something a little stupid, a little twilightish, and a little pointless. no fluff, because i dong know who to pair jane with. let it be known, that when i finish my torture-ahem, new cats, i will be putting up a glompfest fic...would anyone be interested?

Dear Diary,

I just learned something that I never knew in all my years here at Volterra. Did you know that Felix's middle name is Edward? It explains so much, why he acts like a stalker and why he absolutely despises the Edward Cullen we have to deal with so often.

We learned of this weakness when we had to fill out these lease forms so that we could get a climbing wall installed in the house so that we didn't have to go and sparkle while we climbed. That would be just embarrassing for all of us, so we opted for the indoor one.

Like I was saying, the only way we could get this wall was if we all filled out these lease forms stating that if we got hurt (yeah, right) we wouldn't be able to sue. Aro tried to get us out of having to do that, but that failed and all the forms were filled out for all of the people in the entire castle, including the wives. So all in all, the form process took all night.

Since these forms were pointless, most of us just lied on the forms, and then compared them. I had put that I was born yesterday, and that I had six middle names, which were the following; George, Sue, Marley, Carly, Ashton, and finally Thumbelina. Aro beat me out by 23 middle names. Then I asked Felix what he had put as his middle name, and he told me Edward. Then, I asked like every other great evil villainess, if he was joking. He said no, and I broke out into uncontrollable laughter.

Soon everyone else caught on, but by then it wasn't cool anymore, so we compared other things. My dear brother put that he lived in Narnia and worked full time as a lion tamer. Marcus was feeling the stupidity, so he put that he was Albus Dumbledore and was the headmaster of Pigfarts, not Hogwarts. Caius even had a little fun. Sure, for a while, he decided to not fill the form and let the rest of us fill it out, but after telling him that we would do horrible things, like change his preferences, he grabbed a pen and started to fill it out.

The wives weren't very creative, as we all read what everyone wrote down. Some of them put down their real names, and then they weren't very creative for the rest of the answers. Some of them claimed to be millionaires, while others were pretending to be private dancers for select people. Most of them were anyways. The most creative one we read was someone claiming to be God. Aro got a good laugh out of that one.

This is getting really boring, telling you about the stupid forms that we had to fill out. Of course, I am writing in my diary because I have to wait my turn to climb the climbing wall. Aro and his buddies are climbing it right now. Personally, I think that if we smeared blood on it, the wall would be much cooler, and then maybe hang some live bait up on the roof so that once we get up there we can suck them dry.

Hello, this is Alec, because once again, Jane, you left your diary wide open. So I am going to take advantage of that. Did you know that if Jane got the chance, she would totally turn that repulsive creature called Lil' Wayne into a vampire so that she could keep him? Also, I think you would like to know that if I turn back a few pages I can read her profess her love for Major Jasper Hale-Whitlock. Blackmail. Mwhahahaha.

Sorry diary, you had to deal with my moronic brother and his psychotic ways. Sorry about that. Now, where was I before I was rudely interrupted? I got to climb and after seeing that my brother had a pen and my diary, I jumped on him and wrestled it back. That is why most of the climbing wall is falling apart, as well as a wall or two that were smashed. And there is an Alec shaped hole in the door. If Aro asks it wasn't me.

Goodbye, as I have to go and pick on my brother again.

Jane