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Last Breath

"Not a full second had passed. She was still taking the same step that had put her downwind from me.

As her foot touched the ground, her eyes slid toward me, a movement she clearly meant to be stealthy. Her glance met mine, and I saw myself reflected in the wide mirror of her eyes."

– Midnight Sun

EPOV

The shock of the face I saw there could have saved her life for a few thorny moments, were my brain not quick enough to process the unfortunate phenomenon that occurred next.

For a split second, every mind in the room that had previously been fixated on Bella was preoccupied. My brain worked fast, deciding at which angle to snatch her, which second to slip outside the door, and where to hide with her before that split second was up. No one saw me move. No one saw her vanish. When her classmates looked for her again they would assume she had forgotten a book or that perhaps she hadn't been in the right classroom to begin with. They didn't pay enough attention to me to care that I was missing. I was absent rather frequently.

Still, my execution had been sloppy and poorly planned. Had I taken the other fraction of the second to consider my actions I would have realized that the other side of the Biology door was not a hiding place. Thankfully, there were no other students in the hallway, so there would be no one to attest to my yanking Bella with me into a nearby janitorial closet with incredible speed. Not even Bella. The girl looked – without really seeing – in my direction, before wobbling and nearly falling over. She stuck out her left arm and planted her open palm on the wall for support.

The burn in my throat beckoned me forward to complete the deed. Yet, I waited. The silence of her mind made me stop. I realized that I had hoped I would be able to hear her once she was here. She had to be frightened now. Her mind had to be working frantically. But there was nothing. She was breathing heavily as her eyes darted to different corners of the closet. She closed her eyes tightly, then opened them again, squinting hard. It was dark here for her, I imagined.

What was I doing? Immediately I hated myself for questioning what I was about to do now, rather than having the strength to stop myself back in the classroom. The thought of the classroom reminded me of how deadly I had looked reflected in her eyes. I looked like the killer that I was about to become. The thought helped to delay my progress for a few seconds more. Would I really do this? I sighed heavily. She straightened her stance abruptly now, searching for the other person in the closet. Her heart rate accelerated. I could smell the adrenaline in her blood. She was afraid.

The idea upset me, but why shouldn't she be? To her, it would have seemed that she'd either materialized in the closet or perhaps fainted and been moved here. Either scenario could not have been doing much to keep her calm. She squinted again. Her eyes searched for me, and though they passed me several times, didn't seem to find me. My vision was unaffected by the dark, however, and I focused hard on her very human reactions to remind myself of all the reasons that I shouldn't kill this creature that was so much weaker than me. I held my breath the whole time.

I thought of Carlisle. Of how he would put a hand on my shoulder and tell me that it was alright, that we all slipped (though he never had), and that my family would understand that we had to move on. I dreaded this conversation with him. I wanted to be worthy of the respect that he regarded me with.

I took a step back from her, toward the closet door. A plan was formulating in my head. I could exit the closet without her noticing, then pretend to stumble upon her and call the closest teacher to her rescue. I could suck in a quick breath of air – untainted by her scent – when I was out in the hallway. I would have just enough air to say… whatever I needed to say to draw an audience. When they were on their way to her I would run home.

Yes. I had to resist. This was the right thing to do. I did not want to take her life. I had never killed a true innocent before, and she – still looking quite faint and wobbly – was much more vulnerable than the average human. Even if I never slipped again, not in my entire existence, her death would linger on my conscience unless or until I finally died. I briefly wondered why Alice hadn't yet arrived with help from my brothers to restrain me, when until a few moments ago, I had resolved to drink Bella's heavenly smelling blood. I could imagine the taste, and I could have all of it. Slowly. In the privacy of this small room, where I wouldn't be interrupted. Where I could savor…

Stop. I physically struggled to keep myself from lunging at her, now. This time I was the one holding onto the closet walls for support. I was not silent. Bella's head jerked in my direction, then to different corners of the closet when her human eyes found nothing. The movement made her thick, mahogany hair fall behind her shoulder, revealing the smooth, ivory skin of her neck.

