Hallooo this just a little something that refused to leave me alone until I got it written. It is the Act II finale from Monty Python's amazing Spamalot. But with Harry Potter characters. Mad I know, but it is the plot bunny that chooses the author...anyhoo. Hope you like :)
Disclaimer: If you recognise it, it isn't mine. Not even Remus. *sob*
"What are we doing here?" Ron asked, confused.
"Well someone obviously bewitched the Great Hall to be almost like a portkey, and transport everyone in it to this place." Hermione said.
"I'd guessed that. But why HERE?"
"Go ask Trelawney – she's over in the corner." Hermione snapped. Taking in her surroundings she realised they were in an open air theatre. A wooden stage stood in front of them, two weeping willows stood in for curtains. Suddenly, music came from nowhere, bright and happy, and the weeping willows straightened, revealing a line of 6 dancers dressed in almost indecently short wedding dresses.
We are not yet wed
And we're nearly at the end
It is time that we
Went and found a friend
Is there someone who
Can help us in our quest?
We're already dressed
Although we're not yet wed.
They were joined by 6 men, all in top hats and tails who danced with them and sang
We are not yet dead
That's the best thing to be said
We are not yet dead
So we might as well get wed
Could it be much worse
Is marriage such a curse?
Might as well get married
Cos we are not yet wed
Everyone in the impromptu audience was now looking thoroughly confused. Ron looked at Hermione, who shrugged. Honestly did he expect her to know everything?
A wedding fanfare was played and Hermione did a double take as Sirius and Remus took to the stage. She was even more surprised when Remus opened his mouth and sang in a tuneful tenor voice
When you're lost
On life's trail
And you feel doomed to fail
Do not fail
Find Your Male
Find Your Male
That's your Grail
Sirius turned to his lover and laughed.
"Just think Remus, 50 years and this is still controversial"
The two moved to the side of the stage, absorbed in one another as a flurry of white tailcoat and blonde hair took to the stage.
"I too have found MY grail!" Gilderoy Lockhart shouted as he ran on
"What's that?" The chorus asked in the style of a cheesy musical
"MUSICAL THEATRE" Lockhart revealed, raising his top hat to the audience.
You can sing
You can dance
And you won't soil you pants!
In your white tie and tails
Find your grail
Find your grail
The chorus cheered and exclaimed
"Hallelujah a public wedding!"
Harry and Ginny walked hand in hand down the centre of the stage smiling happily, wedding bands glinting on their fingers.
So be strong
Keep right on!
'Til the end of your song
Ginny winked at Hermione and waved at her Mother
Do not fail
Find your male
Harry grinned, singing
Dressed in mail*
Find your grail
Life is really up to you
You must choose what to pursue!
Ginny kissed her husband before taking over
Set your mind on what to find
And there's nothing! You can't do.
By this time all on the stage were dancing and singing
Go and find your grail!
Once more Harry and Ginny took to the limelight as the others sang quietly in the background
So keep right to the end
You'll find your goal my friend.
The whole stage joined as one to sing the final lines
Then the prize you won't fail.
Find your grail
Find your grail.
The couples kissed warmly as everyone applauded. Suddenly from nowhere Dolores Umbridge stormed onto the stage
"Stop it!" She screamed "Stop this cursed singing!"
Sirius hit her with a well-aimed "Stupefy!" and was met with many cheers.
For this is the show that ends like this! The chorus finished, bowing as the weeping willows once again swept across the stage.
After the loud and generous applause ceased Molly Weasley's voice rose above the crowd
"Ginerva Weasley! How DARE you not tell me you were getting married!"
Everyone laughed and went to congratulate the two couples and get talked at by Lockhart as they came out from backstage, beaming happily.
*This is the only line I couldn't associate with something or change to fit. Though I like to think Harry is Ginny's knight in shining armour so it does fit. :L But that's just me..
So...thats it. Madness over...for now. I thought the pairings fitted and Lockhart seemed a perfect Sir Robin to me :L I was tempted to use Voldykins instead of Dolores, but then figured that having to kill someone might put a damper on Harry's wedding day. And we wouldn't want that now. Oh well. Thanks for reading, again. I own nothing :(
I shall also mention that if anyone wants any other songs from musicals (provided I know the song and musical) translated into the Potterverse let me know in a PM or review and I'll see what I can do. :)
Oh...if you liked it, or have CONSTRUCTIVE and nicely phrased could always leave me a review :D xx