For Better or Worse
Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager, its characters, etc. belong to Paramount.
Author's Note: This story takes place directly following the episode "Hunters." This will be a multi-chapter story written from the POV of various characters.
Tom
Tom Paris sat hunched on the steps in front of the wall-sized viewscreen in Astrometrics. It was late, 0330 hours, and the room was dark except for the light sprinkling from the view of a thousand, a million stars spread across the vast screen of the universe. The consoles were only dimly lit by auxiliary power, and even Seven of Nine had long since retired to her alcove to regenerate. The careful chaos of the past few days, steeped in hopes and fears, was over. The last possible message had been downloaded through the array mere seconds before its destruction.
And then there was the message from his father. Or rather, there wasn't. It had been lost as the datastream destabilized from the energy released by the quantum singularity.
Part of him felt relieved, the icy tightness in his belly finally dissipating. However, it left in its wake something else. A hollowness in his chest that spoke only of disappointment. Such a contradiction. Although, he reflected wryly, his relationship with his father had forever been wrought with such incongruity, a tangible battle of give and take, ebb and flow. So why should he be surprised to find these feelings still plaguing him even in the Delta Quadrant?
Tom balanced his elbows on his knees and pushed his hands tiredly through his blond hair. Despite the exhaustion that crept through him, he hadn't been able to sleep so after spending half the night staring morosely at the ceiling, he had made his way here. He had wanted to be alone. But not in his quarters. And so, in desperation, he had made his way to Astrometrics where he had lost himself in the stars for a time.
He thought about what Chakotay had said earlier, about the news of Voyager coming as such a shock to those they'd left behind. Of it shattering the fragile resolve of those who had finished their grieving process. He thought about how his father might have finally settled his feelings towards his son. Perhaps it had been easier with Tom gone, easier for his father to come to terms with all the disappointments, all the shortcomings, all the embarrassments. All the ways in which his son would never be like him. Perhaps his father had even felt regret. There was no way of knowing.
But what did his father feel now? Now that he knew Voyager was still out there. Now that he knew his son was still alive, a member of the crew, the ship's pilot and a senior officer. Would his father be grateful for the slightest opportunity of a reunion? Or would he be plagued by the fact that he might one day have to face his son again and perhaps deconstruct the legend that had been built up around the lost Voyager crew?
He sat there, silent and irresolute, thinking about what he had gained that day and what he had also lost. And it wasn't just him. Most of the crew members, Starfleet and Maquis alike, had received communications from their families or friends. For some there had been welcome news. Neelix had been teasing Tuvok about his newly arrived grandchild. Harry's parents had been thrilled to learn that their only child was still alive. And Tom had seen Joe Carey grinning broadly as he strode down a corridor, clutching a PADD in his hands like a lifeline.
But there were others for whom those messages from home hadn't been a panacea, those for whom communication from the Alpha Quadrant had brought little but misery. He shuddered as he recalled the anguish on B'Elanna's face earlier in the day when she had told him about the demise of the Maquis. Chakotay's eyes were haunted, and the gentle friendliness that was his trademark had been replaced by a subdued determination. But the worst was Captain Janeway. She had arrived for Neelix's party on her first officer's arm and had made a decided effort to add to the festivities. But her grip on her emotions was tenuous; he had caught her rapidly blinking away tears more than once during a quiet moment when she thought no one was observing.
He wondered if it had all been worth it. Would there be anything to help them in the data that Starfleet had sent, something that could bring them home just that much sooner? He wondered, too, about the Hirogen. It seemed like they made more enemies than friends here in the Delta Quadrant, and the Hirogen had been no exception. And he wondered if this opportunity for communication would end up making them all feel closer to home or if this brief glimpse of what they'd lost would make the Alpha Quadrant seem even further away. Almost like a tease, close enough to tantalize but not close enough to touch. Was it better than knowing they were alone out here?
He wasn't sure.
To be continued…