A/N # 1: So I know I just started my other story, but I'm having awful, awful writer's block. Hopefully doing this as a side project should unblock the doorway behind which my little writer-self is hiding. Bear with me please?

A/N # 2: So I checked and I don't think anyone else has done this, I know some people have posted lists but I'm not doing a list so yea. If someone else has done this then I'm terribly sorry and I didn't mean to quote steal unquote your idea. I guess great minds think a like.

A/N # 3: So I just realized that this is my third author's note in one chapter, I really need to stop doing so many of these things… Anyway! I just wanted to let you know that this is an AU story. Pretty much throw every thing that happened in the books starting with book numerous 3 out the window, this is my story now.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters from the book. Also I got the "things not to do" from various icons, I'm sure you've seen them.

What NOT to do at Hogwarts

Chapter 1: In which the fun begins! And a Time Warp occurs!

Arabelle Grace Black sat down next to Harry Potter at the Gryffindor table, as she had been every morning for the past 2 years. She was out of breath, as usual, and her long raven hair was pulled back into her normal ponytail. She hastily piled a random assortment of food onto her plate, and then proceeded to scarf it down with no remorse.

"I can't believe how much crap you eat Belle." Hermione said as she too sat down and started to pile food onto her plate.

"Mione, Hogwarts food is never crap. You don't understand what actual crap food taste like. All the orphanage has is crap food. And let me tell you, from first hand experience, crap food taste like utter-." Arabelle began.

"Let me guess, crap?!" Ron said interrupting Belle's rant.

"Why yes Ronniekins, it taste like crap!" She said shoving another spoonful of food into her mouth.

"All I'm saying is that one day all the food you eat will catch up with you. One day your metabolism is going to stop being so hyped up on crack." Hermione said as she took a bite of her toast.

"And when it does I will promptly die, creating a hole right through the center of the earth, and then you, Mione, will be forever mourning the loss of your best friend. So for your sake lets hope that never happens." Arabelle replied. It was then that she noticed that Harry had not spoken a single word to any of them this morning. While Hermione and Ron bickered about something dealing with a rat Arabelle decided to see what was up with Harry.

"Harry?" she said.

"…" Nothing.

"Harry??" she said again, thinking maybe he didn't hear her.

"…" he obviously didn't hear her.

"Harry!" she screamed, finally waking him from his zombie like state, as well as startling a few first-years walking by.

"What?! Oh, sorry Belle." Harry said before taking a bite of his now cold food.

"You ok?" she asked, taking a sip of pumpkin juice.

"Oh yea, I'm fine, I was just think abou-."

"About the dementors on the train." She finished for him.

"Yea, how'd you know?"

"I've been thinking about them too."

"Really?"

"Yea, you know what else I've been thinking about."

"What?"

"This school is too depressed. We need to liven it up."

"Um Belle I don't think that's such a good idea…" But Arabelle was no longer listening; her brain was now in full on 'Cheer up the School' mode. She stood up and placed one foot on the table and the other on the bench.

"Its time for 'Operation Time-Warp!!!!!!" she proclaimed thrusting one arm in the air while placing the other on her hip, looking much like a superhero out to save the world. Hermione and Ron stopped their arguing and looked to see what was going on. Upon hearing the word 'operation' Hermione died a little inside.

"Not another operation." Hermione complained performing the classic face-palm.

"Come on Mione we've got work to do, people to find, lyrics to learn, and costumes to make!!!" Arabelle hoped off the table, grabbed Hermione's hand, and drug her off through the entrance hall. Ron and Harry pulled their eyes away from the retreating Arabelle and Hermione, and then looked at each other.

"Costumes?" Ron said laughing.

"Fred?! George?!" Arabelle yelled as she bust through the portrait hole with Hermione in tow.

"You rang?" Said Fred and George as they appeared on wither side of Arabelle and Hermione.

