A/N: SINCE TIME MACHINES DON'T EXIST, I DON'T OWN REGULAR SHOW OR ITS CHARACTERS. THAT INCLUDES THE CLASSIC TALE OF 'THE CHRISTMAS CAROL'…CHARLES DICKENS BEAT ME TO THAT

P.S. Characters are normal, this time and there is a bit of gore in this chapter

Introduction:

Do you remember that joyous time of the year when school would close and Summer would welcome us with open arms? When you had so much to look forward to and no school work to drag you down…well, except for summer reading, the bastards. Anyway, this was a time of relaxation; to play, hang out with friends, or crashing in front of the AC/fan because sometimes it was too freaking hot, ladies and gentlemen. And for those times when you would spend inside playing video games or watching TV, there was a certain month that a few kids would look forward to in the Summer and that was July

Why July of all months? Well, there was the 4th of July with all of the fireworks, the cookouts and junk, but that was only one day out of the month which left the rest of the 27 days of nothing but hot weather and a creative mind to occupy your free time. Not easy for some of us with nothing to do and nowhere to go so what was there for us for the rest of the month? Christmas in July. Remember that?

For those that don't remember or wasn't around for this. It was a special, magical time when Christmas specials would play on TV; reminding us that the Christmas spirit didn't have to die down just because January came along. Peace and good-will could be spread year-round; even during the stickiest, most hottest of days…either that or they were accommodating for the kids that wished to be back to school and missed Winter because it was too freaking hot (and then turned around to Winter and to say 'Oh, it's too damn cold, I wish it was Summer again')

Well my Regular Show viewers, I'm here to tell you that I'm bring it back, and what better way to do that than with the classic story of the Christmas Carol. However, it wouldn't be me to tell you the original, simple version, no. It has to be amazing, it has to be out of the ordinary (but still meaningful), crazy, unexpected, over the Ooooo-factor, it has to be…Regular

A/N: Hello viewers, Blue here. [Sigh] it's good to be back and there's so much I have to tell you… *static, signal interference* Good Evening, Darlings. I know you're expecting Blue to be here but she seems to be…tied up at the moment. Don't worry dearies, the story will carry on. After all, you couldn't celebrate the holidays without a little…red...

A Regular Christmas Carol

Prelude:

Dead On The Fourth

It was your normal, average evening, down in the underworld. The forever moon was shining dimly. The lukewarm wind was making the dead oak trees rustle a bit. The cravens [1] were crowing their usual peculiar songs. [Sigh] Yeah, it was your average night down here which was way better than the steaming hot temperatures up on the surface world; it being summer and all

"Uh, why couldn't someone die in Australia so I wouldn't have to spend my day in the Northern Hemisphere? Blasted heat wave" Death said to himself while he was driving home on his motorbike "Well, at least I have an hour before my next reaping so I have a little bit of time to relax"

When Death pulled up to his mansion, it was nine-thirty and the house was pitch black

'Hm, wife must be home' Death thought to himself as he opened the front door and walked inside. That's when he heard from upstairs

"Is that you honey?" It was Death's wife, Hazel [2]. She had just come from Thomas's room and was going to the kitchen to get herself a light snack

"Yes, it's me hun" Death replied. When Death's wife made it down the stairs, she greeted her husband with a kiss on the cheek "It's good to see you too, dear"

"So, how was your day?" Hazel asked him

"Nothing much, just your usual cliental" Death said while following his wife into the kitchen "dying from car accidents (TWD's) [3], shootings, food poisoning, suicide…"

"That sounds nice, dear" Hazel said while rummaging through the refrigerator

"…but it was mostly people who died from heatstroke which I'm not surprised. It was hot as blazes up there today" Death opened the lid of one of the pans that was on the stove and was glad to see that his wife made devil reef crab cakes for dinner

"You're telling me. It got so bad that we actually felt it down here too" Death's wife said while she put all the ingredients she got from the fridge onto the kitchen table. Meanwhile, Death was looking for a hamburger bun so he could eat his crab cake with one hand "And it didn't help that my boss really piled on the paperwork today. It's so stressful working for real estate agents"

Hazel started washing and placing different types of foliage into a dark blue bowl and topped it with diced pieces of the crab and some leftover eyes that were in the refrigerator

