Don't Take No for an Answer

"How do you know when you're in love?"

My dad nearly spit out his coffee. "What did you just say?" he choked with watering eyes, trying to get his breath back.

"How do you know when you're in love?"

"I don't know why you're asking this son, but I don't know why love really matters."

"It doesn't. I was just wondering."

"Well…" he said after a few seconds of thought, "I don't think there's any one point where it builds up and up into love. You'll just be sitting there one day, and BAM! It hits you like a ton of bricks. But at the same time, you're not surprised, and it really doesn't feel any different."

"What did you do the first time you realized?"

"The first time I realized I was in love?" He let out a little nostalgic laugh, before answering, "I threw up all over my bedroom. For the longest time I blamed food poisoning." He chuckled again, but then seemed to realize that I had asked a very serious question, and again turned to me. "Why?"

I shrugged and looked into my cereal, heart thumping erratically. I swore it was loud enough for the whole world to hear. "No reason."

He studied me shrewdly. "There's never no reason. Why are you suddenly so interested in love? Does this have something to do with a girl?"

My cheeks blazed in embarrassment. I didn't want to tell him, but at the same time I couldn't look my father in the eyes and deny it.

To him, it was as good as a confession.

"Now we're getting somewhere! Who is she? And why do you suddenly think you're in love with her?"

I cleared my throat. "Now's really not the time… I'll be late for the train…" I feebly grasped at any excuse that would mean I got out of this conversation.

He waved my excuses aside. "I'll apparate you there, or better yet, I'll keep you here all year if I have to. This is important. It's your future we're talking about here!"

"I thought school was my future."

He snorted, and then said, "Stop trying to change the subject. Tell me all about this girl that's stolen your heart." He said the last three words in a high girly voice, a smirk playing across his whole face. It was a pretty good imitation of my mother. She would slap him if she was here. Lucky for him he she has an earlier shift at the auror office.

"There's nothing to tell."

"Nothing to tell? A girl you think you're in love with, and you say 'nothing to tell'! It's ridiculous James! You can't lie to me, and you know it."

I sighed deeply. He was right, as always. I couldn't lie convincingly to the man who had raised me. "Fine. Her name is Lily, and she's very nice."

"Pretty too, I'll bet. Is she pretty?"

I blushed. Truthfully, she was the hottest, sexiest, most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She was gorgeous; heaven on Earth. She had the smoothest, silkiest red hair, and it was crazy, but I was totally turned on by it. Her green eyes were the kindest I had ever seen, and it felt like she could see straight through me and into my heart every time we made eye contact. She saw past all my bull-shit, and I couldn't be happier about it. But I wasn't about to tell him that. Instead I shrugged, and said, "Ehh, she's alright."

He saw right through that façade, but thankfully didn't pursue it. "When do I meet her?"

"Dad!"

"What?"

"Never, okay? You are never meeting her."

"And why the hell not? You're dating her, aren't you?"

No answer.

"Aren't you?"

"It's complicated."

"How so?" His voice dripped icily.

"Well… we may have… accidentally… had sex?" I ended with a tiny, questioning voice, shrinking down into my seat, and looking to see if my dad would be angry with me.

"You WHAT?" He thundered. But not in anger, no, that would have been too easy for my father. No, he was laughing his arse off.

"Don't laugh! We were at a party last weekend, and we MAY have had too much to drink, and then we got dared to make out, and then we got put in seven-minutes-of-heaven, and then… well, after… you know…"

"You got your leg over." He supplied.

I made a face at him. "Yea, I wouldn't have exactly said it like that. But yes, after we… finished… we fell asleep in the same bed. And when I woke up with her, seeing her next to me on the pillow, asleep… it was the best moment of my life. I wanted to stay there forever. Then she woke up and smiled at me. She looked so happy, and I was filled with this sense of… pride… that I could make her smile like that. And it was great. And I wanted it again and again. But then she seemed to realize where we were, and she jumped out of bed, got dressed and apparated away without even looking at me. She left me there feeling like an idiot and wondering what it is I did wrong. She isn't returning any of my owls. I even tried flooing over, but she's a muggle born, and she isn't connected to the network…"

"She's a muggle born?"

I lifted my head in defiance. "She's the smartest in our year."

"I have no doubt in my mind. They always seemed smarter to me. You know what your Grandparents would say, don't you?"

