PruCan angstiness based off of yuunashkei's drawing titled "my soul will remain my love" which is located here

http:/yuunashkei(dot)deviantart(dot)com/art/My-soul-will-remain-my-love-257184715

It's a beautiful picture and I asked if I could write a fic for it and I got permission, and this was the result. and I just used the word And WAAYY too much.

I don't own Hetalia.

"I loved you Birdie.

Don't miss me"

what the hell was that supposed to mean? Matthew wasn't stupid. He could tell how nervous and edgy Gilbert had been as of late. Drinking more, prone to crazy strange shows of both affection and apathy. Something was wrong. Something was thoroughly and completely wrong. And suddenly he was really glad he'd installed a GPS locator into Gilberts phone. Admittedly it was to find him whenever he couldn't make home due to drunkenness, but that wasn't the point.

There was nothing but that wrongness bubbling with memories within Canada's chest. Memories of pleasure, sweet kisses and warm hugs. Those sweet quiet moments watching the snow, or the stars, or the northern lights. Always their breath flowing out in clouds before them, mixing and mingling before drifting into the night.

Then there last weeks of rough voices when he hung up the phone. The secret searches though Gilbert's drawers that had turned up blades stained with dry brown blood. The days where Gilbert wouldn't even be able to haul himself out of bed. Those days that Canada cared for him like he was sick, bringing him food and water, how had he been so stupid? How the hell had he managed to convince himself that Gilbert was fine? How had he been so blind?

How had he not known? How? How had he ignored everything? Maybe he wasn't asking the right questions. Why had he ignored everything? That was the better word. Why had he been so stupid? Why had he convinced himself that Gilbert was fine? Why had he been so blind?

He hadn't wanted to admit there was a problem. He hadn't wanted to harm their fragile relationship. He'd wanted to hold Gilbert close. Hoping maybe simply being there with a hug and some pancakes would help. It'd certainly helped him. Of course, Gilbert was probably more used to having people around then Matthew. Maybe... Maybe he just wasn't good enough? What the hell! 'don't miss me?' Of course Matthew would miss him!

Matthew shook his head. He didn't matter. Not now. Now all that mattered was Gilbert. All that mattered was that he found the Ex-nation in time. He had to! There was no 'after' Prussia. There just wasn't! There couldn't be... He couldn't fail. He couldn't let Prussia slip away. Not like France. Not like England. He couldn't be alone again. Never again. With those thoughts his feet sped up, their beats against the pavement becoming more and more frenzied, matching the fast flowing tears and his pounding heart.

'loved'

oh god... oh god... no... no.. it couldn't be true. It couldn't... why was he using past tense? had he already done it? was he dead? that couldn't be. One more block. up the stairs. open the door to the roof.

"Gilbert!" His voice is horse, and the exclamation sent him into a series of coughs. Canada is well aware that he looks like a mess. Tears are rushing down his cheeks, and he's sweaty from running for only God knows how long to find his albino lover.

His albino lover that was standing far to close to the edge of the roof.

"Gilbert!" Matthew still receives no answer. He takes a cautious step towards Gilbert.

"Gilbert... please... please come down" Gilbert's eyes are cold as ice.

"Sorry birdie..." his voice is so soft, Matthew can barely hear him

"I loved you" his voice is warm. So full of life. So beautiful.

"Don't miss me" and with that Gilbert took his final step. He fell face down, watching the ground until his last moments, feeling the wind rush past his arms and legs, taste his tears, smell the city odors of food and car exhaust, but most of all he could he could hear. He could hear Matthew screaming, sorrow pain and fear echoing within him. Not enough to make him regret his last step. No... Nothing could make him regret that. Though maybe, it was a bad idea to get so close with the Canadian... then maybe he could've gone peacefully.

But no such luck. That scream will haunt his spirit forever.