I have done it! I have written a Bleed fic! I have never seen another one of these out there (if there is another one then props to that author!). I hope everyone enjoys it!
This fic is based on CP Coulter's Dalton. I do not own Glee.
Some of Us Are Looking at the Stars
Blaine raised his eyes gratefully from the ridiculously complex math equation scribbled across his homework to see his boyfriend enter the room. Kurt's usually immaculate brown hair was disheveled and his face looked drawn.
"Are you alright?" Blaine stood up, pushing back his chair, and enfolded the taller boy in his arms.
"Yeah," Kurt sighed letting the tension in his limbs ease as he inhaled the comforting sent of Blaine's hair, "it's just…."
"Reed?" Blaine asked helpfully, guiding his boyfriend to the bed. Kurt nodded and sat with a tired groan. Blaine crawled up behind him, his talented hands rubbing the knots out of Kurt's shoulders.
Kurt let his head hang loose, fully appreciating the massage. Trying to be there for Reed was wearing him out. The spirits of the little artist had seemed to be improving, but he had a relapse back into another downtrodden and resentful mood. Kurt didn't know what had set him off but he had a suspicion that it was prompted by the Colbie Caillat song "Rainbow" coming on the radio. He had left the boy sullenly splashing red and black paint at a canvas.
"I just don't know what to tell him…" Blaine could hear the weary desperation in the boy's generally optimistic tone and his heart clenched. Underneath his diva-ish tendencies Kurt was the most compassionate person Blaine knew, and hated to see him upset by anything.
Blaine ran his fingers gently through his boyfriends hair and spoke in a low comforting voice, "He's strong you know, a lot stronger than he thinks. He'll get through this just fine."
Kurt's cerulean eyes studied Blaine's chocolate ones as the boy sat next to him, squeezing Kurt's hand reassuringly. Kurt's reply was candid, "Maybe he is, but this isn't going to get better 'til your brother talks to him. It's not fair for him to leave Reed in this state, unsure, not knowing anything. At least if Shane told him he wasn't interested any more Reed could get on with his life."
"Whoa," Blaine furrowed his brow, a little taken aback, "No one said Shane isn't interested."
"Well he's sure acting like it!" Kurt bit back, the stress of his current situation getting the better of him, "Not talking to Reed for a week! Leaving him confused to run off with someone else." He held up a hand to halt Blaine's indignant retort. "I know that he and Micah have a history together, and a very significant one. I respect that, but Reed deserves better than this."
Blaine nodded sadly. He felt a familial obligation to defend the actions of his brother, but how could he? Shane was definitely in the wrong. "Yes he does. Shane should have talked to him by now. But that's my brother for you, he gets caught up in something and stops thinking clearly." Kurt let out an assenting laugh. "And I can't predict what is going on in his head, but if I know Shane he doesn't want to hurt Reed. That boy means more to him than you think. Sure he loved Micah, but that was very different from the way he loves Reed, and I am one hundred percent certain he does love Reed. He's not gonna let go of him that easily, even if Micah is back in the picture."
Kurt looked into the honest depths of Blaine's brown eyes. He trusted Blaine, he knew the boy wouldn't tell him anything he didn't honestly believe. "I'm just worried about him… I hate to think that Shane would just leave him. I don't know how far they progressed but I personally know what it's like to be kissed by an Anderson for the first time and believe me it leaves you crazy for more…"
Kurt intended this last part to be a joke but Blaine didn't laugh. Instead he looked away from Kurt fidgeting slightly. "Yeah…"
"Blaine?" Kurt raised an eyebrow noticing the awkwardness in Blaine's voice that he knew no justification for, "Do you know something I don't know?"
Blaine suddenly became very interested in the silver buckles on the luxurious black leather boots Kurt was wearing, "Hmm? No."
"Blaine." Kurt wasn't fooled by this weak denial.
"It's nothing really. It doesn't matter."
"What?" Kurt was honestly confused but adamant about getting an explanation. "Is it something Shane—"
"No, no, not Shane." Blaine laughed nervously.
Kurt's eye brows raised even higher, "Blaine if you don't tell me I just might start to get worried..."
Blaine exhaled, he didn't want to cause Kurt anymore stress. "Alright… this isn't really relevant to what's happening now… it's just what you said reminded me… There's a story I should probably tell you…"
"Uh- huh?"
Blaine took a deep breath and began the slow descent into the memories of a time long before Kurt found his way into Blaine's life.
Blaine sat cross-legged on the dark green comforter, flipping morosely through the huge stack of reading he was supposed to be doing for Murdoch. In a moment of internal rebellion he pushed the books off the bed, refusing to do any more work that night. He laid down sighing at the relief procrastination brought, and laced his fingers behind his head. Dalton Academy had been his new home for a couple of months now and the work load was the only thing he wasn't completely used to. It was a necessary evil though. He loved his life at Dalton: he had more friends than ever before, he was away from his father, and he didn't have to fear being openly gay. Granted things between him and Logan hadn't worked out well (he had released Logan when he started to realize the other boy's infatuation with another boy) but Logan was just a small bump in the road. For the most part his life at Dalton Academy was wonderful.
