No Regrets
Ch 1:
"You don't just stop living because you lose someone."
~Darry Curtis (The Outsiders)
Johnny was dead. Dallas was about to kill himself. I couldn't lose both of them. My head was pounding, in rhythm to my heart, but I couldn't care less. He was a fast runner, but I knew I was faster. Despite the searing pain of my ribs and head, I surged forward. I was finally neck in neck with Dallas Winston, and then I tackled him to the ground.
There were flashing lights, screaming, cursing. I could feel Dally under me, cussing and slugging me. I refused to move, some weird part of me was telling me to protect him. A strong arm pulled me up, and I could hear Soda yell my name, someone was dragging me away.
"Get off of me." I growled, but my vision was too fuzzy to see who it was. I could hear cops yelling Dally's name, and I remembered what was going on.
"The guns a bluff." I whispered. The person who was holding me up promptly dropped me, and then everything went black.
I blinked open my eyes, but the bright light stunned me, forcing me to close my eyes again. I groaned, feeling pain coursing through my stiff body.
"Ponyboy?" Someone whispered. I opened my eyes, slowly, letting them adjust to the light. Soda's usually sparkling brown eyes were staring down at me in worry, but today they were dull.
"What happened?" My voice was hoarse and sounded terrible. Sodapop looked nervous. I looked around, realizing I was in my bedroom. Shouldn't I be in the hospital? Soda sighed, drawing my attention back to him.
"Do you remember any of it?" He asked a blank expression on his face. Some of it came flooding back to me, watching Johnny die, Dally running out of the hospital, me tackling Dally before he got caught by the police. My breath caught in my throat, and Soda smiled sadly.
"Is… Dally…?" I trailed off, unable to finish the terrible sentence.
"He's in jail. You saved his life, no of us knew it was a bluff." My heart rate sped up, he was alive! Soda continued what he was saying.
"Darry's working on bailing him out now. Knowing Darry, Dallas will be out in no time." I grinned, and tried to sit up. The pain seemed bearable now that I knew that he was going to be okay. Maybe we couldn't have saved Johnny, but at least we still saved Dallas from doing something really stupid. I put Johnny out of my thoughts before I choked up, remembering that I couldn't think about him. It hurt too much.
"How long have I been out?" That horrid night seemed like a lifetime ago.
"About three days. You were pretty sick, but your fever is gone." I frowned, not remembering anything. Oh well, it probably wasn't important.
"Where is everyone?" I asked, realizing how quiet it was. Soda paced by my bed before turning to me.
"I'll explain in a minute, I'm going to get you some breakfast and water first." The growling hunger that gnawed at my stomach suddenly made its presence known, along with my dry mouth. I nodded my head numbly, leaning back on my pillow. Soda disappeared into the kitchen, and I could hear him banging around for a minute. Finally he appeared back in my doorway with a large slice of cake and a glass of water. I dug into the cake, enjoying its rich chocolaty taste. Soda sat on the edge of my bed and watched me for a minute. I chugged half of the water down, then looked at Soda expectantly.
"Darry is at court with Steve. Two Bit is explaining everything to Cherry." My heart leapt when Soda spoke her name, but I wished it didn't. I couldn't fall for Cherry. It would be wrong. She's a Soc, I'm a Grease. I'm 14, she's 17. She's untouchable.
"Is Dally in jail right now?" I asked. Soda nodded. Everything seemed fine to me, but Soda still looked worried.
"What's wrong? You look upset." I tilted my head at him, frowning. Soda brushed his silky hair off of his forehead. He looked really stressed.
"Dally's a mess. I mean, I know Johnny's was everyone's pet, but Dallas is a lot more beat up about it then I thought." Soda bit his lip.
"He won't eat. He won't talk to anyone. He keeps talking about killing himself. I'm real worried, because he's dead serious." I put my cake on my side table, I had lost my appetite.
"I want to go visit him." Soda knotted his eyebrows together.
"Kid, everyone tried talking to him. He won't listen to anybody." I shook my head. This couldn't be happening.
"I'm going to talk to him." I said firmly. Soda looked at my determined expression and let out an exasperated sigh.
"Want me to drive you?" He knew best not to argue when I was in this mood.
"Yeah, just let me get ready." Soda went to go write a note for Darry in case he got back early, and I changed out of my bloodstained clothes. I had bruises and cuts all over me, and I think one of my ribs was broken from the rumble. The cuts had been cleaned and bandaged though, so they must have had the doctor here or something. I combed my hair, but decided to leave it un-greased today. There was gauze wrapped around my head, but I just brushed around it. There was no time anyhow to try to take it off.
