I bring my head up and look at the picture I threw on the floor. Angry tears fill my eyes once more as I think about that day I think back to what he said when he broke up with me; I can still remember it word for word.
*Flash Back*
"Ginny, listen...I can't be involved with you anymore. We've got to stop seeing each other. We can't be together."*
Those three short sentences hurt me. I knew that he still liked me and that the only reason he was breaking up with me was because Voldemort was on the loose, but it still hurt. It was like every word he said, someone brought a chisel to my heart and was slowly chipping off pieces of it. And my response was right on target.
"It's for some stupid, noble reason, isn't it?"*
Knowing the answer already, I waited for his response. I knew him. I knew his way of thinking. Already tired of waiting for him to answer I spoke.
"You don't always have to be the hero…just be Harry…for me…for you…"
But of course, he couldn't make that decision.
*End Flashback*
Angrily, I got up and smashed the mirror with my fist. My hand was bloody, throbbing with pain, a brief distraction from the internal pain I had been in. Sadly, brief distractions didn't cut it anymore.
I thought back to that kiss in my bedroom... I'll admit that I still dream about it and wish that it didn't have to stop so soon. If only Ron hadn't come in. If only Harry didn't leave. Wait, correction: If only he didn't leave me. If "if only's" and wishes did any good, I'd be fine. I'd be…whole. Since the day he left put a hole in my side, a hole that seemed like it would never be filled. This is reality and I have to get through it, even if it means clinging to my hopes and dreams for the future and my memories of the past. I only wish I knew where he was and that he was safe...The hardest part of living these last couple of months was feeling out of control. I kept thinking that if he did come back and if he did want to get back together would he still love me? Would he hurt me again? That I couldn't handle. How much could one heart be broken and still be expected to keep on beating?
Rage suddenly courses through my veins. I feel so mad at Harry for leaving me, for giving me scars that would probably never, ever leave me, for breaking my heart, my mum and dad for sending me back to Hogwarts, Ron and Hermione for disappearing to Merlin knows where, the Carrows for creating the scars that are all over my body, and Voldemort for creating this stupid mess in the first place.
With a cry of rage I threw spell books, pillows, and just about anything I could get my hands on around the room. I dropped the brush I was about to throw and sink to my knees. I looked down at one of the larger shards of mirror at my reflection. My eyes were red and swollen, my hair tangled, and there was blood smeared on my face from when I'd held my face in my hands.
"What is wrong with me?" I muttered to myself.
I slowly got up, and sat on the four poster in the corner, thinking.
"Just keep breathing." I said "Keep breathing and take it one step at a time."
One day I'll have him back. We'll be safe and fine and even if he doesn't love me anymore I will always love him. No matter what. I won't let Voldemort take over my life. Things aren't usually as hard as they seem, just take a breath.
*Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince, US edition, page 646