I Hate This Part

The long distance relationship wasn't working for Kahoko. Vienna, Austria was awfully far away. It was on the other side of the Earth, for crying out loud! It became difficult to stay in touch. Even modern technology could not save them from this part. Tsukimori Len drove them through the streets of Tokyo. He was quiet and cold like he used to be before he fell in love with Kahoko. Kahoko's heart wanted to tear itself apart. The bonds they had developed became thin, breakable strings. She couldn't take it anymore and she knew that neither could he.

They drifted apart. It was as simple as that. Kahoko stayed in Japan and Len was pursuing his dream to become a great violinist abroad. The time difference was large so they could barely find the time to even chat online. Trust also became an issue. Kahoko was still friends with the male participants of the Concours in Seiso. Len couldn't help but feel jealous at how much time they spent together and accused Kahoko of being unfaithful. It was also difficult for Kahoko to see Len on television playing duets with other beautiful and exotic women.

"Len, are you sleeping around with those sluts?" Kahoko would ask.

"How can you even think that, Kaho? I thought you knew me better than that," Len would snap back. "And besides, aren't you spending a lot of time with Hihara these days?"

"Len, what the heck! Hihara and I are just friends! Don't you trust me?"

"Don't you trust me?"

Online conversations and phone conversations would end with bitter notes more often than not lately.

Len pulled up in front of Kahoko's home and Kahoko muttered a soft goodbye to him. He didn't respond.

"I love you," Kahoko said when he pulled away.

"I love you," Len said when Kahoko closed the door to his car.

Things were bad. Kahoko didn't want to feel so much pain in what was supposed to be a loving relationship. She rummaged around in her room and found an old stack of photo albums in the deep, dark corners of her closet. She flipped through her albums and looked at old memories. There was Len with his arm around her. There she was with Len while they played a duet. There they were with the other participants of the Concours. And there was Len with a rare smile on his face. How happy they looked back then. What she wouldn't give to go back.

Len, in turn, was still driving through the city. He stopped at a red light and let his thoughts wander. He remembered being so happy with Kahoko. He still is happy when he's with her, but then they start to fight. He loves her with all his heart. She makes him happy. But he wasn't so sure about that these days. He and Kahoko haven't had a chance to talk seriously about their relationship in a while. He had imagined proposing to her one day and getting married. But those dreams for the future were foggy now. Len snapped out of his reverie when a car honked at him. It was a green light now. He drove home.

The phone rang while Kahoko waited patiently for an answer.

"Hello?" she spoke into the phone.

"Kaho? Is that you?" Len asked.

"Yes, it's me," Kahoko replied. "Can you… meet me at the park near my house? You know-the park where I used to play."

"Yeah. I'm actually not busy today. How's 1:30?"

"That's fine. So… I'll see you later?"

"Of course," he replied.

"Good bye, Len," she said.

Kahoko sat in the park with her violin on her lap. She had just played for a small audience; she arrived twenty minutes early. Len was now five minutes late. She sighed. She wanted to delay this part for as long as possible. She knew they couldn't avoid this issue for much longer if they wanted to avoid a big mess. Better to do it now than later. She saw Len come running in her line of sight a few seconds later. Kahoko got up to greet him. Len wrapped his arms around her and whispered in her ear, "Hey Kaho."

Kahoko wanted to stay in the safety of his strong arms forever. She wanted to stay in this moment forever and just let him hold her. She felt so safe. But she knew that that wasn't possible. She did not respond to his greeting. Instead, she hugged him back lightly. When she stepped away, she did not smile.

"Len, we need to talk," she said seriously. She gestured for him to sit down. She seemed to have trouble finding the words that she wanted to say, so Len encouraged her.

"Go on," he said. "I'm listening."

Kahoko took a deep breath and steadied herself. "Len, you know I love you, right?" she said quietly.

"Of course I do. I love you, too. Wait. If this is about me sleeping around, I've told you a million times-"

"Len, it's not about that," Kahoko interrupted him abruptly. She looked down. "I love you so much. I really do! We were so happy together." Len raised an eyebrow at the past tense.

"I hate to do this but… you've got a great future ahead of you. You're the greatest violinist our age that I've ever met and… things aren't going so well between us right now. You're in Austria and I'm here and…"

Kahoko raised her eyes to meet Len's.

"I-"

"Don't think that it's working out anymore?" Len finished for her. She looked at him while tears started to well up in her eyes. Len paused, and then he said, "I don't think it's working out either, Kaho." He leaned back. "You're right. We're so far apart. I'm going to be in Austria for a while and you're staying here in Japan. We barely see each other, even when I return home and…" he looked directly into her eyes. "You don't trust me."

"I'm so sorry, Len," Kahoko sobbed.

"It's okay. I've lost trust in you as well," Len hardened his eyes toward her. They softened again while she sobbed.

"So then… this is it?" Kahoko said uncertainly.

"Yes," Len replied softly with a hint of coldness.

"I-I" Kahoko stammered. "Goodbye," she finally said.

"Goodbye," Len said and walked away. Kahoko picked up her violin case and went the opposite way. She hoped he would call her back and tell her that he didn't want to break up and she would rush back into his arms and somehow, some way, everything would work out.

"Kaho!" Len called after her and Kahoko's heart jumped. "I… never mind."

Kahoko nodded and they continued to walk their separate ways. They still thought the words they decided not to say out loud to each other.

"I love you."

Disclaimer: I don't own La Corda d'Oro or I Hate This Part by PCD.

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