I growled. I felt the monster in me rising to the surface. Had she done just one thing differently in response to the feral sound, it could have saved her life. Instead, she just stood there. Her neck lovely and exposed, breathing hard and fast. I could see the blood pulsing under her paper thin skin. The fear was bringing more and more color to her cheeks, turning them a delicious shade of crimson. Had she chosen to curl in on herself and cower in a corner, I would not have had the opportunity to see this. I willed her to move, to do something, anything, to remind me that she was a person. An innocent person whose precious life I was about to end. Who had friends and family who would miss and mourn her. That she wasn't merely a meal.

I tried to control the monster within. I fought him as he begged me to strike. He negotiated with me – I could snap her neck before she even knew what was coming. She would see nothing. Feel nothing. No sound would escape her lips to alert anyone to us. She wouldn't suffer, and I could drink her slowly while her blood was still warm.

I growled again, this time in response to myself, to the private war I was having – not at her. But the sound made her stagger back in fear, and swallow hard, bringing my attention back to the last place it needed to be. Her throat. My body inhaled without my permission, and I was hit by the unbearable force of her scent, now heightened by her fear, in the last breath I took before it happened.

I lost control. I flashed to her side, cradling her in my arms. My plan had been to kill her quickly. But at this proximity and with no self control left to facilitate my actions, my plans had changed. A part of me hated myself for what I was about to do and knew that I had it within my power to, at the very least, ensure that she would not suffer. I could not be that cruel to her. That part of me, however, was deeply buried beneath the now driving force that was my thirst.

It almost felt as if it wasn't really me that was standing here, holding her, as she curiously laid in my arms without a struggle. Though I fought to gain control over my instincts, I could not bridge the gap between my mind and body. My instincts were forcing my hand.

Without my permission, my hands gently guided Bella's throat closer to my face. Now that I was so close to having what I wanted, there didn't seem to be a hurry, and I took my time running my nose from her ear to her collarbone, admiring the bouquet of the sweetest wine imaginable. Which I was soon to taste.

Only now did I hear my family's thoughts. Alice had seen my latest decision and was bringing Emmett and Jasper to stop me.

That changed things. They were far enough that they couldn't stop me, but close enough that I wouldn't be able to savor her blood the way I had planned. Unless… yes. I watched through their minds as a group of children that had been ditching class split up to avoid discovery. They wandered the halls independently, hoping to look inconspicuous and sneak out. One of them had already made it out the door and to the parking lot, where he unlocked the door to his '87 Honda Accord and ducked in his front seat, waiting for the others. I thanked them in my head as I watched the scene. They had hindered my siblings in their pursuit to stop me, forcing them to move at human speed to avoid causing a scene; a greater scene than Bella's body being discovered in this very closet undoubtedly would. The callous thought should have stopped me in my tracks but my instincts were too in control of me now. Instead, I was focused on one fact alone. Neither Alice, Emmett, nor Jasper had class in this building. By the time any of them arrived, it would be over.

There was time to spare. I directed my attention back to Bella. For some strange reason I felt compelled to pull back from her neck and observe her face on last time before it became forever expressionless. Perhaps to try and figure out why she wasn't putting up a fight. I had been especially gentle with her for some reason. Still, not gentle enough for her not to realize that she was being held. To my horror, when my eyes found hers they were staring back at me. Her human eyes had finally adjusted to the darkness, and she was fully aware, not just that someone was ominously hovering over her, but that that someone was me.

"Edward," she whispered. The sound of my name on her lips stunned me into stillness. Her voice stopped me from starting the movement that had almost taken place – the decent of my lips back to the hollow of her neck, to finally claim her blood. Her blood, that smelled as though it had been created just for me. I looked into her eyes, searching for something. For what, I didn't know. It's just… the way she had spoken my name. It didn't sound as though she were surprised that I was the one keeping her hostage. It sounded like she was confirming a suspicion that she'd had all along. And the way she was looking at me now. She looked as though… as though she didn't mind?

