Author's Note= Oh my god... It's been so long! This is the first fic I've been able to write in months! Well, anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this!
Song= Sober by P!nk
Matt's POV
I lay in bed silently, naked underneath the sheet, my body cold, but bruised. I heard the sounds of the shower running and relaxed, if only for a moment.
I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
~
I didn't move, my body aching as I laid, goose bumps prickling my skin, but I didn't move to grab the blanket. It was so cold... Why was it so cold?
~
I don't wanna be that call at 4 o'clock in the morning
'Cos I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home
I heard Mello's voice more clearly as he shut off the water, he was singing softly, evidently finished his shower. I tensed, but closed my eyes. Mello...
Aahh the sun is blinding
I stayed up again
~
I watched as the blonde entered the room with only a towel around his waist.
"Mello…" I sighed quietly.
"Hmmm?" he replied as he headed over to the dresser and pulled out the flask.
I looked away. "Nothing, Mello."
Oohh, I am finding
That's not the way I want my story to end
~
I was terrified.
Flashbacks of lonely nights, with bottle in hand went through my mind. Flashes of loud music and a pleasant floating feeling.
It was tempting.
Then I felt it more than anything, the blows, the hatred filled words, the look in the blonde's eyes.
Never again. And I couldn't let Mello go down that path too.
~
I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
~
I walked out into the living room, finding the blonde passed out on the couch.
With a sad smile, I fetched a blanket and leaned over him to cover him.
Before I could pull away, clouded blue eyes snapped open and a hand gripped my wrist hard.
"What're you doing?" I cringed; Mello's tone was hard and cold, with a slight slur to his words.
Mello was drunk again.
No pain
Inside
You're like protection
But how do I feel this good sober?
~
"Y-you looked cold, Mello…" I averted my eyes, not being able to stand the sight of the once clear eyes clouded by all the tequila he'd drank that morning.
"Matty?" Mello slurred, pulling me towards him.
"Yes?" I replied, hesitantly.
"You're so sweet. Lemme give you a kiss." Mello had a lazy smile on his face.
I hesitated.
~
I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence
The quiet scares me cause it screams the truth
~
"What's wrong?" Mello demanded, his grip tightening as his voice raised.
"N-Nothing!" I yelped.
"Tell me what's fucking wrong with you!" Mello snarled, jerking me so that I landed on top of him.
"M-Mello!" I tried to wiggle away, but the blonde already had me in his grip.
"Hush, Matty." There was no kindness in the blondes voice, and I went limp as he slapped me hard.
No tears ever came anymore. Something had to change.
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
I won't remember, save your breath, 'cos what's the use?
~
I watched as Mello stumbled into the kitchen, his eye blood shot from a hangover. Now was my only chance…
"Mello?" I asked timidly.
"What is it, Matty?" Mello asked tiredly, he glanced at me, "Where'd you get that bruise on your face?"
"Mello… that's what I wanted to talk about." I said quietly.
"What is it?" Mello was beginning to sound irritated.
"Mello, you did it." I said quiet but steadily.
~
Aahh, the night is calling?
And it whispers to me softly come and play
~
"What?" Mello yelled.
I flinched.
"I'd never do that! Don't lie, Mail!" Mello took at step towards me."
"Mello, listen. You need to stop drinkin-"
"Bullshit, Mail!"
"Mello!" I screamed at him. "I've been there! I know how it is!"
"You don't know anything about me, Mail!" Mello snarled, pressing me against the fridge. "I don't know what kind of shit you think is happening. But it's all in your head. You're making it up. Everything that happens to you is your own fault!"
"It isn't!" I cried desperately.
No… he wasn't saying this. He wasn't.
But I, I am falling
And If I let myself go I'm the only one to blame
"It is, Mail." Mello spat in my face.
"Mihael!" I cried at him desperately.
Next thing I knew, I was on the ground, Mello had punched me.
"Don't you fucking dare, you little shit!"
I screamed as he kicked me in the ribs.
I got up and ran as fast as I could out of the house, not managing to dodge the blow Mello had aimed at my stomach.
The blonde wasn't even drunk…
~
I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
I took another swig, relishing the feeling of the vodka burning my throat.
I sat on the edge of the bridge, impatiently waiting for the numbing sensation.
A voice inside me told me that it wouldn't come.
~
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
Finally, I felt it.
Blessed relief.
Nothing, I felt nothing.
