Blood Bonds

Merrill learns that blood magic can never truly save a life at the brink of death. There are always sacrifices and consequences.

Chapter 1: Discovery

It was much too silent in the halls of the guard barracks. Merrill shifted uncomfortably as she leaned her back against the wall outside of Aveline's office. It was nearing the end of the day and the barracks hall was nearly empty, except for a few stray guards quietly changing shifts. It was also quite dim in the building. The sun was disappearing, so the shades had been drawn. The only source of light now was the soft, warm glow from torches hanging from the walls.

Hawke had entered Aveline's office a little over ten minutes ago, which had left her and Fenris alone in the hall. Creators, the air was thick! This feeling had been suffocating her all day, and it was the fault of the elf standing across from her. The atmosphere would have been much more bearable if Varric hadn't left shortly before entering Hightown, leaving Hawke, Fenris and herself to travel towards the Keep. She remembered the awkwardness she felt during their time together.

Fenris had been agitated all day, more than usual anyway. He had seemed more distant and silent… well, when he hadn't been making nasty, indirect comments that had clearly been aimed towards her and her use of blood magic. Even Varric had seemed to notice Fenris's hostile demeanor.

"Elf, you seem particularly broody today. Is there some sort of broody holiday going on?" Varric had joked. Fenris had given a low growl before answering.

"I am perfectly content, Dwarf, even if I have had better company," Fenris had practically spat out those words through his teeth. He had then turned and glared at her when he noticed that she had been watching them.

Varric had let out a low whistle. "Well, if that's not a convincing display of contentment, I don't know what is," he had said sarcastically.

Varric had given up trying to lighten the mood fairly quickly after that exchange, to her disappointment.

Fenris had continued to direct his anger and frustration at her for the rest of the morning. It had really started to drain her emotionally and physically. She had been looking forward to working with Hawke that morning. This had been one of the few times Hawke had invited her to help him on a job, one of the only days she had been able to feel useful for once!

She had began to hope for something that would help remove the dark, thick cloud Fenris had placed over her head, something to distract him from burning a hole through her with his intense glare. So when they had been assaulted by bandits and war hounds on the Wounded Coast at about noon, she'd been slightly relieved. For a moment she had thought that perhaps now he would be able to focus the rest of his anger on these poor Mabari and bandits, instead of making snide remarks about her nearly every hour. She later realized how very naïve that thought had been. When the last of the bandits had fallen, nothing had seemed to change. She had been foolish to think that a couple of bandits and Mabari hounds would suffice. Next time she'd remember to wish for a High Dragon.

They had finished patrolling The Wounded Coast late in the evening, and they had been now on their way to report to Aveline. The sun had been low on the horizon, enveloping the city of Kirkwall in an orange haze.

"Well, Hawke, if we're done here I think I'll be heading back to The Hanged Man. Bianca and I need our shuteye."

"Would you like me to be a gentleman and walk you and Bianca home?" Hawke appeared to have enough energy to joke, though fatigue had been clear on his face.

"As much as Bianca and I would love it if you did, it's probably better not to keep Guard Captain Aveline waiting," Varric had then turned to leave.

"Good night, Varric. I hope you and Bianca sleep well," Merrill had waved politely and smiled.

"Thank you, Daisy."

Varric had soon disappeared down the stairs leading to Lowtown. It had then been her, Hawke, and Fenris left to make the trip to Viscount's Keep.

During their walk to the Keep she could still hear the slight tension in Fenris's voice, even without making out his words. Fenris and Hawke had made light conversation during their walk through Hightown. At that time, Merrill had tried to mind her own, slowing her pace to give her companions some privacy. Although she had been honestly curious about what was being said, (she had thought she heard witch and mage a couple of times) she would rather not agitate Fenris further by eavesdropping. As their voices had became louder, she had been getting increasingly nervous. From what she had been able to see, at that moment, Hawke seemed to have had enough of whatever Fenris had been going on about.

"Fenris." Hawke had said sternly; his eyes peering through the slit of his lids at Fenris. "Not now. Not today."

"T'ch. Very well." Fenris's voice had made it clear that the conversation was merely postponed and certainly not over.

Fenris had turned to look at her briefly, a scowl already on his face. Merrill had pretended to stare at the clouds. Now she was really curious about their conversation.