"I don't care what Mum's parents think. She's amazing. You'd love her. And so would they, if they weren't so prejudiced with dumb arse pureblood mania!"

"James, now isn't a time to tell me how much you hate your Grandparents. I know you do. We were talking about a girl?"

"Right! Anyway, we haven't seen each other since then, and I feel like she should at least talk to me after we made love…"

But my dad jumped in. "I'm sorry, did you just call it making love?"

I looked at him strangely. "Yeah… so?"

He guffawed. "Well I don't hear many men calling it making love. I would have called it sex, shagging, fucking… anything but making love." He pulled at face.

"It was different than normal! It wasn't like fucking, or shagging, and it wasn't the same as sex, either. I just felt… different… with her. And I wanted more than anything for her to feel as much pleasure as possible. It wasn't fast, or rough. It was slow, and gentle, and perfect. And I swear I lasted for forty minutes before it ended. For me at least, she got there at least 3 times."

He whistled, low and impressed. "Wow, 3 times. I've gotta say, for a teenager, that's pretty impressive."

I swelled a little with pride.

"Were you friends before?" He asked suddenly, catching me off guard.

"What?"

"Before the party, were you friends?"

"No, she kind of hated me. We fought a lot. At least, I thought she hated me. She was always calling me a prat, and a git."

"Well there's your problem then. And you are both a prat and a git."

"Thanks for that. But what do you mean 'that's my problem'? Do you think I was… bad?"

"I don't think that has anything to do with it. She's worried about your relationship now. How will you act towards her? How will you act towards each other? Are you together now? Did you regret it? What if she wasn't good enough? What if you don't want to be with her but she wants to be with you? Did you sleep with her because you wanted her, or to get back at her? Are you just going to go around bragging about it? A girl's mind works in mysterious ways. She's hoping if she ignores it long enough, the problem will go away."

"How do you know so much about women?"

"Years of experience, son. Now tell me, was she your first?"

This was awkward. "No…" I answered hesitantly.

He looked a little hurt that I didn't tell him sooner, but didn't dwell, instead asking, "Were you her first?"

I thought back to that night. She seemed practiced, and I didn't remember her being in any pain. She certainly didn't tell me I was her first time. "No, I don't think so."

"Well that's good. You always get some crazy emotional baggage with the first time. And if she was your first, this feeling you had would probably be something more akin to puppy love. It wouldn't be a real emotion, just something you thought up because you thought you had to be in love with her. But this is good. She wasn't your first time. But the real question is was she the best?"

"The best what?"

"The best you've ever had."

"I told you, it was more than that! I mean, yeah, she was, but it was something more. It just felt so right, and I've never been more determined to… you know…"

"Make sure she got there too?"

"Yeah. I wanted it for her, as much as me. But the best part was after. Being so close to her, just being next to her, smelling her and watching her breathe… it was amazing."

"Hate to tell you this kid, but you're in love."

I felt sick. "I'm what?"

"You're head over heels in love with this girl… what's her name…"

"Lily." I said immediately.

"That's right."

"I think I might be sick."

"Tell her."

"Now I'm definitely going to be sick."

"I'm not messing. Tell her. See if she wants this too."

"And if she doesn't?"

He shrugged. "Do what every man does."

"Which is…?"

"Don't take no for an answer."

I grinned. "I'm off, then."

"Good luck!" he called as I raced out of the house, the door slamming behind me.

I glanced down at my watch, and swore. I had exactly 20 minutes until the train left.

"Fuck it." I said and pulled out my wand. Fuck illegal apparition. I knew how. I needed to get to the station.

I twisted on my heel and was pulled into the suffocating darkness.

I appeared in front of King's Cross station, glancing about like a madman. I realized I had left my trunk at home. It was too late for that now. Dad would send it. Right now I needed to see Lily. Everything else could wait.

I sprinted into the crowded station, making a bee-line straight for platforms nine and ten. I knocked into people, made them drop luggage, and definitely accidentally groped a woman or two. I heard furious yells and grumblings behind me. Again I ignored the people around me, and sprinted through the barrier.

The platform was crowded with young witches and wizards, all saying their last goodbyes as the train whistle sounded.

I hoped in through one of the doors, and ran down the hallway.

