A/N: I've been so disheartened about season 3 after listening to so many disappointing spoilers. I wondered if we could have ended up in another place after Season 1. So what if, instead of letting him go in the Season 1 finale, Rayna had gone after Deacon? What might have happened differently?
Deacon looked devastated. "So she's mine?" he asked.
Rayna felt a combination of things as she looked at him. Fear, anguish, anxiety, and oddly, relief. But she also felt sick to her stomach and her heart hurt for both Deacon and Maddie. She nodded. "Yeah," she whispered.
He stood there for a moment, then stormed out. She had a gnawing fear that felt so familiar. A fear she hadn't felt in over thirteen years. Adrenaline took over and, picking up her clutch, she hurried after him.
"Ms. Jaymes, you're on in forty seconds," the PA said as she rushed out, but she ran right past him. Deacon was faster than her, plus she had on heels, but she kept close. When he got to his truck, he fumbled with his keys, and she was able to catch up. She grabbed his arm.
"Please, Deacon, let me explain," she said, tears rolling down her face.
He tried to pull away. "I think you've said enough, Rayna," he said tersely.
"Please," she begged. "I want to explain."
He raised his eyebrows and looked at her with disgust. "I don't want to hear it," he said, enunciating every word carefully.
She was shaking, both from the chill in the air and from her horror at what had just happened. "Please," she said again. Her limo pulled up then and she pulled at his arm. "Let me at least take you home. You shouldn't be driving." His face was dark with anger and he stood still, but she felt a small measure of hope when he finally let her move him towards the car.
Once they were in the back seat, he looked out the window. Rayna gave the driver his address and then leaned back, quickly texting Coleman. Meet me at Deacon's. Urgent! She was terribly afraid he'd go back into the cycle if he was left on his own. Coleman immediately texted back. On my way. She felt a tiny bit of the anxiety fade. She thought for only the briefest of moments about the fact that she had walked out on her appearance at the CMA's. She was the ultimate professional and that was the height of unprofessionalism. She couldn't worry about that, though.
Her bigger concern was the fallout from Maddie finding out that Deacon was her father and then Deacon as well. As a mother, she felt incredible guilt, not only that Maddie had learned the truth somehow other than from her but that she was not immediately going to her. But the first thought that ran through her head as she watched Deacon leave her dressing room was that she needed to save him. She knew how he often reacted in times of enormous stress and, even though he'd been sober for over thirteen years, this could push him over the edge.
The limo moved slowly through the still crowded streets of downtown Nashville. The CMA Awards were probably the biggest single night in the city and it was crowded with fans hoping to catch a glimpse of their favorites. The honky tonks on Broadway were overflowing and people were out on the streets in droves. She sat back as far as she could in the seat, hoping that the streetlights didn't illuminate her as they passed. This was the worst night of her life and she didn't want anyone else to see her despair.
She turned towards Deacon then, but he suddenly leaned forward and hit the button to raise the privacy barrier. He turned to look at her, his eyes full of pain and anger, his face contorted with rage. "I will never forgive you for this," he said, his voice menacing.
Rayna caught her breath. "Please don't say that," she whispered.
His eyes widened as he looked at her with disdain. "I don't even know who you are," he said evenly. "You told me you loved me, you let me make love to you, you made it seem like we had a future together. But you lied to me! You've been lying to me for all these years!"
She dropped her head, the tears coming harder. "I know," she said, her voice broken. "I'm so sorry about that."
"Sorry? Really? That's all? God damn it, Rayna, what could you possibly have done to me that's worse than this? And you're just sorry?" He looked away from her, running his hand over his face.
Rayna took in a shaky breath and then saw that Teddy was calling. Maddie. She lifted the phone to her ear. "Hey," she said.
"Where the hell are you?" Teddy shouted. "Maddie knows. Did you know that?"
"I just found out."
"You need to fix this, Rayna. You need to get home and fix this. Where are you?"
Rayna sat back and bit her lip. She knew she needed to see Maddie and talk to her. But Teddy was there with her and Maddie was going to be angry at her anyway. Right now she needed to be sure Deacon would be safe. "I'll be there as soon as I can," she said and hung up.
She didn't know how she was going to fix this. How was she going to explain to her daughter and to Deacon what had led to the decisions she'd made? Not just the decision to keep Maddie's paternity a secret from Deacon, but then to never tell him. Two of the people she loved most in the world were going to be destroyed from all this and she felt a pit in the bottom of stomach.
Deacon was watching as she talked to Teddy. "So what are you going to say to Maddie?" he asked. "How are you going to make this okay?"