I smiled to myself.
~
I'm coming down, coming down, coming down
Spinning 'round, spinning 'round, spinning 'round
Looking for myself
I blinked my eyes open, not having remembered falling asleep.
Suddenly a shooting pain attacked my head, and I heard it all.
"You're nothing!"
"Failure."
"You should die!"
"You fucking fag."
"You're gonna burn in hell, you little bitch!"
I let out a wail. They were back! No!
Then I froze as I heard Mello's voice.
"It's all in your head."
"You're making it up."
"Everything that happens to you is your own fault!"
I'm coming down, coming down, coming down
Spinning 'round, spinning 'round, spinning 'round
Looking for myself
~
The words echoed.
"It's all your fault!"
"No!" I screamed, staggering, against the rail of the bridge. "It isn't true!"
"You little shit!"
Then a single voice stood out from all the others.
It was his mother's.
~
When it's good, then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry, never again
Broken down in agony just tryna find a fit
"End it, Mail…"
Her voice was soft, and gentle.
"Mommy…" I whimpered.
"Make it stop, my baby."
I was temporarily soothed by her calm voice.
"You fucking bitch! Come here and do something useful!"
"No!" I screamed, holding my hands over my ears. "Leave her alone!"
~
I'm safe
Up high
Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
~
I heard her scream.
I wailed, curling up into a ball.
I was almost there.
I could see her, kneeling in front of me, holding her cheek as my father loomed over her.
"Mommy!" I'd wailed.
"Hush, baby, it'll be alright."
I wished that I could believe her again, but I already knew the ending to this story.
No pain
Inside
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober
~
I heard the smack.
"No!" I screamed, knowing what came next. "Don't take her!"
But he did.
Tears ran down my cheeks as I heard her ear shattering shriek as he dragged her up by her hair.
"I'll do whatever you want! Just don't hurt my baby!"
Then Mello was screaming in my ear.
"It's all your fucking fault, you little shit!"
~
I'm safe
~
"Run, baby! Go!" I hear my mother's urgent shriek.
"Shut up, you worthless bitch!"
I scrambled backwards, just as I had done all those years ago on the night that my father had killed my mother.
Up high
Then all was silent.
"No!" I heard my mother's shriek.
"Make it stop! N-" I wailed as I relived my mother's last words.
~
Nothing can touch me
"Hurry, baby, before it's too late." My eyes snapped open when I heard my mother's soft but urgent voice.
"Mommy?" I whispered.
"The bridge, baby, come join me before he gets you."
~
But why do I feel this party's over?
~
"You little shit! It's your fault!"
I yelped at the sound of Mello's voice in my ear.
"Hurry, Mail!" My mother's voice urged.
No pain
Suddenly, a chorus of voice joined in.
"Faggot!"
"Bitch!"
"You're worthless!"
"I hope you die!"
"Go to hell!"
"You worthless piece of shit, get out of here!"
"No one wants you!"
"Make it stop! Make it stop!" I shrieked, sobbing hysterically.
It was so loud! No! I couldn't take it.
~
Inside
"Fucking homo!"
"The bridge, baby! The bridge!"
"Worthless child!"
"Mommy!" I wailed, and staggered up, clutching my head, as I followed her voice towards the rail of the bridge.
~
You're like perfection
~
"Fucker!"
"You'll get what you deserve!"
"That's it baby, hurry, now."
"It's all your fault!"
I stumbled blindly onto the railing.
"Get back here, you whore!"
"Come on, my baby Mail, Mommy's waiting."
"No one wants you."
"Shut up!" I screamed at the voices.
How do I feel this good sober?
~
"Jump, baby, it'll be alright, I'll catch you."
The other voices faded, and I tuned into my mother's soft voice.
"Promise?" I whispered.
"I promise, baby."
In one swift motion, I launched myself off the bridge.
~
Will I ever feel this good sober?
~
I vaguely realized that I'd hit my head and was now being pulled under the water.
Mommy… she hadn't caught me.
Brief flashes of my mother came to me.
My mother yelling at me. My mother locking me in my room. My mother dunking my head underneath water.
That voice hadn't been my mother's.
Tell me, No no no no no pain
I was losing consciousness too fast to think of whose voice it had been.
Mommy…
"Finally you did something right, you little shit."
I closed my eyes.
My last thoughts faded.
Thank you, Mommy…
~
How do I feel this good sober?