what Azriel said, but what she caught was encouraging.
"You had meddled enough. Let her be. You must trust that she can manage this in her own time and in her own way."
Elain's warmed so much at that she thought she might develop a fever. Elain hid her blush as best as she could when Azriel came to join her in the garden. He handed Elain her gardening gloves. "I have told Feyre and the others you will not be attending lunch with the family."
She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you. I was hoping I could get out of it." She pulled out a weed. Azriel did the same as he knelt beside her.
"May I take you to one of the cafes in town for lunch?" he asked. "There is a new one that just opened that looks promising."
Elain's blush deepened. She wanted to ask if it was a date, but she couldn't gather the courage. She just smiled. "I would love to. Hand me my basket, please."
Azriel did so and that was when Elain noticed he, too, was blushing. Elain's smile grew.
Several weeks after the burning of the gazebo (and Lucien), Azriel paid call to Elain. Well, not formally, unless one considered a balcony ledge formal, but he said he had something to show her. It would take an hour to fly there, and would she mind that or would she prefer to winnow?
Elain's eyes brightened. "I would love to fly!"
They packed a picnic lunch and set off. Everyone at the house was busy with their own projects and didn't notice their leaving, which suited Elain just fine. The weather was perfect for flying. Elain wrapped her arms around his neck and held tight as they flew over towering mountains and lush valleys. Elain was beginning to wonder how much longer they would be until she spotted a meadow down below. The wildflowers were in full bloom. Elain took a deep breath and could smell so many kinds of flowers. The meadow seemed to go on forever until it reached a sturdy cottage. The cottage was two stories and looked to be made from thick logs. As Azriel descended, Elain's heart beat faster.
They landed near the cottage in a patch of Black-Eyed Susans. Elain held Azriel's arm as she looked around the meadow. It was even better up close. And the cottage . . . Elain's breath caught in her throat. She blinked slowly as she took it in.
There were flower baskets resting on the windowsill of every window she could see. Two large pots rested on either side of the front door. The curtains, from what she could see, seemed gauzy and airy, just the way she liked them.
Azriel removed her hand from his arm to hold it in his. "Do you want to go inside?"
She looked up at him in surprise. "Who lives here?" she asked in a whisper.
"You do. If you wish to." He avoided her gaze, staring at the front door. "I did my best to decorate it inside, but you can change whatever you wish."
Elain stopped listening to his rambles about curtains and grabbed his face between the palms of her hands. She raised herself on her tiptoes and kissed him, ignoring the tears that made tracks down her freckled cheeks. Azriel sighed and wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling her closer, as the other cradled the back of head. Cauldron, kissing Azriel was better than any of her daydreams imagined! Elain didn't want this to stop. She ran her tongue across his lips and suppressed her laugh as he growled at the back of his throat, letting her tongue sneak past.
Her breath caught in her throat when he grabbed her bottom and lifted her off the ground. She locked her legs around his waist and held tight to him as his tongue took its turn to probe her mouth, eliciting moans from her.
Despite her best attempts to go without breathing, Elain did have to part her lips from Azriel's long enough to catch her breath. She took exceptional pleasure in Azriel's flushed cheeks and panting breath. She giggled and was surprised to hear him laugh with her. She laughed even louder. Elain rested her forehead against his and held his hazel gaze.
"I think this is the first time I've heard you laugh," she said as her laugh quieted down.
Azriel chuckled. He titled his lips up and brushed her cheek gently. "You have proven to be a lot of firsts for me, Elain," he admitted quietly.
Elain raised her head enough to look at Azriel properly. She ran her fingers through his hair. The methodical gesture elicited a happy sigh from Azriel. He leaned into her hand a little, causing her to smile. "You bought me a meadow and a cottage?"
Azriel nodded. She shook her head, still unable to believe it. "Why? Why would you do something so kind . . . for me?" She said quietly, her voice trembling.
Azriel noticed and maneuvered to sit on the ground, her still in his arms. His wings sheltered her from the breeze that picked up around them. Safe inside Azriel's cocoon, she rested her hands against his chest, paying attention to the rhythm of his heart. She noticed it pick up speed as he opened his mouth.
"Because out of everyone I know, Elain, you deserve a place where you can rest. Where you can heal." He met her stare. "I wanted to give that to you. Even if I never got the courage to tell you how I felt. Or if you told me you didn't feel the same, at least . . . at least you could have this. At least you would be safe." He took a deep breath. "There is something I must tell you, Elain." He took her hands in his and Elain felt a blossom of warmth bloom in her chest. "I . . . I have felt the tugging of a mating bond. For you." He squeezed her hands. "But I know you have had troubles with mating bonds and I wouldn't want you to feel obligated to be with me just because of that." He ran his thumbs across her knuckles and leaned his head closer to hers until there was barely an inch between them. "I want you to be with me because you want to be. And I will wait until you are ready to tell me your choice. I won't push you or rush you." He squeezed her hands again. "This is your choice, Elain. I will respect whatever choice you make."
Elain was struck speechless for a moment. She didn't expect this. How often did two males bond to the same woman? She wished she was better versed in fae lore. But now was not the time to question the logistics of mate bonds. She removed her hands from his and instead placed them on his cheeks, rubbing her thumbs against the smooth skin of his face. "Oh, Azriel," she whispered, "I've been in love with you for months." She smiled through her tears as she kissed him gently.
Azriel's tears pooled near her hands on his cheeks and she brushed them aside as she pressed herself closer to Azriel. Just as she felt that familiar heat from earlier begin to pool in her belly, Azriel pulled back. He ran his hand through her hair, locking his fingers behind her neck. The warm pads of his fingers made her shiver. "I love you, Elain. With everything I have, I love you."
Those words made Elain want to fly. She willed herself to not kiss him again. Instead, she stood and helped pull him to his feet. She kept her fingers intertwined with his and grabbed the discarded picnic basket. Together, they went to the front door of the cottage. He produced the key, unlocked it, then handed it to her. Elain shook her head and curled his fingers back over the key. "Keep it. You can make me another copy. You'll need your own anyway." She winked at him then stepped inside her new home. One she hoped she would share with Azriel for the rest of her days.
At the end of their first day at the cottage, Elain determined no changes needed to be made to the décor, especially not Azriel's hand-carved fourposter bedframe that he did himself. In fact, it was so comfortable that Azriel and Elain fell asleep after their picnic lunch and didn't rouse themselves until well after suppertime. Elain knew she would have some explaining to do when they arrived at the mansion, but that was the last thing on her mind. She was already focused on packing.