A/N This is my first story so I hope you enjoy. Beware a dark story with the issue of rape, depression, and cutting. BTW I may portray Japan as a really bad person, do not take this to heart. This is only a story. I might continue or make a collection of stories.

Disclaimer-I do not own Hetalia but I do own my idea (I think)

Dear Diary,

I hate looking in the mirror and seeing that mask I plaster on. The mask that no one seems to know of. Whenever people look at me they look at me with annoyance and disgust. I can see and hear every perfectly well, they seem to forget that. I hear their words of anger and disgust towards me and it hurts. I only want to be loved, is that too much to ask for? I try so hard to be great, to be noticed but I am only a nuisance in their eyes. Sometimes I feel this pain inside my heart and unconsciously claw at my chest until it bleeds. I want to rip out my heart to not feel the pain anymore. I remember everything of the past. I was their bitch to their beckon and call. I hate myself for being so useless, vulnerable, and dirty.

I remember WWII when Japan used me and controlled me (1). How he tortured me and my people. Whenever I closed my eyes I remember when he striped me of my pride and broke me down. I hear the screaming and the crying repeating in my head. I watched as the men raped a girl no older than 14-15 and couldn't do a thing (2). Every time I close my eyes the past haunts me.

When I was liberated I was so happy, Hyung and I were free But our troubles were far from over. Russia came to visit and Hyung changed (3). He became more cruel and demanding. He had dark thoughts of revenge when I wanted to take no part in it. He hurt me when I questioned his visits to Russia. His eyes were the exact same as Japans when he... (4) he... He fought against me in war (5). America, he was so kind and took care of me. I grew to care for him. His kindness, his looks, his touch drove me wild. However, in the end I was once again betrayed when he left me and helped Japan after Japan had... me.

China was one I also loved. His beauty, wisdom, and kindness. I didn't care if he loved me like a brother, as long as he loved me I could live. In the war (5) he joined my brother and fought against me. I was shocked and couldn't bring myself to hurt him so our forces retreated back. I tried to ask him why but he merely shot me in the shoulder. I learned to forgive him though, but to him it is like it never happened. He criticizes me and compares to Japan. I love China and has been loyal to him yet he only cares for Japan when he hurt China (6).

Just for China and America I try to change doing anything for their attention and love. Every insult is like a poisoned dagger to the heart so I try to change just for them, just so they love me. Why? Why don't they love me? I do everything for them but I am merely a bother.

I can't deal with all the pain and ridicule. Everyone loves a take a jab at me and it hurts. I feel like a failure, I can never be up to their expectations so I punish myself For being so stupid. Sometimes I bash my head in the wall repeatedly for being stupid, sometimes I pull my hair for being so ugly. I claw at parts of my body in hope to rip off this flesh and become the one that they desire. My best friend became my blade. He never betrayed me, he never judged me. He loved me for who I was and gave me the love and attention I craved. He never left me and was there when I needed sweet release.

I want to be free from this pain. I wish I wasn't a nation forced to smile for the people, forced to be a puppet and live through the pain. I never die but I don't live either. My soul is dead covered up by a mask of fake happiness and joy. My mask grew on to my face, I couldn't stop smiling even through the pain. I don't even know what real emotions are anymore.

As I run the blade down my arm, I wish to be free from these chains. Until then, I will await death with open arms.

~ Im Yong Soo -South Korea

A/N Sorry if it is not so great I just came up with it and went with the flow. Please leave reviews on my work to help me get better as a writer.

Below are the things I noted in the story explained.

1. Japanese Occupation of Korea.

2. During the occupation the women were used as 'stress relievers' for the soldiers and emperor (of Japan).

3. Russia helped the northern part of korea in The Korean War (also called The Forgotten War)(It was after Korea was liberated). North Korea was led to believe in Communism while South Korea was influenced by America to believe in the opposite. This was a part of the Cold War, the separation between Korea is the only war from the Cold War still going on now. Both Korea's did not end the war but did put it on hold. Hyung is Korean for older brother and is considered one of his fan made names (Hyung Soo Im) or in Asia (Im Hyung Soo) In Asia last names are first.

4. This is just really rape. I didn't want to put it in there so I made it seem like Korea did not want to remember those dark times.

5. The Korean War (between North and South).

6. The rape of Nanking (WWII) and in Hetalia, Japan literally backstabbed China so now he has a long scar on his back.