Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, but mark my word, one day I will!

Note from the authoress: Alrighty, everyone welcome to the first chapter of my action packed new Zelda fanfiction! What inspired me to write this story? I'm sure anyone who's ever played Zelda: Ocarina of Time has heard of the many, many rumors circulating the internet about how you can obtain the triforce in the game. These rumors range from plausible to outrageously impossible and no two are ever remotely similar. Sadly, it's been proven false, you can't, by any means, obtain the triforce in the game. But that's beside the point. Also, as I'm sure you've noticed, Ocarina of Time leaves us with a lot of loose ends ie: Why can't I beat the running man? Why is Zora's Domain still frozen after I beat the water temple? What the hell is the point of the gossip stones? etc. Anywho, we may never know the answers to all the little mysteries in Ocarina of Time, but I've decided to have a little fun with them. Here's the scoop: we've got five people, Link being one of them, who all are unsatisfied in one way or another with they're lives and how the world is treating them. So, they all come up with this crazy idea that they should seek the triforce to solve all their problems. This story will take every Zelda rumor out their and bring it to life, and as our brave adventurers quest progresses, they will find that maybe, a quest for the triforce, wasn't such a crazy idea after all.

Joke Master Mandy Presents:

Legend of Zelda: Quest for the Triforce

Chapter 1: Not Another Monday

-Link-

7 a.m Monday morning, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the market is filled with laughter and merriment, and I'm sitting up in my bed watching the best years of my life slowly but surely go down the crapper. My name is Link, I am the strong, courageous, hero of time who at the age of ten collected all three spiritual stones and opened the door of time, and by age seventeen defeated the evil Gerudo King Ganondorf and saved Hyrule. Am I rich? Am I famous? Do I have women swarming around me wherever I go? No, no, and much to my discontent, no. Yes, while I have saved Hyrule's fairy infested behind, the catch is, no one knows I did it. When all was said and done, Princess Zelda sent me back to the forest as a child, keeping my acts of heroism a Hylian government secret. Therefore, in the eyes of the world, the evil and corruption that plagued Hyrule seemingly all went "poof." And as for me, the unrecognized hero, now age seventeen once again, has become that jackass who walks around in Kokiri clothes with a fairy by his side. It's been said many times that life isn't always fair, but c'mon, whose leg do I gotta hump to get some respect around here? Then again, there are those few that do know the truth. My ever faithful companion Navi, whose helped me from the moment I began my quest, and the other who shares in this forbidden truth...who is...HOT DAMN! She's standing on her balcony in a skimpy nighty!

"Navi! The telescope!"

"You know, you are the worst! You perverted little..."

"Less talkie, more fetchy! She's not going to be out there forever so snap to it!"

"I swear to the goddesses Link, one of these days...here."

"Perfect."

There she was, like a divine vision. In the sunlight her hair sparkled and shimmered as if it were spun from pure gold. The skimpy silk pink nighty she wore just barely covered all the essentials. And if I aim this thing just right I can see right down to her...

"Link! Splendid morning isn't it! What are you up to?"

And, as if on cue, in came the annoying, portly, bearded, grey haired man, better know as the king.

"Woah! I-I-I-was just ummmmm..."

Crap, I gotta think of something quick. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, crap on a crap cracker, oh crap...

"He was on the lookout for any possible enemies in the castle area, your majesty.", said Navi, to my rescue.

"Oh of course, our dear Link, always on the lookout for my fair kingdom! What would we do without you?"

"No need for flattery, your majesty, just doing my job."

"Of course. I just came to tell you that breakfast is ready."

"Thanks your majesty, I'll be right down."

And so, the king walked down the stairs, leaving Navi and I alone once more.

"Thanks Nav, you really saved my ass."

"Yeah, this time."

I hurried down the stairs and through the many corridors of the large castle to the breakfast table, where a plate had already been prepared for me. Seated there was the king, and of course, the princess Zelda. I sat down and pushed my food around with my fork, taking an occasional bite here and there. When the meal was through, I got up and started to head back for my room, when I was stopped by Zelda.

"Link, you barely touched your food, is something wrong?"

"No, really, it's nothing."

"Link when you don't eat, I know there's something wrong. Now tell me."

"Alright, you win. To be perfectly honest, I'm bored. I'm a man of action and adventure and here I am wasting away in this castle. And what's even worse is that I don't even have recognition for what I did do."

"You know Link, a true hero seeks neither fame nor fortune, only the courage in which he needs."

"Zelda?"

"Yes, Link."

"Why do you always talk like a goddamn fortune cookie?"

