Oh ok. My first attempt at Criss/Colfer. I'm really sorry if everyone hates this, I've literally been aching to write some CC for months, but everyone in this fandom is SO good at it, so I didn't want too. But then this just spring forth, fully formed as it were, from my weird brain. I guess the longest hiatus of them all has finally cracked me. But I thought I'd shove this up (after MUCh deliberating). If no one likes it I'll take it down, hide in shame and just continue writing Klaine (which I do prefer) but hey this is worth a shot, right? May I also just say I don't actually connect the Criss/Colfer I've written here to the real people, which makes me feel less of a creep. I hope someone, somewhere enjoys this. It's a one shot, fluff, no smut. :)
The title is simply because I was listening to the beautiful song by The Hush Sound while I wrote. Not a song fic.
You Are The Moon
Thursday evening, a rare night off for the two men, found Darren and Chris well and truly slobbing out at Chris' apartment. It had become something of a routine for the two of them. When the odd night popped up where neither had a social engagement or work commitment, they'd leave the glee set together and head to Chris' place for food, wine, TV, films and chatting. Though they had braved Darren's place a couple of times, he sometimes went for two weeks without doing laundry and Chris had refused to hang out there since he found something that he couldn't identify but was definitely going mouldy down the back of the couch. So that night found the two of them in Chris' apartment, the place always seeming like the better option of the two. Plus it wasn't hard for Darren to get a cab back to his when he eventually rolled himself out, sleepy and usually a little bit drunk, sometime in the early hours of the morning. They never intended it to be as late as it would get, but once they started talking they found it hard to stop, and more often than not the permanently sleep deprived Darren would drop off.
Chris was lying on Darren, his head resting on Darren's chest, enjoying the gentle rise and fall of the man's relaxed breathing, while Darren unconsciously played with Chris' hair, for once both of them feeling totally at peace with a world that usually found them at odds. The large, flat screen television was playing an old re-run of Friends, but the two men paid little or no attention to it, preferring to chat and laugh, so rare was their time alone together now they were both so horrendously busy.
Before you go jumping to conclusions, no they weren't a couple. And yeah, maybe it was weird for two guys not in a relationship to be snuggling like they were, but for Darren and Chris, the closeness was natural, it was just what Darren and Chris always did. It was as easy as breathing, it was the way their relationship had always been. Darren, Chris had discovered early on in their friendship, had a severe hugging problem. He constantly wanted the feel of someone's arms around him, and never made any pretence of wanting to feel a person's touch on him. He was an open book, Chris could always know what Darren was feeling just by how tightly he hugged him hello, or the colour of his eyes, which would darken when he was upset or distressed. Chris had always been a little more reserved in this respect, but something about Darren changed that. Hanging out with him just didn't feel right without touching, even if it was something as small as a hand resting gently on an elbow. The truth was, Darren had become his best friend without even trying.
After a long comfortable silence, Darren spoke.
"I want to ask you something, Chris. But it's kind of personal and I don't wanna upset you." Darren murmured, his finger tips, calloused from his near constant guitar playing still fiddling gently in Chris' hair. Chris pressed the mute button; it wasn't like either of them were watching anyway. Darren's words had caught his attention, it was unusual for his tone of voice to be quite so hesitant, especially around Chris.
"Go ahead, DC. If it makes me uncomfortable I won't hesitate in telling you to piss off and stop being so nosy." Chris laughed. He knew Darren was laughing too, not just because he heard the insanely cute giggling noises the man made when he was amused, but also because they were pressed so close together Chris could feel the little bursts of laughter that emanated from Darren's body for several seconds. Another easy silence followed this, while Chris waited patiently for Darren to speak. For anyone else it would have appeared that Darren had lost interest, but Chris knew Darren well enough to be able to tell that the man was simply thinking about his words and formulating the sentence before he spoke.
"I want to know what things were like for you at school." Darren said eventually, his words seeming strangely loud in the now silent room. Chris stiffened in his arms, his heart beginning to pound uncomfortably fast, his natural reaction to someone bringing up what he would never fail to describe as the worst years of his life.
"Sorry, forget I mentioned it." Darren mumbled, sensing his friend's anxiety and pulling him a little closer still as if in apology. Chris sighed and angled himself so he was facing Darren, while still being cocooned in his arms. Darren looked worried and kind, his hazel eyes bigger than ever, one hand still tangled in Chris' hair, which was mussy and still slightly damp from the shower he'd had to wash the ten tonnes of Kurt hairspray that had been sitting in it after filming had wrapped that day.
"Don't be." Chris said firmly, but softly. "Why do you ask, though?" One of his hands was on Darren's hip, and he was almost completely unaware of the way he was stroking the man's hipbone through the soft warmth of his skin. Finally, Darren spoke again.
