I haven't written anything in so long and this randomly started at 4:30am, kind of a different style for me and a lot shorter, so I'm not sure about it, but let me know!

As usual, I don't own Harry Potter, obvs because I'm still a poor uni student.

"James Potter, I fucking hate you"

I watched as every ounce of tension left his body. Watched his eyes turn cold and void of any emotion.

"Okay"

And that was it. He turned away from me and walked up to his room with heavy steps. I was left shaking, pent up anger still pulsing through my veins. Adrenalin coursing through me, ready for a fight.

"Christ Lil" muttered Sirius and it was only then I realized a complete silence had fallen over the common room. A group of third years gaped at me from behind the sofa.

Our friends stared at me, Peter looked scared, Marlene looked disappointed and Sirius looked as if he wanted to murder me, yet there was still a sense of pity in his gaze.

He pitied me. He saw through me. He and James were far too alike.

My lips started to tremble and I couldn't breathe. The walls were closing in, I had to get out of there. I pushed past everyone and made way to my own room, enveloping myself in my duvet.

And that's when I broke down.

Everything that happened that day came out of me in heaving sobs. Not sleeping the night before, or the night before that. Having to comfort Dorcas as she retched at the thought of her whole family being slaughtered. Having to push Mulciber away while he came so close I could practically smell the death on him whilst he whispered "mudblood" in her ear. Being told my McGonagall that she failed her essay completely and then to top it all a stupid spat with Mary.

And then James.

James who had started a tentative friendship with her after the incident in fifth year. James who made her laugh when she was feeling crushingly depressed and couldn't sleep. Who had seen her struggling with Dorcas and taken her to Dumbledore leaving Lily to grieve herself. Who had punched Mulciber breaking his jaw as well as breaking two of his own fingers and then offered to help with her next transfiguration essay as well as her argument with Mary.

James who was always there. Who she was pretty sure was a little bit in love with her.

James who she had just told she fucking hated because she couldn't breathe and it was all too much and she was Lily who never deserved this magical life let alone someone who cared about her this much.

She was Lily who pushed everyone away when things got rough. She was flawed and he still came back.

Which is why I knew I'd find him in the common room at 3am when I couldn't sleep.

My bare feet padded across the carpet as I took a seat beside him in front of the fire.

"I'm so sorry" Sobbing again.

"I know"

"I don't fucking hate you, I'm so sorry" tears did not want to stop running now.

"Lils I know" he turned to look at me and I saw his eyes weren't cold anymore, they were understanding, they were round and shining brightly.

That may be when I realized I was a little bit in love with James Potter.

The James Potter who could deal with and still liked flawed Lily Evans.