Whisper To Me, Reality
I let myself get carried away. I let myself believe. Then I let go. I'm not sure if my hands let go on purpose, or if there was a purpose for why they let go. Is it time for me to start living on my own?
I do not know. What I do know, is that eventually, everyone will walk away. They will let go. It hurts. And there is no point in fighting it because you will not win. No matter how special the person is.
It hurts to know that it was partly my fault. It hurts to know that I could not change anything. It hurts to know that it was not just me.
There was no destiny.
Maybe I could have changed something. Made a checklist on what to say and what not to say. I feel like I should have given you the extra energy to dance around your moods, make sure that I did what was needed. But somewhere deep down, I couldn't. It should not have been needed.
I tried.
I did try.
But in the end it was not enough for, this. Whatever this was.
And then I became tired and weary. It was too much. I could not take it and I could not fight anymore. I knew what was coming. My insensitive nature cuddled to its max. Now no more.
You walked away. Told me you loved me and always would, but walked away.
Why.
Why.
Why.
Were you not good enough for me? I thought you were. Maybe in the end, it really was the other way around. I am not good enough for you. I took you to your highest point but then dropped you to your lowest. A person who cares about you should not do that. Even if they didn't mean to. Even if they did not even realize.
Insensitive. That is what was said.
It is what is thought.
I thought I cared too much. Even if I did not show half of it. I thought I thought too much. Calculated every single word. Made sure I was not a hair out of place.
I thought I did not have to be like that around you.
I thought wrong.
Now I cannot think. My mind is instantly plagued with horrible thoughts that I have not seen in awhile. They were not seen because I was happy. And now I am not.
The darkness chokes me as I type. Strangles the tears out of my eyes. Everything inside and outside is silent but in my head, I see a roaring storm coming. I am in its path with no way out. When I move to the left, the world moves with me. When I try to run, I speed up the storm.
So now, I will sit and wait. It will not pass. And I do not have a clue on what to do when it gets here. One step at a time in a river under my feet.
My gem left me.
And it was all because of me.