About ten minutes later, I and Soda were driving Two-Bit's car down toward the jail. I was shaking in anticipation, I was eager to set Dally right. I wanted to prove to the rest of the gang that I wasn't as useless as they thought. The whole hero thing had gotten to me, I wanted to help Dally.
We pulled into the jail parking lot, and I hopped out of the car. Soda trailed behind me. There were armed guards at the doors, but they let us pass. We walked into a waiting room, where a middle age lady was talking to the receptionist and bawling. I drew my eyes away, I hated when girls cried. We waited until the woman sat down in a chair, still sniffling. I walked up to the receptionist, who regarded me with a sneer.
"How may I help you?" She asked in a nasal voice, her tone utterly bored.
"I'm here to see Dallas Winston." The receptionist flipped through some papers before asking me my name, relationship, and year of birth. I replied to all truthfully, and finally some guards led me through some large steel doors. There were lines of double paned glass, benches, and telephones. There were people in orange jumpsuits on one side of the glass, and guard escorting all of them. Then a guard walked out of a door, leading Dallas.
His white-blonde hair was disheveled, sticking up randomly. His ice blue eyes weren't sneering at people as usual, they diverted to the ground instead. His head was hung, and he didn't look himself. He didn't look like the confident, reckless, hood I knew. And it scared me.
The guard shoved Dally onto the bench across from me. Dallas didn't even glare at him. He stared at me through the glass, his gaze unfocused. I picked up one of the telephones, my hand shaking. He mimicked me.
"Hi." I said quietly. I could only hear his breathing for a moment.
"Why are you here?" He asked. His voice was hoarse, broken. A pang went through me.
"I wanted to talk to you." I replied simply. He still stared at me, waiting.
"It's not your fault Dally." I whispered. "None of it is. He loved you more than anything. I thought you needed to remember that, remember that he would want you to move on." Dallas looked away from me, his face hard.
"I don't need to know this. He's gone." Dally's voice cracked.
"He wanted me to show you a sunset." I blurted. Dallas looked at me again. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but closed it again. Then Dally did something that I would never expect him to do. He started crying.
I could only stare in shock as the tears ran down his face. His eyes didn't get red or puffy like other peoples did when they were crying. He just looked blank, but he was definitely crying. I never thought I would witness the day where Dallas Winston would break. But here he was in front of me, breaking down because of Johnny.
"The second I get out of this shit-hole…" He took a deep breath, steadying himself. "We are going to watch a flipping sunset. You hear me?" I grinned, as Dallas wiped away his tears and pointed at me, a mischievous smile on his face. I nodded, smiling.
"Times up." Dally's guard announced. He grabbed Dallas's arm and pulled him up, but Dally shook him off. I couldn't wipe the smirk off of my face.
"I don't need you to escort me." Dallas was snarling as he was being led away. He turned his head around and winked at me, before disappearing around the corner.
I would have run back to where Soda was waiting, but the guard prevented me from doing just that. Sodapop and I left right away, driving Two-Bit's car where the owner would be. During the car ride I blabbed about how Dallas was going to be okay and how I convinced him. Soda seemed distracted, only nodding to my explanation. Finally I just decided to shut up, and we spent the last five minutes of the ride in complete silence.
We reached a nice big house, which I assumed was Cherry's. Soda and I walked to the door and used the brass knocker. I could hear footsteps and then the door flung open. All I could see was a flash of red and then Cherry was hugging me. My heart fluttered as she squeezed me and said my name. Finally she pulled away, gave Soda a quick hug, and then looked over both of us.
"How are you two? Come in." We followed her into her large foyer, her long red hair swinging over her shoulders.
"We're okay, thanks." I said quietly. Cherry bit her lip and glanced at her bare feet. She was wearing casual jeans and a madras shirt, I never seen a Soc look so…. Non Soc like.
"Are you guys here for Two-Bit?" She asked, tilting her head to one side. Soda and I nodded. Cherry grimaced.
"Yall just missed him. He explained… everything." Her voice grew less excited and more concerned. Soda crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the stairway railing. I suddenly noticed how worn he looked, with dark circles under his eyes and his hair scraggly.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered, looking straight into my eyes. Her eyes were watery.
"We don't want pity." I snapped. I didn't mean to be so rude; it was just a touchy subject for all of us now. Cherry nodded, sighing.
"I understand." Everyone was silent for a moment.
"So where are your folks?" Soda asked, eager to change to the subject.
