PROMPT: Since we never got to see drunk newbies, can you pretty please with sprinkles on top make a one-shot of the newbies at a party and your interpretation of how they behave at the party?
A/N: This is ship-neutral as far as the newbies are concerned so whatever newbie ship you prefer you won't be offended!
It had started out as a very sombre affair. The Glee Club was over. No more solving a problem by singing about it. No more multiple hour bus rides to competitions. No more warbling Journey anthems at every opportunity. No more safe-haven from the horror of being a misfit in high school. That was why the second Rachel Berry House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza had originally happened. It had been planned as a sophisticated evening in with the current and past members of the New Directions to reminisce on the demise of the glee club one last time.
But then Puck had, to everyone's surprise, (and at Quinn's request; he had been transferred into a whipped boyfriend overnight,) actually accepted his invitation, and, to less of a surprise, brought with him a copious amount of every alcohol most of them could name…Rachel had sighed, immediately claiming that with 'Noah's bad influence the evening would turn out to be much less sophisticated as hoped.'
She was right.
Brittany and Santana had been the last to arrive: the original plan of a night of whining over times gone by had seemed like a much less attractive option than catching up on all the sweet lady kisses they had missed whilst they had been broken up, and they had finally managed to reluctantly make their way to the Berry residence after midnight.
They were let in by a very stressed looking Rachel.
"What's got your panties in a twist, Berry?" Santana asked. Rachel inhaled and exhaled quickly.
"Puck brought alcohol," she begun to explain. "It's the sophomores. They've gone wild."
{x}
The first thing noticeable when entering the basement was Kitty, lying slumped across a somewhat bewildered yet amused Tina and Quinn who were on the sofa. She was unable to hold herself up and was crying her eyes out.
"Shh…" Tina cooed, rubbing the short blonde's back affectionately in a vain attempt to comfort her. "Kitty it's ok, it'll all be fine when you drink some water-"
"I don't want any freaking water!" She shrieked, cutting off her friend who jumped back as best she could with her lying on top of her, grimacing.
"Why is she even crying?" Quinn asked, her eyebrow raised in typical Fabray-fashion.
"I w-w-wanted another strawberry l-liquor…" Kitty sobbed, "b-but there's only o-o-orange left!" She finished with a wail, covering Tina's brand new cream dress in black mascara.
"Truly heart-breaking," Quinn stated with dry sarcasm, smirking at the scene in front of her. "But perhaps for the best, since you're so far gone that even if it rained strawberry liquor we would not be letting you have one drop more." This only made Kitty cry harder, throwing her head forward and inadvertently head-butting Tina square in the chest.
"Ow…" she winced, as quietly as possible, but not quietly enough for Kitty not to hear.
"Oh-my-gosh-I-hurt-you-I'm-so-sorry-my-Queen-T-I'm-such-a-terrible-person-how-am-I-going-to-live-without-you-next-year-at-school-I'm-gonna-miss-you-so-much-" she blurted out in one short breath in-between choked sobs.
"Okay honey…" Quinn started with a sigh, wanting to get the hysterical, weepy drunk away from her as soon as possible. "Why don't you go see what your sophomore friends are doing, huh?" She suggested, adopting the tone of an adult talking to a small child, which was entirely appropriate for the situation. "Look, I can see Marley over there, I…oh…what is she doing," she trailed off.
What was Marley doing, indeed.
Over the past academic year since her arrival at McKinley, Marley had gained a reputation amongst those who knew her, (not a huge number, since she pretty much epitomised the word 'unpopular',) as being perhaps on the more 'prudish' side of the spectrum: to put it more gently, she was certainly very shy, and not-at-all body confident…which is why it was such a huge surprise to everyone in the room, that she was stood on the stage area that Rachel would normally use for impromptu performances, grinning wickedly, holding the t-shirt that she had just pulled off herself up in the air triumphantly, standing confidently in just her skirt and bra.
"Holy mother of abs, you go girl! If I wasn't gay I would so tap that," Blaine slurred.
