Disclaimer: I do not own Law & Order: SVU or its characters. I'm not sure how else to put this, but Amanda and Olivia are romantically involved here. There is many a smut, and some angst too. Hope this gets the ball rolling for all you Rolivia lovers/writers!
A/N: Sometimes we all crave just a touch...
The walls surrounding Galley's Bar hold many secrets. Olivia sees herself in the deep shade of red paint. Her underlying rage is in the pattered bricks, and the cracks are just like the scars that mar her skin.
Beneath her fingers is the condensation from a well-deserved cold beer. This year has been hard for her. She's lost three people. Huang decided it was his time to leave, and she doesn't blame him. However; she does blame Elliot, and she does blame David.
Olivia swallows the alcohol in her mouth, savoring the bitter taste it leaves. It feels good, the bitterness. It's become so sickly familiar. Out of the corner of her eye, she spots Amanda picking at the label on her beer. She and Nick had been there for her since they got there, giving her a lot more than she deserved.
Although it breaks her heart to admit it, Amaro has been a hell of a partner, as well as Amanda. She shifts and Olivia takes the opportunity to glance at the woman, her blonde hair moving with her body, the deep blue eyes and heavy lashes low as she keeps her eyes to herself. As if almost on instinct, Olivia's hand finds Amanda's thigh beneath the booth.
"You okay?" she murmurs, leaning in to get a good look at the younger woman. Her expression is somber, quiet, detached.
Amanda's eyes flicker up to hers. "Do you ever feel like there is no winning?" Her voice, usually deep and filled with confidence, is now quiet and reserved. "We do the job, we get the guy, and there's always another one out there. And what does it do to us? Yeah, at work we're a team, but in exception to Amaro, we all go home alone."
Olivia sighs. Everyone goes through this mental block. The only one she's ever seen crack under its pressure is Cassidy, but he wasn't half as good a detective as Amanda is in her eyes. She ignores the mild hurt that runs through her veins at Amanda's last comment. It wasn't meant to be a jab at her personally, she was just stating facts. Olivia looks away from her momentarily, realizing her hand is still resting on her thigh. Gradually, she retracts it and slides her palm against Amanda's as she had done a few weeks ago.
This case had been hard on the young detective, and quite frankly, Olivia doesn't care how it looks to others, because they both need the comfort right now. It's quiet between them for a few moments while they both watch Olivia's thumb run over her fingers repeatedly.
"You saw the girl. Even though we didn't get there in time, we prevented that from ever happening again. You did. Without you, that sick fuck would still be out there." She looks at Amanda, their faces maybe a bit too close for colleagues. "That has to account for something," Olivia whispers.
Amanda's eyes light with something Olivia doesn't immediately consider, but comes to recognize as the eyes that were on hers drop to her lips. "Yeah," the blonde breathes out, squeezing Olivia's hand.
Without breaking their gaze, Amanda takes a swig from her beer.
There's something that's different tonight, and Olivia is willing to tackle any challenge. She knows what Rollins needs – she just doesn't know how exactly to go about the suggestion. It's factual knowledge to her that Amanda swings both ways; she could tell how uncomfortable the blonde became as they held hands in order to get information out of the stubborn New York Cryogenics receptionist.
She's never considered herself to be anything but straight, yet tonight Olivia resists the nearly overwhelming urge to run her fingers through Amanda's hair, just to feel someone close to her again. Just to touch someone and feel their skin underneath her fingertips.
Her breathing quickens at the sight of Amanda's hand moving towards her thigh. The contact sends a rush through Olivia's body, lighting her skin on fire, and creating a pounding sensation between her legs. Christ, she shouldn't be this aroused so quickly, especially with a woman. But the newness thrills her, excites her. Experimentation is what she craves now.
"I'll make you a deal," Olivia whispers, her hot breath hitting Amanda's neck. "One night. Whatever you want, whatever you need." The blonde pulls back immediately, startling Olivia. Maybe she misread things between them. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
"Only if you accept that this isn't one sided," Amanda smiles, easing Olivia's anxiety. She leans into the older woman as if she had never pulled back. "I reciprocate. And quite well, I've been told." The hand that was previously on Olivia's thigh now moves upward, closer to the crotch of her pants. She knows Amanda can feel the heat coming from there.
Their waitress comes by with two more beers, and it feels like hours since she'd ordered them. The aging woman doesn't glance twice at them as they slowly pull away from one another, unclasping hands on the table in order to grab their beers. After a simultaneous swig, Olivia sighs. She's suddenly glad they had opted for a quiet booth near the back of the bar, close to the exit. A few people are playing billiards, but they seem miles away from her and the blonde beside her. She feels reckless, maybe even a little crazy – but these days the adrenaline is all that keeps her going.
She calls the waitress back over, smiling at Amanda. "Can we get two shots of vodka, and two of whiskey, please?" Olivia only momentarily glances at the woman taking her order, too focused on Amanda's reaction to it all. She's thankful they had chosen to eat as soon as they got there. The greasy nachos will absorb some of the alcohol – at least she hopes. She's fine right now, and with the shots she'll be at that quiet buzz phase – where relaxation comes into play.
"You better not get me too drunk, Benson. I definitely want to remember this in the morning." The blonde winks at her, just as her hand moves a little higher on her thigh.
She rolls her eyes at Amanda, covering for the moan that threatens to break through her lips. "It's just gonna take the edge off. What's the matter, Rollins? Can't hold your liquor?" Olivia teases, hoping to ease some of the tension between them. Amanda's eyes drop again, to Olivia's lips. They need to get those drinks soon, because Olivia may start something with her colleague she very much intends to finish – multiple times.
"I'm more worried about you."