If only I could hear her mind. I stared at her now in a new way, probing at the empty space where I should have found her thoughts. It couldn't have been the case that there was nothing for me to find. Rather, being inadequate for some reason when it came to hearing her mind, I was finding nothing.

"Edward?" Her whisper was a question now. Perhaps she was confused as to why I hadn't answered her the first time. Or perhaps she was confirming that this was my name, as she had only just learned it today.

"Bella." I addressed her matter of factly, as though we were passing each other on the street and I was casually acknowledging her presence.

"What…" she started, but I couldn't allow her to finish her question. It could have been a variety of questions. What's happened? What's going on? What are you doing? Also, there was a variety of reasons why I could not let her ask, no matter which one she would have chosen. The monster in me was afraid that if she actually spoke the words, it would enable the better part of me to regain control, and he would not be able to have her. The other part of me feared that even if I fought, I would lose the battle for my control to the monster, and now, having allowed her to experience so much, her end would be that much more cruel. On the same page for the very first time since I smelled her, both sides made me move my finger to place it gently to her lips.

"Shhhhh." Her eyes grew wide. The heat on my finger stung. I realized, then, that I had touched her skin for the first time, and pulled my finger away from her mouth. I expected her to flinch away from my touch, but instead she brought her lips closer, placing them back against my finger. At first I thought she was trying to kiss me. The pieces of the puzzle that was Bella began to click silently into place with this action. Perhaps she fancied me. Perhaps during the lunch hour, she had decided that she cared for me, the way the many boys in her class had decided they cared for her. Was that why she didn't mind me having her here? In a closet, the two of us alone, with my mouth so inappropriately close to her skin?

"Are you alright?" she asked, softly. The shock of the question must have been evident on my face. I was wrong. She hadn't been trying to kiss me. She was testing my temperature with her lips. I wanted to tell her to close her eyes and not worry about me. I wanted to tell her anything that would end this devastating conversation so that I could do this without feeling worse than what I already knew I would. But I couldn't respond. I was out of air. "You're cold."

No. I couldn't do this. Not to Carlisle, not to my family, but most certainly not to her. She was too good, too pure. I didn't know her well, almost not at all, and yet that I knew. Here I was, crouched over her in a position that some might assume romantic but in what was purely a predator's position, contemplating killing her for the longest of moments, and she was concerned for my health.

She was selfless. So much so that she didn't even realize the danger she was in.

I was resolved. I would leave her alone. I would not kill her. I would not have her. I started to release her from my arms. I ignored the aching dryness in my throat and forced my face away from hers. I couldn't breathe, I was too close now. If in inhaled, she would never survive it.

But then something terrible happened. She began to sit up in my arms. She pressed her blazing palm to my forehead, then turned her hand over, testing again.

"You're too cold," she told me. "Maybe hypothermic." Her voice was stronger now. Her concern for my well being was overcoming her fear of her predicament. Perhaps she didn't realize I had brought her here, then. Perhaps she supposed we'd been taken together. "We need to get to the nurse." Her S blew her breath into my face, and even though I wasn't breathing it in, I could smell her. My body tensed. I clamped down on the inside of my mouth with my teeth. No.

She noticed my struggle. She was even more concerned now. She could see that I was in pain. She just didn't understand that her death would end my pain. That if she wanted to help me, to help us both, she should be running as far from me as she could rather than frantically clutching me closer.

"What is it? What's wrong? Edward!" Her voice was raised now, panicked.

But that was not why I inhaled.

Edward, we're almost there. Hang on. Alice had meant well. She hadn't seen – or perhaps she had, but not in time – what would happen if she surprised me. Their thoughts had been no more than a hum for so long, their only focus to reach me. But her direct address to me was a shock and, before I could stop myself, I gasped. And Bella's breath rushed into my nostrils and down my throat with a blinding whoosh.

