Day 17,

We are still on rout to find this 'monster' that has been terrorizing the small village of Nibelheim. The Mako Reactor is the only reason the president cares about this city, which is sad. But what am i to say? I really don't care too much about it as well. I can't wait for the mission to be done, and for the next to begin. That's all my life seems to be anymore, mission after mission. Rest can wait till I am dead, but as these battles continue I'm not sure that peace would ever find me.

One of the other soldiers, even though he is young , he is still a fighter in my platoon, a soldier in my ranks. Well he knows this city, having come from it himself. I wonder if he is looking forward to the visit, or more to the thought of being able to share my bed once more. For a young boy he is beautiful and rather flexible. He can satisfy me like my partner, though he complains less, and is much tighter than my heavily bedded partner. Zack holds a place in my heart, as small as it might be, and this boy another, though his is more a place in my loins.

This isn't too good a subject to be writing, but i have neglected my body's urges and needs for quite a long time now. Going from a nightly fuck, or two to nothing for 20 days straight leaves you slightly jittery and needing of attention in the most basic form.

It is getting late, we are nearing our destination so i should wrap it up for the night.

Day 21,

The monster was dealt with. My partner and myself were enough to take care of it, though i could see how normal people would have had trouble with it. It is strange though, why would a monster like that be out this far in the middle of nowhere? And it wasn't the only one. We've heard or more near the Mako reactor. Even if they are only rumors it is our duty to at least check them out. After a few days of research we'd leave for the reactor. For now the soldiers deserve a small break. This way when we finish settling in, Zack and I, as well as the boy will break in a few beds in the mansion, if not the hotel.

This mansion is suppose to have a large library, but having only a little time to explore the building there were little to no books, meaning it must have a secret room somewhere. There was also a curved wall that seemed to have a movable panel, but i have yet to figure out the secret behind it yet.

My time alone is short, i have to de-brief the men and round up my lovers. Though they know about each other i have to keep them separated otherwise they get jealous. Last time my lovers quarreled one died and had to find new ones. It was a sad day. These men, they touch me, even my heart like no one else had, i think i truly love them both. I couldn't chose one over the other. Not that i ever had Less than one lover before anyway. I guess I'm a bit greedy. It doesn't matter anyway, they are happy, as am i.

Speaking of them i should get going, the men are waiting for me and i should not keep them waiting too long.

Day 25,

I found it. I finally found the staircase. The basement and the books. It's strange, and sad. All of these books, all experiments. There are books about the past of the planet, and other interesting topics. Unfortunately i haven't read much. I also found a locked door, which i haven't found a key to yet. I have found random notes around the mansion, hidden away, and a safe. I'm half-tempted to stay behind to solve this problem, but the party leaving for the reactor is waiting for me to finish up. We found a young girl to take us there, and she seems strong enough we won't have to worry about her.

I'm unsure of what we will find there, so i am a bit leery of what we will find, and i do worry a bit about my darlings, but everyone should be fine. Once we find the reason for why the Mako reactor isn't working right we will be able to take a week to relax. The President sent a message that the Mako reactor was suppose to be our top priority now that the monster was taken care of, as well as the rumors of monsters. No monsters have been seen yet, but while we are in the Mako reactor we will keep our eyes open for what we can find, and see if we can deal with the monsters.

It's time to go.

Day55,

I think the day is right, not sure anymore. I haven't been out of this room in so long. I've gone through almost every book, how could he do this...Father...Hojo...that monster...no...I'm the monster...created like those...Monsters we found...Jenova, my mother...you are the only one i have left anymore. I haven't even touched my former lovers lately, not that i need to. I have another, he was what was locked away in that room. In his coffin he was waiting for me, and has been my sex doll since i found him. So responsive, so beautiful, he is amazing. His name, according to the records is Valentine, Vincent Valentine, and I'm starting to believe he could have been my father. Father, brother, i don't care, he is my lover now, and though he won't wake no matter what i do to him, he is the only one i relate to anymore.

I am in love with him, as much as i can be...he is the only thing i don't seem to hate...this world that made me, took the planet from my mother, it will all pay.

All of it...everyone will pay...

the promised land will belong to us mother...once I'm done with my books I'll clean Vincent, and put him back, before taking Mother and extracting my revenge for her!

This world will end in the flames of my wrath...

Vincent...I'll be waiting for when we can meet again, and you will be spared my wrath as you take your place as my pet once again!