Fandom: Final Fantasy VII

Summary: It was an unspoken confession of a love that might never be.

Title: Unspoken

Author: Hana Rui

Genre: shounen-ai

Pairing: Barret Wallace x Cloud Strife

"It's funny how someone can live each and every day without knowing that their existence is the reason you live."

—Quote #03, 50_lovequotes challenge livejournal

Sometimes Cloud wondered whether he should wear a sign in bright neon lights on his face and if that perhaps would make things a little easier for the two of them.

"NO WAY!" the swarthy man burst out, waving his deadly-looking steel arm in front of his face. "Forget it! There ain't no way I'ma lettin' a wacko like you anywhere near my li'l Marlene!"

He was getting tired of hearing those words spoken over and over again, just as he was running out of every borrowed ounce of tolerance for the older guy's density. Whenever he attempted to advance their relationship a notch deeper, Barret would break into a tirade about him breaking a neck or dying of some other vicious means if he ever lay a hand—or even thought of laying a hand—on Marlene.

Like he ever did care that way for the little girl, anyway. And not like he would ever do.

"You're not the kind of guy I would like my Marlene to be with," Barret would often add before turning around and leaving him with nothing but an impatient sigh to accompany him through the rest of the night.

Sometimes he would wonder why he kept on pursuing the guy and if his attempts at subtlety was and would ever be of any help. It obviously wasn't doing much, to say the very least, and yet it was the only way by which he knew he could go about it.

So he kept up with the hopeless charade, his wordless confessions. Advancing his steps little by little, though only gaining the burly guy's distaste more and more.

Everybody else knew of his preference. Just by looking at him, at how he would stare longingly at the guy whenever said guy wasn't sensible enough to notice and pound him for it... They figured it out on their own, but wouldn't say a word about it.

He knew they knew, though. And found it a little embarrassing at first, but learned to live by it eventually. Especially since accidentally walking in on Cid and Vincent getting a little too intimate in one of the bathroom stalls in 7th Heaven.

He never breathed a word about it to anyone. He bet the girls knew about it, too, anyway. Girls really just had a knack of knowing things like that. They always knew a lot—knew everything.

It was just too bad that the guy in question remained in the dark all on his own.

He kept his phase, though, as he didn't want to surprise the guy and end up scaring him off his pants. Barret was previously married. To a woman, at that. It was enough to tell Cloud that the guy was straight, and might just smirk at the kind of relationship he wanted to share with him.

It was, after all, a lot better this way. At least, he got to interact with the guy and the guy didn't even think of ever shying away.

Still, he was hoping for that day he would have enough courage to tell him straight on without thinking about regretting it in the end.

"I hope this ain't about Marlene again," Barret mumbled when he invited him out for a beer for the nth time. "I swear I'll bloody pound you into a bloody pulp this time if it is."

He smiled secretly at the familiar threat that never found completion, instead in beer-scented words.

He hoped it wouldn't be about Marlene this time, too.

They sat down, in their usual booth and ordered a couple of mugs each for starters. They talked and laughed about the usual stuffs, until they both got beer-muddled by their fourth mugs that they began threading on more serious stuffs.

Those that concerned him—and Marlene.

"Godammit, you bitch!" Barret snarled. "I told you not to talk about that anymore!"

"You started it," he mumbled simply, sipping on his fifth.

Barret pulled himself together and sat back down rather huffily, "So what did you mean about getting to know each other a little better, huh?"

Cloud sighed, still vaguely reeling from the fact that he was actually able to say the closest thing to what he had been meaning to say all along. "It's just that I thought… You see, we've always been together, and… And you've always just stood beside me, helping me, beating me back in place… But I hardly really know you. What you want—aside from your heroic visions, and Marlene, that is. What makes you tick. Those little stuffs that usually don't matter. Y'know…"

"Oh," Barret grabbed his own fifth mug and gulped down about a quarter of beer before placing the mug back on the table and staring seriously at his companion. "And why would you want to fuckin' bother about those things? We ain't got no time to bother about such pansy stuffs, foo."

The word pansy hit him right on target and he shrugged. "I was just wondering." He picked his mug up and hid his blushing cheeks behind it, his eyes avoiding the dark-colored ones which were staring intensely at him.

Barret leaned deeper into his seat and looked out the window beside their booth. "I like blue. Blue sky. Blue ocean. Blue eyes…"

Cloud kept the mug up, feeling his face burn a notch hotter.

"Why would you wanna know?"

The blond guy let out a big sigh to cool himself down and finally lay his mug back on the table, "I told you. Just wondering."

A long moment of silence ensued, during which both of them just stared out the window and got caught in each other's thoughts.

"Hey," Barret said after a while. "How about you? What do you want, Cloud?"

It was the first time in months that the guy had actually called him by his name. "Just… warmth. Companionship, I guess. A little…acknowledgement from someone…"

"You ain't gonna get those from Marlene," Barret announced matter-of-factly. "I freakin' swear on that."

"I am gay, Barret." He wanted to bite his tongue for saying that, but got too busy keeping his eyes from growing into plates to do so. He couldn't tell where it came from. It just sprang up and went barreling through his lips. Must be the beer, he thought, hardly able to contain the warmth creeping up on his face.

He grabbed his beer and found refuge behind it once again.

Barret took a couple of minutes to let that sudden confession sink in before sighing and quietly taking his leave.

This time, there was no impatient sigh to accompany the forlorn youth in solitude. Only the bitter feelings of lost and regret slowly engulfing him whole.

And he thought he had lost his chance forever. But come the next day Barret came up to him, wearing a rather civil look on his face, and passed him a note to meet at the bar that night.

It was in the same booth, the same number of mugs. But with a silence that didn't quite belong…

He decided he needed to cut the suffocating quiet off and said, "About last night… I… I'm really sorry."

"I knew," Barret mumbled, looking down at his half-empty mug. "I knew it all along."

Cloud looked uncertainly at the older man.

Barret met his gaze and smiled just as uncertainly. "But I'd like to keep things the way they are. It's better this way, foo."

"I understand," he mumbled, a little too eagerly he had to virtually kick himself in the ass.

"And no more of those pansy talks, all right!" Barret raised his mug for a toast and he raised his to meet it in the air in silent agreement.

"Whatever you say," he forced himself to respond through the now rather familiar feelings of lost and regret.

At least, he wouldn't have to endure those pedophilic accusations concerning Marlene anymore.

-end-

Note: The plot-idea was inspired by the conversation they had on the gondola in Round Square in Barrets version of the date sequence.

Thanks for reading! :)