Disclaimer: I do not own Secret Life or any of its characters.

A/N: The title is based off of the song "How to Disappear Completely". Also, sorry I haven't been updating I Just Want to Love You. I'll try to get around to it.

Hope you like this story.

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How to Disappear Completely

Music blared around me, mostly noises and the notes off-key, but it was to be expected. I was at work at the daycare where I taught kindergarteners how to play music. I stood in my Converse on the hard ceramic floor in the front of the room, around fifteen children across from me in metal chairs.

They'd all been handed out music and were attempting to play it. They had improved and half of the kids were close to playing it right, and I was patient because I knew at their age, the pace they were going at was normal.

One kid in particular, though, I watched with fascination. Her name was Emily and she was the only one who played every note correctly. Her long black hair was tied back, and she was quiet but definitely gifted.

I looked at the clock across the room as I did on long days, and today had been a very long day. Two hours might not seem like a long time, but when you're cramped in a room with kids the hours drag by slowly.

Only one minute left. One minute until I could pick up John from the room across the hall and leave. After that minute was finally up, everyone stood up from their chair and got ready to leave.

Once I was in the car, John in the backseat, I started the ignition and backed out of the driveway and down the road. Today was only Tuesday, but I was ready to get the week over with.

Gossip around school lately had been everywhere this week, and I bet you can already guess what it was about.

Me kissing Ricky had definitely been talked about, but then Adrian and Ben slept together and all was forgotten of what happened between Ricky and me. People also talked about Ricky and me going to mediation because of our custody battle. Shared custody, that was what the mediator decided; Ricky had John on the weekends, I had him on the week days.

I also knew that there was something else going on, at school and at my own home, something Ashley knew. But she wouldn't tell me. Whenever I would ask her, she'd simply reply that she knew nothing. I didn't believe her.

I knew it was something to do with Ben and Adrian. It wasn't hard to guess. Ben had been acting weird at school, Adrian had been acting weird, and they were talking today in the hallway, about what I don't know.

Last weekend we had John's birthday party, and there were also several weddings: Betty and Leo's and Cindy and Ruben's. The birthday party was at the park, and mostly only family was there, except for Madison and Lauren who decided they'd just come anyway although I made it clear they were not invited.

They showed up at the park, pretended they hadn't known about the party, so they ended up staying the whole time, despite the fact I told them only family was invited.

I put my blinker on to turn on the road to my house, but then I turned it off and put the left blinker on instead. Maybe I would go see Jimmy, I decided. I talked to him yesterday morning and he was planning on coming down here. But we needed to talk now.

I was just going to end this whole relationship or whatever we had going on, because the long distance relationship was just not working. I liked Jimmy, yes, but it just wouldn't work out; I knew that and he knew that.

So I turned left and got on the highway. I would only stay a few minutes to talk; he could come sit in my car so I wouldn't have to leave John alone, we'd talk this over, and I would just come right out and say that I couldn't do this anymore.

We didn't even really talk much anyway, I hardly ever saw him, and he wasn't that dedicated to our "relationship", if it was even a relationship at all.

Once I was off the highway, I turned onto a two-lane road that was surrounded completely with trees. It was six thirty in the evening, and it was close to being pitch-black dark. I never liked this road – it was the only way to Palm Springs – especially at night because it felt like such a desolate and ominous road.

And it went on like this for seven or eight miles – dark and surrounded by trees. The road slightly curved to the left the entire time, so it was very easy to swerve off the road if I wasn't paying attention.

I looked at the dashboard and saw that the car was almost on Empty, and I made a reminder to myself to go to a gas station as soon as we got off this road. Actually, I probably should have went before I got on this road, because I wasn't sure I would make it.

I could always pull over and walk, I thought.

I wouldn't want to walk around outside at night, but I realized as I continued driving that because of my ignorance, I might have to do that. The only problem with that, though, would be that I wouldn't know how to put the gas in the car myself.

Maybe I'd ask someone.

I was really starting to worry, because I honestly did not want to get out; the car was flat on Empty now. I had only a few yards left of this road and only a mile away from a gas station, but I wasn't sure what I would do about John.