"Well, I'm just glad that I finally got Thomas go to sleep so I could finally rest a bit and unwind. Can you pass the thousand isles dressing, please?" Hazel asked

"I wish I could say that" Death said while passing the dressing over to his wife

"Oh, you still have to go back to work?" Hazel said with a hint of disappointment in her voice. After that, she finished preparing her dinner, cleaned up her mess and they both made their way to their bedroom

"There's only one more job left and it's at the Red Oak's Mental Hospital" Death said when he sat down at his small desk area that was at the rear wall of the bedroom "After that, I should be home around 11:00pm"

"Ok" his wife said while she reclined in their king sized bed; eating her dinner

As Death tried to finish his crab sandwich, he decided to look over his archive that contained clients who have died and will soon parish. While he flipped through the records that were compiled in a huge black book, a small grin formed on his face when he saw who was scheduled to die in a couple of weeks. Just like the next client of the night, he knew this one very well and he couldn't wait to finally end them; not out of animosity, no. Death simply found it to be a little more exciting when he had ties with cliental. It makes the reaping more…interesting

"It's getting terribly hot, dear" Hazel said while taking off her robe so that she was only in her purple spider silk nightgown "Do you mind closing the window so I could turn on the air-conditioner?"

"In a second, dear" Death was too busy reading the details of his next client's demise that he didn't notice the strange breeze that blew through the open window. Next thing he knew, it blew a single piece of paper from one of the files and it was whisked away; out of the window

"Darn it" Death exclaimed when he tried to grab the paper and missed

Knowing the risks of having any piece of information on a client get into the wrong hands; he didn't waste any time and took action. He first teleported himself so he was in the front lawn. Once the paper was in his sights, he hopped onto his motorbike and chased after it

After a lot of precious time was wasted trying to snatch that document, he was starting to get exhausted. However, he was finally gaining on it

"[Groan] Slippery bugger" Death said after another failed attempt "This is starting to get quite annoying" With that, he tried one more time to grab that vital piece of paper. However, as Death was reaching, his foot lifted up and switched gears on him, but not just any gear. The seventh gear. And as a result, a swirling green portal appeared in front of him; sending him and the paper through an unearthly vortex

Meanwhile back at the mansion, Death's wife put her empty bowl on the nightstand next to her and walked to her husband's desk

"I told him to shut the window" she said as she closed the window then turned on the AC

~* { )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( } *~

It was awfully humid in the town of Maples [4], to the point where the majority of its populace was inside; glued to a fan/air-conditioner. There were even certain areas that were experiencing electrical power outages because they were using too much power to keep themselves cool; leaving them no choice but to leave the windows open to let the dry breeze in

Along the hot currents of the wind, a mysterious green portal appeared in the night sky; only for a split second (not enough time for people to notice). Even though its appearance was short and only lasted an instant, it left behind a lone piece of paper flying over the quiet town below. It twisted and turned; going through alleyways and over rooftops until it floated by an old building on top of a small hill. This building was the Red Oak's Mental Hospital

It was a very modest structure; only having three floors and thirty-five rooms. There really wasn't anything extraordinary about it or its staff; only that it was there serving one purpose and that was to simply eliminate insanity

Within the confines of it walls, on the first floor, last door on the left resided a patient that has been there for thirteen years. Not that many people knew him here, nor did anyone want to. After all, he was a psycho maniac that was charged for attempted murder and rape. Even after the first five years he was behind bar, the jail didn't want to keep him anymore because he was too crazy so he was sent here. Hence is why he didn't socialize and neither anyone else with him. He didn't utter a single word, he didn't even leave his room when he had the opportunity to walk around or even go outside to the Zen Garden in the back of the building. He just sat alone in his room; solitary as an oyster

The only time when you heard anything from that room was when the nurse came to give him his medicine or food or when he would have that one visitor come. Even he was baffled that out of everyone he knew, it would be her that would come to see him…after everything he did to her

But recently, she hasn't been coming lately so like every night, he was standing by the barred window in his room; staring at the cityscape with his bloodshot eyes. At first, he would stare; wishing to be let out of this prison they called a hospital but later in the years, hope had deserted him and all that was left in that hallow shell were old memories…memories of a time before things got…well...crazy

A smile almost crept onto his face as he remembered playing with 'The Power', seeing Fist Pump, forming their own band, beating The Hammer, taking care of those cool baby ducks, watching Carter and Briggs…those were the good old days. But that was eighteen years ago