I ran my fingers through my hair nervously. I needed to find Lily. I was sure she was on the train. She couldn't bear to miss school just because she was avoiding me. It didn't matter how much she hated me. I didn't hate her, especially not right now.

I found the compartment with the other three Marauders in it (my best friends) and wrenched open the door.

"Ah, James my boy! So nice of you to join us."

"Hullo, Sirius, Remus, Pete. How are you all?"

Without waiting for a reply, I cut in again. "Sorry, but have you lot seen Lily?"

Remus looked surprised, but it was Sirius that answered. "Lily? Since when have you started calling her 'Lily'?"

"Evans, Sirius! Have you seen Evans?"

He shrugged unconcernedly, and I found myself extremely angry with him. "How the hell should I know? She doesn't sit with us, so I'm guessing she's in with her friends. Now, Prongs, about Filch, I have some great ideas for how to mess with… JAMES! Where are you going?"

I was running out the door and back down the halls as soon as he was done telling me where Lily was. I would apologize as soon as I found her.

My heart was dropping through my body and dipping onto the floor.

Lily was going to murder me. I knew it. She was going to cut off my fingers and shove them up my arse. Right after Sirius finished kicking it for being such a dick to him.

Was everything my dad said true? Was she really that confused about us? Why wouldn't she just talk to me? The party was on Friday night, and she hadn't said a word to me since that morning.

Why wouldn't she just talk to me?

I knew we didn't have a great relationship, and it was all my fault. I was a prat to her. I knew it. But I just couldn't help it. Around her, I turned into a blubbering idiot. It also probably didn't help that I picked on her, pulled pranks on her, and asked her out every chance I got.

By this time I was already out of our train car and searching through the other compartments. I looked in through door after door, my spirits getting lower and lower with each car I searched without finding her.

Until finally, I saw her. Merlin was she beautiful. But she seemed sadder. My heart clenched. That was probably all my fault too.

I ran my fingers through my already messy hair again. This wasn't going to work. She was in a compartment full of her laughing friends, and putting on a brave show of trying to cooperate, but I could tell her heart wasn't in it.

I sucked in a deep breath. Now or never, I guess.

I lightly tapped against the glass.

Every eye there turned to me. I had eyes only for Lily. When she saw it was me, she blushed, and looked away.

I frowned. None of the other girls seemed to notice.

Hestia Jones, one of Lily's best friends, was the one who opened the door. She knew our previous relationship, so our meeting was a little less than friendly. "James." She said curtly to me. "Can I help you with something?"

"Yes, Hestia, I need to speak to Lily for a moment." I tried to stick my head around the girl's small body, but Hestia just moved with the bobbing motion of my head.

Of course, her friend had no idea about our situation. "I don't know if that's such a great idea, Potter."

I smiled sweetly.

"Oh for Merlin's sake." Lily practically shrieked from behind her. "What are you doing here?" She asked, with much more venom in her voice than usual that didn't go unmissed by her friends. Sure, we never had a good relationship, but mostly it was just verbal sparring, rarely ever downright hatred. And it had never been this cruel before. As far as the others knew, I hadn't done anything wrong.

Hestia looked confusedly between me and her best friend, but I had eyes only for Lily.

"I need to talk to you."

She crossed her arms across her chest and turned away, as if trying to get as much distance between the two of us as she could. "Well I don't want to talk to you."

"Please, Lily…" I tried to beg, but she was already brushing by me, headed out into the hallway.

I sprinted after her, and dashed through the cars as quickly as she did. By the time she saw what I was doing, it was too late for her to lock me out of any empty compartments.

She made a valiant effort, though. She sprinted down the hallway, headed for anywhere that didn't have prying eyes. Though we were both athletic, I was much faster, because I was a good 4 inches taller than her and had my Quidditch training backing me up. I caught up to her easily.

I stuck my foot into the closing door, and pushed it open (perhaps a little too roughly), sending Lily flying backwards into the room and onto an empty seat.

I shut the door swiftly behind me, straightening my glasses as I did so.

She glared at me from beneath her fiery red locks. She no longer looked scared to see me, just pissed. I think that's better, her being pissed. Anger I can deal with, but I've never seen Lily ever really afraid of me.

"Please, Lily, you're not answering any of my owls."

"Well maybe you should take a hint, then, don't you think?"

"Don't be like this." I pleaded, stepping closer to her from across the room. She didn't move away from me this time, which I took as a good sign.