As much as I dreaded it and worried, to the point that I was actually crying because I didn't know what to do, I decided I would leave John in the car, lock the doors, take the baby monitor, and carry my keys with me in my pocket. If I took him he would definitely not be safe, and he would be safe in the car.

He'd have to be.

I would have to walk really fast and hurry to the gas station. John couldn't be left alone for long, and I really wished I would have went to a gas station prior to my decision to go to Palm Springs.

God, why hadn't I just called Jimmy and broken up with him?

Oh, right, because I wanted to do things the complicated way.

"I'll be right back, John," I told him after I had pulled over on the side of the road when the car went dead. I had two baby monitors in the drawer, and I quickly took them both out and put one on the seat beside John, and the other one I put in my jacket pocket.

I opened my door and stepped onto the street, making sure no cars were coming. I shut my door, double-checked that John was okay, and made sure the doors were locked.

I hurried down the road, practically running, until I finally got past the trees and onto the highway. I walked way over in the grass, knowing that this was so dangerous being next to the highway. But my stupidity had led me to do this.

I walked close to the bushes, darkness surrounding them, not even the moon in view. It was probably blocked by the trees behind me. Above me about twenty feet ahead I could vaguely see three guys walking, hands in pocket, snickering about something.

I couldn't see the gas station yet, but I knew it would soon come into sight. I would have to ran so I could get back to John sooner but I didn't want to get any closer to those men. They didn't seem to be paying any attention to me, so I didn't look at them.

I wrapped my arms around myself and pulled the jacket I was wearing tighter around me. It was a little cold, although it was nearly Spring, but I knew the anxiety of being alone out here was the real reason I felt cold.

I could hear John's soft breathing on the monitor and wished he could hear me so I could tell him it was okay and I wouldn't take long. He mumbled an incoherent word, but he didn't seem like he was scared.

I walked quicker now, jogging, my breath quickening. I tightened my jaw and tried to ignore the car after car rushing to the left side of me on the road. How could so many people be driving at the same time? I wondered.

Everything was okay. Everything was okay, I repeated to myself. But evidently I had forgotten. I had forgotten that I wasn't supposed to run or I'd get too close to those guys above me. They were now only ten feet ahead.

I had managed to ignore them and forgot all about them, and I mentally slapped myself for that. I immediately slowed down to a walk, the gas station coming into view now. But it was yards away and I wasn't going to reach it as quickly as I wanted.

"Hey, honey," one of the guys above me said. The three of them had turned around now and were facing me. They chuckled to each other and smirked at me. All I could do was stare at them uneasily.

"Are you lost, baby?" another one asked.

"Why don't we help you find your way?" the first one said, laughing at the second guy, and he returned the grin. They were slowly walking toward me, and I nervously ran a hand through my hair and backed away.

"What – what are you doing?" the third guy asked. He fell over on the guy in the middle but quickly straightened up. He was obviously drunk. They walked closer, the three of them closing in on me, and I froze. I knew I couldn't back up anymore and I couldn't run, in fear that I'd provoke them.

The three of them surrounded me, five feet away from me now. They were close enough that I could see the first guy had a cigarette in his hand. He put it to his mouth and then blew the smoke in my direction. I held my breath. I hated smoke.

My heart was pounding in my chest and in my head, the blood rushing from my pale face. The guy with the cigarette laughed and walked closer to me. I couldn't move. I was lifeless under my skin. He grabbed my arm and I quickly flinched it back.

"Don't be like that," he said. The other two guys were cracking up. He moved even closer to me, inches away from me, and I backed up again. He grabbed for my waist but I dodged him. He blew his smoke again but then dropped his cigarette so he had two free hands. "Why you walkin' in the dark by yourself?" he taunted me. His voice was deep and raspy.

Viciously, he grabbed both of my arms and I tried to fight him off. I backed up and mumbled, "Don't touch me," but that didn't stop him. If anything, it provoked him further. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but my mouth had gone dry.