Olivia's heart nearly stops. The drawl in her voice, the lowness; it all sends her body towards where the voice came from. She's so close to Amanda's lips, as she stares into her eyes, asking for the permission she already has, needing the conformation that their both in on this reckless danger.
"Two vodka, two whiskey." The bartender interrupts, pulling Olivia's attention back to the table as he sets down the four shots. The two women quickly down the vodka, grimacing at the burn. Olivia holds up the second shot, staring into the amber liquid.
"To... Tonight. And everything that it could bring." She looks up from the whiskey to the bright blue eyes of her colleague, her companion, and now, lover. The color of her eyes are so painstakingly familiar; just a few shades off from Elliot's endless irises. Maybe she's drawn to Amanda because of the closeness in color, the fire and tenacity they both have. Before tonight however, Olivia hadn't felt anything she thought would be worth pursuing. Yet here she is.
Their demons run deep, even it's only a few hours, Olivia hopes they'll get rid of those demons with the touch of someone they trust.
"To tonight," Amanda confirms, clinking her glass with Olivia's. In unison, they take their shots and Olivia feels the burning liquid aphrodisiac sliding down her throat. It settles in the pit of her stomach as it churns and groans, the alcohol and her nerves getting the best of her.
After inhaling deeply, the brunette leans into Amanda's ear again. "So," she murmurs, her lips grazing her lover's skin. "My place or yours?"
Without hesitation, Amanda tucks a piece of Olivia's hair behind her ear and ever so lightly presses her lips to the older woman's earlobe. "Mine. It's closer."
Just the simple touch makes Olivia feel a little closer to her, a little more tangled intimately.
Amanda's apartment is beautiful. Plain and simple.
The walls are cream, the trim is black. All of the furniture melds with the walls, and even her dark blue bedspread looks like something out of a magazine. Olivia is in awe of it all, and that she got such a spacious studio apartment on a cop's salary.
She can see the bathroom tucked in on the west wall, and even that looks infinitely comfortable. Turning in a semi circle, Olivia faces an amused looking Amanda. "How did you manage to swing this?" she nearly demands, her envy getting the best of her. Her apartment is great, the price is decent, but it's nothing compared to Amanda's textured, layered, utopia-like studio.
Amanda shrugs nonchalantly. "Got a friend back in Georgia who used to live in this exact apartment. She got me a deal with the manager. Trust me, I was expecting something a lot less than this," she chuckles, gesturing outward.
There's a moment of silence that makes Olivia remember why she's truly here.
"I bet," Olivia manages.
She toes off her shoes and quietly makes her way through the living room, stopping just before where the door to Amanda's bedroom would be if she had one. The blonde is right behind her when Olivia stops in her tracks and turns around.
This is it, Olivia thinks.
Taking Amanda by surprise, she grabs at the nape of the younger woman's neck and pulls her in close. Olivia doesn't give her any time to adjust to the intimacy and captures her upper lip in a hard, passionate kiss.
Her heart pounds wildly in her chest. The newness of it all captures Olivia's utmost attention and intrigues her. Moving closer, she runs her fingers through Amanda's hair, tilting her head. Their tongues touch in the middle of it all, sending shock waves of pleasure and adrenaline coursing through her body.
She wants this woman now. The feeling is so foreign to her that her mind begins to race. She decides to forgo the guessing game and does what she would want done to her. Tentatively, Olivia unbuttons Amanda's blouse, which the blonde quickly reciprocates.
They shrug their shirts off and Olivia feels like she needs some sort of control over herself and her pushy eagerness.
Amanda sighs into her lover's mouth as her bra drops. Olivia takes the opportunity to cup the newly exposed skin, feeling the heat and weight beneath her fingertips. She rubs over her hardening nipples, reveling in the moan Amanda presents her with. Their lips part while the younger woman unclasps Olivia's bra and brings it back over her shoulders.
As she bares her chest for the first time in front of her colleague, Amanda gasps. "Mmm," she smiles, lowering her head to wrap her lips around one of the pert buds. Her other hand cups and squeezes Olivia's breast. It's the brunette's turn to moan now, with her lover's hot, wet tongue traveling around her nipple, again and again. Slowly, Amanda pulls away from her breast, teasing the sensitive flesh by blowing on it. "You're doing good, Liv." The blonde looks up at her, grinning with pride. They head towards the bed and Olivia twists them around, pushing her lips hard against Amanda's.
Together the two women crash onto the bed, scooting up to the pillows. Olivia finds herself on top of Amanda, pushing back her blonde hair in order to get proper access to her neck. She nips and sucks at her pulse point, up behind the shell of her ear and back down to the younger woman's collar bone, focusing on her breathless pants and short nails digging into the brunette's back. Soon she adjusts, pushing herself into order to get better access to her lover's skin. It has a different effect however, as the rough movement causes them to rub against one another intimately.
"Fuck," Amanda grinds out. The blonde raises her hips against Olivia, pushing up. The pleasure is immediate. The seam of Olivia's pants push against her now sensitive bundles of nerves, while Amanda spreads her legs wider, granting Olivia better admittance to her most sacred place.
Sparks shoot through Olivia's body at the sensations her colleague's body is creating. She refuses to let the repercussions of their actions effect her right now, or the trouble it will cause. All that her mind can comprehend is how something so new can be so exciting this late in her life. She channels it all into finding the buttons on her own slacks and undoing it, stopping her hips' movements momentarily.
It's only a few seconds until they're both completely divested of clothes. Amanda lays atop of Olivia now, stealing kisses and exploratory touches. It seems as though she's nervous, so the older woman pulls back, nodding slightly. She perches herself up on her elbows, watching the blonde scoot down the bed.
"Relax, Liv."
With that, Olivia leans her head back, feeling the first touch of Amanda's lips against her core.
TBC?