It was over.

So fast that to her it must have looked like I simply disappeared from her sight, I plunged toward her throat and wrapped my lips around her. My teeth pierced the delicate skin of her neck with a gentle tearing sound. She opened her mouth to scream, but without thinking about it, I clamped my hand over her mouth, stifling the sound. She bit down on my hand, as though trying to fight me off. I barely felt the pressure of the bite, but apparently she had. She whimpered and immediately stopped forcing her teeth on me.

I stopped hearing her, then, as I lost myself in her taste, slowly satiating my thirst as I pulled the blood from her neck. She tasted even better than I imagined that she would. It was the sweetest thing I had ever experienced. I knew with a certainty that as long as I lived, I would never come across anything like her again. I swallowed deeply, allowing the rich taste to coat my throat, cooling the burn, and hoping my siblings would be delayed long enough for me to drink my fill.

No such luck. I heard the approaching sprints, yet could not bring myself to pull the blood any faster from her neck. Though a part of me knew I would not be allowed to finish her anyway, another part could not bear to have her blood wasted or taken in haste.

I had not stolen enough blood from her neck for my eyes to glow red when I was grabbed by my own neck and violently flung out into the hallway. Jasper had been waiting there for me, afraid that his proximity to Bella paired with my desire for her blood, which he would feel in close proximity to me, would kill any chance she had left for survival. Once he got his arms around me, Emmett – who had been the one to throw me, no doubt – stood in front of me, blocking both our paths should either of us try to fight our way back to her. I felt strong waves of calm overtaking me. It was enough for my better half to push the monster under. I didn't try to fight them.

I listened closely for any sign that Bella was still alive. I hadn't taken that much blood – I hadn't bitten down very hard. I strained my over powerful ears and finally heard human sounds beneath Alice's muffled profanities. Bella's breathing was shallow, her heartbeat struggling.

"Bella? Bella!" Alice whispered to her harshly. I was gaining control now, slowly but surely, and the ramifications of what I had done were beginning to weigh on me. But… Alice would not have to wonder whether Bella was alive and wouldn't bother speaking if she wasn't.

Bella was going to survive?

"Edward." Bella's voice was weak, but the pain in her tone was obvious. I strained my neck to see behind Emmett. Jasper nodded, confirming my control, and Emmett shifted to one side to allow me to see them. Now it was Alice who cradled Bella in her arms. Bella, however, did not submit to her hold. She writhed beneath her, her hands clamped into fists. She tried clutching her neck once but the contact apparently hurt too much, so she settled for crumpling the shoulder of her shirt in her fingers.

There were sharp pangs behind my eyes that would have been tears were I able to produce them. She was in too much pain to lie still. My venom had gotten in. Bella would survive, but not as a human.

In a very real way, I had killed her.

I squeezed my eyes shut as a dry sob escaped my lips.

"Shhhh," Alice whispered. My head snapped up, but I quickly realized that she wasn't talking to me. "Bella, I'm Alice. I'm going to get you help, okay? Everything is going to be alright, you'll see. Just try to breathe. I know it burns."

"Burns." Bella whispered the word weakly, as though she was just trying it out. As if she hadn't found the correct word yet to describe her pain and wanted to see how it fit. "Burns," she squealed. This time her voice was sure.

"I'm taking her to Carlisle." Without looking at me, Alice scooped Bella up and sped down the hallway, too fast for human eyes to see. A second later I heard an engine start and tires squeal out of the parking lot.

I wanted nothing more than to speed after her. By the time we arrived at our home, her scent would be changing, and I would be able to resist her more easily. I would beg for Carlisle's forgiveness and understanding. Though I didn't deserve it, I knew I would beg, if only so that I would be allowed to stay. I wanted to stay with Bella for the three days that she would burn. I owed her that, as this very moment her soul was being stolen from her. The least I could do was prepare her for what she was about to become. The very best I could have done would have been to spare her from any contact with me in the first place.

But the time for that was past.