There had been silence the rest of the way to Viscount's Keep.

And now here she was, leaning against the wall, staring at Aveline's door, across from Fenris who, last time she checked, was also leaning against the wall, arms tightly crossed, resting his eyes angrily (she hadn't thought that was even possible!). She glanced at him quickly, and yes, he was indeed in the same position as before. She could swear that, even though he hadn't spoken more than a few sentences directly to her for nearly the entire time they had spent together, he was silently cursing her. Which she was well aware of and had expected; however today felt as though he was putting in the extra effort. She knew that even when his eyes were closed, he was staring daggers at her. Whenever she had spoken, hummed, coughed, or even when she had sneezed, his jaw had tightened. She should already have been used to it by now, and she usually did ignore most of his comments, either about her or about mages in general, but today just felt so much worse. Maybe it was because she had been feeling worse about herself lately.

"Advert your eyes, witch."

She hadn't realized she had been staring. She hadn't even really been looking at him, more like past him, but it wasn't really worth explaining.

"Sorry," she apologized. "I…I'm just tired." She smiled weakly at him, out of habit more than anything. Fenris looked as if he is going to say something, but instead he clenched his jaw. She sighed heavily and went back to looking at Aveline's door. There must have been a lot of details Aveline was going over with Hawke. It felt as though they have been in there for hours.

"You don't belong here."

Her head shot up to look at Fenris. He was looking straight at her. When he spoke those words, there was no anger behind it, not even annoyance; it was stated as a simple fact, and that was so much more painful. Before she could even say anything, he continued.

"You put yourself, Hawke, and others at great risk; and for what? A history of defeat?" Had he been waiting to say this all day? Was this what he was talking with Hawke about? She suddenly missed the silence.

"Fenris, our people need to reclaim our heritage." She turned away from him. Her words were shaky and she could feel tears welling behind her tired eyes. "How could you turn your back to that? There is so much we don't know…" He didn't appear to be listening. Creators, this was just too much.

"Blood Magic," There was so much venom when he uttered those words. "You've sacrificed so much for nothing. You had a life. You had a family, and you abandoned them to chase ghosts." He shook his head and looked away from her. "You haven't gained strength or knowledge. You are just as useless with blood magic as you are without. This was all worth nothing…"

That was it.

"H-how could you say…I-I can't believe…oh…" Merrill turned to leave; she could hear Fenris snort.

"Leaving, are you?" She didn't have to look at him to know he was smirking. She could practically feel it. Not even acknowledging that she had heard him, she continued to rush out the door into the great hall of the building.

Tears were already streaming down her face. She tried to quiet her weeping. Merrill was unsure of what exactly she wanted to do or where she wanted go. Her instinct was to run all the way back to the Alienage and cry herself to sleep, and she was ready to do so. However there were a few guards silently conversing by the exit; she really didn't want to be seen like this.

She still felt hysterical, her breathing was short and heavy; she needed to be alone to calm herself. Without any true direction, she walked up the stairs, through the unguarded doors, into a large empty room with benches lined on both sides. She took a seat on the bench closest to the corner of the room, hugged her knees to her chest, and released everything she had been holding back.

Hawke listened to Aveline's report on a group of bandits that have been interfering with shipments and robbing carts near and around the Wounded Coast. He had been helping to track this particularly rowdy group for little over a week now. They had managed to push the remaining bandits into temporary hiding; the group was weakened and Aveline was determined to put an end to their crimes. She had set patrols in search of any hint as to where the remaining members hid. A few hours before Hawke had entered her office, a couple of her guards reported that they had witnessed a small suspicious group, fitting the descriptions of some of the bandits, entering a cave near Sundermount that possibly led into an opening to the Deep Roads.

"Well, Aveline, it looks as though your bandit problem is solved," Hawke leaned back in his seat and rested his chin on his right hand, "I'm sure the Darkspawn will enjoy their lovely meal."

"Hawke," Aveline sat up from her desk and paced around Hawke. "It's not that simple. These bandits must have headquarters somewhere. It would explain their ability to regroup quickly, not to mention their numbers. If this group of strays has any information, it could end all this."