Rayna couldn't look up. "I don't know," she said, her voice breaking.
Deacon shook his head. "Who does this? Who lies about this? How could you have kept this a secret all these years?"
Rayna looked up at him, her face full of anger. "When I went to tell you, you were drunk," she said, her voice cold. "You'd been a mess for months. You'd had blackouts. You'd been missing for days and when I finally found you, you were drunk. How could I have told you then? I couldn't trust you to get sober and stay sober. How could I trust you with a child?" She knew Deacon was incredibly hurt and angry with her, but she'd held in her own anger and despair for so many years.
Deacon looked away from her and rubbed his face. "I got sober, Rayna. What about telling me then? Or when she was 3 or 5?"
"She was a child, Deacon! She would never have understood. It's going to be hard enough now, but how do you tell a toddler her daddy isn't her daddy after all? How do you blow up your child's life?" Rayna was breathing hard, her anger rising.
Deacon covered his mouth. "How could you lie to me all this time? How could you watch me with her all this time and lie to me every single day?" In spite of the anger he was feeling, she could see the tears still glistening in his eyes. She had never meant to hurt him this way and she felt such despair at having done just that.
Rayna sighed. "I was trying to do the right thing for Maddie. I was trying to protect her from getting hurt."
Deacon turned to look at her. "But she is hurt, Rayna. You should have seen her when she came to see me. She was devastated. How could you be so cruel to your own daughter?"
Rayna caught her breath. She knew this was an untenable situation and it wasn't going to be resolved easily. She had never really thought about how this all might unfold, never planned for it. Ever, really. "I never did this to be cruel, Deacon. It was to protect her."
Deacon was silent for several minutes. He was looking out the window when he asked, in a quiet voice, "When were you ever going to tell me? Tell her?"
Rayna knew she had no good answer to that. She knew Maddie would want to know the same thing. "There wasn't a plan for that, Deacon. At some point it would have felt like the right time."
Deacon just shook his head. They pulled up to his house and he opened the door and jumped out. Rayna could see Coleman standing on the porch and breathed a sigh of relief. She opened the door and got out, wincing at the chill on her bare arms.
Deacon stopped halfway up the walkway, then turned back to her. "What the hell is he doing here?" he demanded.
Rayna swallowed hard. "I felt like you needed someone to…help you work through this. And I knew you wouldn't let it be me."
He smirked, putting his hands on his hips. "You didn't trust me. You never have trusted me."
Rayna stiffened. "That's not true. But, Deacon, you're an alcoholic. This was a very big thing to have happen to you. I had to make sure that you had support."
He stepped towards her, anger pouring off him. She took a step back, but he grabbed her by the arms and leaned in towards her. His tone was terse, his eyes full of anger. "I don't need you to look after me. I don't need you at all. I can never trust you again, Rayna, so leave me alone." He released her arms, pushing her slightly. Then he turned and stormed up the rest of the steps and, brushing by Coleman, pushed his way into the house.
Coleman watched all of this wordlessly, then walked down to where Rayna stood, her arms wrapped around her waist and tears rolling down her face. Cole took off his jacket and draped it around her shoulders. "What happened?" he asked gently.
Rayna looked up at him, anguish on her face. "Maddie somehow found out Teddy's not her father. She asked Deacon if he was. And now he's furious with me."
Coleman took that in. He'd long suspected it, but had never asked. Audrey had told him when Maddie was born that she was sure the baby was Deacon's, but it had never been discussed openly. "I'm glad you alerted me, Rayna," he said quietly. "This could be a real trigger point."
Rayna looked at him pleadingly. "Can you stay with him? At least until we can figure this out? If he gets in the cycle, it's going to destroy him. Destroy us."
Cole nodded. "I will. Let me handle it and I'll keep you in the loop."
Rayna put her head down. "He'll never forgive me."
Cole put his arm around her. "Give him some time. It's a lot to absorb and he'll need time. Maybe a lot of time."
Rayna nodded. She shrugged off the jacket and handed it back to him. "I need to go home. I have a very angry daughter I need to help through this."
Coleman enveloped her in a hug. "We'll all get through this, Rayna," he said. "It may take some time, but we will."
When he let her go, Rayna stepped back. "Thanks, Cole," she said. "And thanks for looking out for Deacon." She raised her hand in a wave and then turned and got in the car.
Coleman watched the limo drive off. He sighed deeply and turned to walk back up to Deacon's house.
I have no idea where I'm going with this or if there will even be more. Normally I have a plan in mind when I write, but this time there's nothing. So if I continue, it will go where the muse takes me. If you're interested in this angle and want me to continue, let me know.