He reached his hand in his pocket, and I took this as my opportunity to back up again. But then I froze when I watched him withdraw a gun from his pocket and hold it up. "Listen to me," he demanded. "You do exactly what I say, okay?"

I forced myself to nod.

I kept my eyes on the gun, praying he'd put it away. "Walk with me," he instructed, walking toward the dark bushes. I did.

He pushed me into the bushes so there would be no witnesses, and the other guys had disappeared somewhere. I could see nothing until we reached a stump, which was right below the moon. Some light shone, but everything looked like black blurs to me.

My heart continued to pound, and I kicked my foot nervously over the stump. I could feel him standing in front of me, and I wanted nothing more than to be in the car with John or to be safe in my own home. I couldn't hear John over the monitor; he made no sound.

"Take off your clothes," the man directed me, and I hesitated. I let my hands fall to my sides and he glared at me, keeping the gun low. "Do it," he insisted, his voice cold with fury as he raised the gun. "Now."

My hands shaking, I brought them to my chest and unzipped my jacket. I started undoing the buttons of my shirt, and he lowered his gun. I stopped as I had half of the buttons open, and then everything happened quickly.

He put his hand on my shoulder and I fell backwards, hearing the gun drop to the ground, and the pain radiated through my back as I landed on sticks and a stump. I moved away from it, and I struggled to breathe with his weight on top of me. "Please don't," I pleaded, but he ignored me.

He reached his hand under my shirt and laughed, removing it and unclasping my bra. I heard him throw his clothes off, and he moved his hands to my jeans. "Please stop," I tried again. He pulled my jeans off and had his hands on my bare skin and removed the rest of my clothing.

"Please," I squeaked, but I knew it was no good.

"Shut up!" he groaned.

He was inside me, and I tried my best to evade the pain that projected through my body, even after having a baby. I could hardly breath and I knew I'd have bruises all over my chest, but that wasn't what I was worried about. "Please," I cried, my voice small and desperate.

He didn't say anything this time.

The tears rolled down my cheeks and simultaneously as he grunted on top of me and I cried, still hopelessly begging him to stop, I heard John's muffled cries on the monitor, wherever it lay on the ground, although he couldn't hear me.

It was as if we were somehow connected and he had sensed that I was in danger. The pain was excruciating; somehow it hurt far worse than my first time. Maybe it was because he was at least two hundred and thirty pounds of muscle on top of me, while I was only one hundred and fifteen pounds.

I groaned from the pain and finally, finally, he stopped and got off of me in a hurry to flee. Then I heard the sound of leaves and grass ruffling as he fled and ran off in the distance. Tears running down my face, I listened to make sure he was gone, and then I got my clothes off the ground and put them back on.

I bawled into my knees, my crying coming out in quiet chokes. The tears blurred my eyes. I felt around on the ground and found the baby monitor; John was still whining, not as much as before. I then found my phone and my hands shook underneath it.

I didn't know what to do; I didn't want to worry my parents. I didn't want them to know I had been on my way to Jimmy's without letting them know and had gotten into trouble. Lauren and Madison were hardly my friends, and had no car. Grace had no car. Adrian I didn't trust, and Ben I wouldn't dare.

I struggled to dial a number as my fingers trembled, and then I put the phone to my ear and tried to calm my crying, but the cries came out anyway, and he would know. The phone rang twice before there was an answer. "Yeah, Amy?"

I couldn't find my voice at first. I cried and finally managed to choke out, "C – Can you come get me?"

There was a brief pause and Ricky's voice immediately changed from nonchalant to concerned. "What's wrong?"

My voice shook as I spoke, and I swore I had never felt so small and hurt in my life. "I'm on the road th – that turns into Palm Springs." I had to pause so I was coherent. "Please come get me."

"I'll be right there," he said immediately. "Are you hurt?"

"Yes," I cried into the phone, but I didn't want him to think I was dying. "I – I'm fine," I assured him, despite the fact that I felt like shit.

"I'm on my way," he said quickly. "Do you want me to stay on the phone with you until I get there?"

"Yeah," I forced out, feeling now that I would somehow be okay.