This is a response to Scarheart of Darclan's one-shot challenge.
Disclaimer: I do not own Warrior cats. (I wish I did..)
~ Shiningstarwhiteback
Prologue
I will always remember that day. No matter how long I live, even once I die, this will be in my memory. It all started around 7 moons ago. My first Gathering. Both of our first Gatherings.
A young apprentice, around my age, was the first cat I noticed. This must be her first Gathering, too, I thought. She was a black she-cat with sparkling green eyes. Quickly she bounced up to me and said, "Hi! I'm Cricketpaw! Who are you?"
I was taken aback. At the time, I wasn't a particularly social cat. "I-I-I-I'm… C-creek-kp-p-p-paw." I stuttered, surprised that any cat would notice me.
"Nice to meet you, Creekpaw!" Cricketpaw said.
"Come on, Cricketpaw! Sit down! Lightningstar is about to speak!" Hissed a strong-looking golden tabby.
Even though we had just met, there was something in her bubbly nature that made me want to know more about her. It was against the warrior code, but I didn't care. I loved Cricketpaw already. But I knew she didn't feel like that about me. I was Creekpaw, a shy, antisocial tom who couldn't even say his name without stuttering. She was Cricketpaw, a bubbly she-cat who was naturally friendly. Our personalities were too different. But that didn't mean I had to stop hoping. Not yet.
I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't even notice my clan was leaving.
"Come on, Creekpaw!" Hissed a tom behind me.
I didn't have to look to know it was Flarepaw, the bossiest, most rude apprentice ever. Hurriedly I got up and began to follow the clan, not wanting to anger Flarepaw further.
That night, in my dreams, all I saw was Cricketpaw. But they were nightmares. Each time, I declared my love for her. And she just laughed in my face.
And The World Listened…..
"Creekpaw!" Two moons had passed since that day, the day we first met, Cricketpaw and I. "Get up!"
Stumbling wearily out of my nest, I realized that Waterstar has called a clan meeting. It was nearly Sundown. Why had no one awoken me?
"Today I perform a ceremony that we all rejoice in. Greenbush, is your apprentice ready to become a warrior?"
"Yes," replied Greenbush, "He is."
"Creekpaw, come forward." Waterstar called.
Nervously I crept forth.
"Young 'paw, do you promise to protect the warrior code and defend your clan to the death is necessary?"
"I-I-I d-d-d-do." I stuttered. I knew I was lying. About the warrior code.
"Then, by my power, and the power of StarClan, I name you Creekflow. May StarClan guide this young warrior on the path to greatness."
"Creekflow! Creekflow! Creekflow!" Cheered the clan. My clan. SilverClan. And yet, I was betraying them, simply by loving Cricketpaw. I couldn't help wondering if she had gotten her warrior name. Flarerush glared at me from the crowd. Why had he always hated me? These questions would be answered soon than I had thought. Much sooner.
The next night, Spiritfern asked me to nest next to her. If I had known why, I would have never answered "Yes." But, at the time, I simply thought it to be a friendly offer for a new warrior.
I was tortured by those dreams again. Only, in them, Spiritfern was there, screaming "She doesn't love you! Come with me!"
By morning, my nest was in shreds, and Spiritfern was sitting calmly beside me.
"What's going on?" Asked the slender white she-cat.
"I don't know what you mean." I replied groggily.
"Liar." She hissed. " I heard you talking in your sleep. 'No! Please, Cricketpaw!' you screamed. Don't lie to me."
"Would it be okay if I told you that I can't tell?" I asked.
"No!" spat Spiritfern, pinning me against the den wall.
"I loved you. I always have. But now I know you don't even care about me. You just accepted my offer so you could show me how much you loved this 'Cricketpaw'. Well, now that I know, you should just move your nest." She ran her claw slowly down my side. I cringed in pain.
"That's so you'll always have to remember me." Spiritfern snarled in my face.
"I can tell Waterstar about this." I threatened.
"You wouldn't dare!" Laughed Spiritfern. That scared me. The Spiritfern I knew was kind and gentle.
"Why not?" I asked. Bad move.
"I'll find this 'Cricketpaw' and make sure she regrets ever meeting you." There was a cruel, twisted smile on her face. I never knew that something as good as love could do this to a cat.
Shivering, I backed out of the den, and right into Flarerush.
"Mouse dung." I muttered under my breath. But all I saw in Flarerush's eyes was concern.
"What happened?" Asked the tom.
"It was a thorn." I muttered.
"I've never seen a thorn do anything like that."
"Well, how should you know? You're not our medicine cat, are you?" I hissed. Flarerush looked genuinely hurt.
"I heard what went on in there. And I have to talk to you." He herded me out the Dirtplace tunnel.
"What?" I asked as soon as we had distanced ourselves from camp.
"Well, I loved Spiritfern. And I knew she loved you. So that's why I was so hostile. I'm sorry. It's my fault this happened."
"How?" I asked.
Flarerush had wandered a few paces away and was now putting chewed-up marigold on my wound.
" I could have told you that Spiritfern loved you. Then you wouldn't be injured."
I sniffed the herbs on my pelt suspiciously. "Are you sure these are the right herbs?" I asked.
"Yes," replied Flarerush. "After all, I always wanted to be a medicine cat."
"Why didn't you become one, then?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
"Love." He said simply, and began to press cobwebs on my wound. Once again, love changing someone who I thought I knew. What does love do? Is it really worthwhile?
"You know, the Gathering's tomorrow." Said Flarerush, seeming eager to change the subject.
I grimaced. "Don't remind me."