Hawke sighed softly. "Aveline, I…"

"Hawke, I need you. I can't risk sending any of my guards into the Deep Roads." Aveline's voice was soft and sincere.

"Well," Hawke stood up from his seat, stretching his arms and back a bit. "Looks like I'm off to the Deep Roads…again. How soon should I leave?"

"The sooner the better."

"Tomorrow it is!"

"Thank you, Hawke."

Hawke nodded and walked towards the door. Before reaching for the knob, he turned to Aveline. "I do hope those bandits haven't gone too deep into the Deep Roads," he joked. "I don't plan on making this trip last more than a day."

"I understand, Hawke."

"Good," Hawke smiled. "Hopefully I'll bring you a nice little, talkative bandit tomorrow; one that we can play good guard, bad guard with."

Aveline returned the smile and then Hawke left the room.

Hawke was surprised to see only Fenris waiting for him in the hall. Fenris pushed himself off the wall and walked casually towards him, his face holding the same disinterested look as before; Hawke knew better than that. He knew Fenris long enough to know when he was masking his feelings.

"Where's Merrill?"

"She left." Fenris said plainly.

"Oh, really?" Hawke gave him a knowing look. Fenris ignored him and turned away from his eyes. "Well, I suppose I'll just give Merrill her pay tomorrow before we head into the Deep Roads." Hawke reached into his pocket and pulled out a small coin purse. "Here's your coin by the way." Fenris accepted his pay.

"You mentioned the Deep Roads?"

"Ah, yes. It appears some stragglers have made a home in the Deep Roads." Hawke rubbed the back of his neck. "I could use your sword, Fenris. We're not going to be in there for long."

"I'll join you."

"Fantastic! I'll pick you up first thing in the morning."

Both Hawke and Fenris began to walk towards the main doors of the Keep. Up the stairs and out of sight, Merrill silently watched the two head for the doors.

"Once I pick you up, we're going to head to Dark Town first. Hopefully Anders isn't too busy again, I would much rather have a healer and a former Warden with us in the Deep Roads, than not." Fenris grunted at that. Hawke ignored him and continued. "If not, we'll just ask Merrill to joins us, after I pick up my trusty Dwarf." Hawke smiled at Fenris as they both exited the Keep.

Merrill walked back into the empty room.

She really wished she hadn't heard that. She liked Hawke; and she knew he would never purposely do or say anything to hurt her, but…still.

In a way, she knew she was just a temporary replacement for Anders; she was the only other mage in there group, since Bethany had been taken to the Circle. Hawke normally did take Anders on his adventures; it was just recently he had been asking her for aid. Lately Anders had preferred to work at his neglected clinic, rather than join Hawke.

She sighed heavily and roughly sat back down on the bench, causing it to shake beneath her. She yelped in surprise when she heard a loud thump a few feet away from her. She quickly looked for the source of the sound.

It was a book. How could have she missed that? It wasn't very far from where she had been crying. She walked over and picked it up; her fingers traced the cover slowly and carefully. The book felt rather odd. Her eyes widened when she realizes what she was holding.

"This is one of the tomes Hawke has been destroying." She remembered how much she had disapproved of Hawke ripping apart potential knowledge, banishing magic that could aid them in their journeys.

She hugged the book protectively and scanned the room. Who would leave a tome with secrets from the Fade lying on a bench in the Viscount's Keep? Well, it doesn't matter now. All she knows is that she doesn't plan on letting Hawke, or anyone else for that matter, know of this tome.

With a determined look on her face, Merrill placed the tome under one of her arms and casually walked out of Viscount's Keep. It was already dark out. A couple of guards were on patrol, torches at hand. She had to quickly make it back to the Alienage; she knew Aveline's guards wouldn't bother her, but thieves and other shady sorts would. When she made it to Lowtown, she did her best to stick to the main road, as to not to get lost and end up in an alleyway, as she often did. She quickened her pace when she saw the branches of the Alienage's vhenadahl in the distance.

Her fingers were itching to open the tome.

Once she was in her home, she placed the tome on her dining table, made herself some tea and a small plate of food. She was still fairly tired from all the walking and fighting she had done with Hawke from the start of the day till late in the evening, but she knew she would not be able to sleep without, at the least, skimming a few pages.

Merrill sat down at her table, sipped her tea, and began to read.