Author's note: I posted a starter sentence thingy on Tumblr and got "28 "No time to explain! Just pretend to be my date!" for Hunniper. Tho the one who has to pretend to be the date is not dressed for such a reason XD" from Captain Fishy, so here we are! :D
Helena stepped out of the elevator in the DSO's main lobby after riding it up from the gym located at the lower levels of the agency HQ. She almost inhaled the protein shake she was drinking when an arm reached out and grabbed her wrist. She barely managed to keep herself from giving into muscle memory and throwing a punch.
"Hunnigan, what the hell are you—?"
"No time to explain, just pretend to be my date!" she responded as she pulled Helena with her toward the exit.
"Do I look like I'm ready to go on a date with anyone? Unless it was a date at the gym," Helena scoffed, still following behind Hunnigan as the other woman dragged her with her like she was a stubborn toddler who needed to be taken outside before her temper tantrum escalated to the highest point.
Hunnigan glanced at her over her shoulder and shrugged, waving her free hand a little in a dismissive gesture.
"You'll do," she said.
"Oh, you romantic sweet-talker, that almost doesn't sound like you were just waiting in the lobby to grab the first person that came by," Helena commented sarcastically, "What is going on, why do you need me to be your date?"
"Because I'm supposed to meet my younger sister for dinner and Shepard was called on a scene so she's not here."
"Shepard? What does she—?"
"She's usually my fake-date, do I really need to explain this? Now come on, we're late already."
"Correction, you're late, and if you didn't want to go, why didn't you just tell your sister no? Or why don't you just tell her the truth?" Helena frowned, but got into the car despite everything.
Quite frankly, this could turn out to be rather interesting, now she was kind of curious to see what would happen. Not to mention the rare opportunity to meet Hunnigan's sister, she hadn't even realized Hunnigan had a personal life and a family, she didn't speak of it at the office at all.
"I did tell her no, which is when she threatened to show up here to personally drag me out to dinner, I don't need that."
"Yeah, I hear someone doing that to you can be quite traumatizing," Helena taunted and Hunnigan sighed as she got into the driver's seat.
"I'm sorry, I know this abrupt and awkward, but trust me, it's better than the alternative. For me anyway, and you probably won't have to ever see her again."
"Unless we need to go to dinner again."
"I'll just tell her we broke up and I got back with Shepard, she'll love the drama."
"Yeah, you broke my heart, you were just using me as a rebound," Helena smirked, "Speaking of Shepard, I'm assuming if I turn up with you, we should get our stories straight regarding what happened with you and her. Or should we say we're in a polyamorous relationship? 'Cuz I could do that," Helena pursed her lips as she considered it.
"Hah, now that would entertain Natalie, that's my sister, for a while for sure. Not to mention it might give my dad a heart-attack."
"Is going through the trouble of faking a relationship really worth it? I mean, why don't you just tell her?" Helena frowned, shaking her head a little at the silly behavior.
"It's not just my sister, it's my mom too. And Natalie's basically a spy sent to do a little recon on me by my mom. She used to call me at work, sometimes two or three times a day because she wanted to set me up with basically anyone who was single and... breathing, right? So, finally I just lost it and told her I'm already with someone."
"You obviously didn't think that one through," Helena rolled her eyes and sipped her protein shake.
"I thought if I told them I'm seeing another woman, they would refrain from asking questions. But you're right, I didn't think it all the way through, and now I'm paying for it."
"Yeah, literally, because you're buying dinner. Jokes aside, how is this facade better than just being honest?"
"Okay, think of this way. Have you ever seen those sitcoms where the main character's mother is obsessed with getting her daughter married and basically guilt trips the daughter by saying things like 'Oh, my daughter's thirty and unwed, why can't I just die?' like being over thirty and single really were the worst possible thing ever?" Hunnigan asked, glancing at Helena and the younger woman nodded slowly.
"I think I have..."
"Okay, well, for me, it's a reality and there's no laugh track. It might seem funny from the outside for a while, but believe me, kidnapping agents and forcing them to be my date is still the better option. It's either that or listen to my mother tell me how I'm not getting any younger... or thinner," Hunnigan exhaled deeply.
"How extremely rude of her. All right, I'll play along, but be warned: if there's lobster, I'm ordering it. I'll be damned before I be a cheap date."
"Sounds reasonable," Hunnigan agreed and then inhaled through her nose, "What is that smell?"
