CHAPTER 1:

Princess Leia twisted the zipper of her quilted vest as she watched the snow speeder pull into the hanger. She heard the report that Han and Luke were found. Instead of feeling relief and gratitude that her dearest friends were found, a knot of dread filled her otherwise empty stomach. The pilots climbed down the ladder, but she didn't see Han or Luke. She began to chew on her bottom lip.

Then, with some assistance, Han appeared caked in snow. He glanced over his shoulder, and Chewbacca whooped louder than he ever had during the time Leia knew him. Chewbacca rushed over to his frozen friend, but Leia stayed cemented to where she stood. Han's eyes searched hers out, but once they made contact he quickly looked away. He whispered something in Chewie's ear. Then he turned to his rescuers and shook his head.

Leia crossed her arms over her chest as a sudden chill ran through her entire body. Han reached the frozen ground and patted Chewie's arm. Then he slowly hobbled toward Leia, but he didn't look at her face. When he was two meters in front of her he stared down at her boots.

"I was worried about you," she whispered. "You don't know how relieved I am to see that you made it back safe."

Han raised his hazel eyes to hers. She didn't smile or embrace him, and her face was almost as white as the snow around them. She knew, but he also knew that he had to say it out loud. He inhaled, "Luke…he didn't make it. He was already…" he sighed, "I was too late."

Leia remained poised and emotionless. She nodded her head, "You did the best you could. It was very brave you…"

"I'm so sorry," he muttered, but he knew it was hollow.

"You need to go to the med center to make sure you're okay," she answered.

"I think I'll just warm myself up with a bottle of Corellian brandy," Han's eyes searched out the Falcon.

"After you get checked out," she ordered. Then her large dark eyes scanned his body, "Please."

Please? Han couldn't remember if Leia ever said please to him. He nodded, "Okay." He turned away from her then stopped. He looked over his shoulder and gazed at her back. He ran a hand through his hair. Her lack of any reaction to Luke's death and his own grief over the loss of friend made his heart heavy, and the pain was almost unbearable. All he wanted to do was disappear into the Falcon and deal with his pain, but he would go to the med center as Leia asked.

"Hey, Princess," Han called out. "Care to join me for that drink?"

She didn't face him, "Sorry. I have pressing things that need to get done."

Of course, he frowned. Many would gossip about the princess' cold reaction to Luke's death and be mortified that she went right back to her usual business immediately after she heard the news. But Han knew differently. He saw her after she witnessed the destruction of her home world. She threw herself into her duties and kept as busy as she could. Why would she react any differently to the news of the death of a dear friend?

"If you change your mind, the invitation still stands," he called out. Then he headed down the corridor leading to the med center.

Chewbacca walked over to the princess. He wailed quietly and patted her arm. He wanted to envelop her in his arms, but he could sense she didn't want to be any comforting. He then continued on, following Han.

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Han opened the bottle of brandy but didn't fill the glasses on the holotable. Chewbacca made some vague excuse and disappeared into his cabin. His jaw tightened, for he knew Chewie was mourning Luke's death. Chewbacca was never one to show his emotions, even in front of Han. He absentmindedly wondered if Wookie's shed tears when they cry.

He looked at the three glasses resting on the table. He knew Leia wouldn't come. Now he just had to wait for Chewie to reappear. He picked up one glass and twisted it around in his hand but didn't look at it. A numb emptiness settled in his bones. None of this seemed real. Yes, they were in the middle of a war, and every time Luke stepped into his X-Wing there was always a chance he wouldn't come back. But he always did. He, Chewie, Luke, and Leia escaped the Death Star unscathed. He felt they all were immune to death, invincible. He just couldn't comprehend that Luke was dead.

But he was. Han tried for an hour to revive his frozen friend. He cut open his dead tauntaun and shoved Luke into its still warm belly. Then Han performed CPR. He hoped that the cold would have slowed Luke's vital signs and would have made it possible to breathe life back into his young friend's body. Han continued working on Luke for almost an hour before he no longer had the strength to continue. He logically knew that Luke had passed away some time before Han found him, but he just couldn't accept it.