A light knock on the door made him look up. "Come in!"
The door creaked open slightly and a strawberry blond head poked around. "Is David here?" Reed's voice squeaked his huge brown eyes peering into the room.
"Nope." Blaine answered matter-of-factly and sat up again.
Reed nodded as if this were the answer he had been hoping for and stepped hesitantly into the room, "Could a talk to you for a minute Blaine?" he asked eyes fixated on the floor and a slight blush creeping over his cheeks.
"Sure!" Blaine replied cheerfully, he was confused by his guest's apparent embarrassment but eager to have someone to talk to. He patted the bed next to him, indicating that the boy should sit.
Reed turned around to shut the door and managed to catch his finger in it. With a squeak of pain he popped the bruised appendage in his mouth.
"You alright?" Blaine's forehead crinkled in concern as the boy shut the door, successfully this time, and picked his way carefully across the room to perch on the bed.
"I'll live." Reed shrugged, injuries rarely fazed him anymore.
"So what did you want to talk about?"
Reed looked uncomfortably down at his hands, his small face scrunched up in apprehension. A sigh escaped his rosy lips. "I just wanted to… " He struggled internally for a second then started over, "How do you know you're gay?"
Blaine looked at the boy with wide eyes. This was not the question he was expecting, but he collected himself and tried his best to not let the surprise show in his voice, "Well I have only ever been attracted to boys from the time I was a kid…"
Reed nodded his eyes still intently studying specks of blue and yellow paint splattered on his hands.
Blaine waited for a reply but none came, so he continued hesitantly, "Reed, do you think you might be gay?"
The big honey colored eyes finally met the other boy's. Blaine had never realized how beautiful Reed's eyes were. They were like bottomless pools of golden liquid. Smooth and calm on the surface, they reflected all the beauty in the world around him. But under the surface of those pools was turbulence, an internal chaos that was just perceptible. Somehow the secret turmoil made them even more intriguingly beautiful.
"I don't know." was Reed's whispered answer.
Blaine cocked his head slightly, becoming even more captivated, "Well have you ever been attracted to anyone?"
"I'm not sure… I mean I think many women and girls are beautiful, like all the models my mom uses. I think they are gorgeous, but I don't think that means I'm attracted to them."
"And boys?"
"There have been a few boys that I think are good looking and one or two I have…" he seemed to struggle to find the right words as a light flush colored his cheeks, "been fascinated by…"
"Fascinated? But not attracted to?"
"I don't know!" Reed's voice was punctuated with exasperation. His hands grabbed at his golden curls and his whole body seemed to vibrate in frustrated confusion. "What does been attracted to someone even mean? I don't know if I'm attracted to anyone because I don't know what being attracted feels like!" Hot, frustrated tears started to fall down his cheeks.
"Whoa, Reed, it's alright." Blaine found himself wrapping his arm around the boy's shoulders trying to be of some comfort. The shaking stopped and Reed collapsed limply onto his chest. Blaine's hand worked its way up and down the boy's spine in long comforting strokes. He noted how fragile Reed felt in his arms.
"Sorry," Reed sniffled, "I'm just so confused and sometimes it just all bubbles over and I can't hold it in."
"It's alright." Blaine smiled resting his cheek on top of the boy's head. "It's ok to be confused. Sometimes you just have to wait things out. You'll figure it out someday."
Reed wiped away the tears away with a paint splotched hand and untangled himself so that he could gaze up at the other boy appreciatively, "Thanks Blaine."
"And maybe it would help if you, you know, experimented a bit…"
The color automatically drained from Reed's cheeks, "I-I don't know about that…"
Blaine could hear the fear in Reed's voice, but there was also something else there. Was it a type of suppressed, nervous excitement?
"You don't have to. It just might help you learn more about yourself. But only if you're comfortable with that."
Reed nodded silently, "Thanks for the advice Blaine." He hugged the boy tightly, clinging to his neck for a few seconds longer than would usually be expected, and scampered out of the room miraculously not tripping on his way.
Blaine stared at the door the beautiful boy had disappeared through, an odd mix of sympathy and less easily identifiable emotions doing somersaults in his chest.
"Okay… so Reed has been struggling with his sexuality for a long time, that isn't exactly news." Kurt said peering confusedly at the boy next to him on the bed.
"Yeah I know." Blaine rubbed the back of his neck. He still seemed a bit uncomfortable.
"So then why are you telling me this?"