"Well excuse me, I just came from the gym, you can expect me to be perspiring a little bit!" Helena scoffed defensively. Hunnigan bit her tongue before she let it slip that she actually kind of liked it.
Helena wished she'd taken the time to shower before leaving the gym, but she'd expected to be going straight home from there, not end up at a relatively fancy resturant, dressed in gray sweatpants and a worn navy blue sleeveless T-shirt with the DSO logo on it. Frankly, she was amazed the maître d' even let her enter the establishment. She was relatively certain that had she turned up with anyone other than Hunnigan, she would've been turned away at the door.
They were led to the table where Natalie was already waiting for them. Her eyebrows rose almost all the way to her hairline when she saw Helena and the younger woman felt her own response was quite similar. Natalie looked so much like Hunnigan it was almost absurd, they could've quite easily passed for twins if Hunnigan had taken off her glasses and let her hair down.
"Helena Harper," she introduced herself, shaking Natalie's hand before taking a seat, "I'm so sorry about the state I'm in, I wasn't given much of a warning, Iggy here forgot to tell me we were supposed to be here."
Iggy? Seriously, Helena? Hunnigan scoffed internally and glared at the younger woman who seemed to know exactly what she was thinking and merely shrugged in fake-innocense.
"Oh, it's... quite all right, I was actually expecting Sarah to be here," Natalie said slowly.
"Ah, yeah, well, Shep wasn't treating Iggy right, you know, so I decided to swoop in and steal her," Helena smiled widely.
Hunnigan would've wanted to bury her face into her hands and just hide under the table, she was certain her cover had been blown and Helena was having too much fun at her expense right now that enduring her behavior ontop of everything else would be too much. Instead of giving up completely, she snuck her hand onto Helena's leg under the table and sunk her fingernails into the sensitive area slightly above the knee on the inside of Helena's thigh.
Helena tensed up and barely stifled a grunt. The fabric of her pants protected her somewhat, and Hunnigan's fingernails weren't that long, but damn, her grip was so strong it was scary.
"I don't need to tell you I'm quite the workaholic, and Sarah's the same way, so it's not like we had a lot of quality time together. Helena, on the other hand is more like the... housewife from the fifties-type, which means I get to come home after a hard day and have dinner waiting for me, and I find I quite prefer that over having to constantly work on schedules," Hunnigan shrugged.
"Yeah, when she gets home, I drop everything and just tip-toe over to greet her with a pair of slippers and martini," Helena played along and went to slip her arm over Hunnigan's shoulders, intentionally exposing the other woman to a bit more of her sweaty armpit that anyone would've needed, and Hunnigan cleared her throat a little.
"We are going to go to the ladies' room and try to freshen Helena up a little before her BO knocks someone out, we'll be right back," Hunnigan told Natalie and once again dragged Helena with her, unaware of the "Wow, okay," comment Natalie merely mouthed as she rolled her eyes, but Helena noticed it. At first she was amused by it, then oddly offended... but had to admit she herself hadn't done herself any favors as far as making a good first impression went.
The moment they entered the restroom, Hunnigan pinned Helena to the wall and gripped her face with her left hand.
"I need to you listen to me very carefully because I'm only going to say this once. If I have to listen to crap from my family because you blew my cover, I will make your life at least as hellish as they'll make mine, do you understand?"
"You're a lot more intense than I ever would've guessed," Helena said, her words kind of muffled and distorted because Hunnigan's fingers were pressing against the sides of her mouth.
"Do you understand?"
"Yes, and I'll behave, but you might want to make this look a little less like sexual assault before someone calls the cops," Helena said and glanced to the side to point out the woman giving them a suspicious look before slowly exiting the room.
"All right, I'm sorry," Hunnigan apologized and took a step back. She leaned her chin into her knuckles as she thought about what to do.
"Take off your shirt."
"You're gonna have to buy me the lobster first."
"Helena..." Hunnigan growled.
"I'm joking, geez..." the younger woman scoffed, already pulling her sweaty T-shirt over her head as Hunnigan peeled off her jacket and began to unbutton her maroon collared shirt. Helena then proceeded to lean over the sink to give her underarms a decent rinse before grabbing some paper towels to dry herself off.
"You should try that look sometimes, it works really well on you, much better than having the shirt buttoned all the way up," Helena then commented, gesturing toward Hunnigan's chest.
"Seriously, this is the time you choose to start giving me fashion tips?" Hunnigan scoffed, tugging her shirt off then.