Han stumbled to his feet and constructed the emergency shelter. He then dragged Luke's lifeless body into the shelter with him. He covered Luke's body despite his need to keep warm. Part of Han hoped that he'd freeze to death out there just like Luke. But then Chewie's and Leia's face flashed before him. Chewie needed Han as much as Han needed him. And Leia…Leia. He couldn't bear the thought of anyone besides himself telling her of Luke's death. He couldn't imagine her dealing with their loss alone.

Solo put down the glass and recapped the brandy. He stood up and walked toward the ramp. He leaned his head toward the corridor, "Hey, Chewie. I'm gonna step out for a while."

Han forgot to throw on his coat, and he shivered as the cold atmosphere assaulted him. The mood in the hangar was somber, and none of the usual chatter and shouting sounded out. Luke's death would affect most of those on the base. His death would impact other rebels at bases far away. Luke was the rebellion's hero and a fledging Jedi, but a Jedi nonetheless in the eyes of the rebels. He was their hope.

All hope was dead.

Han reached his destination without knowing how he got there. Han scanned the Command Center but didn't find the person he was looking for. He shoved his hands in his back pockets and approached the closest rebel. The woman wore earphones, and her eyes were focused on the screen before her. Han tapped her shoulder.

The woman removed her headphones as she turned her attention to him, "Captain Solo. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you know where the princess is."

"Her shift ended an hour ago," the woman's eyes returned to the screen. "She didn't say where she was going."

"Thanks," he mumbled as he exited the Command Center.

Han ran his bottom lip between his teeth. There weren't too many places Leia would be if she wasn't at the Command Center. He glanced as his chronometer. It was too late for any meetings to be taking place. Han rubbed his hands together as he walked toward the crew quarters. The corridor was poorly lit and somewhat colder than the Command Center. Han refused a room of his own on the base. He didn't want people to get the wrong idea. He was not a member or the Rebel Alliance. Besides, he preferred the warmth and safety of the Falcon.

Solo stopped in front of a lone door at the end of the corridor. He placed a hand on the cold door and leaned close, but he couldn't hear anything. Perhaps she wasn't there. Han scratched the back of his head. She had to be there. He forced air out of his nose as he knocked on the door.

He waited, but no one answered. He stepped back and turned to leave. Leia obviously wanted to be alone. Who was he to intrude on her? Who was he to her?

Han stopped and faced the door. Luke comforted her after the destruction of Alderaan. He spoke softly to her, inciting a small smile from her and a hug. Luke was always there when she needed comfort. Luke always seemed to know what was going through her head and what to say to ease her pain. Han didn't have a clue about what he'd say if she opened the door.

But he decided that he wouldn't let it stop him. He approached the door with hesitant steps and knocked again. Again, no response. He stared at the key pad for a moment. Although Leia rarely made mistakes, there could be a slim chance she forgot to lock the door. If it was locked, Han decided he'd go back to the Falcon and drink that bottle of Corellian brandy. If it was unlocked…

The door slid open a second after he pushed the enter key. Inside, Leia lied on her bed in the fetal position still wearing her snow gear. Her hands were between her knees, and she rocked back and forth. She didn't yell at him for intruding, nor did she look at him. Han clenched his jaw to squelch the bubble of emotions that threatened to overtake him. He walked over to her beside.

"Hey Leia?" Han touched her shoulder.

The princess ceased rocking, but she still didn't look at him.

Han ran a hand over his face until it rested over his mouth and chin. Seeing her like this…this had been a lot harder than he thought it would be. But then he never expected her to be catatonic. He touched her arm again with a firmer hand.

"Hey, Sweetheart?"

Still no response. Han glanced at the door. He could take her to the med center. He could walk out and leave.

"Hey, Your Worship."

Leia turned her head toward him but said nothing.

"Here," he reached out and grabbed her arms. "Why don't you sit up for me?"

Leia let him help her into an upright position. She turned her large brown eyes up to him and opened her mouth as if she was going to speak. But no sound came from her. Han expected to see signs that she had been crying, but he only saw pain in those dry eyes.

"It's okay to cry," he whispered.

She lowered her eyes, and he felt as if she was dismissing him.

Well, she wasn't going to get rid of him that easily. He took hold of the edges of her vest and began slipping it off of her, "Why don't we make you more comfortable."

