Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright for Waking the dead or its characters – all rights belong to the BBC
Content: Boyd and Grace - Season six – Double Bind. Friendship, angst.
Rating T – angst & a little language
Hey everyone. Okay so I know that in my other stories I still have Grace in deep trouble, Boyd in turmoil, Grace in competition with Sarah, and Frankie thrown in there somewhere just for good measure! I promise I haven't forgotten about them … but this story was just screaming out to me today to be written, and until I got it out of my head I was unable to think of the others! So here it is! This is set a few days after 'the argument' in Double Bind and is inspired by the song Against the Odds (which randomly popped into my head today!) It's a little bit angsty ….. someday I am going to write a full on comedy story just for the heck of it! Anyway I'm trying to work on writing Boyd and Grace …. Hopefully I've captured them. I hope you enjoy this. Thanks as always for taking time to read it – I appreciate your time and all feedback. xx
Against All Odds
How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath
With You
You're the only one who really knew me at all.
"Grace …."
Grace's heart momentary stopped beating as the familiar deep baritone voice cut through the icy darkness and arrested her in her tracks.
"…..Why have you not been returning my calls?" the voice continued.
Slowly against her better judgment, she released her hand from her front gate and turned to face him, his silver grey hair dripping wet from the rain that was relentlessly falling, his eyes intensely searching hers.
"Maybe because I don't want to talk to you." Her bitter tone pierced his heart.
"Why?" He shrugged.
"Are you serious?"
"I mean, we've fought before haven't we, Grace, we've ….."
"Yes we've fought, but this was different, it felt different." Grace replied trying to ignore the coldness of the rain as it hit her.
"In what way? It wouldn't be the first time we've drawn blood would it?"
"No, but you hurt me Boyd …"
He dropped his head starring at the ground beneath him. "I know, and I'm sorry, genuinely I didn't …."
"…. and I hurt you, and that for me is more unforgiveable." She continued.
"What? I ….. I forgive you Grace, you know that."
Grace sighed sadly. "Yea maybe, but I can't forgive myself."
"Well that's just crap!"
She lifted her head, fire once again burning in her eyes. "Oh so my feelings are just crap to you are they, well thank you very much Peter!" She turned to walk away.
Boyd grabbed her arm turning her to face him once again. "Aww come on! You know that's not what I was saying Grace!"
"Come on what Boyd? Come on let's keep ripping each other to bits, finding each other's weak spots and keep prodding them until one or other of us breaks? Well I'm done with prodding, I'm done with hurting - hurting myself, hurting you. I don't like the person I am turning into Boyd!"
"It's not like that all the time is it? I mean you and me, we get on don't we? You're the only one who really knows me at all Grace."
"No, it's not like that all the time ….." She quietly agreed "….. but it is becoming more and more frequent."
"So what, you'll just walk away then, that this is it eh?"
"Yea, yea I think so." The tears began to well in her eyes as she finally voiced the words that had been tormenting her for the last few days.
How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave
Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain
We've even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all
"Grace … please…..." His eyes searching her face while trying to comprehend how things had gotten to this point.
"I'm sorry Boyd; I just don't know what else to do."
"We can work through this, we've done it before, we can do it again."
"I'm not sure that we can this time."
"Isn't it worth fighting for?..." He gestured between them with his hands. "…this, us, our friendship."
"Yes of course, but ….."
"But what Grace? We've been through so much together over the years, you and I, good and bad, we've survived haven't we?"
Grace allowed herself to smile softly at the memories. It was true, he had been the one constant in her life, he had been involved in all of the meaningful times that were noteworthy during the last few years.
"Yea I guess we have."
"We've laughed … and cried. When Mel died it was you who …."
"That was a long time ago Peter."
"Doesn't lessen the memory though does it?"
"No, but it all seems so distant now, you seem so distant."
"I'm right here Grace." His voice was gentle.
"No, no you're not. Physically yes maybe, but emotionally you are a million miles away and holding everyone else even further."
"Not you …."
"Especially me …. You shut me down; shut me out at every possible opportunity."
"I never ..." He paused, sighing heavily before he continued "… I don't mean too, you're the person I feel closest to, my best friend, you know that don't you?"
"Well I guess it just goes to prove the old saying."
"What's that then?"
"That we hurt the ones who are closest to us the most."
Boyd momentarily closed his eyes as he allowed her words to resonate within him. "I'm sorry Grace I never meant to hurt you, I would never intentionally …." His voice trailed off as he ran his fingers through his hair displacing the water that was gathering through the silver strands.
