A/N:Hi, this is one of my first attempts at writing fan fiction so please be gentle with reviews, but constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged. No beta, so all mistakes are my own. Enjoy...hopefully.

Fears and Insecurities

Brittany hadn't always been this way. The blonde used to care about more than a select handful of people and things. She used to be the girl that believed in unicorns and in everyone else's eye she was just the ditzy dumb blonde. Deep down she still believed that the girl who thought dolphins were just gay sharks and that her cat was listening on her phone calls is still there. The only reason the dancer didn't get taunted for the way she acted in elementary school was because of the Latina. Santana had been her self-proclaimed protector and best friend since kindergarten, but their relationship ended abruptly the summer before the first year of high school. Without her Brittany had to learn to protect herself and in order to do that the blonde had to change who she was. Her first year at McKinley High School started off terribly. She was naïve back then and without Santana, Brittany was alone for the first time in her life. Brittany was being tossed around and taunted endlessly until she met Puck. The day she met Puck was also the day she lost Santana completely.

Brittany had been walking down the empty halls in hopes of finding the biology lab. It wasn't her fault she was so late, room numbers are so confusing and she ended up mixing up the numbers most of the time. The school year had been difficult so far and adjusting to life without Santana was an uphill battle. She regrets what she did last summer and wished they could just talk it out so she could have her best friend back. She had learned to adapt and stay hidden, but made no real progress at making friends. So far this she had learned if she kept her opinions to herself and kept her head down hopefully people would just ignore her. The cheerios and jocks still picked on her on a daily basis and after hearing about how dumb she was constantly; she was beginning to believe them.

"Hey guys look who it is, it's the retard!" A cold voice stopped her dead in her tracks that made her cringe and cause a shiver to run down her spine. She sped up her pace and dropped her head to avoid any potential eye contact with her aggressors.

"Hey freak! We know you're dumb, not deaf. Stop walking so we can have a chat." Brittany could her feel pulse racing as she rounded the corner to find the head cheerio Amber sneering in her direction Amber was beautiful with short shoulder-length auburn hair and alluring light green eyes with flecks of crystal blue in them. She had a figure that all the girls envy and if Brittany did not fear her and hate her so much at the same time she would definitely be highly attracted to the bitchy cheerleader."Shit," Brittany mumbled under her breath and instead of meeting the girl's intense gaze she suddenly found the tiles on the floor incredibly interesting instead. The rest of the cheerios soon caught up and crowded her, invading her personal space. It was then when she noticed each one of them respectively holding variously flavored slushies in their hands.

"Thought you could just walk away from us? How rude. I think you deserve to be taught some manners. Even an idiot like you should know to show respect to those above you. What do you guys think is a proper punishment?" Amber's question was obviously rhetorical and even if Brittany had any doubts about the numbing whiplash of ice water colliding with her skin from different direction definitely confirmed it. She slammed against the lockers on impact and sunk down to the floor laying her head to rest against the lockers.

"Well that was fun, but it's not over yet Blondie," the head cheerio spoke in a condescending voice and Brittany cringed as she attempted to keep the tears at bay. She was already drenched and could not feel the lower half of her body. When would they learn that enough is enough?

The cheerleader placed her hand upon Brittany's cheek and in a sarcastically sweet voice asked," What Britty? Not having fun yet? Don't worry; it's going to get better. Let's have all the freshmen come join us, yeah?" They all looked a little apprehensive and they all hesitantly joined her, hovering over Brittany.

"You," she beckoned with a single finger a petite, pale girl with sleek black hair and grey eyes who looked extremely frightened. "Amy loosen up, I'm granting you the honor of throwing your first slushie. Be grateful and toss it at the loser." Amy flinched at the hard tone, but complied nonetheless and dumped it all over her blonde hair. Brittany had just begun to dry and as her lips quivered at the cold temperature the dancer just sat there with her eyes closed, defeated. One by one they poured slushies on her until it suddenly stopped.

She was waiting for them to leave when she heard Amber speak up once more, "Come on Santana, you do want to be a cheerio, don't you?" The blonde opened her eyes to see Santana nodding nervously to Amber as she stared straight into blue eyes. Her eyes conveyed sympathy and it was obvious she was conflicted. Brittany had unfortunately fallen in love with those mocha brown eyes. She tried not to, but it was inevitable when it came to Santana. She was there for Brittany when no one else was. Well, she used to be.

Brittany was brought out her thoughts by the same commanding voice once more, "Don't tell me actually feel sorry for this waste of space?" Santana bit her lip and shook her head rapidly. "Well then, do it! Come on, do it!" Brittany gazed into those same deep brown eyes as Santana tilted the cup above her head and let the freezing beverage cascade down onto Brittany. Those eyes were filled with regret and looked so apologetic that Brittany could have forgave her right then and there as the cheerios began to walk away laughing as if the past ten minutes had never occurred. Santana didn't break eye contact until they rounded the corner leaving her out of sight.