I began to look around, to make sure that my ears weren't fooled and that no one was nearby, so that I could leave. But Jasper put a hand on my shoulder.

Edward, we have to stay. Of course, having spoken my name in his head, he had my full attention. I took the time during his mental pause to curse my ability for the thousandth time today. Were it not for that, perhaps I would have succeeded earlier – perhaps another part of me wouldn't have. Perhaps I never would have bitten Bella.

There is work to be done. I didn't catch his meaning right away. He spoke out loud. "As far as anyone will know, Bella has disappeared. We need to spread a story that will explain that."

"Perhaps it would be better if we said nothing," I offered. "If we are the only ones with information about her, it could implicate our family. Especially when we leave."

"We aren't leaving." What? Jasper didn't bother speaking now, explaining quickly. If we disappear at the same time as Bella, then we will be implicated. If we don't change anything, there will be no reason for anyone to suspect us. We will mention that Bella was out in the parking lot, near the woods, before anyone notices she is gone. We'll say she looked lost or like she was going to ditch. It'll be at least until the end of the day before anyone knows she is missing. By then, the humans won't remember who told who that Bella wandered off first. No one will think of us.

I considered this. I supposed it was plausible. The girl wandered off her first day in a new school and…

What? Got lost? Kidnapped?

The thing is, Alice wants us to set something up. So it looks like… I dunno, an animal attack or something, so that no one will expect to find a body. See… her dad's the chief of police. Oh, Christ. If he thinks there's hope, he'll keep looking. Alice doesn't want to do that to him.

But it wouldn't be Alice that had done it to him, no matter what we chose to do. It would have been me. It was all me.

"Edward?" I didn't respond, and Emmett placed a heavy hand on my shoulder. Even though I knew better, and I knew they were doing it only to offer support, if anyone were to walk past it would appear that my brothers were restraining me. I thought again – were they? And if they were, could I really blame them? Wasn't it what I deserved? "Hey, it happens, okay? At least you didn't – " I flinched away from his hand. At least you didn't kill her, he'd been thinking. But I had killed her. And not just her, it seemed. She had close family. I couldn't imagine how this wouldn't kill them, too.

I turned away from them both, heading to Spanish class. I began practicing the lines that I would have to act out for the remainder of the day. I started to think of an alibi for why I was missing from Biology when there was a vibration in my pocket.

I quickly pulled out my phone. Carlisle.

Ashamed, I wanted to ignore the call. But I had been enough of a coward for one day, so I opened the phone, pressed the send button and answered.

"Carlisle."

His words came out in a rush.

"Quickly, get to the main office with your brothers. When I hang up with you, I'm going to call claiming a family emergency, excusing you three, and Alice. Then get here as fast as you can."

His tone was not what I had expected. I had expected… I wasn't sure what I had expected. But this wasn't it. He sounded anxious and… excited?

"What's happening?"

"I'm not sure. She's changing fast. Too fast. She isn't complaining about the pain, but I think she's hurting because she stopped trying to talk. Before that, though, she was asking for you." For me? I stole access to everyone else's thoughts, I may as well share my own.

"For me?"

"Come home, Edward. And no stories about her, yet. If we need to, we will supply a alibi. But not yet."

"Carlisle…"

"Trust me. I have a feeling…" he trailed off. "I'll see you at home."

The call disconnected. Jasper and Emmett had both heard the entire conversation and were now at my sides, headed with me to the main office. As we walked outside and toward our destination, I caught sight of Mike Newton. His thoughts were still fixated on Bella. He hadn't seen her after Biology, and he had been hoping to find her and walk her to her next class. The possessive edge to his thoughts had irritated me before, but not now. A part of me was smug, knowing that he would never have her – I had gotten to her first.

Shocked by my own thoughts, I shook my head in disgust and focused on getting to the main office. Before we reached the doors, the phone rang and I heard the woman at the front desk's cheery tone, "Why, hello, Dr. Cullen. What can I do for you today?"