"Follow me!" Arabelle said grabbing Fred's hand, who then promptly grabbed George's hand as they ran up the stairs to the fifth-year boy's dormitory. Arabelle bust through the door, then slung Fred, Hermione, and George onto the nearest bed.

"Ok listen up! This school is harshing my mellow man, everyone's worried about Dementors, and Sirius Black, and You-Know-Who! So I decided its time for an intervention! Have you three ever heard of 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'?!"

"The what?" Fred asked.

" Ugh! 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'!" She looked from face to face hoping for a sliver of recognition in the eyes of one of her colleagues. "No? Oh my we have a lot of work to do."

And so began the process of bewitching a Muggle TV to be able to play with no electricity, making Fred and George and Hermione watch 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show', and then teaching them the 'Time Warp' so that when time came they could teach the world! Well at least, teach the lovely students and teachers of Hogwarts.

A week or so had passed since Arabelle out burst at breakfast. Ron was finally healing after Hermione almost hexed him into oblivion for asking if she was going to wear a pretty costume for 'Operation Time Warp!!!!!!' It was dinner time, the time when most people were in the Great Hall at the same time, and Fred, George, Hermione, and Arabelle were no where to be found.

"Ron, where's Mione and Belle?" Harry asked noticing the two were missing.

"I dunno." Ron said through a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

All of a sudden the candles died down and multi colored lasers began flashing all over the Great Hall. Out of nowhere music began playing and fog started rolling in from the Entrance Hall. Neither the teachers nor the students showed any signs of knowing what was going on, except for Dumbledore who had a small smile playing on his lips.

"Look! There! In the fog!" someone from the Ravenclaw table shouted. Out from the fog, four figures began making their way into the hall. No one knew or could tell who they were or what they were doing. As they reached the middle of the hall all the fog disappeared and Fred, Arabelle, George, and Hermione stood in the dead center of the Great Hall. They wore ridiculous costumes consisting of leather pants and tight tank tops, as well as lace bras and music shut off and then Arabelle's voice became amplified so everyone could hear her as if she was right beside them.

"Are, You Ready, For, THE TIME WARP?!?!?!?!?!"

The music began blaring and then Fred's voice was heard, "It's just a jump to the left."

The group jumped to the left, and then George's voice echoed through the hall, "And then a step to the right."

Stepping to the right Hermione's voice was next to be heard, "With your hands on your hips."

All four put their hands on their hips and Arabelle's voice was heard once again, "You bring your knees in tight."

After bringing their knees in they began pelvic thrusting while singing all together, "But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane, Let's do the Time Warp again!"

The four began dancing in the center isle, and soon started grabbing random people from the different houses and making them dance along with them. Fred even ran up and tried to get Snape to dance. The majority of the people in the hall were absolutely speechless, and only the bravest of souls actually danced with the group of surely insane Gryffindors

After the initial shock, the professors began trying to calm things down and make the Gryffindor Time Warpers to stop, which took an extremely long time seeing as the other students were slowly warming up to dancing around and doing the Time Warp though few of them even knew what it was. Eventually they ceased dancing, but only because the song was over, (they hadn't been able to charm the song to loop).

The group was taken to Dumbledore's office and received a stern talking to. McGonagall was especially disappointed in Hermione, even though she explained that the other three forced her do it and said they would tell Ron she liked him if she didn't. After McGonagall left, Dumbledore was told the amazing story of just how they set the whole thing up, and how they thought they deserved at least 200 points to Gryffindor for their totally awesome use of magic. However Dumbledore told them that no matter how amazing the event was, they still had to receive some kind of punishment, for they had broken a few school rules.

In the end, no points were given to Gryffindor, or taken away, and the Gryffindor Time Warpers had to write one three foot long scroll each on why it was inappropriate to perform the Time Warp in the middle of the Great Hall for points. Thus began a series of scrolls Arabelle Grace Black had to write during her upcoming years at school. Every single one of them began with the title, 'What Not to do at Hogwarts'.