Willow woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside the window of her room in Buffy's house. Before she even opened her eyes, she saw the sun shining. She smiled and rolled over to see if Tara was awake yet, only to find Tara's usual spot on the mattress unoccupied.
Willow's smile turned to a look of confusion briefly before the memories came crashing down and the burning tears came flooding back. She didn't bother to try to hold them back. she knew they would come anyway.
She cried. She cried for the lapse in control she'd had after her world had fallen apart. She cried for the loss Dawn, Buffy, Xander and Anya, Giles, even Spike felt. She cried for the fear of what was to come. She cried for the half-empty closet and the too-clean desk against the wall. She cried for many things, but most of all, she cried for the empty spot on the mattress. The spot where her lover, her best friend, her soulmate had been- should be- but somehow, tragically and incomprehensibly, wasn't.
Willow tightly clutched the pillow that still smelled faintly of Tara, like strawberries, like lavender, like happiness. Several minutes passed like this, her crying into the pillow that had once been Tara's, until with one last gut-wrenching sob, Willow whispered into the pillow on the empty side of the bed, "I'm so sorry, Tara. I miss you, baby," just like every other morning. Then she carefully and lovingly smoothed the pillow back into shape and wiped the tears off her face.
She got up and walked over to her bedroom door and just stood there with her hand on the doorknob for a few moments. She knew that if she tried hard enough, she could imagine that she could still smell pancakes cooking and hear Tara's soft humming emanate from the kitchen downstairs.
Most days, she would have; today, she couldn't. It was just too painful to walk down to the kitchen with her "yummy face" on, as she had every day, only to find the place completely empty; physically void of any indication of Tara's existence, yet filled with memories of her.
No, not today. Today, Willow headed for the living room and grabbed her set of keys to the car she and Buffy shared. She slowly made her way out to the blue car and sat in the driver's seat. Her purse was still in the passenger's seat from last night when she'd gone to The Magic . Box.
She put the key in the ignition, but didn't turn it. She looked around at the birds chirping and the sun shining brightly, as was common in California. How wrong she thought to herself. She reached into her purse and pulled out the picture she'd kept with her since the day it was taken, and she smoothed it out. As she looked at it, a few silent tears fell from her eyes.
The picture had been taken at her last birthday party. She and the other Scoobies had been having a great time laughing and smiling and dancing with each other. Willow had gone to get more chips out of the kitchen and as soon as she'd walked back into the living room, Xander tackled her with a hug from behind. Buffy and Dawn and even Anya had joined in.
"You guys!" Willow had exclaimed in mock annoyance, but with a grin on her face. Tara and Giles had joined in last and everyone sang Happy Birthday to her. Then before Willow could say anything, Tara had silenced her with a kiss. Willow had been surprised, but in the most pleasant of ways. She smiled against Tara's soft lips and felt the blonde giggle lightly in return.
It was this moment that Giles had stepped back and taken the picture of the Scoobies, all in various phases of laughter and smiles, eyes shining, troubles forgotten for the moment. It was the perfect picture, had been the perfect moment.
Willow now clutched the wrinkled picture to her chest, and a few teardrops fell onto the steering wheel. She wasn't sure if she could go through with this. Yet, at the same time, she knew she would. She had to. If not today, then tomorrow. If not then, the next day. It wasn't a question of "if" anymore, merely of "when".
She looked down at the picture one last time and, with renewed sense of purpose, turned the key in the ignition. The car roared to life and Willow was afraid for a moment that the noise would wake Buffy; she couldn't bear to see the look on her friend's face if she somehow knew what she was doing. Then she remembered Buffy was probably still training with Giles and Dawn would be at school by now.
She let out a long breath she didn't know she was holding in and put the car into gear. She took her time driving to the bridge, thinking of all the happy memories she'd made with Tara, thinking of all the happy memories they never would get the chance to make.
No one was around as far as she could tell, which was good. This was too personal to have a crowd see. willow put the car into park for a while, still trying to remember every happy moment. Back when things hasd made sense, back when her universe revolved around the beautiful blonde witch, her lover. We were supposed to be forever. Now her world had no order; nothing made sense anymore. What was the point?
She put the car into gear once more and kissed the charm on the necklace Tara'd given her in what seemed like another life. "See you soon, baby." Her last words.