Now, things have changed and everyone he held close was now out of his reach

~Flashback~

"You wanted me to change, right? Leave my old self behind, huh?" His victim was already tied to a chair; fearing for his life. Why shouldn't he be? After all, someone who he had broken ties with a long time ago was now trying to kill him "Well, I finally took your advise and boy do I feel great. I'm practically reborn" The guy in the chair got slashed in the stomach with a knife. It wasn't deep but blood started to drip nonetheless "What's wrong? Don't you like what you see? I thought you would be so proud of me" The person with the knife could hardly contain his laughter as he continued to slash his helpless victim in the chair

"Why are you doing this? All I wanted was for us to move up the ladder together. But all you wanted to do was to slack off. To drag me down with you...Hn, and look at you now. Even when you change yourself, you still mess everything up for yourself"

"Shut Up!" The one with the knife swiped his weapon like he was delivering an uppercut to his victim's face. This cause a cut to form on the guy's left eye "Ever since that promotion, you never thought about me. You didn't give a rat's ass about me. I was nothing but a disease-ridden rodent to you" The one in chair then had the knife jabbed into his left arm so deep that it almost got stuck into the wooden chair behind him "It was you that casted our friendship out the window" The knife was yanked out and his victim winced in pain "You may be willing to have this bond be broken between us but I'm not" The one with the knife had his blade at his victim's neck, taunting him while pressing it ever so closely to his skin "Not before you feel the same pain I felt" That's when the gloves were off. He just went to town on this guy and started slashing every part of his victim's body that wasn't covered by ropes "Hahaha. Bros forever, right? Or was that until death parts us!"

"Please…you don't have to do this" his victim managed to say

"But I want to" The victim all of the sudden felt a sharp pain travel to his left leg as the knife was jabbed and twisted into his thigh "Consider this as a farewell gift from your bestfriend"

~End Flashback~

Every stroke, every cut, scarred itself into his memory. Sometimes he could still see the blood stain his furry hands but strangely enough, he never regretted it; not one bit. Sure now, he doesn't hate his bestfriend with every fiber of his being anymore but he will never forget the rush he felt; stabbing him repeatedly. What a release that was, finally letting his anger out on him; making him feel the pain he felt all those years he left him behind. He even felt pleasure when his dreams dared to haunt him and tried to make him feel guilty. He felt no such remorse. He would feel nothing but adrenaline running through his veins like it was happening all over again

'[Sigh] I wonder how Morde-dipstick is doing now?'

*Knock Knock*

"Mr. Salyers? Time to take your medicine" said one of the nurses

He didn't flinch as he stayed in his spot by the window. He was too busy trying to ignore her

"Mr. Salyers?"

At that moment, the paper that was soaring through the air an hour ago finally came to a halt. Somehow, it made its way through the bars and it landed on the raccoon's head. No one in the room noticed this because the paper couldn't be seen by mortals. However, in an instant, the paper fused into the raccoon's head. It was then, that all of the contents that was in that document were now in his brain. To the nocturnal mammal, this read to him as a vision so vivid that he could taste the smoke in the air for a second

The room was silent as the raccoon's thoughts raced until suddenly he jetted for the door without warning. Unfortunately for him, the nurse caught him and was trying to restrain him

"Susan, Derek, I need you!" the nurse called out

Two people, also dressed in white medical garb, came rushing into the room. Susan easily put her great size to good use and got the raging raccoon off of her fellow co-worker. She quickly slammed him down on his bed and held him there while Derek pulled out a needle

Derek didn't waste any time and stuck the needle into the raccoon's arm. Little did Derek know was that he gave the him the wrong dosage and the raccoon passed out almost immediately

"Thanks guys" The first nurse said as she tried to fix her hair "I really thought he was trying to kill me"

"I wonder what got him so jittery? He haven't been this lively since the first day he was sent here" Derek said

While the two were talking, Susan stood there silent as she stood over the raccoon's body; examining it

"How did you let him get the best of you, Clara? He's only this tall" Derek continued; laughing a bit

"What? If you were in my shoes, you probably would have been calling for help too"

"As if. I-" Before he could finish his sentence, Susan covered his mouth. Her eyes never left the body that was motionless on the mattress as she press her middle and index finger (of her other hand) on the raccoon's neck. The room was silent for a moment until Susan said

"Something is wrong"

~* {)( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )( )(} *~

"Come on, we're losing him…where's that defibrillator?!"