"I see you...acting on set. I see how amazing you are." At this Chris blushed fiercely but continued to watch Darren's face as he talked. "But sometimes, when you're acting the more...difficult scenes. The bullying ones I mean... even though I know most of it is because you're an honest, beautiful talent, there's always something in your eyes that isn't acting. It's real hurt, and it hurts me." At this Darren broke Chris' gaze and glanced down, almost knocking foreheads with him in the process. He continued, still not looking up. "And then you have all these witty, hilarious, sarcastic comebacks, for everything. I love them, it's one of the hundreds of things I love about you, but I can't help but think that that's something you had to cultivate to get by. That at some point all there was in your life was hurt and that was the only way you could fight it. I guess I ask because you're...you're my best friend, Chris, and I'm curious about you. Not just about all the things you love, like Wicked and Harry Potter and tequilla and cuddles and random books on weird historical things, but the bad stuff. The things I wish hadn't happened to you, but that are the things that make you the strong and resilient person you are."
Chris was still looking at Darren's bent head, but tears were gathering in his soft bluey green eyes, threatening to overspill at any moment. Everything Darren said was both eloquent and truthful, and it hit him so hard that for a few seconds he could barely breathe, could do nothing but swallow back the tears. But when he'd got himself under control, he simply answered Darren.
"Bullying for me was almost entirely verbal. I wasn't being thrown in bins or assaulted every time I walked down the hall." Chris laughed darkly before continuing, "although there were one or two horrible physical things...like when I got locked in a janitors closet and no one found me until the next morning." As he said that, Chris actually felt Darren tense up. He began to talk quickly as the shame crept on him, as he knew it shouldn't but it always did. This wasn't a subject he particularly enjoyed reliving, but that was tough luck because along with "is Darren Criss a good kisser?" and "Are you actually gay in real life?" It was one of the most favoured interview questions. However, he wanted to tell Darren, because Darren was quite possibly the first person he'd ever met who understood that the quick witted Chris Colfer with the sharp one liners was the way he was because of his experiences. Most people assumed it was just the way he was, but the truth is, he was changed because of the way he had been treated. No one can go through that many years of being told they're inferior without developing something of a thick skin. The fact that Darren both understood and embraced this made Chris a whole lot more comfortable with telling his story. "It was humiliating and horrible and it made high school horrendous, truth be told. I cried...I cried almost every day, during lunch hour I'd hide in the bathrooms, and I couldn't get through the day without hearing the word fag at least once. As you can imagine, no one really cared either. You know all about Clovis – it would have been a whole other story if I'd been being bullied because of my race or something, but I wasn't. The bottom line was that it was homophobia, and therefore the best of blind eyes were turned on the situation." Darren nodded at all Chris was saying, and Chris felt a forceful tug at his heartstrings when he saw a tear slide down Darren's face. He lifted his hand and thumbed the tear away so gently it was a mere whisper on Darren's cheek. "Please don't cry, Darren. I cried enough about it when it happened. It sucked, it was horrible, it was lonely and I wouldn't wish feeling that degraded and miserable on my worst enemy, but it's over. Thank god. It's over and in a strange, twisted way it may have helped me. It only made me more determined to leave Clovis in my rear window and never look back. It made me stronger than I ever thought I could possibly be. And now...Now I have a job I adore, several jobs in fact. I have the most wonderful circle of friends and a beautiful home I can call my own. I never ever thought that was possible. When I was fifteen and lonely and outcast, I could only dream of what I have now. You know what most people want from life? Fame. Fame and fortune. That's not the thing I dreamed of the most. Of course I wanted it, wanted it badly. I love it and I'm never letting it go. But the thing I wanted most? The thing I ached for above everything else. I just wanted friends. I wanted people who cared, people who had my back even when I was wrong, people who loved me because I was silly, clumsy, geeky Chris Colfer, not despised me because of it. And now I have all that, all of that and so much more in all of you guys. So don't cry about it Darren, because I certainly don't anymore."
Darren nodded and sniffed, and Chris could see him physically pulling himself together. Then he spoke. "You're right...I just...I wish you hadn't had to go through all of that, no matter how strong it made you. You're one of the most incredibly awe inspiring people I've ever met. I can't imagine how anyone would want to hurt a hair on your head, because I think you're perfect." Chris would ordinarily have told Darren he was being a sap, and would then have proceeded to smack him lightly on his curly head. But this time he didn't, because there was something hanging in the air between them, and Darren's words positively dripped with sincerity. "You take my breath away, Chris Colfer."
Chris' throat felt like it was closing up. Darren's words hung in the air like heavy perfume. He fought to swallow, and then looked back at his best friend. "Darren..." Chris whispered slowly and carefully. He could feel their relationship was on a precipice, the two of them were almost balancing on a knife edge. It was make or break, it was like a hundred decisions had to be made in seconds, important decisions that would affect both of them forever.
