NCIS: LA is not mine and I make no money from this.
Dom died. Eric was still in shock as he sat at his computer, fingers still as they sat on the keyboard. It was all he could do not to reply the footage he watched from the rooftop. Breathing… It was good to focus on breathing…
The Ops room was silent, in a way it rarely was. Everyone else had left, switching off computers so even their continuous humming was gone. It was just Eric, and one computer. He wondered vaguely if it was exhaustion or tears that blurred his eyes, but his hands wouldn't move to check.
Dom had been in LA. How had he not realised that? How had he allowed himself to miss such an obvious thing? They had been looking all over the world, searching the far corners, when the man had been in the same city.
As Eric took a deep breath, he could feel his tense jaw shaking. It was then he realised he was crying, the tears were dripping down his overheated face as he took deep breaths through a chest that hurt. He was aware he was likely pulling a horrific expression, but he could not force his mouth into a normal position, he simply continued to gasp.
"Eric?" A soft voice called from the doorway.
Eric spun his chair away and brought his hands up to hide his face.
"You heading home?" It was G. He was a guy who looked after his friends, and Eric supposed he must be on the list. "You were in before any of us, right?"
"Was here late… Got it be- before I went home." His pitch wobbled more than when his voice had broken, but he couldn't help it. Eric had had a late night he had been just skimming sites before heading home (and not for the first time, he had been the only one still there), when he had come across the video and started calling people. It was now over 40 hours since he had slept, but he still felt too wired to settle down.
"Come on." Callen sighed, his tone becoming the soft one he used when Sam was bothered by something. Eric stared at his screen for a few more moments, before shutting the computer down. He allowed himself to be led out, but passing Dom's desk, seeing the doll that he had returned after Hetty had used it as a 'good luck charm', nearly set him off crying again. His knees went and he would have crumpled to the ground if Callen's shoulder hadn't jammed itself into his armpit.
"Come on, buddy." Murmured the older man, flicking out the lights as they left the building.
Eric honestly could remember anything between stepping out the door and Callen shaking him awake on the doorstep of his apartment.
"Where can I park so I don't get a ticket?" The man asked.
Eric pointed sleepily to the residents' parking lot around the corner. He recited the number for Callen to get into it and stumbled out the car once they were parked. He gazed sleepily around the unfamiliar lot. He didn't drive, so he had never come back after being shown it on the initial viewing.
He obediently followed Callen inside and up to his third floor apartment, his mind buzzing too loudly to think. Eric was glad about that. He didn't want to think. His mind shifted to the roof of his building, briefly imagining Dom's bleeding body up there, coloured in the sepia tones of the camera he had used.
He let out a whimper, but shook his head to try and displace the image.
It didn't work. He leaned against the wall opposite his bedroom door and slid down it, his breath coming is gasps as his lungs burnt. He couldn't displace the image. He curled up into himself, trying to hold his sobs in until Callen left. He could imagine how red that blood had actually been.
Why hadn't he worked harder to find Dom? Why had he been so slow? If he had tried harder, Dom might had survived!
As Eric's sobs began to burst from him, despite his efforts to hold them in, he felt Callen's arms wrap around him. He was pulled to his feet and half dragged into his bedroom, where Callen helped him strip down to just his t-shirt and a pair of boxers, then they were on the bed as Eric sobbed out his pain into the fabric of his friend's t-shirt.
It was a long time before he settled enough to realise that Callen's breathing was jerky, and that when Eric twisted his head, he could see the tears falling from the other man's eyes too.
Callen had been friends with Dom too…
"I'm sorry..." whispered Eric, as his raw eyes began to ache and his chest began to heave again. "I'm sorry. If I'd been better… I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Callen shushed him, but didn't reply. Eric knew why the man didn't forgive him, surely even Callen had realised Eric should have been able to track a video feed that originated in LA. His stomach hurt, he kind of wanted to throw up…
He couldn't move though. He tried to pull away, but Callen's arms where like steel barriers holding him in position, and Eric's limbs all felt like jello, unable to even support his body weight, never mind push out of Callen's solid embrace. He simply buried his face into Callen's chest and tried to think about something else.
It was an unsuccessful attempt, his mind kept going over anything he could have done differently; even when he tried thinking about playing Halo, or one of his other favourite games, the enemy he was shooting down had Dom's face. He could feel his shoulders heave with the effort of not retching.
"Go to sleep, Eric." Callen whispered.
"Can't. Fuck… It's my fault." He replied, his voice far too high, but he couldn't bring himself to care.
"Not your fault."
"I should have been better." He whimpered, the confession burning his already overheated face.
"You didn't give anything but your best. Trust me."
It helped. They were simply words that should not have made a difference, but they did. He lay trembling in the man's arms, but the idea of trusting Callen's judgement was easy.
He trusted G Callen completely.
Eric's exhausted mind finally shut off and his breathing evened out as he fell asleep. He didn't notice the kiss Callen pressed to the hand that was gripping the neckline of his t-shirt, just by his head. Nor did he think about the nightmares that would wake him in several hours. He was unaware yet that Callen would be in his bed every night for the next few weeks, his presence helping to soothe his nightmares away, nor that they would return in full force once Callen found somewhere else to sleep.
Instead, Eric rested and let himself trust Callen.