When Susan figured out that the raccoon's pulse was slowing down at an alarming rate, she alerted the medics down the hall and they rushed him into their emergency room. While the nurses were preparing him for the doctor, Susan updated the doctor on the situation at hand

"What? Derek should know not to give a human dosage to a raccoon" the doctor said in frustration "Especially for one his size"

After the patient was hooked up to an IV, all you could hear were the sounds of the defibrillator trying to gain a pulse from the motionless raccoon

"Come on, clear" nothing "Dammit, clear" nothing

The doctor kept on going even when it seemed bleak, until finally, a pulse read on the monitor

"Phew, he's stabilized" the doctor said after wiping his face with his sleeve "All we need to do now is let him get some rest and-"

And without warning, the raccoon sat up from the gurney full of energy. And just like before, he tried to escape the building but the nurses held him down again

"Let go of me!" That's when a laugh echoed in the room "You think this is funny?" The raccoon tried again to get out of the gurney but the nurses still held him down; barely because he was getting more difficult to restrain the more he got angry "Stop laughing at me or you'll be laughing with a hole in your neck!"

"What is he talking about?" One of the nurses said confused because like the other people that were in the room, they didn't hear a laugh; just this crazy patient yelling

The strange laugher filled the room one more time and that's when the raccoon saw that the people in the room weren't snickering

'Then where-?'

"Hello…Rigby. It's been a while"

"What, what are you doing here?" Even though Rigby had seen Death many times in the past, he was on edge for some reason. After all, he hadn't seen him in eight years

"Nothing much" Death said in a taunting manner "I just happen to know that you have something of mine"

"What are you talking about?"

"There is important information in that little head of yours, Rigby" Death started to swing his scythe like a pendulum "And I can't have you leaking it out…so"

"Oh my God, get me out of here!" Rigby desperately tried to get loose but the nurses continued to restrain him. It was growing more difficult the more he struggled so the nurses had no choice but to strap him down onto the gurney "Let me go! Can't you see he's trying to take me from this world!?"

Actually they couldn't. The doctor and nurses in the room couldn't see Death standing there so all this time, they thought Rigby was talking to himself

"I'm not going to kill you, Rigby. After all, it's against reaper policy to reap a soul prematurely unless deals and wagers are made. However, in your case, why do that when all I have to do is wait-"

"Huh?" Rigby said confused but still scared

"Until 20XX" that was this year "Jun 23rd-" that was today

"What? No!" Rigby continued to struggle out of the emergency room but it was pointless. He was strapped up tight

"-at 10:50pm-" that was a minute from now

"Get me out of here!"

"-for a medical accident" when Death spoke those words, Rigby was somehow able to get his left arm free. However, in the process of doing so, his hand flipped a tray that had a bunch of scalpels and other instruments the doctor was going to use. The surgical tools went airborne for a second then one by one they descended

The first one cut the already frayed IV machine's wire; causing it to stop working. The second, third, and fourth one found its way in Rigby's right eyes, leg, and forearm; causing him to scream in pain. There were some other blades that grazed his stomach and chest but those couldn't compare to the fresh stab wounds he just received on his scrawny limbs

"No, I can't die just yet!" Rigby screamed to the top of his lungs. The nurses at this time were trying not to panic at what they just saw and were trying to find something to dress his wounds "I still need to-" as soon as he was about to utter those words, the last tool which was a pair of shears fell straight down and stabbed him right in the throat

It was sickening, listening to him gasping for air; still struggling to get free. But soon he's actions slowed and his breathing became faint and with his last bloody breath, the stubborn raccoon managed to say with an evil smile "tell him…fourth"

Even though the doctors tried to do all that they could, because of the broken IV machine and his fatal stab wounds being too numerous, Rigby died…right on schedule

~Five Days Later~

To many people's delight, it was a cloudy day in the town of Twin Peaks. It was a moderate seventy-seven degrees and the sun wasn't beating down as severely like the last few days. However, not everyone could enjoy this good weather

Up on Summerset Drive, there were a few people gathering; dressed in their finest black attire. Some had flowers and others had empty hands full of grief. A few felt sadness and regret while the rest just felt pity for this sorrowful creature