"I'm just saying that with the black jacket and that dark red shirt, if you leave a few buttons open to show your undershirt, the white gives a nice contrast," Helena shrugged.
"Here," Hunnigan said and handed her undershirt to Helena, but it took the younger woman a while to react, she was distracted by Hunnigan's choice of underwear; black lace balconette bra wasn't something she'd expected to see on Hunnigan. Granted, the only version of Hunnigan she knew was the dedicated workaholic, for all she knew, Hunnigan was a party girl in her free time. It seemed unlikely, but there was no way to tell.
I wonder if the bottom matches the top, Helena mused but was rudely dragged back to reality when Hunnigan said her name annoyedly.
"Yeah, okay, but the thing is, I'm gonna end up with huge sweat stains under my tits because my bra's still soaked and there's no way I'll go out without a bra," Helena sighed and Hunnigan glanced around the room.
"Use the hand dryer," she ordered, pointing her thumb over her shoulder.
"Are you kidding me?"
"Do I look like I'm trying to be funny?" Hunnigan humphed and put her shirt back on, buttoning it up.
"Rarely," Helena blurted out and Hunnigan glared at her.
"Fine, but I will not stand here topless, so you are going to do the drying while I hide in the stall," Helena then said, got in and undressed, handing Hunnigan the damp sportsbra before closing the door completely and locking it just in case a stranger walked in.
"All right, I think this is as good as it gets," Hunnigan sighed after a good while and Helena reached her arm out from the stall and Hunnigan placed the not anywhere near completely dry bra onto her hand.
"Oh, and here, use this," she then added and gave her a stick of deodorant.
"You use men's deodorant?" Helena chuckled and Hunnigan sighed in exasperation.
"Well, what can I say, I prefer smelling like a pine tree over smelling like a field of flowers or some other horrifying scent marketed for women," she grumbled, realizing that just in the few moments they'd been here, Helena had learned more of her personal life and personal habits than anyone else had in decades. She couldn't say she was very comfortable with that, her personal life was something she preferred kept private.
"I wasn't judging, I do that too for the same reason," Helena said and cringed at the feel of cool and still somewhat damp fabric sticking to her skin as she put the bra back on, then pulled Hunnigan's undershirt on. It was a bit tight around the chest for obvious reasons, but other than that, a surprisingly good fit.
"So, how do I look?" she then smirked as she exited the stall.
"Well... it's an improvement, and this'll just have to do," Hunnigan shrugged and stuffed Helena's T-shirt into her purse.
"You sure know how to make a girl feel special, I don't understand why you're still single," Helena said sarcastically and exited the bathroom.
Once Helena had stopped behaving like a brat, she actually turned out to be a better date than Shepard, who usually didn't talk much, rather just answered when spoken to, but Helena managed to keep the conversation going and steered the topics away from things she knew were bordering on uncomfortable or awkward, especially for Hunnigan. Natalie knew better than to try discussing work with her sister, and with Shepard, that had pretty much been the only thing there was to really talk about, but Helena was turning out to be quite good at mundane small talk. Hunnigan had to admit, she was impressed.
"Well..." Natalie began after dinner and lit a cigarette as she and Hunnigan stood outside the restaurant waiting for Helena to bring the car around.
"Do you have to do that now?" Hunnigan grumbled and Natalie intentionally blew a cloud of smoke in her direction.
"Admit it, you miss smoking."
"Every day," Hunnigan sighed and moved to stand on the other side of her sister to keep away from the smoke that kept drifting over her with the breeze. "So, you were saying?"
"She's different."
"You have no idea," Hunnigan said, but didn't admit that she herself had had no idea either until just now.
"I meant it in a good way. Okay, she might be a bit young for you..."
"Oh, shut up," Hunnigan rolled her eyes and Natalie laughed.
"... but then again, you need someone younger anyway, you're an ancient soul and if you were with someone similar, you'd start acting like one too. Besides, she's easy on the eyes, I mean... just that rack alone... daym," Natalie smirked and Hunnigan scoffed amusedly.
"Well, in that case I trust that your report to the headquarters will be a positive one," she said, meaning their parents, and Natalie chuckled.
"They're just worried you'll be alone forever because for the longest time, you were a cat away from being a cat-lady," Natalie commented and Hunnigan exhaled deeply. Another thing she hadn't told them; she actually did have a cat.
"Yeah, and accepting that someone might actually enjoy being alone is a completely unimaginable concept for you all, isn't it?"