"Don't be like what, James? This is who I am. And I don't think you're really ready for that, so…"

"Don't look for excuses for us not to be together!" I interrupted. "You got out of there so fast; we didn't even get a chance to talk! And you can't use the 'oh I got drunk and it just happened' excuse because I know that even you couldn't be that stupid to do something like that drunk. You've always hated me too much to do anything like what we did, especially drunk. So what was it? What finally made Lily Evans jump into bed with me?" She blushed a little, and a thrill went through me, because I could still make her blush after all we've been through.

"James, that night… well… it was a mistake."

My blood froze in my veins. "It was what?"

"It was a mistake." She repeated, unable to meet my eyes. "It shouldn't have happened. And I just want to forget that we did anything more than talk and possibly row at that party."

"How can you say that?" I asked in a horse whisper, suddenly unable to find my voice.

"Why aren't you saying it? It's completely messed up our… whatever the hell we are… it's completely ruined it James! Now every time I look at you I see you like you were that morning, and I remember. Tell me you don't see the same thing when you look at me."

"I do see you like I did that morning. I still do. I saw you like that before I even saw you that morning."

"I don't understand."

"Lily, that morning was the best moment of my life. It wasn't the party, or the sex, it was waking up with you the next morning. You looked so happy asleep, so beautiful, so innocent… it was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. I saw you like that before that morning, because you've always been that beautiful to me."

Lily looked like she was struggling to find words. Finally, she managed, "But everything's different now. I just want it to go back to normal."

I bristled with a little bit of anger. "Well I don't."

"Excuse me?"

"I don't want it to go back to normal, back to the way it was before. We hated each other before, Lily. You couldn't even talk to me without making some face of disgust. But I don't want it to stay like this, either. I didn't think it was a mistake, us sleeping together. And I sure as hell don't regret it. That was the best night of my life. I've never felt that way before. I even talked to my dad about it, yes, that's right, my dad." Lily had to laugh. She knew all about my dad from stories told around the common room fire. "I was so confused about what I was feeling, until I talked to him. My dad, he… well he cleared some things up for me."

I got down on my knees in front of where she was sitting, gripping both of her hands in mine. "Lily, I love you."

She physically flinched away from me, which I think was the worst part of the whole situation. She flinched away from me. It hurt; I'm not going to lie. I withdrew my hands from hers, and slowly stood up.

I was about to leave, when I remembered the last thing my dad had told me. "'Don't take no for an answer.'" He was right, I wasn't letting her go.

"No." I said out loud, turning around and facing her again. "No, I'm not leaving until you tell me why. Why won't you at least give us a chance? I'll be whoever you want me to be, I swear, you won't have to change a single bit. I'll do all the changing, I swear, I'll be a completely new person if you want me to."

"I don't want you to be a new person."

"Then tell me what I need to do. Tell me Lily, please, all this is killing me. I can't dance around you for months on end, trying to get you to be with me for real. Just give me an answer, up front, right now. Tell me why you don't want this."

"James, we practically kill each other every day. That would be a horrible relationship. We don't know anything about each other."

"You didn't answer my question. We could make it work, Lily. All those times I was just trying to get a rise out of you, because it was the only way you would pay attention to me. I'm not that much of a prat in real life. Now tell me why you don't want it."

She sighed. "I want it too much. I want to try and make it work. But I've never really loved someone before, and I don't know how to do it."

"And you think I have? Falling in love isn't like taking a test. You can't know anything about it before it happens, it's different for everyone, it's terrifying, and there's no guarantee you'll pass at all. There's no retakes in love. There are no do-overs. It's not something that changes every week. What I feel for you is real, tangible love. It's real, Lily, it's not some phase. I'm in love with you."

She didn't answer me, but sat there with a blank look on her face.

I couldn't stand the silence. "Please, give us a chance."

She stood up, and slowly walked over to me, appraising me. When she finally got within inches of me, she stood on her tiptoes, reached her neck up, and right before her lips met mine, she whispered against my skin, "I might be in love with you too."

My heart swelled to twice its normal size, than three times, than four, until finally it felt like it would burst.

She loved me. I didn't have to leave here broken hearted. I had Lily Evans agreeing to date me, after 7 years of trying. The rest of my life would have to work itself around her. Lily was the most important part of it now, of me. She's my everything. And I'm never letting that go.