Oh captain my captain

…

He was at his quarter when McCoy asked for permission to come inside. Kirk let him in and went back to sitting in a chair, staring straight ahead while slowly opening and closing his hands.

"Look Jim" McCoy started "you know I'm not much for heart to heart conversations but there is clearly something that's bothering you. Now if you ask me to go and leave you alone I will, at least do me the favor to be honest with me."

He had a concerned look on his face and closed his mouth as he waited for his friend to say something. Anything.

"Bones" Kirk said, instantly easing the tension the silence had created. "Do you ever regret becoming a starfleet doctor?"
"Well apart from the obvious necessity of being in space I don't think I've ever wanted to do anything else. Why do you ask?"
"No reason. I was just thinking out loud."
"Why, do you question your choice to be here because let me tell you there'd be plenty of people doing that for you."
"No. I don't know. I mean..."

Getting frustrated over not finding the right words Kirk got up and started pacing around the room.

"It's about Vulcan I take it" McCoy said and sat down instead of Kirk.
"All those people, all those places. The history. I mean what if it had been Earth Bones."
"Luckily it wasn't but I get your point."
"And Spock, even though he can be a pain in the ass..."
"No arguing there."
"...he doesn't deserve to see his home planet be destroyed let alone to watch his mother die right in front of him. And Chekov, poor kid. I have to talk to him later, he's blaming himself for that. I joined starfleet because I was bored with my life and was hoping for some kind of adventure. But not this. Not ever."
"There was nothing we could've done Jim."
"No? See I'm not so sure about that."
"Now you're starting to sound like you're blaming yourself too."
"I should've gone back down there, I should've gone with Spock."
"And what, throw your life away? What good would that do."
"I could've saved all of them. I could..."

Not finishing his sentence he went to sit by the egde of his bed and buried his head in his hands.

"Jim there was nothing you could've done, not this time. You tried and you even saved Sulu so what do you say we call it a day and pick ourselves up so we can get them next time. Because we will get them, I'm sure of it."
"You're really not one to dwell on things are you."
"Oh I dwell I just don't let it get in the way of my life, nothing good will come of it."
"Maybe you could have a little chat with Chekov, seems like you're used to doing it."
"Well I do have a degree in psychology after all but I'll take that as a compliment to my talents."
"That you should" Kirk said, got up and gave McCoy a pat on his right shoulder as he headed towards the door while McCoy followed him.

"Bones."
"What."
Kirk turned halfway around and looked at his friend standing behind him.
"Don't give him any funny shots or something, who knows what you'll do to the poor kid."
"I'm a proffessional Jim, what I did to you was a once in a lifetime sort of thing. A friendly favor."
"Right" Kirk said with a little smirk, opened the door and made a sudden stop and turned back to McCoy.
"And Bones."
"Yes Jim?"
"Thanks."
"Don't mention it."