"Well that's not the whole story, there's more. Something that happened about a week later…" He smiled weakly. Kurt thought he almost looked like a young child admitting he stole a cookie and hopping that he won't reprimanded. "This was after my initial breakup with Logan but before any of the real drama started, so I was single and well… I should probably just tell the story."
"I'm all ears."
The Tweedles had insisted that this night was a night to celebrate. No one knew what exactly they were celebrating, but when the Brightman twins wanted to throw a party no one protested (except of course Chaz but he was soon placated with the promise that everything would be cleaned up by the morning). Most of the festivities had taken place in doors but thanks to a well-made rope ladder nailed to the roof and accessible from a window on the top floor, some of the Windsor conspirators had moved the revelry to the open air.
The roof sloped gradually, making it relatively safe, except, of course, for Reed. The Windsor boys were careful to make sure their clumsy friend was never out of arms reach.
Blaine sat on the shingled roof knees pulled up to his chest gazing out into the night. He ignored the chatter of the boys around him, preferring to sit in peaceful contemplation and stare at the stars. It looked as if the night sky were a velvety blue blanket and the stars were brilliant pinpricks of light that shown where the threads were pulled farther apart. Blaine felt safe, protected by this celestial covering and surrounded by the boys who had become his best friends.
"Well we're gonna head back down." He heard Wes call as he and David made their way toward the rope ladder.
"Us too!" The Twins trilled tripping along after them.
Reed looked at the boys departing, then up at the sky, then at the lone figure near the edge of the roof. "I think I'm going stay and look at the stars a little longer."
"White Rabbit are you staying up here?"
"Yeah." Blaine answered the Tweedles' inquiry absentmindedly.
"Then keep an eye on the Dormouse! We don't want him tumbling down the rabbit hole!"
One by one the four boys climbed down the ladder leaving Blaine and Reed alone on the roof.
"Blaine?"
"No, don't move Reed, I'll come to you." Blaine said hastily as he got to his feet. Allowing Reed to walk across the roof companionless could only result in disaster.
He strolled across the slates and lowered himself down next to Reed. The smaller boy was sitting with his face tilted up and the heavens reflected in his eyes.
They rested in silence. Each gazed at the stars as if the constellations spelled out the answer to some life altering question.
Reed's wistful sigh finally broke their reveries, "It's so beautiful."
"It is." Blaine breathed, "I could stay up here for hours."
Reed let out a soft, musical laugh that seemed to float on the cool breeze into the starry night. Blaine looked at him questioningly. He had detected sad, satirical undertones in the mirth.
"I've always loved looking at the stars. They are so… constant. It's like they seem so sure of what they are. How could they shine if they weren't?"
Reed continued in an almost trance like state, speaking as if he had forgotten Blaine was there, "Sometimes I imagine that the rays of light they emit make everything they touch beautiful, and I envelope myself in starlight so that I can absorb it through my skin." He stretched out his arms palms up welcoming the starlight on his pale skin. The night breeze swirled through his curls as he closed his eyes and tilted his head up like a flower to the sun. "And then I don't feel confused because I am beautiful, and you can't be beautiful if you are confused. And I'm just like the stars, constant and never wavering." His brow furrowed, his smooth forehead wrinkling, "And then… I understand, and everything is alright." A single tear trailed down his face glistening in the light of the moon.
Blaine gazed with awe at the boy who seemed to be glowing with his own radiance. It was as if he had absorbed the starlight. His golden curls shone like a halo around that angelic face whose celestial beauty Blaine found honestly breathtaking against the night sky. The air of melancholy surrounding the boy only served to make the image more moving.
Blaine realized his breathing had stopped and he struggled to restart the regular rhythm of his lungs as he began to speak. "I think we see the stars very differently."
Reed looked at him with sad eyes as wide as the moon, "Really?"
"I think the stars are beautiful because they are a mystery." He searched Reed's face hoping to detect in those perfect features a lessening of the sadness. "No one really knows everything about them, I don't think they ever will, and I am perfectly fine with that. Because the things that are anonymities, the ones that don't come with an easy answer, are the most beautiful of all." He stared deeply into Reed's starlit eyes hoping he understood.
Pools of water filled Reed's eyes and began to trickle down the smooth pale cheeks. Emotions he didn't understand and couldn't distinguish were rising in his chest. He looked at the boy next to him. Blaine was beautiful, just like the stars. Was it possible that he really thought Reed was beautiful? Was it really okay to feel so confused and unsure?
Those eyes seemed to fill him with reassurance. As he stared into them he felt the chaos in his chest subsiding. The confusion was still there but it was different now, it was no longer torturous. Suddenly a new thought slipped into his mind. The new idea surprised him but the longer he considered it the more irresistible it seemed. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to try…
For a moment Reed let the impulse take over his body. He reached a small soft hand up resting it gingerly on Blaine's cheek but then pulled it away quickly as he realized what he was doing. His face colored with a pale flush like the first rosy glow of dawn. He was being stupid, just because Blaine had suggested it didn't mean he—
"Reed?"
