When the day comes, you won't be expecting it.
You'll be in bed, in fact. Your phone will ring while you are still asleep. You will roll over and disconnect it without checking the number because it's your day off and you'll be damned if you let Mal ruin the start of your day with some ridiculous prank.
You will wake up at a more respectable hour and get dressed for a light jog. Leave your phone on your nightstand.
Which is why you won't have gotten the dozen or so calls. You won't know that anything's happened.
You will get into your car and drive to your favorite restaurant to go to. You will greet Sean by the door and order the usual. When he asks you where Mal is, You will shrug, tell him that it's your day off. You will eat your brunch in silence, secretly disappointed that Mal hasn't called or texted you today.
(And if he asks, you will scoff and tell him that you didn't notice at all."
You will miss Ken's car pulling up to your apartment, because you will be in the shower at the time. You will sing to yourself, and not hear Ken pounding at your door for three minutes straight. You will miss the calls and texts from Amy, Kai, Captain Yeong even.
You will go to the children's center and read to them for a while. They will laugh and demand that you play with them, and you will give in. They will beg you to stay as you leave, and you will promise to come back soon. As you pull out of the parking lot and turn the corner, you will miss the two police cars pulling into the parking lot.
You will enjoy your day for the most part, because you get to feel normal. A day that you like.
(But though you won't admit it, it really isn't the best day you could have. Those are the days you get to spend with Mal.)
You will notice that you're missing your phone, but your stomach will motivate you to get dinner instead of going home to retrieve it.
Which is why you won't see the 37 texts, all about the same thing.
You will eat great food at your favorite chinese restaurant. You will flirt with the waiter, just for something to do, and you will be laughing and smiling. You know later you will brag to Mal about how the waiter was completely smitten with you.
(Even though that's not exactly true.)
You will be driving home when you decide to go by Mal's place. After all, you haven't seen him all day- why not hang out for a bit? But you will see that there's no light on in the window, and you will not stop, you will just keep driving. You will notice a few police cars just down the street and even an ambulance, and you will feel sorry for five seconds for whoever the vehicles are for.
When you get home you will be in a great mood, because you will have had a great day. You will forget about your phone, not remember disconnecting the landline. You will curl up with a pillow and watch The Office. When the show is over, you will decide to read for a bit before going to bed. And when you get back to your room, you will see the phone, remember. You will reconnect it.
And the messages will pour in, as the automated voice will say, "You have 42 new messages." You will pick up the phone, surprised, and listen to the first message. It will be Amy's voice talking to you, "Natara, you have to come to the station. It's really important."
You will not recognize the tone she is using, but the next one, Ken, has the same tone. "I don't know where the hell you are, Natara, but you need to get here now. Mal's gone missing..."
You will listen to the rest of the messages, slowly going numb. You will be able to feel the blood draining from your face. Because halfway through, the voicemails will change. They will not tell you to come to the station. They will tell you to come to a hospital.
You will drop the phone and grab your coat, trying not to let the panic get the best of you. You will disregard all speed limits and red lights, because Mal is worth it. You will drive a little faster as you pass his apartment and remember the police cars and the ambulance from before.
You will burst into the emergency room and threaten the first person wearing scrubs you see. You demand to know where the hell Mal is, and they calmly direct you to a waiting room. You will see the rest of them.
You will not be having a good day any longer.
Ken will be sitting in a chair next to Captain Yeong, both of them stony-faced and listless. Kai will be motionless and silent for once, staring tensely out the waiting room window. Amy will be the only one who notices you enter. She will launch herself across the room and tackle you in a hug that you are too horrified to return. She will pull back, and you will see the tears on her face. Your heart will beat faster, you will find it hard to stay upright. Because her tears tell you that something is seriously wrong. That this isn't a matter of broken bones or bruises.
And a man in purple scrubs will walk up, ask you to please follow him.
And he will say he's sorry for your loss.
You will have trouble moving, because the sentence will still be ringing in your ears. You will realize that you're crying.
You will follow behind him mechanically, and Amy will tell you how Mal was taken while working on a case. You will feel a little colder as you remember unplugging your phone that morning. She will tell you how a John Doe had turned up, perfectly matching Mal's description.
Amy will tell you how they tried to contact you all day.
She will tell you that there was nothing you could have done, but you will have already started blaming yourself. You will remember leaving your cell at home, and you will kick yourself for it. You have to keep yourself from screaming at her when she says it's not your fault.
You will barely notice Ken and Kai crying too.
And when you get to the morgue, you will refuse to go in at first. You will plant your feet and shake your head, becasue there is no way you're going to see the man you love like that.
You do love him, you will realize.
Amy will stay with you as you lean against the wall and cry into your hands. You will not know what to do because Mal, your Mal, your partner and best friend, is dead.
You will find the courage to go in after ten minutes. You wil cross the room on shaky legs and reach out to touch his cold hands. You will kiss each of his cheeks and then his lips and pretend that he is able to kiss you back. You will whisper three words in his ear, and then you will straighten up and force yourself to leave.
And the knowledge that you enjoyed yourself that day will haunt you. It will tear at you, make it that much worse to know that you laughed, smiled, flirted while Mal was being tortured, killed.
You will never fully get over it.