Finally alone she let the tears flow out until she heard a noise. Stumbling down the hallway was a mohawked boy dancing while playing an air guitar with earphones plugged in and the blonde could hear music blasting. He put an end to his movements when he saw a girl drenched in a pool of liquids of numerous colors. He didn't know what compelled him to walk over and gently pull her in for tight embrace, but he did. Maybe it was her swollen, irritated eyes or the broken look on her mascara smeared face. He let her sob out all the pain and patted her back awkwardly, unaware of how to properly comfort a girl. Puck only slept with girls, he had never actually conversation that wasn't leading to sex or him attempting to get into a girl's pants.

Once Brittany ran out of tears, Puck loosened his grip and let go of her slowly and helped her up. He escorted her to the girls' bathroom and waited respectfully outside the door for her to get cleaned up and change into clean, dry clothes.

"I'm Puck," he informed.

"Brittany," she sniffed.

"It's nice to meet you, Brittany. You're going to be hanging with me from now on man, alright?"

She nodded with a wide grin spreading across her face as he slung an arm around her and they proceeded to walk out the empty hallway, leaving a trail of rainbow slushie in their wake.

That was the day she began living by a new mantra 'if you don't care, you don't get hurt.' She stopped caring about anyone beside her family and Puck, who was practically already family to her. After several attempts at trying to sleep with her Puck got the hint and settled for best friends. Puck taught her how to be tough and not care so much about other people and their self-righteous opinions. For that she was grateful and she knows now that she owes him more than he'll ever know. The dancer likes to think she gave him something in return as well. Although he seemed tough and indifferent she was a very good judge of character. She knew he needed someone just as much as she did. They were platonically perfect for each other. She was never bullied again and in fact in the eyes of the school she was a certified badass. She became scary so people knew not to bother her, especially the cheerios. She got them back for everything they did with the help of Puck. She never actually came to physical blows with the girls, but the series of practical jokes they pulled on the cheerleaders successfully terminated the bullying. After tampering with the plumbing system they were able to flow slushie in place of water through the pipes and out the showers in the girls' locker room right after cheerios practice. Their shrill sound of their screams traveled all over the school. They still scoff and act as if the duo is beneath them, but Puck and Brittany genuinely did not care at all.

Puck was the first person she came out to and his response was, "Well that is the only logical reason for you not wanting to get up on this." Puck then gestured crudely to his crotch and waggled his eyebrows suggestively. It wasn't what she was going for, but coming from Puck she found it comforting and endearing. Her family was very understanding and said they always knew. Apparently she hadn't been subtle with her staring directed at Santana. Puck knew the vague details of her past with Santana, but not the specifics. He knew it was best to not dig deeper because it was one of the few things Brittany was sensitive towards and questioning the situation further would most definitely cross a line. After coming out to everyone at school she was neither accepted nor denied. There were still glares from ignorant freaks and close-minded popular kids. Brittany became a somewhat player alongside her "lesbro" (as he liked to call it) Puck and hooked up with a multitude of random chicks at parties. Girls were attracted to the bad girl attitude and thought they could "change her", but no one was ever close to successful.

Santana made her way up the social ladder and learned to become a bitch in order to stay on top and have people fear her. Brittany still sees her at parties sometimes standing motionless with a drink in her hand as her dumb jock of a boyfriend tries to grope her on the dance floor. 'Not jealous, just observant' she has to constantly remind herself. Brittany saw right through the entire charade, but then again it wasn't really her business anymore. From time to time she still missed Santana and wonders what her life be like if she hadn't did what she did in eighth grade to make Santana run. She doesn't regret her actions for one second, but she still ponders the thought.

Now here Brittany was in her junior year, sitting at home playing with Lord Tubbington on her bed and was in deep thought reminiscing memories of her past which she hadn't done often. It hurt to think of how she used to act and how happy and easy life was when she was younger. Her phone ringing breaks the comfortable silence and she reaches over her bed to pick up her phone on the dresser not bothering to check who was calling.

"Hello," Brittany greeted.

"Blondie, it's the Puckasaurus. I'm hungry and I don't have a date this evening."

"So I'm your last option? Why Puck, I'm flattered."

"Well babe, if you'd let me up on that you'd be my first choice every night," Puck teased.

"Still gay Puck," Brittany deadpanned without missing a beat.

"That hasn't stopped girls from riding Puckzilla before." She scoffed loudly. She couldn't believe he was able to refer to himself or his dick as "Puckzilla" or "Puckasaurus" and still manage to get girls into bed.

"Whatever Puck, why'd you call me?"

"That wasn't a no, Blondie." Brittany could practically hear his smirk through the phone. She was starting to get slightly irritated.

"Listen, either tell me why you called or I'm hanging up," she snapped.

"Whoa, no need to get so testy. When was the last time you got laid? Anyway as I was saying, I don't have a date and I'm hungry. Want to go to Breadstix with me?"

"I have time to kill. Pick me up, man."

"Alright, be there in ten."

They both hung up and Brittany got up and walked over to her closet. She quickly pulled off her white tank top and slid her shorts down to her ankles and kicked them off. She picked out a black 'Joy Division' muscle t-shirt and put on her ripped black skinny jeans. She then proceeded to apply thick mascara to her long lashes and trace black eyeliner on her eyelids. This combination of makeup always managed to make her piercing blue eyes pop. Puck walked in her room as she was tying her black on white, beat up vans. He looked her up and down and whistled obnoxiously loud and as a result Brittany playfully pushed his chest. He stumbled and held his hands up in surrender.

