'Sup folks!
As per request of my real-life bro Foodthatfarts, this spinoff is all about the magicalness of Pyroland!
Oh God.
Anyway, yeah, to fully understand why some stuff is here, this is the story order; Misadventures of the RED Team/2, Dare Games, Base Repairs, Flunking With Portals, and now this :p
Hope you enjoy it guys! :D
Chapter One – Once Upon A Time
~RED BASE~
In the midst of war, brutal combat with the BLUs to be expected any and all hours, the RED Pyro was capable of one powerful, blazing emotion, and that one emotion only. Through fire and devastation, behind enemy lines and behind and equally terrifying gasmask, the Pyro could only feel…
HAPPY-HAPPY-HAPPINESS!
Pyro flounced across the battlefield the RED base had become; whether conscious of it or not protecting the building in a matter of life and death. On either side, the pyrotechnician was flanked by its friends and teammates Scout and Soldier.
Scout pulled ahead swiftly- the first merc to reach and assault the oncoming robots. Bullets were flying and the bloodshed got fully underway; the men screeching throaty war cries and unleashing RED Hell itself.
~PYROLAND~
Pyro strode through a sea of laughter and fun, arriving at the frontlines and grinning in delight behind the gas filter. Tiny silver-blue robots with adorable heart-shaped eyes welcomed the RED with a chorus of cheers.
Pyro, unable to contain its excitement a single teeny moment longer, let loose with the rainblower. Sparkles washed freely over the little robots, warming their very cores.
Giving a thumbs up to the Balloonicorn hovering over its shoulder and whinnying in glee, Pyro continued forward into the thick of the game, flashing a bright wave as its buddy Demo caught up and hurried on past.
Pyro chuckled good-naturedly; always in such a rush, kids these days.
The merc looked around to its friends. Scout and Soldier were next to each other, Heavy and Medic were next to each other, Demoman was nearby all of them and Spy was nowhere to be found. Pyro noted with a tad of urgency that Engineer and Sniper must currently be alone.
THIS NEEDED TO BE RESOLVED. Nobody got lonely on Pyro's watch.
It made its merry way to Engy first (brightening a few robots' spirits on passing) who just finished building one of his toys. Pyro squeed- its favourite one; the sweetie dispenser. The RED picked up the pace.
~REALITY~
The Engineer stepped back from his finished dispenser, facing the fighting again to see Pyro approaching.
"Well hey there Pyro," he said pleasantly, "gotta recharge yer flame thrower?"
Whatever that translated to in Pyro's mind, it made the merc smile and nod enthusiastically. Operation: make sure Engy's okay was a go! In a perfect world, Pyro said this;
"Hello dear chap! I came to check if you are well!"
But the world ain't perfect. Engy only heard garbled nonsense. The defence class tried to smile nicely, hoping Pyro wouldn't notice how bewildered and stained the expression was,
"Uh…" Oh God just say something say anything, "Fine, thank you?" Engy scratched the base of his neck uncomfortably, slightly shifting his hardhat. He breathed out in relief when Pyro bade him a bright, 'Hudda!" and flounced off, heading for the RED base.
The Engineer shrugged and went back to wrangling his sentry, firmly telling Teddy Roosebelt no, he could not have a turn.
Now quite far from the robot onslaught, Pyro reached the side of the building and scurried up the rungs of the ladder there. It set foot on the sniping platform in time to hear,
"Boom. Headshot!" Yup, there was Sniper!
~PYROLAND~
The little kiddie with the awesome hat and sick shades thankfully didn't seem upset in any way, even though he was alone. In fact the Sniper was looking rather contented, launching rainbow bolts of some description into the mass of robots.
Going by that, Pyro figured the best way to keep him company was to join in. Pyro stepped up, nodded to its surprised teammate and plucked a party popper from its belt.
~REALITY~
Pyro lobbed a napalm grenade into the now diminishing crowd of robots, and all the mercs below visibly flinched as the destruction rained down. They backed off to a safe range… so yeah, right against the front of the base.
Sniper tiptoed past Pyro and slid down the ladder to join them, leaving the oblivious pyromaniac to sit there, watch the explosion, and pet something at its side.
"So," Soldier broke the post-battle silence, standing proudly to attention, "I think we won!" Glancing over the puddle of ex-robots, Spy felt inclined to agree;
"I suppose we did. Now who's going to clear that up?"
Everyone looked to the new scrap heap in horror.
"Not it." Scout laid down swiftly, hightailing it into the base. The Demoman similarly excused himself;
"No me either!" Although he was pretty drunk at the time and missed the door, instead blundering into a window.
Ignoring this, the other mercs frantically called their objections to doing the task. Soldier also sneaked inside at some point, but the others soon resorted to a massive brawl on the doorstep.
Pyro peeked upside down over the edge of the balcony, wondering what all the fuss was about. Aw, the guys were playing again, how sweet!
~PYROLAND~
Balloonicorn sat on Pyro's head as the merc stood, stretching out a few kinks with some elaborate yoga poses. The squishy unicorn flinched as Pyro's back cracked quite loudly, and suddenly the pair of them tumbled off the balcony. Oh. Oh dear.
Fortunately, friendly Medic was waiting to catch them.
~REALITY~
"AH PYRO GET OFF DUMMKOPF!" Flattened Medic cried, and Heavy screeched something about 'Pyro from the sky' and dove for cover. Spy smirked as the doctor shoved Pyro off and clambered wearily up.
"Aw, Medic, be nice!" the support class sniggered. Then Pyro approached him with a lighter. "Oookay, I'm going to leave now!" He cloaked and presumably left.
Pyro looked questioningly at the lighter, wondering why Spy would fear the tiny rainbow. Meh, no matter. The Engineer zoned out from the above and set about packing his buildings away;
"Well, we sure sent them robots off," he commented, pulling his welding goggles down as to see better in the fading light of dusk. "Shame 'bout all that scrap metal…"
Abruptly the team remembered they had been fighting about that. Self consciously they paused, unsure if they should continue.
"…Yeah, I'm gonna go," Sniper announced quietly, tipping his hat and shuffling into the base. With assorted musings, the team followed suit.
~MEANWHILE~
"Hey Soldier?" Scout sauntered into the central room, where the merc in question sat, "Y'know how we're, like, best friends and stuff?" Soldier blinked, turning to his teammate.
"We are?"
Scout sighed lengthily, replying, "Yeah, it's the author's headcanon now." The pair of them shrugged at the forth wall. "Anyhow, I gotta plan, right? We get all that scrap metal outside, craft a freakin' million hats, then take over the world!"
"Son, that plan makes no sense. I LOVE IT. LET'S GO."
They ran out of the base, grabbing Medic's Aperture turret on the way out. He was going to be the brains of the operation, apparently.
The other mercenaries watched, mildly concerned, as Scout and Soldier squished past them in the hallway.
"Try not to kill Prometheus…" Medic called wearily after them. Archimedes fluttered onto the doctor's shoulder, wondering what the turret's chances were. With that, the team continued to the central room for a well-earned rest.
Except of course for Pyro, (main character of the fic you see) who wandered outside, whistling all the while.
IT BEGINS.
Thanks for reading! :3