"Why not?" asked Flarerush. "I assume that this 'Cricketpaw' is of SunClan, and I would think that you would want to see her again."
"Because, now I know what love can do to a cat. If she doesn't love me, I don't want to be changed for the worse."
"Take the chance, Creekflow. You know, a lot of the she-cats love you."
I was truly shocked. "W-wh-hat-t?" I asked.
"They think your stutter is cute. And your eyes. There's nothing not to like about you. Me, that's a whole different story. I'm easily angered and bossy. My eyes are a plain gray." Said Flarerush, growing irritated. "Did you ever realize that all the she-cats in every clan are taken with you?" He shouted. "No one cares about selfish Flarerush. I'm just a nobody. But you, you Creekflow, are something."
This came as a shock to me. When I had been an apprentice, I wasn't well liked. Many cats teased me. But then again, most of the cats who teased me were toms. Perhaps they were jealous. But it still confused me.
"But….." I said.
"But what?" asked Flarerush.
"Well,why?"
"Why what?"
I took a deep breath. "Why you're being so nice to me all of a sudden. Why all the she-cats like my least favorite things about me."
Flarerush laughed. "I can't answer the second question, but as for the first, well, I always wanted to be your friend. I never tried to become your friend because I was scared it would make Spiritfern hate me."
"Why would it make Spiritfern hate you?"
"She might think I was convincing you out of love with her. Now I know you didn't need any convincing." Flarerush laughed, but it was a bitter, a hollow laugh. He began leading me back to camp.
I didn't object. I figured that some cat was bound to be getting suspicious.
The next night, despite my doubts, I went to the Gathering. And there she was, chattering on with another SunClan warrior.
I bet she loves him. I bet he's her mate. I thought bitterly. But that thought didn't last long.
"Hey! I remember you!" She called.
"C-c-cri-i-ick-k-etp-p-p-p-a-a-w?" I stammered.
"Not anymore! Now I'm Cricketsong!"
A beautiful name for a beautiful cat. "Now I-i-I'm C-c-creekf-f-l-l-ow."
"Nice! So now we're both warriors!" Cricketsong shot a look at the tom she had been talking to and ushered me away using her tail.
"I have to ask you something. Since we met, I've been madly in love with you. I need to know if you feel the same before it kills me."
"Of course I love you! How could anyone not?" The strength in my voice surprised myself.
Cricketsong gave me a smile. What a beautiful smile.
"I want to be with you. Always. Everyone thinks I love that tom I was talking to, Swiftfoot. But I really love you." said Cricketsong.
"But we can't be together. It's against the warrior code!" I said, surprised that Cricketsong could even think of this. But I want the same thing. I know it is so.
And so, for some time afterwards, we met at the SunClan border. Days turn into weeks, and weeks into moons. Seasons come and go. And one day, my life is changed. For the better or the worse, I did not know.
"I'm expecting kits!" Cricketsong told me one frosty day in leafbare.
"When are they due?" I ask her.
"One moon!" She says excitedly.
"And I hope that they are just like you!"
"Wh-hy w-would y-y-you w-want that? I'm not a particularly good speaker, a-and I don't look that great." I stutter.
"It's what's on the inside that counts." Cricketsong says, looking at me with a smile. And I know she's right.
"Anyways, we will meet at the border for one more week, and then you are staying in the nursery."
Cricketsong whines. "How will I live without you?" She asks, burrowing her head into my fur.
"You'll get by somehow. For the kits." I whisper in her ear.
For the next few days, I can't concentrate. All I can think of is Cricketsong. And on the last day I will ever see her, I can't focus at all. I will miss her so much. And everything that she does.
We met at the border, and talked for a while. Suddenly, Cricketsong was laying on the ground, screaming, "The kits are coming!"
No! Not this early! But what I saw told me otherwise. Helpless, I stood by and watched my mate give birth.
When she finished, there was blood everywhere, turning the snow a deep maroon. I knew that Cricketsong didn't have much longer to live. Her breath was coming in ragged gasps.
"What are their names?" I asked.
"The tom is Riverkit, and the she-cat is Chirpkit." Cricketsong coughed.
It was all I could do to stay by her side. I could feel her life ebbing out gradually onto the rocks. We felt the pain together. But there was nothing I could do to keep her here.
"Tell Lightningstar I died. And take good care of theses kits. I love you, Creekflow."
"I love you too, Cricketsong." I said, even though I knew she could no longer hear me.
It felt like the world had stopped. The wind stopped rustling the branches. The snow stopped falling. The river stopped rushing. And the whole world listened…
Epilogue
I look down from StarClan. There he is, carrying Chirpkit, with Riverkit on his back, pushing his way through the snow. How I wish those kits could know their mother. I hope Creekflow tells them about me.
A StarClan cat comes up from behind me. "We will let you live again, Cricketsong."
That voice. My father.
I am surprised that they would designate me worthy of such an honor.
"But we will not let you keep your memories, and you will be reborn as a kit."
Slowly, sadly, I shake my head. "I can't accept."
My father, Nightfire, looks taken aback. "Why not?"
"If I can live again, I want to live with Creekflow and my kits. Not as some cat who won't even remember her own love." My heart aches, and I yearn to be with him again, but not if I would not even know his name.
Nightfire dips his head and nods. "I understand. But, know this: we will not make this offer a second time."
"I understand. But I don't want you to offer it to me again."
My father looks at me once more before sprinting off into the starry hunting grounds.
I lay my head on my paws and sigh. There is pain after you die. Not the usual kind. The pain of love.