"I know you don't, but that doesn't take away from the fact that we both continually hurt each other, and us tearing each other apart is not good for anyone. You, me or the team!"
"The team are used to it; they know us well enough to know that we will always work it out in the end."
"But they shouldn't have to Boyd; they shouldn't have to deal with two apparent grown-ups fighting to the death."
Boyd threw his hands up in the air. "Oh come on, that's a little dramatic Grace, don't you think?"
"No, no I don't, eventually it will be fatal, maybe not literally but certainly in regards to the team, our working relationship …. our friendship!"
"Okay then Grace, you tell me, why do you think we do this then? Fight so bitterly."
"We're passionate people, neither prepared to let something go that we believe in so strongly."
"Yea, but the world is full of passionate people, it doesn't ruin their friendships, in fact in many cases it enhances them."
"Different kind of passion Boyd!" She rolled her eyes at him.
"I meant what I said Grace, you do know me better than anyone else."
"As you do me, but that's what makes it so easy for you to hit my pulse points."
"Different kind of pulse points too eh?" He grinned boyishly desperate to bring some relief to the tension that was between them, his whole body screaming at him that this was not going to end well.
His light-hearted remark was not lost on Grace but she chose to ignore it, refusing to be drawn once again into the charm that had so often worked on her. Pointedly she continued. "It's why it hurts me so much when we fight, you know exactly where my weak spots are and use them against me."
"It's not all one way you know."
Grace breathed deeply trying to control the sense of guilt that was wrapping itself around her heart. "I do know, and I'm sorry that I hurt you and for the things I said."
"True though wasn't it."
"No, no it wasn't true at all. I hit out in anger; I shouldn't have said those things. I was completely out of line."
"Forget it, for what its worth I didn't mean the things I said to you either. I was just so angry."
"I know, we both were." Grace lowered her gaze unable to stop the sadness from encompassing her body.
So take a look at me now
Cause there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now
Cause there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds
And that's what I've got to face
"Grace, look at me …please just look at me …." He said as he lifted her chin up with his thumb so his dark eyes met once again with hers. Softly he continued. "…So will you come back, please?"
She shook her head. "I'm sorry; I don't think that I can." Grace could feel the heat of her tears as they began to trace their way down her cheeks.
"What? Why?"
"Because we will just keep going round on this same vicious circle. We'll pussy foot around each other for a few weeks until something comes up and we explode again."
"We can change, can't we? People do."
"No, I honestly don't think we can."
"Why can't we?" Boyd shrugged unwilling to accept what he was hearing.
"Because neither of us is prepared to give in when we think we are in the right and we fight to the death to get our point across."
"But that's not a bad thing is it, Grace, it's not wrong …"
"No it's not wrong, but I don't know that I have the strength to do it anymore."
"Yea well I don't know if I want to go on without you."
"Oh now who's being dramatic?"
"I'm serious Grace … It would be so empty …..."
"You'll get used to it …. as will I."
"I don't want to get used to it Grace. What can I do to change your mind? I'll do anything you want, anything, just name it."
"That's very sweet Boyd, but the odds of me coming back are really not that great."
"Well, I'm betting against those odds Grace. I will wait for you, you know that don't you? I'll still be standing here until you come back to me …. to the team I mean. Well not literally here in the pissing rain, but I'll wait however long it takes."
"You will find someone to replace me soon enough Boyd, life will go on."
"And what if I don't want to, what if I'm happy with my life as it is right now?"
"How could you be happy with this?"
"Why? What's the alternative?" He shrugged.
"You move on."
"That's not an alternative Grace, not for me."
"Well it might have to be Peter. Look, I'll be in touch in a couple of days, okay?" Grace said softly leaning in and reaching up to kiss him gently on the cheek before turning to walk towards her house, tears now streaming freely down her face. She closed her eyes briefly in an attempt to dispel the memory of his beard against her skin, the scent of him which was now engulfing her, and the feel of him visibly shuttering at her touch.
I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all
"Grace …. aww come on Grace …. please …. don't do this…" he called after her, wondering if he should follow her, the feel of her lips still dancing on his cheek. "….I'm gonna wait Grace, I'm gonna be right here waiting when you change your mind … when you realise how much I need you..." His voice trailed off as he watched her enter her gate, place the key into the front door before disappearing.
Softly into the darkness his whispered voice continued. "… when you realise how much I love you."
But to wait for you well that's all I can do
And that's what I've got to face
Take a look at me now
I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me
Is against all odds
But that's the chance I've got to take