"They went to lunch." Cherry replied. There was an awkward silence. I shifted uncomfortably.
"We are going to find Two-Bit now, thanks Cherry." Soda said quickly. Cherry smiled sadly, her soft green eyes glinting in the light.
"Call me if you need me for anything." I murmured thanks quickly, and then we hopped back in the car. We started driving back to our place, and we found Two-Bit on the way. I rolled down the window and yelled out to Two-Bit as Soda skidded to a stop a few feet in front of him.
"Hey! Jump in." He lifted his head and looked at me. For once he didn't crack a joke; he just hopped into the car.
"Car stealers." He muttered, leaning his head against the window. I wondered if the rest of the gang was this worn. We reached my house to see that no one else was there. Two-Bit plopped on the couch and turned on the TV, putting on a cartoon. I grabbed the latest book I had been reading and sat on one of the arm chairs. Soda went to make himself a sandwich. I had read about two pages of my book when the phone rang.
"I got it!" Soda yelped, his voice muffled. I could only here one side of the conversation, so I was pretty confused until Soda said 'He's out?' I jumped up from the chair, dropping my book, and ran to Soda's side.
"He's out?" I whispered. Soda nodded, his eyes sparkling again. I bounced on the balls of my feet for a minute while Soda talked. Finally I couldn't take it anymore, so I ran into the living room and grabbed Two-Bit.
"Dally's out! Darry got Dally out of jail!" Two-Bit grinned, jumping up and putting me in a headlock. He ruffled my hair for a moment before letting me go, and both of us dashed back to the kitchen. We bounced around Soda, him trying to swat us away. He hung up and jumped around with us, him grinning wildly.
"Where are they?" I wondered out loud.
"Heading home right now." Soda took a big bite out of the sandwich he had made; it had five layers of meat. I had always marveled at how he stayed so lean.
"Everyone's coming here?" I asked. Soda raised his eyebrows at me.
"Yeah. So?" I shrugged. That's a lot of people to fit in our little house.
"I'm going to make some sandwiches for everyone. Scat!" Two-Bit rolled his eyes and went back into the living room. I walked into my room and tided everything absentmindedly. I listened intently for the door, the announce of everyone's arrival. Even though I had seen Dallas this morning, I was excited to see him and the gang together again. I almost felt guilty thinking that, remembering that Johnny couldn't be here with us. I felt my throat close up at the thought of him, and tried to focus on the good things.
Before I could think of any, I heard lots of chatter coming from the doorway. Smiling to myself, I sauntered into the front room. The small room was alive with chatter and the overcrowding of the 5 large guys.
All of them looked exhausted, but happy all the same. Darry had plopped onto his favorite arm chair, his eyes drooping. He was wearing a nice suit and tie, and I briefly wondered how he got it. Soda was standing behind him, rubbing his shoulders and chatting with Steve. Dally had a beer bottle in his hands and was laughing loudly, him and Two-Bit were joking around. I walked over to them, exchanging smiles with Soda and Darry, then joined Dal and Two-Bit.
"Hey yall." I said casually, leaning against my kitchen counter. Dallas gave me a quirky smile and ruffled my hair.
"How are ya Pony?" Dallas surprisingly didn't sound drunk. Maybe a little loopy, but nothing more. We started chatting about the case, Dally explaining how Darry had won the judge over. I was half listening, the other half of me puzzled over if I had been hallucinating earlier when Dallas had shown the softer side to him. Right now he seemed perfectly normal. Had my little outburst really changed his mind about everything? Just then Soda whistled to get everyone attention, and everyone turned their heads in his direction.
"Everyone come over here, I got to tell yall something." The boys scattered around Soda, some plopping down on the couch, others leaning against counters. Eager looks were present in everyone's expressions. Even Dallas looked mildly interested, which was a first.
"Okay, so there's a rodeo in town this weekend, you dig?" Dallas raised his pale eyebrows, nodding. I could here murmurs of the rest of the guys, but I was focusing on Dally.
"And I signed me and ol'Dallas up here." Soda wrapped his arm around Dallas who grinned.
"I thought you weren't allowed to ride?" Two-Bit asked curiously. Darry sighed, cracking his eyes to glare at Soda. Sodapop was shaking his head at Two-Bit, his eyes wide. I giggled, he looked pretty stupid.
"You are not riding." Darry growled, getting to his feet. Even when he was dog-tired, he was still scary. Soda shrunk into the wall, pleading with his eyes.
"Aw common Darry, I tore that ligament over a year ago. I ain't going to get hurt!" Whenever Soda was begging someone he always started talking real-country like. I always thought it just made him look (and sound) ridiculous.