"…or engaged," Kurt reminded him, before Marley's uncharacteristically brash voice cut them off.
"No more shy and retiring wallflower Marley Rose!" She bellowed, swinging her t-shirt above her head and throwing it into her 'audience' which were half whooping, cheering and laughing, half sitting stunned at the sight before them. "…From now on," Marley continued, "you shall call me only by my superhero alter-ego name; WOMAN FIERCE."
"That's right Woman Fierce, you tell 'em," roared Puck.
"Noah, she is sixteen years old!" Rachel scolded him,
"And your little brother's ex-girlfriend," Sam reminded him,
"and you have a current girlfriend," hissed Quinn.
"I know, I know, just giving Woman Fierce here some encouragement," he explained with a snigger.
"Thank you Puck," Marley added demurely, before returning to her brazen, drunken self. "Who wants to see some more?" She yelled, reaching behind her back to fiddle with the clasp on her bra.
"STOP!" They yelled in unison, and she let her hands fall to her side, pouting outrageously.
"Okay girl, let's not do anything we're going to regret too much tomorrow morning," Santana exclaimed, her thus-far sober state allowing her to switch quickly into mentor mode, springing forward and guiding her former protégé off the stage before helping her t-shirt back over her head, to the laughter of everyone watching.
Unique, however, was laughing more than most.
As if it was the most hilarious thing to have ever happened in human history, she threw her head back in hysterics at her best friend's quickly aborted strip-tease, so exuberantly that she fell backwards until she was lying on the floor. This in turn made her laugh more, despite the bumped head, until it had ascended into a full-blown cackle, complete with flailing limbs and choked coughs caused by the lack of air the laughing caused.
"Is…she okay?" Artie asked.
"UNIQUE, BREATH!" Kitty wailed from across the room.
"I'm…fine…" Unique coughed out, as her peals of laughter died down into enthusiastic giggles. "Marley Rose…stripper supreme…YAS!" She roared, hooting again.
"Seriously? That stopped being funny at least ten minutes ago," Rachel snapped exasperatedly, wishing more and more with every second that she had not organised this gathering.
"Listen right here Rachel Berry," Unique yelled, jumping to her feet and marching aggressively towards her. "Don't you tell Unique what she can or cannot find funny, I won a National show choir MVP award in my freshman year while you were scraping a result as a group as a senior. I will not hesitate to-"
"Whoa, whoa whoa…" Sam started as some of the boys cut in, holding her back and jumping protectively in front of the hostess. "Calm down, what happened to crazy happy Unique from ten seconds ago?" Unique merely growled in reply.
"Yeah Sam's right," Blaine added. "Just…bring her back ok? Bring back happy Unique. Remember stripper Marley okay? Take your mind back to that."
Unique's expression turned neutral for a moment, before she burst out laughing again, her cackles echoing around Rachel's house.
"Wow," remarked Mercedes. "That actually worked."
"Right," Rachel began, holding her hands up. "Let's all try and get things under control. Now is everyone here? Wait…where's Rick and Puck's brother?"
"They went to find drinks in the kitchen a while back," Artie offered. "And he's still not called Rick…"
Rachel was no longer listening, instead marching out with a purpose towards the large kitchen, thanking all the powers that may be that her Dads were out of town and not witnessing this chaos. When she got to the kitchen, however, her stress levels were yet again yanked up a notch.
"Jacob, what are you doing?!" She barked.
"It's Jake…just Jake," he corrected her.
"Jake, how did you get up there? Get down right now!" Rachel shrieked at the boy, who was perched on the expensive chandelier light that had just been installed in the Berrys' kitchen, leaning against the tubing which connected it to the ceiling.
"I can fly," he explained, voice slurred to the point where it was almost incomprehensible.
"You cannot fly," she huffed. "I made it very clear you were not to leave the basement, instead you leave and climb all over the kitchen!"
"Just calm down," he told her with a yawn. "Can't a guy just take a nap in peace?"
"You're going to…oh my gosh. You want to take a nap up there?"