"You ready?"

"Yeah, let's go."

The two were walking to the restaurant and as Brittany was about to pull open the door for Puck and her to enter he placed a hand on her shoulder and brought her to a halt.

The dancer looked at him incredulously and spoke sharply, "What?"

"Look who it is!" He gestured to a table in the far right corner. Seated at the table on one side was Santana and opposite her was Quinn Fabray, head cheerio. The two were talking casually and before Brittany could observe any further Puck was dragging her towards.

"Hello ladies," Puck greeted in a voice Brittany could only assume was supposed to be charming. It appeared to have no affect on either of them.

Quinn rolled her eyes and replied coldy, "What do you want Puck?"

Puck held a hand over his heart feigning offense, "Ouch, Quinn don't act like you're not glad to see me."

"Go away Puck. We're trying to enjoy our meal. Just us girls," she announced pointedly.

"C'mon babe, there's always room for the Puckster." Although she had made it painfully clear Puck followed his statement by sitting down next to Quinn and throwing an arm over shoulder which she immediately shrugged off. Puck looked at Brittany with a stupid grin and gestured a hand to empty space next to Santana. She internally cringed and sat down next to her while Santana glared at her and huffed. Brittany just sneered and rolled her eyes. They sat in an uncomfortable silence and watched as Puck shamelessly flirted with Quinn and Quinn acted as if she unaffected by his behavior, but the tint of blush coating her cheeks obviously proved otherwise.

Based off her own personal experience Brittany knew cheerleaders always act fake and live a lie in order to play out the role of who they are expected to be by others. Puck was getting into trouble with this girl because Quinn has a boyfriend the quarterback of the football Finn Hudson and if Puck continues to pursue this girl it will cause unnecessary drama to erupt. When the girls announced they were going to the restroom the blonde told him as much. He shrugged it off and said that Brittany should trust his instincts and have more faith in him. Brittany just shook her head and gave him a look that said 'Don't say I never warned you.' Before they could continue the conversation the two cheerleaders graced us with their company once more.

A few more minutes and the flirtation simply became too much for the dancer and abruptly stood and announced that was going outside for a smoke. She made her way outside to the back of the restaurant and leaned against the brick wall next to the dumpster as she pulled out a pack of cigarettes from her back pocket. She pulled out a single cigarette along with her lighter and lit it up. Brittany brought the cigarette to her lips and took a drag. As she exhaled a familiar raspy voice made their presence known.

"Those things will you, you know?"

The blonde looked over at her and smirked in a cocky manner, "Yeah, but I'll look cool doing it so, fair trade."

Santana rolled her eyes and leaned against the wall as well, but left a safe distance between the two in doing so. The silence was uncomfortable, but neither of them commented on this fact. A phone starts ringing and judging by the ringtone Brittany was able to deduce it was definitely not hers. Santana pulled out her phone and sighed tiredly and brought the phone to her ear.

"No Sam, I can't I'm out with Quinn." Brittany pretended not to be eavesdropping on her conversation.

"Well maybe I haven't felt like it. You clumsily groping me at parties while reeking of alcohol is not exactly a turn on," Santana snapped. Brittany's ears perked up and her eyebrows rose at this. She noticed Santana had become very tense and her jaw was clenched. It was obvious she was irritated.

"It is not my fucking duty as your girlfriend. What kind of misogynistic bullshit is that? You're fucking lucky you're dating the hottest piece of ass at this shithole of a school!" Brittany grinned. 'She's still so feisty,' she thought.

"You know what? Fuck you," the brunette scolded and furiously hung up the phone.

"Trouble in paradise, princess," she asked sarcastically and the Latina huffed then turned and glared.

"Fuck you Pierce."

"When and where, sweetheart?"

"Ugh, God you are so infuriating. Did you know that?"

Brittany pretends to ponder her question and takes a minute to respond, smirking, "No, I didn't actually. This is a shocking revelation. On the contrary, most women find me to be the opposite of infuriating, pleasing."

"Pig, I'm going inside now." And with that she stormed off back into the restaurant. Brittany couldn't help notice that way her hips swayed as she walked away and Brittany mentally scolded herself.

"Was it as good for you as it was for me, sweetheart?" Santana responded by raising her middle finger and not bothering to turn around. Once she was out of sight Brittany began to chuckle quietly to herself.

There she goes again, the only girl Brittany ever truly cared about. The girl Brittany could never truly bring herself to hate despite all the events that occurred between them in the past. Brittany forced herself to shove down any remaining feelings that she had left for Santana. It was painfully obvious that any feelings she used to have for Santana had been one sided. When she took a leap of faith the feelings were not reciprocated and she fell, hard. No one was there to catch her when she was still the dumb blonde who still believed in things everyone knew were absolute fiction. She took another drag then flicked the cigarette to the ground and put it out with her shoe. Brittany sighed and shook her head trying to clear her of all those thoughts as she followed Santana's trail back into the restaurant.

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