"No. You will just hurt yourself again." Darry said firmly. He sunk back in his chair, but his punishment still clouded over the room.
"Come on Darryl, that was a long time ago." This time it was Dallas who spoke. Everyone looked at the two of them. Tension filled the air. No one called Darry Darryl. Darry clenched his jaw and glared at Dallas. Dally looked indifferent.
"I say he won't." Darry argued. Dallas smirked and shook his head.
"He's doing this as a treat for me. Don't ruin it." Two-Bit let out a low whistle. Darry stood up again, his eyes focused on Dally.
"I'm his guardian, and I don't want him riding." Soda eyes were big; he didn't expect Dally to get into this. Dally just smirked.
"He's old enough to make decisions for himself. That was your Dad that made that rule, he's dead now." A shocked silence fell. Darry lunged at Dallas, swinging at him. Everyone but me through themselves between Dallas and Darry. I was too stunned to move. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I couldn't believe that Dally had used the dad excuse. That was going too far. Everyone was a mix of punching and cussing. Dallas and Darry lunged at each other, while Two-Bit, Soda, and Steve tried to push them apart.
"Hey." I said, but their scrambling drowned me out. "HEY!" I screamed a second time. They all fell silent, staring at me. I could feel tears quivering in the back of my eyes.
"Why are we doing this? Fighting like Socs would?" Darry dropped his eyes to ground.
"We need to stay together, even more than before. We don't…" I gulped. "We don't have Johnny anymore to pull us back together if we fall apart." Dallas eyes got big when I mentioned Johnny. Everyone was deadly quiet. Dallas dropped Two-Bit arm, which he had been grabbing to pull Two-Bit away from Darry.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. I had never heard Dally apologize for anything, not once in his entire life. He was trembling slightly. He sunk down on the couch and put his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking. Soda sat next to him, resting his hand gently on Dally's arm. Steve's eyes were watering; he sat on the other side of Soda. I felt grief fill through me, I was numb. I felt like bawling myself, but I held back. Darry walked to his room, looking upset.
Dallas pushed away from Soda and leaned back on the couch, looking surly. His eyes were red, and his jaw was tight. He looked straight at me.
"Don't. Don't mention him." He snapped. I nodded stiffly. Dally closed his eyes, and Soda left the room wordlessly. Two-Bit had left at some point during my little speech. Steve glared at me and left me alone with Dallas. I sat next to him, making sure to not sit to close. I had witnessed how fast Dally could snap, and it could be my arm.
"Sorry." I muttered. He opened his eyes to look at me, and for the first time, he didn't have that hard, hated look in his ice blue eyes.
"I'm not mad." He bit his lip. He let out a shaky sigh and shook his head.
"Your right." He whispered. I stared at him blankly in confusion. "Your right about everything. I'm tearing us apart." I shook my head. I opened my mouth to protest, but he shushed me.
"I don't belong here. The only reason I was here was to protect Johnny. He's dead."
"Dally it's not your fault—"
"It's entirely my fault!" He interrupted. "If I would have stopped you guys from going into that church then he would be alive." Dally snarled.
"How could you have known he was going to die? Dallas it wasn't your fault. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself he wouldn't want you to—"
"How would you know what he wanted? He's gone; he can't even hear me anymore. It's too late." Dally was starting to sound hysterical.
"No, Dally he loved you he would want you to live—"
"HOW DO YOU KNOW HE LOVED ME?" Dallas yelled. I didn't know what to say. Dally stared at me, anger, angst, and pain, all in his eyes.
"What's with all this yelling?" Darry came out of his bedroom. He laid eyes on me.
"Get to bed Pony. It's getting late." I sighed, and rose to my feet. I trudged to my room slowly; I wanted to hear what Darry would say to Dally.
"You crashing here?" I heard Darry ask.
"Sure." Dallas sounded dejected, and I heard Darry's footsteps disappear into his room. The events of the past week flooded fresh in my mind, and the last thing I thought before I fell asleep was that I knew Dallas was wrong. Johnny was watching us somewhere, and he always would be.
Hey! Thanks for reading. I know this a slow start, but it's just setting everything into place before all the romance stuff happens. It won't always be in Ponyboy's point of view, it will change to Dally, Cherry, maybe Soda. Please review, reviews are what keeps me going Tell me if you have suggestions, complaints, concerns, or even predictions. I'm new to Fanfiction so I might not be able to upload things very fast. Thanks for your support : D
~Lots of love,
Alaina