This story exists only thank to a great coincidence; since I saw the Winter soldier movie for the first time, I've been completely crazy about it and in this mood, I was searching for a book to borrow it to my friend when I accidently opened my copy of the Host book and I realised it has absolutely gorgeous names for chapters and voilá, the idea for this was born.

I'll try to write a short story for every name of the chapter even if it seems difficult.

Please let me know what you think of this story, thanks :)

Inserted

Steve watches his best friend through a panel of glass and he notices he's clutching the hem of his T-shirt a bit too tightly as if his life depended on it. He releases his grip but he doesn't calm down either. He doesn't like what he sees.

"Hey," Natasha greets him and stands by his side. He nods shortly and his eyes don't leave the glass. "He'll be alright. It's not a dangerous operation."

"Well, it's harmless when you're not mentally broken. But who knows what they'd done to him? He doesn't remember either – he may react subconsciously and hurt someone. And what then – he'll kill again and they'll lose patience and murder him." Steve protests and glances at Natasha only to divert his sight again. "I'm sorry, Nat. I'm just so frightened I might lose him again."

"Yeah, I noticed," she smiles a little. She would never admit it, but she finds Steve's worry for his friend very sweet. In fact, she quite envies the Winter Soldier and she hates him for not knowing what he has. "You know, that's why they keep him under sedatives."

"For safety reasons," Steve mumbles in response, "his or theirs?"

"Both, I suppose," Natasha crosses her arms, "but I admit they might be thinking of themselves more than him."

"Whoever they protect, it's not good. Aren't we just the same as HYDRA if we do this to him? How am I supposed to look at myself now when I know there are people keeping my best friend under control and I don't do anything against it?"

"Hey, that's stupid," Natasha opposed even though she didn't think it was good. Steve wasn't listening to her at all.

"No, it's not." Steve snaps and turns to her, taking his eyes off the glass at last. "He's the most scarred person in this all. He should be treated like any other soldier who was hurt in the war. And what are we doing? Drug him and interject a tracking device into his body."

"I guess other victims of war haven't killed dozens of super-important historical personages," Natasha said it half as a joke, but she could tell from Steve's glare that it wasn't the smartest thing to say.

"Yeah normal people hurt in war are not used by a group of intruders for seventy years. Normal people are not robbed off their memories, over and over until they don't know their own name and they crave instructions and do whatever they're told to do because their own mind is so blank they don't dare to think of anything on their own. Normal people are pitied for being victims." Steve reasons and even though his voice remains steady and calm, his face is showing thousands of emotions. He stares at Natasha angrily and she just nods.

"That's how you see it. I'm not taking that from you so don't be mad at me. But just pretend – or at least try to pretend please – you're thinking about it the other way as well. Imagine your best friend is not this broken and shaken superman but one of his innocent dead targets. Would you pity the person who killed your best friend just because he wasn't himself?" She realises she's most probably too bold and she knows that if he wanted, he'd kill her before she'd have a chance to draw a knife from her boot. But she knows he needs to hear her words and nobody else would be mad enough to speak them. She sees he's aware of the truth in her words but keeps shoving it away.

"It wasn't his fault!" Steve hisses so spitefully she steps back subconsciously.

"I never said it was," she protests, "I only say that there are people who were very hurt by his actions. Not by him personally, but it's difficult for people to get over their grief if they don't have a cause of it, the culprit to turn their hatred towards. And you've got to admit he did fire the gun."

"Do you want to anger out for the injury because of which you can't wear bikini?" Steve asks coldly and his eyes find the spot on Natasha's abdomen where the wound she showed him so long ago is. In the easy times when the Winter Soldier was supposed to be eliminated no matter the cost.

"You're making idiot of yourself," Romanoff doesn't react to his spiteful remark, "look, I'm not against you. I've never known him as Bucky but I've seen the Winter Soldier who could be a hell of an enemy or a very useful ally. I hope he'll find his rational part soon if only for the reason he would be a great partner for Clint if we need a sniper."

She looked at him sympathetically before she spoke again, "But you should know he wasn't the only one hurt in this affair. And I'm not talking about myself now."

"Well, that would be the first," Steve chuckles before he can stop himself. Natasha gives him a 'you're so dead' glare, but she smiles a bit, in belief that he might have really understood. "I've never thought of him as of another Avenger just yet. I don't know if he'd like to be – you know – killing people and stuff."

"With the serum running through his veins? He won't be able to stay still for ten minutes, just like you. He'll love to do something." She dares to say.

"Suddenly you're his best friend or something?" Steve glares at her. Is it jealousy? She doesn't want to steal the man from him, she doesn't, why doesn't he understand?

"No. I just understand people and he still is a person, despite some other people saying he's a monster-"

"Now you admit it!" Steve interrupts her. She ignores him transparently.

"- or a martyr as you see him. He's a man with normal needs and desires but a twisted past. You've got to treat him like he's normal – not pity him."

"Ah. And acting as if he's normal means injecting him with a tracking device? I don't see the logic in that." He laughs bitterly; it looks so unnatural on his usually honest face she has to divert her sight. "'How's your tracker doing?' 'Fine, thanks, just got it replaced, thought the green one didn't suit me."

"Steve," she looks at him hard, as a mother would look at a disobedient child, "that's really ungrateful. He could be in prison – or dead when we're at it – if Fury didn't do a hell of work. And you know it. So just stop."

"You don't get it, Tasha," he bowed his head and turned around to face the glass wall again. "That's what HYDRA did; controlling him. I don't want to be like them, to remind him of what happened."

"I do get it. But he'll never heal if you don't let him deal with his past. He requires getting over it, not mute it within himself for the rest of his life. And they couldn't let him run around the world without any idea of his whereabouts. He's too dangerous for that."

"Oh. And why don't they put a tracking device into my body then? I'm just as dangerous." Steve argues.

"Maybe they did, what do you know," Natasha shrugs. They stand there in silence and watch as the doctors sew a cut on Bucky's flesh shoulder. Steve finds it quite ironic – both Bucky's arms were to be marked, as if they should show the blood on his hands. When the operation is over, Natasha wants to leave but Steve speaks up.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so worried. Maybe he won't remember and he'll stay broken and twisted and hollow. Maybe he's just the Winter Soldier and I am stupid for trying to see Bucky in him. But I've got to hope."

"I know you do, Rogers," she replies. He glances sideways at her and believes she's right. "And I don't think you'll ever cease trying to bring him back. So don't disappoint me."

"Disappoint you?" Steve asks in confusion.

"Yeah," Natasha admits, "have a bet with Stark about how much time it will take you to get together with this guy and I'm running out of time. And I can't lose, that would be the death of me."

"Wait, what? You bet with Stark about... me and Bucky getting into a relationship?" Steve inquires.

"Don't say you're surprised! It was just too thrilling to resist. You know, you chasing him all around the world, him breaking rules, orders and throwing everything he's known over his head to save you. It's kinda really romantic." She explains.

"We were not... lovers. And now we're not even friends." Steve says weakly and there's remorse in his voice.

"Yeah, but I'm betting on you. It's not illegal anymore," She smirks and turns around to leave as she saw the Winter Soldier regain consciousness.

"Natasha," he stops her before she can walk off, "I hope Stark's gonna do something really embarrassing if he loses."

"You can count on it." She smirks and walks away to give Steve some space to think it over.