Because they'd both had feelings, feelings more than friendship, but hiding them gently and carefully under their solid friendship had seemed the best way, and for a while it had worked. But now, tonight, on this night when Chris had bared his soul so fully in a way he had to no other person...Something had changed tonight, like a shift gravity. The world they were living in, one they'd been so confident about for so long, was nothing but water in their hands. The change could be a good one, wonderful, magical, something so special that couldn't be seen or touched, but it was a question of if they could handle it.
Chris realised he hadn't spoken anymore. "Darren..." He whispered again, "you...I...this..." But his disjointed sentence was cut off as Darren finally closed the small gap left between them, both physically and emotionally, and kissed Chris, silencing whatever word was about to come out of his mouth.
Chris actually felt something of a current zip through him the second Darren's lips met his. It was the strangest sensation, he couldn't fathom what it was. He felt like every hair on his body was standing on end, like every breath of air was being forced from his lungs. Darren tasted so, so different from when he was playing Blaine kissing him. This time he tasted of mint and cinnamon, and the kissing was different too. He always kept things sterile and professional when it was Kurt and Blaine, but now Darren was varying the pressure he was putting on Chris' lips, one minute so hard Chris actually felt the blood rushing to his head so fast that he knew if he was standing he'd have passed out, the next minute so soft it was nothing more than a feather light whisper on his full lips. Darren was soft and smelt amazing, and then he grazed Chris' own lips very slightly with his teeth, so lightly he could have imagined it, but he didn't, this was happening and Chris actually moaned very softly at that. Darren laughed a very tiny laugh into Chris' mouth, and god how was he sexy even when he chuckled like that? Then Darren's lips were back on his, and Chris was kissing him back properly, and he never, ever wanted this to stop...but then a part of his brain that apparently HADN'T shut off completely the second they started kissing burst into life, and Chris took every ounce of will power inside him and pulled away from Darren. Both were breathing deeply, both were totally dishevelled, and Chris tried to focus on something other than how come to bed sexy Darren looked like that.
"Darren." Chris choked, when he'd found his voice. "We can't do this."
"Chris, I've wanted to do this for so long." Darren said breathlessly, one hand leaning up to caress his cheek gently. The touch sent shivers down his spine, and he could feel the colour rushing to the aforementioned cheek and damn, why did he have to be the sensible one? Why did he have to be the one to think about the press and the fans and the people who already hated them and the attention it would bring and...and REALITY. Why did Darren just get to be all cute and...and...wow Darren's eyes were perfect, almost gold, but darkened with lust, and his lips, lips that had unbelievably just been pressed against his, they were so full and delicious. His neck and chest were perfect too, and his v necked purple t shirt was stretched, so his collar bone was on show, and suddenly all Chris could think about was kissing his soft, clean, Darren smelling neck, and biting that bit of skin where his collar bone protruded ever so slightly...
"Me too." Chris murmured, drunk on the sudden sensation of how close he was to Darren, and how much he wanted that body, wanted every last inch of it, every day for the rest of his life...Then he pulled Darren's warm body back into his, disregarding all common sense and intelligent thought, and he was raking his hands through Darren's curly ass hair, and Darren was kissing him back once again, and it was better than before, which Chris hadn't thought was previously possible.
Then Darren dug a hand once again into the back of his own hair, and pulled just slightly, not enough to hurt, but enough to send a shock of lust through him. They kissed for so long that when they eventually pulled apart, the light had changed in the room, and Chris' lips felt delicate and swollen and he knew they were bright red, and there was a light bruise just below Darren's neck where that tantalising collar bone stuck out.
Then they looked at each other, and it was like everything fell into place. In that brief moment, Chris' world flipped over. Everything was changed from here on in, because he was changed. In that moment, Chris realised what it was to love someone, and to be loved in return.
"I love you." He whispered dazedly to Darren, who kissed his cheek tiredly and chuckled softly.
"I love you too." Darren replied, honesty radiating from each word. "And I know you were worrying about...everything. But we'll make it work. I promise." Chris blinked. He'd forgotten almost everything, truth be told, people, press, his own name...
But he knew. He knew as he snuggled closer into Darren.
He knew that no matter how hard it would be, or if they had to hide their relationship, or how much the press would go crazy if they knew, this was where he belonged. This was meant to be.
Everything would fall into place, it had to, because being in Darren's arms and feeling his lips on his, and the way he kissed and his curly hair and warm eyes and being able to tell him every little thing about himself without feeling awkward or ashamed...that was what mattered.
So yeah, there might be things that would be hard to handle. But there was one thing Chris knew they couldn't deal with; being apart. Chris Colfer had found his other half. And he'd be damned if he was ever, ever letting him go.