Leia didn't stop him. Han knelt down before her and removed each of her boots. Then he bit the inside of his cheek. He grabbed the zipper of her snow suit. He hoped that she would react with an irate and indignant assault of words, but she didn't. Han slowly pulled the zipper down hoping she had something on beneath the heavy suit. It felt wrong to see what he dreamed of at this place and time. He was relieved to find that she wore thermals underneath.

Han pushed back the right side of her snow suit and gently pulled her arm out of the sleeve. Then he repeated his actions on the left side. He placed her hands on his shoulders and helped her to a standing position. He slipped the snow suit down off of her hips and sat her down again. He removed the rest of the suit before stepping back.

"You mind if I undo your hair?" Han lowered his chin to get a look into her eyes. Leia shook her head and slid around so Han had easier access to her hair.

Han rubbed his chin as he tried to figure out where to start. Spotting a hair pin near the nape of her neck, he decided to start there. Once that first pin was removed, Han's confidence grew, and soon he had a handful of hair pins. Leia ran her hand through her hair, untangling the braids. She turned around to face him. Han blinked at the sight of her with her wavy hair and thermals. And Leia had allowed him to dress her down to this point. He dropped the hairpins on the desk and his eyes fell upon her hands.

The right side of Han's mouth rose into a half smile, "I suppose we should remove your gloves."

Leia looked down at her hands. Han picked up one hand and pulled the tips of her fingers until the glove slipped off. After he removed the other glove, Han pulled back the edges of her bed clothing and helped her under them. Han tucked the blankets around her body and made sure she was covered up to her chin. He glanced around until his eyes fell upon the cabinet above her desk. He knew she had sleeping pills and some anti-anxiety pills in her room. Han was quite aware of her insomnia and anxiety attacks even though she tried to hide such things from him and everyone else.

He opened the cabinet and found what he was looking for. He then took the glass he found next to the pills and disappeared into the refresher to retrieve some water.

He re-emerged and carried it over to Leia's bedside. He tried to put some cheer into his voice but failed miserably, "Can you sit up for me, Sweetheart?"

To his surprise, she did what he asked. Han dropped one anxiety pill into his hand and gave both the glass of water and pill to the princess. She popped the pill in her mouth and took a gulp of water. Han then shook two sleeping pills into his hand. He paused for a moment, wondering if two were too much. Then he handed her both of the pills. Leia had a high tolerance for drugs, and he wanted her to relax and sleep.

The princess handed the glass back to him and slipped under the covers. Han dragged the desk chair closer to her bedside and sat down.

"Why don't I stay for a bit until you fall asleep?"

Leia's large brown eyes gazed into his, and Han figured she'd object to his offer.

"If you want," she whispered before she closed her eyes and rolled to face the wall.

Han slouched in the chair and moved around until he found a relatively comfortable position. He figured Leia would quickly fall asleep, and he would then slip out and finish off that bottle of brandy.

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Han sat up with a start. He glanced around the dark room as he tried to get his bearings. His eyes settled on the sleeping princess who now lied on her back with her face turned toward him. Upon seeing her, the day's events flooded his mind until one heart-wrenching event overshadowed all his other thoughts. Luke was dead, and he couldn't fix it. Perhaps if he waited for him, maybe went with him to check the meteorite. Why didn't he do that?

Leia's breath came slow and steady. There was something in her features, the way her mouth was slightly open, the shape of her closed eyes that reminded him of Luke. Maybe he was just imagining it, seeing Luke everywhere. He bent over and rested his head against the bed.

And then it happened. At first Han tried to hold it in. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and held his breath for as long as he could. But he could hold it in no longer, and the bridge broke. Han's tears flowed slowly, but it didn't take him long to slip into angry, gasping sobs, and he cried as he never had before. And once his grief flowed out of him, he didn't think he would ever stop.

A hand fell upon his head. Han looked up to see Leia kneeling on her bed before him. Her hand slid from his head to his shoulder. Han inhaled, but he still couldn't contain his emotions. Her other hand touched his face, and she used her thumbs to wipe off his tears despite the fact her efforts didn't do much. She then enveloped him in her arms, pulling him close. Han crumpled against her, burying his face in her shoulder. Leia squeezed him tight and rested her head on his shoulder.

Han shook violently in her arms so Leia held him closer. He didn't even know he would react to Luke's death so strongly. Luke was a friend, an idealistic, somewhat naïve, loyal friend. Han never had a friend like him. Han never deserved to have a friend like him. But that didn't matter to Luke. Luke hung on, followed him around, and sought Han's company like a puppy. Why? Han never understood.