"Well technically I'd prefer a bed, but this'll do…" he informed her, but Rachel wasn't listening; she was distracted by a small pile of frozen china on the floor, hastily kicked to the side in a poor attempt to keep it hidden from view.
"Jake…" she started, her voice shaky. "Why is my father's wedding china smashed on the floor?"
"That was Ryder," Jake explained. "That's why he's not here, he ran away when he smashed it," he told her, shutting his eyes and instantly beginning to fall asleep. Rachel sighed heavily, knowing there was nothing more she could do herself.
"Noah!" She called down to the basement. "Noah! Come get your brother off of my Dads' chandelier!" After hearing a few muffled footsteps, Puck appeared, hooting with laughter at the sight of Jake dangling contentedly from the ceiling, snoring gently. Rachel called down to the basement again.
"Will somebody find that Ryder boy and bring him to me immediately?!"
Sam and Kurt were elected to go and find Ryder, Sam because he was his close friend, Kurt because it was decided that his sensible, calming influence would probably be useful. They trawled around Rachel's large house until they heard a muffled bang and an 'ow,' coming from one of the darkened guest bedrooms.
"Ryder?" Sam called out. "Dude, are you in here?" Silence.
Kurt switched the light on, and an extra shadow could be seen projected on the carpet, being cast from under the double bed in the centre of the room. He bent down swiftly to check it out.
"Ahh!" Ryder, who sure enough was cowering under the bed, let out a high pitched scream. He was curled up in the foetal position, his hands covering his face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he blurted out.
"Dude it's ok, I'm not Rachel. But she is on a rampage, she's gonna kill you," he warned. "What did you do to her fancy plates?"
"I was playing frisbee with Jake. We had to improvise with the plates. At first it was ok cos he plays basketball and can catch, but then I could hear Wannabe by Spice Girls playing in the basement, and c'mon dude, you know how I just get lost in that song, so I just went all crazy and kept throwing the plates, but I didn't realise he was climbing that big light-thingy, and that I was just throwing the plates at the wall…"
"You broke Rachel's Dads' wedding china because you were distracted by the Spice Girls? That's pretty embarrassing dude," Sam informed him.
"Oh to be young again," Kurt added with mock wistfulness.
"Come on dude, let's get you downstairs," Sam suggested, and, with Kurt's help, hoisted Ryder, who was so drunk he could barely maintain an ounce of balance, up off the ground, holding him up on either side and leading him carefully towards the stairs. It was only when they were halfway down the steps that Ryder realised he was being led to a fuming Rachel.
"No…" he groaned. "…don't wanna…she'll call me Rick and punch me in the face," he whined, shaking off his helpers and trying to turn back upstairs, losing his footing and tumbling the rest of the way down, landing in a heap and whimpering in pain. Rachel sprung out of the kitchen upon hearing the noise.
"Basement. NOW!" She barked. Ryder had no choice but to let Sam and Kurt pull him up again and helping him down to where the rest of the partygoers were gathered, laughing at the sight of yet another drunk sixteen year old. By this time, Kitty, Marley, Unique and Jake were all slumped in the corner, like Ryder, having peaked and reached the exhausted, nauseous stage. Ryder was merely placed down beside the four of them, before Kurt and Sam stood back with the other elder glee clubbers and graduates to admire the sorry sight.
"What shall we do with them?" Mercedes chuckled, as she and a couple others took incriminating pictures of the five paralytic sophomores.
"Just leave them there to sleep it off," Artie suggested.
"How did they all get so horrendously drunk?" Rachel asked, throwing her hands up in the air dramatically.
"I told them they had to drink lots, carry on our legacy," Puck laughed, to the knowing sighs and tuts of his peers. "What?" He started to defend himself. "Not my fault the kids can't hold their drink."
They all agreed that he had a point.
Hope you all enjoyed. Just a little bit of admittedly irresponsible fun. I'd totally love you forever if you left a review to tell me what you thought of it, and to the anon who requested it on tumblr, I hope this something like what you wanted!
Lauren xxx