I heard the horn honk outside the door. I blinked and realized I had been staring at the fluorescent digital numbers on the microwave for about fifteen minutes. Stupid Bella. Even when she wasn't here, she was. I went to the front and nearly broke the garage door switch (again), and Billy pulled up. I helped him out of the car and into the wheelchair. Then I noticed he was holding a crumpled piece of paper in his hand. "What's that?" I asked.
"A note," he replied. "From Bella. Well, actually from Charlie, but written by Bella."
I did a double take. A note? Were we in second grade? I didn't really my thoughts had transferred to my voice until Billy chuckled. "Sometimes, Jake, I wonder," he mused. "I'll carry a note back if you want."
Shrugging, I wheeled him into the house and pulled dinner out of the oven. I scarfed down enough for about five people, then I darted to my room and open the note.
Jacob,
I'm really sorry about your pain. I know this must put you through so much, but can't you please understand? Be reasonable about this. I just want to talk to you.
Bella
For a few minutes I just sat there, staring at the beautiful scrawled signature. Then I sighed and picked up a pen. What was I going to say back?
Bella,
I don't know why you're making Charlie carry notes to Billy like we're in second grade - if I wanted to talk to you I would answer the
No, she wouldn't like that. That would just make it seem like I didn't ever want to see her again. Which I did. Just not while she was still dating that bloodsucker.
You made the choice here, okay? You can't have it both ways when
But I couldn't quite finish that sentence. When what? When she knew everything about vampire-werewolf hatred, which I knew she never would? When the stupid moronic leech was still "protecting" her? When I - when I - I couldn't spit that out. I couldn't even make myself think it. So I crossed it out and started over.
What part of "mortal enemies" is too complicated for you
No. I didn't really want to give her an ultimatum, didn't want to make her pick him or me. Because I knew how much she'd hate me, and I knew exactly who she'd pick. And I knew how much she'd hate herself, for not picking me. I looked down and there were shards of plastic on the floor, and ink all over my hands, the carpet, and a few blobs on the paper. Shoot. I'd pick it up later. I got a different pen and began anew.
Look, I know I'm being a jerk, but there's just no way around
Did I really want to say it? I smashed another pen. Time for pen number three.
We can't be friends when you're spending all your time with a bunch of
She didn't like it when I used curse words on her parasitic friends. And "vampires" seemed too tame a word.
It just makes it worse when I think about you too much, so don't write anymore
I didn't really want her not to write anymore. I wanted her to break up with her stupid vampire boyfriend and ditch the fortune-telling BFF, then write some more. But of course I couldn't say that. Like I said, no ultimatums. So once again I scribbled through it.
Yeah, I miss you too. A lot. Doesn't change anything. Sorry.
Jacob
Finally, I was satisfied. That would work. I looked at the messy array of scribbles and every here and there a word. It was also speckled with ink dots. Oh well. She'd have to take it, ink dots and all. Maybe if I saw Charlie, I'd ask him to put in a good word for me. I exited my room, and saw Billy in a state of semi-consciousness on the couch. I placed the note on the table and peered at the TV. Football was on. I plopped down beside him on the sofa. "Get that note written?" he inquired casually. Ha. Right. Casually.
"Yup," I answered, mimicking his faux insouciance.
He took a deep breath, meaning he was about to say something important. Something serious. "Jacob, I know this is tough on you," he began. Oh great. "But maybe Bella is just a wasted hope. Maybe you should just..." He let the sentence trail off. Like me, he was afraid of how he might finish it. "I'm just saying that vampires don't let go of what they love so easily."
"You don't think I could take him?" I wasn't joking one bit.
"I don't think you would want to."
I sighed. "Dad, she's eighteen. You always tell me I'm too young to know what I really want. Isn't the same true for her? Couldn't she...one day...what if the leech left again?" The thought was so glorious, so wonderful. It was an intangible fantasy that I often went to sleep thinking about, and I often dreamed about.
"Charlie doesn't think that's going to happen again."
"Charlie doesn't know everything," I grumbled. "Bella wants to see me. She just can't," I insisted.
"Charlie hasn't grounded her from seeing you," Billy protested.
"Will you stop making this all about Charlie!" I exclaimed. "He doesn't know everything. He doesn't know about vampires. He doesn't know how unpredictable they are."
Billy fixed me with an impenetrable stare. "Jacob," he muttered. "If you're holding your breath waiting for Edward to leave again, you're going to suffocate."
I knew he meant that in more ways than one. "Okay, okay," I acquiesced. "So what do you want me to do?"
He shrugged and afforded me a half-smile with no happiness in it at all. "Just keep that in mind."
Unsure what he meant by that, I waved goodbye and went into the woods to phase. Sam and Quil were already there. As soon as I entered my wolf form, I could hear their thoughts.
Any luck with Bella, Jake? Sam thought to me kindly. I snarled involuntarily.
What do you think? I demanded. Immediately I backtracked, showing him that I didn't mean it. I'm just upset, I explained.
Seth Clearwater phased for the first time, Quil informed us eagerly. I stared at him with my wolf eyes - sometimes puppy-like, sometimes wild.
Wild. Unpredictable. The same words I'd used to describe vampires to my dad. I shook my head. What was I doing, comparing myself to a vampire?
You can't help it, Jacob, Sam boomed in the resonating voice of the Alpha. Even when he wasn't using the Alpha's command, it echoed throughout my head, like it was imprisoned by my skull and trying to get out. Don't worry about it. We need to focus on Seth Clearwater.
I felt bad for doing it, but I couldn't stop thinking about Bella. I knew Edward would try to stop her. I knew he'd use the "dangerous" excuse, just like me. I wondered if Bella would even try to get away.
Please, dude! Quil complained. I just ate!
I shook my head, as if it were an Etch-A-Sketch and by one simple movement, I could wipe the slate clean. Focus, I told myself. Focus on what matters.
Oh, I was.
Doesn't change anything. Sorry.