February 14th, Valentine's Day, and New York City was in the midst of yet another blizzard. I look outside the window with nothing but an unbuttoned pajama top on and a cigarette in my hand. I thought snow was pretty when I first moved here but now I find it disgusting. Some of the people I've met that come from upstate or elsewhere north swear we are lucky and don't get much snow compared to them. I feel sorry for them.
"Humph," Dill sighed so loud that he woke himself up. What a doofus.
"You okay?" I asked before I took another long drag.
"Come back to bed," he demands quietly while he runs his fingers through his bedhead.
"I will soon," I say as I flick some of the butt off my cigarette.
"You look sexy as hell."
"Doesn't take much to turn you on, does it?"
"You shouldn't put yourself down," he says as he rolls over with his back to me.
"I don't," I retort as I toss the last of the cigarette in the waste basket. I skip and then jump onto the other side of the bed so he can look at me. He was shocked but he was smiling as I took my top off altogether. He takes my face in his hands and kisses me softly on the lips. I've never been with a guy who kisses me as tenderly as he does. He then just stares at me with that goofy grin of his.
"Hey," he says.
"Hey," I say back to him.
"You do too," he says with a laugh and then he ducks under the covers as I throw a pillow at his head.
"You are a hateful little man, Charles Harris."
"Shut up; you love me."
"So what if I do?"
"I'll love you too."
"Do you?"
"You know it."
I give that sweet spot on his neck a kiss. Nothing gets him going quite like that one spot. I was so disheartened to find that the only thing it made him do was fall back to sleep. I look outside and figure it must be the weather. Fuck you, winter! I roll back over on my side of the bed, close my eyes, and try to think of what Alabama weather means to me. I would take an Alabama summer over a New York winter and that's sad because Alabama summers are a bitch with her monthly.
"Scout!" My brother Jem calls out for me.
I open up my eyes to find that I'm at Barker's Eddy. It was a sunny day and I can tell it was summer not by the heat I felt, but by the haze that surrounds the landscape. I feel wet and I look down to find my own legs dangling in the water; my little girl legs. I begin to giggle my little girl laugh and kick my legs with vigor.
"Scout," Jem calls out for me again.
"Where are you?"
"Aaahh-aah-ah!" Jem Tarzan yawps before I see him swing from a rope that had been hanging on the tree branch since I've been on this earth. He cannonballs into the water with a mighty splash and I laugh like crazy at my even crazier brother. We see each other as he comes back up from the surface and runs his wet hair through his fingers.
"You try now," he orders.
"I'd rather see you do it."
"You can do it! Don't be a baby."
"I'm not a baby!"
"You're acting like one..."
"Fine."
In my somewhat conscious adult mind, I have to laugh at myself. Nobody was going to call me out for being a baby or a chicken. I always liked to believe that I was stronger than I was and still do. I see myself getting back on dry land and heading up the tree to take a literal swing at that rope. I close my eyes the instant I get a good clutch on the rope, grit my teeth and count to ten, and then I push with all my might off the tree.
"Whoa!" I scream as I glide through the air at what feels like record speed.
"Let go, Scout!" Jem cries. I want to let go but I'm afraid; I pushed so hard that I know I will never stay afloat in the water I will be plunging into. To my horror, I can't hang on any longer and my hands slip, leading me to my fate of certain death by drowning. Someone grabs me as I hit the water and lifts me back up. I'm too busy crying to face the person that saved me.
"You're all right, honey," the woman says. A woman. She gives my cheek a kiss as soon as I begin to calm down.
"Who are you?" I ask as I sniffle.
"I'm your mama..."
"No!" I jolt out of sleep screaming and crying at the same time. My stomach still feels as empty as when I flew through the air and hit the water. I woke Dill up and I felt horrible because I don't want him seeing me like this. He comes closer to me and begins to rub my leg.
"You're all right, honey," he says as he kisses my cheek. You idiot, I think to myself, my mother just said and did that to me, you think that makes me feel better?