"Don't you see, Link! Being a hero isn't all about the glory! Who cares what other people think, you know you saved Hyrule and that's all that matters."

"Yeah, I guess."

Without another word, I walked back up to my room. For the rest of the day I pondered what Zelda had told me. And after much consideration, I came to the conclusion that it's all a load of bullshit. I'll have my fame one day, they'll see. But for now, it's off to the bar. I promptly left the castle and headed off to The Inebriation Station, my favorite bar. I do the usual routine, walk in, sit down, and get tanked. But tonight was different, I just couldn't get my mind off my problem. And by the fourth or fifth scotch, I just couldn't keep it all in anymore.

"Hey barkeep!"

"Link, my favorite customer, what can I do for you? Another scotch?"

"No, but I do need your advice on something."

"I'm all ears, shoot."

"Alright, let's say hypothetically there's this guy, and this guy was actually the one who killed Ganondorf and saved all of Hyrule, but no one knows he did it, what would you say to that?"

"Well now that's just unbelievable. Anybody that did anything that big would have to be the most famous guy in Hyrule right now. I mean, the only thing bigger than that would be...I don't know..a guy that found the triforce. Why?"

"Oh, no reason."

The triforce, of course! The triforce! If I had that, I would practically be a god!

"Navi!"

"Yeah, Link."

"I've got it! The answer to all my problems! I'm gonna find the triforce!"

"Link, you're about three martinis short of a party right now. The triforce has been hidden by the goddesses where absolutely no one can find it. You'd have to be insane to go on a wild goose chase like that. Come on, you need to sleep this off, we're going home."

"Psst, hey, you there."

I turned to see a tall, lanky guy wearing a heavy blue cloak, who was gesturing us to come closer.

"Yeah, you. Come here for a minute."

"Link it's probably just some bum, let's go."

But I was already walking towards him.

"You talkin' to me?", I asked

"What are you Robert DeNiro? Yeah I'm talkin' to you. I heard your little statement back there. You really interested in finding the triforce?", asked the man

"Hey, I'm the friggin' Hero of Time! If it can be found, I'll be the one to find it."

"Uuuh, yeah, of course. Anyways, I think I have some information that might interest you."

"Oh, do tell."

"We better take this outside, you know, walls have ears."

"Yes, of course."

I stepped outside with the strange man, eager to hear what information he had to tell.

"Alright, I've been doing a little research and I think I might know a clue as to where the triforce is hidden. However, I gotta make a living somehow, so it'll cost you."

"How much?"

"Fifty rupees."

"What? Are you kidding me?"

"Fifty rupees for a chance at complete power over the entire world. I'd call it a bargain."

"Alright, but this better work."

I handed him fifty rupees and anxiously awaited his response. He pulled me towards him and began to whisper in my ear.

"Alright, this is what you have to do: Go play Zelda's lullaby at every single triforce symbol in all of Hyrule. Then, go to the temple of time and fire in this exact order: A light arrow, an ice arrow, and a fire arrow at the triforce symbol. Then you will be provided with the secret to getting the triforce."

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds.

"Are you friggin' kidding me? That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard in my life! I just paid fifty rupees for you to spout off some drug induced peace of crap theory you just made up! I want my money back you friggin' con artist!"

"Hey, whether you want to believe me or not is your problem. However, that is the Gods honest truth. I would suggest that you at least test it out before you totally dismiss it. Oh, and by the way, no refunds."

And with that he ran off into the night.

"You son of a bitch! I swear I'm gonna report you to the royal guard!"

"Well that's what you get for buying crap off weirdos when you're totally tanked." Navi chimed in

"Eh, shut up. Come on, let's go home."

Without another word Navi and I trudged back to the castle. As I walked, the strange man's words came back to me. It was totally ridiculous, but what if it really were true? No, no, it can't be. I really need to sleep this off. But then again, would it really be so hard to test it out? Sure there were a lot of triforce symbols in Hyrule, but I knew the land pretty well. Besides it's not like I had anything better to do. Maybe I better sleep on it and make a decision in the morning. Yeah, that works. The triforce, the ultimate treasure, if I had that, I would never have to wake up to another boring Monday again.

Note: Well there it is folks, eppysode one of another one of my hilarious epic sagas. I hope you like it.

All totally ridiculous Zelda rumors are provided by the following web sites:

gamefaqsDOTcom

The Odyssey of Hyrule Gold

Everything Zelda 64

Go there if you wanna check out any crazy Zelda rumors that might be featured in the story. Also, if you have any Zelda rumors that you would like to add or see featured in the story, just shout em' out or send me a link to them. Have a nice day!