Their eyes met again.
"You know how you said I should…" the boy's voice failed him.
"Yes." Blaine's heart started to race in a way he couldn't seem to explain.
"Well…" Reed's voice shook nervously and he was unable to articulate further.
"You want me to kiss you." Blaine breathed. It wasn't a question he knew that's what Reed wanted, he could feel it as clearly as had felt the brush of Reed's fingertips on his face.
Reed nodded almost imperceptibly.
Blaine's heart stopped and at that moment he did not question the thrill that rushed through his body. His heart started again, its beating getting louder and louder as he leaned toward Reed. The smaller boy felt his breath catch as Blaine drew near. Their lips met and now it was Reed's turn to feel his heart stop.
The kiss lasted longer than either had expected. As they pulled apart both suppressed the secret urge for more.
Blaine smiled as Reed's head rested on his shoulder. The petite body molded to his as he wrapped a protective arm around it. He couldn't help but momentarily burry his face in the tangle of downy curls, inhaling the sweet scent of Reed.
Reed sighed again, this time with a hint of genuine felicity. The kiss had been wonderful. It didn't answer all his questions but he was beginning to think that maybe he was just fine with that.
"Thank you" he whispered, as they both turned their eyes back to the stars.
Kurt was aware that his mouth was hanging open but could do nothing about it. His shocked brain had no control over his face. "You and Reed?" he managed to spit. The story just did not make sense to him the facts did not compute.
"Yeah." Said Blaine, his voice was soft and a he was blushing.
"And you never told me this before."
"Well it didn't seem relevant… It was a onetime thing." His fixed Kurt with the most genuine gaze possible, "Our relationship has been nothing but platonic since. And I wasn't sure if he wanted people to know."
Kurt shook his head half amused, half mystified. "You know he told Shane he's never been kissed right?"
Blaine looked at his hands, "Well of course he wouldn't want to tell the guy he liked that he kissed his brother. And besides it wasn't a real kiss, I mean it wasn't from any type of mutual attraction so it doesn't really count…"
Blaine knew this wasn't completely true. That kiss had counted but in a very different way. It counted in a way he knew he could not put into words. It had simply been a moment. A moment not filled with desire or passion but compassion, desire for understanding, and such a profound beauty. He didn't understand why that night held such a place in his memory but he realized that, like the stars, understanding wasn't the point.
He and Reed had never mentioned what happened on the roof. It hadn't changed their relationship, except that Reed had always seemed more comfortable with Blaine than the other Windsor boys, and from time to time his eyes betrayed a mix of deep appreciation and admiration. Blaine knew that Reed still hadn't quite found answers to his questions but he seemed to have taken Blaine's words to heart. Of course, throwing Shane in the mix had hurled the already confused boy into a new level of perplexity, but Blaine had faith that Reed would make it out okay, no matter what stupid mistakes his brother made.
Blaine looked at Kurt, "This doesn't bother you right? I'm sorry I didn't tell you it's just that I know how fragile Reed can be on this subject…"
"It doesn't bother me." Kurt smiled. The story had been surprising but not in a necessarily bad way. He knew he had nothing to worry about. "Now," he said bringing the conversation back to the pressing topic at hand, "We still need to figure out how we can help Reed."
Blaine's cell buzzed on the desk and he crossed the room quickly. A small smile spread across his face as he read the text.
Blaine, I really need someone to talk to. Will you star gaze with me? – Reed
Blaine met Kurt's politely questioning gaze, "It's from Reed. He wants me to go stargazing with him."
Roof? – Blaine
Blaine looked up to see Kurt's brows furrowed ever so slightly.
"Don't worry." The dark hair boy laughed cupping Kurt's face in his hand, "Were only going to look at the stars and talk this time." He kissed Kurt softly.
The other boy smiled all signs of worry erased. "I know. Now go study some constellations for me." He slapped Blaine's butt playfully as the boy's phone vibrated again.
No I'm on the front lawn, it's the safer choice – Reed
Blaine chuckled quietly as he shrugged on a jacket and with a last smile and "I love you" to Kurt left the room.
He found Reed lying on a blanket he had brought from his room. His eyes were puffy and pink from recent bouts of tears and his lips were red from where he had been biting them. Despite the boy's poignant looks Blaine couldn't help noticing how angelically perfect Reed looked laying in the starlight. A smile broke across the troubled face as he saw Blaine approach. Blaine was here, and like a balm to Reed's wounds he would help make everything okay.
"How are the heavens tonight?" Blaine asked as he lay down on his back next to Reed.
Reed felt comfort wash over him with the sound of that familiar voice, "There are a few clouds, but I think the stars will shine through soon enough."
And with quiet smiles on both of their faces they turned their eyes to the stars.