You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Merlin sat in a dark corner of the bar, nursing his drink alone. He couldn't keep his eyes off the couple on the dance floor, one golden head and one chocolaty brown. He'd finally found his Arthur in this life. Arthur was everything he remembered and more. But he was also married. To Gwen.
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
He couldn't stand seeing them together. Merlin knew it was selfish. But he'd been waiting, how long? A hundred years? A thousand? All the years had started to run after a few centuries of waiting. It had all been so empty, so meaningless without him. And now, after so long, to see that beautiful, gleaming smile directed at someone else, was heart wrenching.
Your hair was long when we first met
Merlin remembered the moment he first laid eyes on the prince. His spun gold hair and lovely neck when he threw his head back and laughed. The incredulous look on his face when Merlin dared to challenge him. How his warm, calloused hands had felt, gentle even though he was pinning Merlin's arm to his back.
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Merlin wasn't sure when they became friends. Somewhere between saving Arthur's life and getting his own saved in return. They'd go out hunting together, and Merlin secretly enjoyed it despite how much he complained. He got to spend time with Arthur, see the real him inside. Merlin was content to sleep under the cover of trees near the dwindling heat of the campfire knowing Arthur was safe by his side.
Samson came to my bed
Told me I was beautiful, and came into my bed
And one day, that all changed and it was wonderful.
Oh, I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
Merlin could recall sometime after that incident, when his heart swelled and nothing could wipe the smile off his face. Arthur had complained about his fringe, having kept it long only because Merlin liked it. As the good servant he was, Merlin offered to cut his master's hair.
He managed to do a decent job and only nicked Arthur's ears twice. Arthur had smiled in the flickering candlelight and ruffled Merlin's hair, threatening to return the favor.
And kissed me till the mornin' light, the mornin' light
And he kissed me till the mornin' light
Merlin's fondest memory was after he'd come clean about his magic. After Arthur had ranted and raved and threw things. It was freeing, a weight lifted off his chest after years and years of hiding and secrecy.
Arthur had been on his way to punch him, but dragged him in for a punishing kiss instead.
"Don't lie to me ever again," he'd whispered.
And Merlin spent the night pressing apologies into Arthur's skin and licking away the hurt.
Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonder bread, and went right back to bed
Merlin remembered later on, after he'd become more than just the servant. Long after. When Albion was united and destiny fulfilled. When his flaxen locks dulled to gray and his taut, youthful skin began showing the wear of age. While Merlin stayed youthful, forever stuck at eighteen.
And Merlin would hold him close in their royal bed, kiss his regal nose, and tell him how much he was loved. The next morning, when the air held the bite of cold and the floor had not yet warmed up, Merlin conjured them a plate of breakfast for them to enjoy in bed. Arthur nibbled on a slice of bread and then curled up around his lover and fell asleep again.
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah, we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the Bible didn't mention us, not even once
Years after Arthur's death, years of pining and loneliness, Merlin still searched. He searched while seeing their life's work fall apart. While Albion was shattered and war painted the ground red with blood.
Hundreds of years later, Merlin never gave up his search. He'd already tried every way possible to join his beloved king in Avalon and had failed every time. If he gave up on Arthur, there was nothing else for him. His magic had fled a while back and the dragon was long dead. Even their accomplishments had become smeared with time. Merlin was now known for his beard and spangled robes and not for the golden age of peace he brought. People were even beginning to doubt his and Arthur's existence.
You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first
Merlin had loved him before he was a king. He loved him when he was just Arthur. Not for the shiny crown, fancy throne, or the long titles. But for the goodness inside, the man he was, not the prince he could be.
He supposed it was all right. It wasn't what he wanted, but it was all right. As long as Arthur was happy, Merlin could live without that adoring smile or those reverent kisses he could barely remember now. He could deal with loving his king from a distance, even if it broke his heart.
A/N: Inspired by Regina Spektor's Samson. Go listen to it, it's a beautiful song.