When the clock struck noon, all of the mourners headed for a specific spot on a grassy hill. The one's leading the crowd were Rigby's parents. His mother was wiping her eyes; still trying to keep strong while her husband put his arm around her shoulder; trying to comfort her

Behind them were Skips, Pops, and surprisingly Benson who took time out of his busy schedule for this event. Pops being one of the most sorrowful people there couldn't stop crying. He had already lost his father a year ago and now someone else passed away too? He almost couldn't take it. Skips and Benson, on the other hand, didn't exactly feel sorry for the deceased raccoon; especially after the little episode he went through eighteen years ago. However, they did feel disappointed that he wasn't able to get his life together before he died

Next was Muscle Man and Fives. Even though Muscle Man was still mad at Rigby for what he did, he was still a friend, after all. Plus, Fives would never forgive him if he didn't come so to help him keep his conflicting emotions in check, he brought Starla along. However, Fives, like Pops, was crying up a storm but surprisingly it wasn't for the death of his good friend Rigby, no. He just didn't like funerals in general. It always brought off a sad vibe that he always got consumed in. But deep down, Rigby was still his friend and it made him all the more curious as to why and how he went totally insane

Follow the three was CJ. Even though she didn't know him that well, she was standing in for two of her friends that couldn't come; one was terribly sick and the other was holding too much resentment to attend

In the rear of the mass of people was his loving brother, Don. His steps were slow and he was lagging behind but he didn't care. All that occupied his mind was his dear older brother that lay dead in his arms [5]. Even when everyone had made it to the freshly dug grave, Don was still a few yards behind; taking his time. Every step he made, his heart clenched more because he knew that when he made it to that crane, he would have to let Rigby out of his embrace

'If only I was there. Then maybe…' Don couldn't help but blame himself because for the last fifteen years, he had been in Japan because his job transferred him there. Sure he would try to visit during the holidays but lately airfare has been skyrocketing to the point where it was getting too expense to travel. Even traveling here, so unexpectedly, was going to land him in the shit later but that didn't matter to him now, only his brother did

He was only a few feet away now and everyone watched as he carried the small coffin up the hill. As long as everyone had known Don, he always had a smile on his face and had this sunny disposition about him that was contagious. However, seeing him like this, shadowed with so much misery and pain, even had CJ turning for a second to hide a lone tear that threatened to escape. So she quickly wiped it away and hid her eyes under her hat

When he finally made it to the top of the hill, he passed the small crowd and stood inches from the grave. He knew what he had to do but he only clutched the box tighter like his life depended on it. This was his brother, his idol, his best friend and now he had to let him go? That's like trying to ask him to stop breathing

His dad, who was standing next to him, saw the pain in his son's red bloodshot eyes and put his hand on his shoulder. He didn't say a word but his eyes looked as if to say 'I'm here for you, son'

Don looked at his father and then at the coffin and gave it one last squeeze as if he was giving his brother sugar for the last time. After that, he slowly put the wooden box on the harness above the grave. It took every ounce of his strength to release every finger he had on that coffin. Even after Rigby was secure in to the harness, one final tear escaped his eyes and it burned as it fell down his cheek

'Goodbye, Brother' Don thought as everyone watched the crane lower the coffin into the ground. It was too much for Don to watch them pour the dirt on his brother body that he found himself crying on his father's shoulder...

After the burial, the mourners left at their own separate times; leaving flowers, condolences, and guilt at the tombstone. And eventually, the graveyard was vacant once again...leaving this story to start with Rigby being dead to begin with

A/N: I know, this is something totally different than what I usually write. I even wrote it in third-person POV, which is surprising pretty hard. Well, it can't be helped; especially with Scarlet taking the reins now. You know how alter egos are

Scarlet: Don't worry, Blue. Things get so much better, come the next chapter

Blue: Why do I feel like they aren't

[Scarlet laughs]

[1] Cravens= A mix between a Crow and a Raven

[2] Hazel= Yeah, I don't know Death's wife's name but that's where we improvise

[3] TWD= Texting While Driving (which is what you should never do, ladies and gentlemen)

[4] Maples= A town, two cities west of Twin Peaks

[5] Yeah, Rigby is that small that instead of four people carrying him (like you would for a standard funeral) you really only need one