But that unconditional friendship was gone now that Luke died. Why did Han stay so long? Maybe he stayed because Luke inspired him to be a better man. Just think. Han was more realistic about how the Universe worked. Still he had become quite attached to the young boy in a way he never had to anyone before. Not even to Bria. Han shuddered and pushed that woman out of his head. Han felt as if he had to watch over Luke, keep him out of trouble. But he failed.

The princess' hand caressed the hair on the back of his head, and Han buried his tears deeper into her should her. He got the impression that this petite girl was holding him up. Wasn't he here to comfort her? One hand stayed secure and unmoving around his neck while the other moved down his head and to his back. She moved her hand slowly up and down his back. His tears slowed but his thoughts spoke loud in his head, louder than his respiration. Luke was dead and Han lost all control of himself.

She clung to him, holding him as he broke down. Han's tears once again flowed uncontrollably, and he pressed his mouth against her shoulder so he could stifle the screams threatening to escape. Luke wasn't the only one he was mourning. His tears were also for the tiny princess in his arms. Leia's attachment to Luke was strong. They fell into an easy friendship. Luke's death was just one more jolting blow to her shell. She didn't deserve anymore hurt nor anymore loss.

But they were smack in the middle of a war, and despite their victory against the Death Star, the rebels were on the losing side. Leia risked her life on stupid missions, in Han's opinion. She took too many chances, and on more than one occasion Han managed to rescue her in the last minute. However, it didn't matter how many missions she participated in. Just living on an Alliance base was enough to put her in danger.

Han sighed and tightened his hold on her. He could lose her just like Luke. An icy cold hand crushed his heart as he imagined her cold and lifeless like Luke. Han couldn't bear that. His attachment to the fiery princess was different than that to Luke, but it was just as strong. Maybe stronger? He felt more protective of her, perhaps because of all the pain she endured when her home world was destroyed.

No, it wasn't just that. Leia had slipped into his heart without him knowing it until it was too late. He didn't know how or when it happened, but it happened. Han tried to gulp down his tears. If Luke could die, Leia could. Despite her strength, her selflessness, her determination, none of that would keep her alive. No, all those traits only guaranteed her an early death. She was too young, too young…just like Luke. She felt so small and fragile in his arms. He couldn't always be there to keep her safe. He couldn't even comfort her.

Han reigned in his rogue tears and pulled away from the princess. He wiped at his eyes and inhaled deeply.

"Sorry," he mumbled as his eyes roamed the room.

Leia released him and sank back down on the bed.

"I should get going," he stood up.

"No."

Han rested his hands on his hips as he gazed upon Leia. His tears didn't incite a single one from her. He felt embarrassed and weak in her presence.

His eyes widened, "You want me to stay?"

She was quiet for a moment. She sighed, "You look like you need to stay."

Han frowned. He didn't know how to process her words. Was she asking him to stay because she wanted him to stay but couldn't say so? Or was it that she really believed he needed to stay? He took a couple of slow breaths and thought about it. Maybe they both needed each other at this moment.

Han glanced at the door, "Whaddya think people will think and say?"

Leia's eyes gazed upon the door as well, "I don't care."

Han's brow knitted. Leia wasn't the Leia he thought he knew. But then she hadn't lost a close friend in three years. And Luke was the closest friend she had.

Maybe it was a good idea that he stayed with her. She had to break down some time, and Han wanted to be there for her like she was for him. He removed his jacket and slipped his boots off. Then he unhooked his holster and placed it on her desk.

Leia held a cupped hand out to him. Han stared at her hand for a moment before reaching for the sleeping pills. He hesitated, wondering how he knew what she wanted. But a cupped hand wasn't that hard to read. Han chewed the inside of his cheek as he debated whether or not to give her another. However, it was obvious the first two weren't strong enough to keep her asleep. He obliged her.

She took the pill, swallowing it without water this time and then slid closer to the wall. Han lifted the covers and climbed in next to her. They both lied on their backs staring up at the ceiling.

"Nothing will ever be the same," Han whispered into the dark.

Leia said nothing.

"I don't know how we all can go on," Han quietly confessed.

"We have no choice," Leia answered, and she rolled to her side so that she faced the wall.