A/n: Hey people. Another one-shot by me! Glorious me! Okay, quick question to people who've read my other fics that center around Riku (my darling, my darling!), do they all sound exactly the same? Because I have a sinking suspicion that they all sound exactly the same! And I want to be diverse, damn it! So please, if you've read my other things (In the Blink of an Eye, Underneath the Guise of Smile, even Requiem for the Damned) please tell me if they are all just the same damn story re-told. Be honest! Thank you.
Disclaimer: Wouldn't be wasting my time on this site if I owned the game! Duh!
"Can we keep it a secret?" He asks me as his fly whispers closed.
His words feel hard, they hit me like a fist full of rocks. I hold in my gasp, choking and swallowing my soundless sob like I swallowed his orgasm moments ago. His words scream in my ears but my mouth remains dry and soundless so I nod my head like the sheep that I am. Because I want him to be happy and if pretending this didn't just happen makes him happy, then I'll pretend better than the best of actors.
He lets his relief flavor his features. He sighs happily and exclaims how embarrassed he is about sleeping with me without saying a word. I'm sure if he took the time to actually look at me, he'd notice how adamantly I cry how utterly overjoyed I am to have been allowed to even touch him. But he's too relieved to even pretend to notice how broken I am.
He brushes nonexistent dirt from the back of his pants as I wonder where he found them, and how he found them so quickly. I could have sworn I had flung them miles away. He has the grace to look abashed as he tries to pull off the after-sex, "don't call me, I'll call you" talk, and the subsequent walk of shame back through town.
"So, umm yea. It was… I had fun and all, but, uhh you're— I, ah. Well, Kairi's expecting me at three, so I… should go. Okay, so bye." And as painful as that had to have been for him, it hurts me even more. It hurts more than I thought it ever could. And I thought I could pretend I was fine, but not like this. He fucked me and now he's going on a date, with her? I can't… I can't believe him.
"Why?" I stare at his back as he cocks one hip and turns back towards me. He's clenching his jaw a little too tightly. He thought I was going to let him simply walk away. And the pathetic thing is, I would have if he would have kept his date a secret.
"Why what?" His eyes look hard, cold, yet they flash with sparks of intensity, as he pretends not to understand.
"'Why what?' What do you think? Why did you sleep with me if you're going on a date with her? Why did you fuck me? Why did you let me think you cared if you don't! Why did you play me! Why did you fuck me!" I'm more upset than I thought I would be. I'm angry. I'm so angry and I don't care if he hates me now. Because I hate him, I want to hate him, so why shouldn't he hate me too?
He must see a look on my face that exposes all my hurt feelings because he doesn't yell or glare or simply walk away. He hangs his head down and it flops forward like a marionette with its strings severed.
"I… I promised her I'd be with her everyday. I promised; I can't break my promise. But God, you must know how much you mean to me by now? I wasn't playing with you, but I can't just abandon Kairi. I can't hurt her like that." But apparently hurting me is just fine. If it didn't feel like I was dying, I think I may have laughed.
"Yea, yea I get it. Have… have a shit load of fun. Fuck her too while you're at it. Two in under twenty-four hours, see if you can do it. Maybe set a record for fucking friends." Now I can see the anger in his eyes, the tautness of his face, and the way he tenses every visible muscle, and I love it. It makes me smile. In a perverse way, I'm ecstatic.
"Fuck you."
"You already did, remember?" At this point, at least he has the decency to blush and look away. And the longer I look at him, the more my hate melts away until it's just a dull longing, just like it always was. And just like before, I can't take it.
"Could you leave please? I'm really sick of looking at you." I manage to get all those words out without crying, I'm proud. I'm proud of myself, I finally said it, I am so proud of myself! After all, he hurt me, so why shouldn't I hurt him? I want to hurt him. I want to scream at him, again, for thinking he could fuck around with me and then just walk away, like it meant nothing. Like I meant nothing.
Now, if he could just leave now, before I collapse into tears and crumble into a million jagged pieces, then there is a God.
But it doesn't happen the way I want it to, so maybe there isn't. Or maybe He does exist and He just hates me. Either way, Sora doesn't leave and I can no longer maintain nonchalance. I can feel my face staining, my eyes watering. And Sora has that concerned look on his face, the one that's so sincere it hurts. The one that used to remind me, time after God awful time, why I loved him. And it hurts, oh God does this hurt! I can't… I can't.
"I can't… I can't! I—" Oh somebody pinch me and wake me from this continuous nightmare, that's my voice! I don't even know what "I can't" do. Maybe I can't take it anymore. Maybe I just can't take him.
"Ri—" He reaches out his and to touch my face and if he actually touches me… I don't know what I'll do.
"Don't touch me! Just please, just get away from me. Go… go see Kairi like you promised and just leave me alone. Please, I can't do this anymore. I can't do this…"
And his hand falls back to his side. I am safe, for the moment, but he is still too close. If he reaches out again he could touch me without taking even a step closer. And he still hasn't moved, or left. What about his precious girl? Isn't she waiting for him? It is almost three, he should have left by now. After all, a promise is a promise is a sacred bond between eternal lovers.
"I'll leave, if that's what you really want. Is that what you really want?" His head has dropped forward again, he can't look me in the eyes, but this time I'm grateful for his cowardice. I don't want to look at him, and I don't want him to look at me.
For a moment I can't speak, the words won't come, even though I only need one, tiny one-syllable word. I have to swallow several times and clear my throat twice before muttering my answer.
Because I have to let go, I have to move on. And despite what we did, he loves her more. He's always loved her more.
And after all, a promise is a promise is a sacred bond between soul mates. And how could I compete with the girl he literally tore his own heart out for?
End note: Err… ta-da? That was not the ending I had planned. (Confession, I didn't really have one planned.) So… was it okay? I don't really know. I don't hate it, I'm mildly proud of it, but I'm not sure about that ending… Maybe I'll come back and change it someday, should I? Feedback, please.
Oh! And Sora was relatively human in this one! He wasn't sadistic or a heartless bastard! He was almost, dare I say it, caring! Gasp! I still love bastard!Sora better though. He's fun. Anyway, tell me if the ending's horrendous or not please. And if this sounds exactly like all my other fics. Thanks!