"Maybe, but wouldn't you rather be with her than be alone?" Natalie shrugged, nodding toward Helena who drove the car over and stood up.
"Yes, I would," Hunnigan admitted and realized she actually meant it. She said good night to her sister and got into the car.
"So, is your cover still intact?" Helena inquired as she drove.
"I believe so, yes. Thanks for your help."
"Thanks for the lobster," Helena chuckled. A few minutes later, she pulled over at her apartment building and they got out of the car, Hunnigan circling over to the driver's side to take over the wheel and drive home.
"You know... I actually had a good time," Hunnigan then admitted and Helena smiled.
"I did too," she nodded. "Frankly, I wouldn't mind doing it again," she then added.
"You might need to, after the praising review Nat gave you after dinner, I would have a difficult time explaining to her what went wrong if we were to 'break up'," Hunnigan grinned and Helena laughed softly.
"Maybe we should go on a few practice dates before she ambushes us again," she then suggested and Hunnigan quirked an eyebrow.
"Are you asking me out?"
"I figured I'd ask first and only then drag you to a restaurant by force," Helena smirked and shrugged innocently.
"You know what? I'd like that," Hunnigan agreed after thinking about it for a moment.
"Great!" Helena said, letting her excitement shine through a bit more than she'd meant to.
"How about this weekend, do you have any plans?"
"Well, I was going to have a tea party... and by that I mean I was thinking about drinking whiskey from a tea cup and hang out with my cat, but I think I can reschedule that," Hunnigan said and Helena laughed softly.
"If it turns out you can't reschedule that, and if your cat wouldn't mind, I could stop by at your tea party," she suggested jokingly.
"I'll let you know how it goes," Hunnigan promised with a smile. Helena was about to head inside, but changed her mind and instead stepped over to Hunnigan and leaned to plant a soft tiny kiss on the corner of her mouth.
"See you next Saturday."
"More like see you in the morning, it's work day tomorrow," Hunnigan teased.
"I have a day off," Helena whispered right into her ear, causing a cascade of warm tingles to run down the back of Hunnigan's neck and along her spine, making her shiver involuntarily. Her arm wrapped around Helena's waist almost as if it had a will of its own and Helena gladly mimicked the gesture, hugging Hunnigan tightly. Finally, Hunnigan inhaled and exhaled deeply through her nose and pulled back a little.
"Good night, Helena."
"Good night, Iggy," she winked with a mischievous smirk and headed into the building while Hunnigan got back into the car and began heading home.
Once at the apartment, she kicked her shoes off, changed into something more comfortable and began to dig out her phone from her purse, only to realize she'd forgotten to give Helena her T-shirt back.
On a whim, she nuzzled the fabric and inhaled the scent, then glanced to the side when her cat meowed at her.
"Oh, don't look at me like that, Salem. At least when I'm gross, it doesn't involve me rubbing my ass on every surface nearby. Or puking on the carpet," Hunnigan scoffed at the cat who merely blinked at her slowly.
When she was done brushing her teeth and washing her face, she went to the bedroom, only to discover that Salem had settled to lay ontop of Helena's shirt which Hunnigan had left on the corner of the bed.
"Well, I take it that means you won't object to her coming over this weekend," she commented. Salem didn't react, instead he remained on his spot, a loud purr emanating from him.
You've been officially invited to our tea party. Also, you might never get your shirt back, but it's totally worth it, she messaged Helena and included a picture of the cat in it, stopping to worry Helena would think she was a weird cat lady only after she'd already hit "send".
It's okay, you're not getting yours back either, Helena responded and followed that with a photo of herself lying in bed, wearing Hunnigan's undershirt.
It looks better on you anyway, so it all works out, Hunnigan messaged her back and got into bed, fully aware of the smitten smile on her lips. This was certainly something she'd never done before, and had never imagined herself doing; lying in bed, texting your crush was something she'd always considered only teenagers did.
Maybe some day I'll show you how good I look when I'm wearing nothing at all. Think of that when you go to bed. Good night, Ingrid, Helena's message said, followed by a winking emoji.
"I don't think I would be able to NOT think about it now," Hunnigan mumbled to herself with a smile as she wished Helena good night via text and finally put the phone away. She then reached to grab Helena's shirt despite the disgruntled way Salem abruptly stopped purring as it was being yanked from underneath him. She then draped it over her spare pillow and pulled it to her chest, inhaling the smell on the fabric once more, deciding she could easily get used to falling asleep breathing in Helena's scent.
End